Disaster
Apr 12th 2007, 9:34 am
#46
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Dorset
Posts: 599
Re: Disaster
Hi
Since being here i have realised that i do need my family around me. I know that news of our third baby has been a real let down to me. When i was pregnant before my aunties and cousions etc, were so excitied. This one has not had any of that.
I don't want this child not knowing where and whom it's from. So to speak. Maybe if it wasn't pregnant i wouldn't feel such compulsion to return. However i also know it is where my heart is. I feel this journey has not been a positive time, for me. Life is about friends and family and not sunshine and bigger houses or land.
You could say think of your kids. I am. We already lived in a nice area in the UK. We come from a small shropshire village called Clee Hill. Just off the Welsh border. Ok we didn't wake up to pools of blue sunshine, however, we had plenty of liquid sunshine!! (rain) The kids were part of the local community. Plenty of sports and friends. Good school. Good education, i've only now come to appreciate. I feel very unsure of the level of education here.
I don't feel that my youngest son has gained anything from coming to NZ. He seems to have lost out. Our eldest on the other hand is loving it and plans to stay on even if we return. My better half is happy to do do what ever i need to do, so he can have his wife back. (Better half he most definately is)
I know NZ is not for me because i am not a strong enough person to take on a new culture. Although i came here feeling i had researched everything, i hadn't. I didn't take a look at myself! What i mean is, i didn't realise what i need as a person. I now feel that i would rather have less, but be around the people and friends that i love. They help to make me, me. Not that my kids and husband don't. As an individual i am just one of those type who need the all the hassles that come with a big family. I need stability which some may describe as a 'rut'.
Emmigrating is a personal thing. One that hasn't worked for me.
Thank you for being interested.
Have you ever wanted to return?
I didn't know what i had untill it was gone. New Zealand has lived up to most of my beliefs. It's not all i dreamed it to be, but are things ever as good as your dream.
I plan to return to my little village as soon as the baby has been born and i can sort out a passport, for he or she.
Once there my youngest son and i will take as much time as we have to to see if it's deffinatly what we want. If it is, the better half will follow on.
Since being here i have realised that i do need my family around me. I know that news of our third baby has been a real let down to me. When i was pregnant before my aunties and cousions etc, were so excitied. This one has not had any of that.
I don't want this child not knowing where and whom it's from. So to speak. Maybe if it wasn't pregnant i wouldn't feel such compulsion to return. However i also know it is where my heart is. I feel this journey has not been a positive time, for me. Life is about friends and family and not sunshine and bigger houses or land.
You could say think of your kids. I am. We already lived in a nice area in the UK. We come from a small shropshire village called Clee Hill. Just off the Welsh border. Ok we didn't wake up to pools of blue sunshine, however, we had plenty of liquid sunshine!! (rain) The kids were part of the local community. Plenty of sports and friends. Good school. Good education, i've only now come to appreciate. I feel very unsure of the level of education here.
I don't feel that my youngest son has gained anything from coming to NZ. He seems to have lost out. Our eldest on the other hand is loving it and plans to stay on even if we return. My better half is happy to do do what ever i need to do, so he can have his wife back. (Better half he most definately is)
I know NZ is not for me because i am not a strong enough person to take on a new culture. Although i came here feeling i had researched everything, i hadn't. I didn't take a look at myself! What i mean is, i didn't realise what i need as a person. I now feel that i would rather have less, but be around the people and friends that i love. They help to make me, me. Not that my kids and husband don't. As an individual i am just one of those type who need the all the hassles that come with a big family. I need stability which some may describe as a 'rut'.
Emmigrating is a personal thing. One that hasn't worked for me.
Thank you for being interested.
Have you ever wanted to return?
I didn't know what i had untill it was gone. New Zealand has lived up to most of my beliefs. It's not all i dreamed it to be, but are things ever as good as your dream.
I plan to return to my little village as soon as the baby has been born and i can sort out a passport, for he or she.
Once there my youngest son and i will take as much time as we have to to see if it's deffinatly what we want. If it is, the better half will follow on.
You sound like me! I was very shocked by the strength of my feelings and the pull to return. You have tried and done your best No one could ask more. I too yearn for my "old life" and the boring daily normality it brings. Simple things fill me with more joy and I see how lucky we are to live here now.I hope you will follow your heart and feel settled and happy again. We are almost there, just sorting a house out.
It will be a huge wrench though to leave your son behind...Good luck with everything and the new baby you lucky girl!
Apr 12th 2007, 9:57 am
#47
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: new zealand
Posts: 76
Re: Disaster
Thank you all for your responses.
It's reassuring to know that others have felt and do feel the same as i do.
I hope that life will be easy to settle back into when we return home. At least i will have hope. For i while there i forgot that hope is what keeps a lot of us striving.
My best wishes go out to all of you. Whether you stay in your new country of choice, or you return to the UK.
Cheers.
It's reassuring to know that others have felt and do feel the same as i do.
I hope that life will be easy to settle back into when we return home. At least i will have hope. For i while there i forgot that hope is what keeps a lot of us striving.
My best wishes go out to all of you. Whether you stay in your new country of choice, or you return to the UK.
Cheers.
Apr 12th 2007, 1:36 pm
#48
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,803
Re: Disaster
Apr 13th 2007, 1:29 am
#49
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Auckland nz
Posts: 16
Re: Disaster
Hi again it's the one who sent her two boys half way around the world just because she was homesick. Everything you say just mirrors what I went through in the beginning of the homesick phase I was always very negative with anything to do with nz.
Be it their cars, plant life or food, I would still find fault, all the things you say about you just want your old life back is exactly what I said to my oh, he also agreed to go back just to make me happy and get my old self back again he loved it here, time is a big factor in emigration I have now been here going on 4 years I would never go back to the UK, like you I came from a little village in Essex called Doddinghurst it was fantastic we had everything you could want.
I could have gone back so many times, due to all the crap that I have experienced since being here, I do really know how you feel I used to go to bed crying and wake up crying I can also remember dropping my youngest off to school thinking that the school was inadequate and then go home and blame myself and just sit and sob my heart out I think it's one of those processes you have to go through, a bit like grief. Your actually grieving what you once had.
You also become irrational, so please try not to make a decision on a bad day
when you think you are having a good day write down all the pros and cons of staying in your new country. I didn't just nearly go back the once 6 months after the singapore escapade I did it again, but didn't go as far as putting the boys on planes this time, just getting my oh job back then I changed my mind yet again.
I think it's us women we are just fickle, too many hormones flying about, the men alway seem to be in their element you come over with your pounds and then they can't spend it quick enough on boats and the like, boys toys and all that.
I do hope you stick at it, things do ease with time. Good luck with your decision what ever way you go, please don,t walk away feeling like you are a failure, your not at least you had the get up and go to try something different. Many people don't do half of what you have done.
Hayley
Last edited by hayleyt; Apr 13th 2007 at 1:32 am.
Apr 13th 2007, 2:36 am
#50
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: Sunshine Coast
Posts: 115
Re: Disaster
HI Vernons
Read some of your posts about how you are feeling now. We too live on the sunshine Coast - have been Oz 4 years now. I too came with a teaching qualification - did lots of relief and contract work. I am trained in high school school age but got offered some work doing relief in primary schools through an agency called EPC (www.reliefteachers.com???) it is based on the Sunshine Coast. It costs around $40 for the year to register -worth a shot. There also seems to be wor in the private sector but you need to contact each school individually to let them know you are available for relief work.
I decided not to stay in teaching - not my passion really and totally went in a different direction career wise - I am so happy that i did so.
We too went through a period of home sickness my hsband more so as he has more family there - I have both brother, sister and aunt and uncles here so easier for me. These feelings however did pass and we enjoy our lives here and feel it was a good decision to stay - we have visited the UK for a holiday and whilst it was great to catch up with everyone - we appreciated what the lifestyle here offers. If you have decided to stay for another year or so - wait and see how things change and hen reevaluate things. If you are still unhappy then move back - lifes too short!
Well, where exactly do you live?? Just off out to the Plaza - my worst hate - shopping sux!!
All the best in whatever you decide.
SJ
Read some of your posts about how you are feeling now. We too live on the sunshine Coast - have been Oz 4 years now. I too came with a teaching qualification - did lots of relief and contract work. I am trained in high school school age but got offered some work doing relief in primary schools through an agency called EPC (www.reliefteachers.com???) it is based on the Sunshine Coast. It costs around $40 for the year to register -worth a shot. There also seems to be wor in the private sector but you need to contact each school individually to let them know you are available for relief work.
I decided not to stay in teaching - not my passion really and totally went in a different direction career wise - I am so happy that i did so.
We too went through a period of home sickness my hsband more so as he has more family there - I have both brother, sister and aunt and uncles here so easier for me. These feelings however did pass and we enjoy our lives here and feel it was a good decision to stay - we have visited the UK for a holiday and whilst it was great to catch up with everyone - we appreciated what the lifestyle here offers. If you have decided to stay for another year or so - wait and see how things change and hen reevaluate things. If you are still unhappy then move back - lifes too short!
Well, where exactly do you live?? Just off out to the Plaza - my worst hate - shopping sux!!
All the best in whatever you decide.
SJ
Apr 14th 2007, 1:25 am
#51
Just Joined
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 26
Re: Disaster
Oh yes the ups and downs of living on the coast, I'm living it everyday too! Sounds like you're working through it, hope you can keep positive. Send me a pm anytime if you want to meet up for a non virtual chat, I live on the coast and have lots of time....M
Apr 16th 2007, 7:54 pm
#52
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 938
Re: Disaster
Hi there,
I really feel for you, while reading your post all my emotion came flooding back to how I felt when I was so down and depressed just completely irrational and had to get home.
I,m actually in New zealand and yes I stayed, but I took drastic measures to going back home, arrived in Auckland aug 2003 by october all i was doing was crying and hibernating, not going out not meeting anyone I have four children, at the time they were 16,13,12 and 4 the container hadn't arrived yet so I had time to turn it around ,which I did.
My oh put his notice in here got his old job back home, I was on the phone to the children's old schools got all their places back the two older boys had to go back sooner because I needed to get the eldest back to sixth form and like wise the younger one.
They were going to live with their grandparents until we had arranged and sorted everything out. Booked both their flights back to Heathrow took them to the airport arranged for an auntie to look after them while on the flight. Lots of tears when they left for boarding "just felt really sick you know that horrible feeling when you know what your doing is wrong but you still go ahead and do it anyway".
Walked out of the airport looked at my oh and said "I don't want to go back". Got on the motorway and decided that we both really wanted to stay couldn't turn back on the motorway, it was too late any way, they had took off by this time. Arrived home contacted the airport explained what we had done or what I had done, had to go through sorting their visa out so that they could come back into the country because at the time we was on a work to residency visa.
The only problem getting them back was that it wouldn't be that same day, Singapore Airlines were fantastic, they changed their second leg of their flight around and brought them back to Auckland the day after. Singapor Airlines arranged for their over night stay in Singapore.
They had someone watching them at all times because they were minors, when the boys landed in Singapore they were told that they had a phone call I Couldn't get on the phone and be the bearer of bad news so my oh gave them the happy news, they couldn't believe what we had done, when they came out at arrivals in Auckland they were grinning from ear to ear.
In the November had to go back to the uk for a funeral. That just confirmed for us that our time in the UK was up and our new life in NZ had begun,in saying that we are now thinking of looking to move to Brisbane.
The only advice I can give to anyone is it's a bloody huge thing that you have just done so it takes a while for adjustment, things do settle down you end up getting less times when you are unhappy and more times when things feel quite normal around you, try going back to the UK for a holiday with the new baby and see the family you will know if you have done the right thing then. NZ and oz are a really great playground for the children and of course yourself. Hope this helps feel free to pm any time 
I really feel for you, while reading your post all my emotion came flooding back to how I felt when I was so down and depressed just completely irrational and had to get home.
I,m actually in New zealand and yes I stayed, but I took drastic measures to going back home, arrived in Auckland aug 2003 by october all i was doing was crying and hibernating, not going out not meeting anyone I have four children, at the time they were 16,13,12 and 4 the container hadn't arrived yet so I had time to turn it around ,which I did.
My oh put his notice in here got his old job back home, I was on the phone to the children's old schools got all their places back the two older boys had to go back sooner because I needed to get the eldest back to sixth form and like wise the younger one.
They were going to live with their grandparents until we had arranged and sorted everything out. Booked both their flights back to Heathrow took them to the airport arranged for an auntie to look after them while on the flight. Lots of tears when they left for boarding "just felt really sick you know that horrible feeling when you know what your doing is wrong but you still go ahead and do it anyway".
Walked out of the airport looked at my oh and said "I don't want to go back". Got on the motorway and decided that we both really wanted to stay couldn't turn back on the motorway, it was too late any way, they had took off by this time. Arrived home contacted the airport explained what we had done or what I had done, had to go through sorting their visa out so that they could come back into the country because at the time we was on a work to residency visa.
The only problem getting them back was that it wouldn't be that same day, Singapore Airlines were fantastic, they changed their second leg of their flight around and brought them back to Auckland the day after. Singapor Airlines arranged for their over night stay in Singapore.
They had someone watching them at all times because they were minors, when the boys landed in Singapore they were told that they had a phone call I Couldn't get on the phone and be the bearer of bad news so my oh gave them the happy news, they couldn't believe what we had done, when they came out at arrivals in Auckland they were grinning from ear to ear.
In the November had to go back to the uk for a funeral. That just confirmed for us that our time in the UK was up and our new life in NZ had begun,in saying that we are now thinking of looking to move to Brisbane.
The only advice I can give to anyone is it's a bloody huge thing that you have just done so it takes a while for adjustment, things do settle down you end up getting less times when you are unhappy and more times when things feel quite normal around you, try going back to the UK for a holiday with the new baby and see the family you will know if you have done the right thing then. NZ and oz are a really great playground for the children and of course yourself. Hope this helps feel free to pm any time
Apr 16th 2007, 10:54 pm
#53
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: new zealand
Posts: 76
Re: Disaster
Hi
It's comforting to here someone else say how much they love the Clee Hills. Thank you Pollyana.
I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but, it never made me fell depressed every morning. NZ makes me depressed. I've felt that way since day one. Some days are worse than others, but you know there is something wrong when you even find it hard to bothered about your nearest and dearest.
I want to be the woman my husband married. So, i'm going to put back the last thing i changed in my life and that was moving to NZ.
When i get back my first port of call will be Clee Hill. Then the cafe and then the pub. I can't wait.
Cheers.
It's comforting to here someone else say how much they love the Clee Hills. Thank you Pollyana.
I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but, it never made me fell depressed every morning. NZ makes me depressed. I've felt that way since day one. Some days are worse than others, but you know there is something wrong when you even find it hard to bothered about your nearest and dearest.
I want to be the woman my husband married. So, i'm going to put back the last thing i changed in my life and that was moving to NZ.
When i get back my first port of call will be Clee Hill. Then the cafe and then the pub. I can't wait.
Cheers.
