IslaJane

In your opinion is it worth the huge cost of going back to the UK for a holiday to help decide if you want to move back?

The interesting thing is we did this 2 years ago, went back for a holiday, loved it, got back to the airport in oz and we were saying 'yeah we should definitely move back', driving home to our house we said 'oh god it's so awful here, can't wait to be back in the UK', arrived home to our house and said 'wow, our house is actually huge compared to what we could get in the UK!'. We ended up feeling it wasn't the right decision to move back.

So why are we still wondering if we should go back 2 years on? Would another trip back help bring more clarity to the situation? Do you think trips back help or make things more confusing?

quoll

Probably not. I reckon you either know or you don't. It's like doing a reccie before you move - there is a big difference between being on holiday and living in a place. If your heart soared as you flew up the Thames and you bawled your eyes out when you left then that's a sign. If a big house is important then , yes, probably, you aren't going to match that in UK - but you might, you never know given the house prices at the moment and the relatively still healthy level of the $ (tho not as good as it was a few weeks ago!). What aspects of your life would be better from a move and what would be better by staying? Is your heart saying "move" but your head saying "stay"? Or is it just apathy and the whole prospect of uprooting yourself to the other side of the world just too daunting to contemplate?

If apathy rules then think - what do I want my life to look like in 5, 10, 20 yrs? What do I have to do to achieve those goals? When will I have passed the point of no return (think education, finances, family ties etc) - or have you passed the point of no return already and is that what's stopping you?

Im a firm believer in "signs" and a lot of my life has been spur of the moment decision making because the signs have been there - put your place on the market for some outrageous amount and see if you get a bite, apply for all the jobs of your dreams back in UK and see if you get an offer etc. if you get signs then you have real choices!

Good luck with your decision!

MissBetty

For me it did! I was missing the UK despite 2 years earlier saying I loved Australia and I would never return to the UK.

I'd just come out of a bad relationship so I took it on board that might be influencing how I felt and its always nice wherever you are if you are on holidays. However waving goodbye to my Mum and Dad as my friend drove me to the train station I felt a horrible feeling of dread as we drove away, felt sick to my stomach all the way to Heathrow and, finally, at the airport I broke down into huge sobs as I joined the queue for the plane back to Australia.

After arriving back in Australia I felt so low and I wanted to go straight back to the UK. I had to wait another 18 months to get my citizenship and save enough money and at times I just felt like I was wading through treacle but I had a goal to work towards and that really helped me. I had some good days and some fun times but that trip helped me make up my mind - I just knew and that was that.

I go home in 5 days and I can't wait, I earn far more money here and I had a fab house but it means nothing to me. I want to belong again, be with my family and I'm fed up with being so unhappy here. Life is too short - believe me

sallysimmons

It helped my husband (i already knew). He couldn't picture life back in the UK because we were planning to live somewhere different and much nicer than where he grew up. So we rented a holiday cottage and tried to do lots of 'normal' things - supermarket shopping, going into the bank and asking questions, meeting up with friends for a pub meal etc. - so he could see how he felt. It completely turned his attitude around and having been back a year, it's clear we made the right decision.

In your case, as house size seems to be important, maybe try coming obver here and staying in a holiday cottage about the size you could afford to buy. Then see how it feels. Our house here is smaller than our US house but I like that - we have less clutter and no unused space. It's cosier.

J.JsOH

Trips back did not influence our decision to move back.
Negative events on our trips back did make me more apprehensive about moving back but those fears have not yet been borne out but I learned to avoid those situations.
Positive events on trips back have proven to still be positive.

penguinsix

I find trips home to be "in a bubble". You are the guest of many, everyone is friendly having not seen you, and your schedule is basically a vacation since you aren't working. It doesn't really present an accurate picture of life going back.

You either go or don't go based on the day-to-day, and then with a view of what is the real life day-to-day in the UK vs. real life day-to-day where you are. The best of your memories will always trump the worst of your reality.

pintaguiness-pickledegg

Hello
I'd agree with all the previous posters in that you need to use multiple options for weighing up the pros and cons of a move back. The thought of going back and staying for a year in the UK next year is the only thing keeping me focused and positive at the moment. We're fortunate to have retired parents to live with whom are looking forward to us upsetting their lives (ha!!) just so that they can help us out with our mental quandary.
They both love NZ and think we'd be mad to return to UK permanently, however, they have missed us and realise that we equally have missed them and our siblings during the last 5 years.
If you are that uncertain then you need a proper action plan to achieve your goal of a trial period. Don't leave yourself without any options of returning should you make a mistake or your feelings change. It's more cowardly than upping sticks altogether but might help keep your sanity!
We're due to apply for citizenship this year, which is another one of my must do items before going back. I haven't had the opportunity of going back for a holiday so I'm probably in a worst position in that the rose tinted specs are still on and I keep reading all the excited posters in the MBTTUK forum and think to myself "you lucky ba.....s".
Ironically, all the people still hoping to emigrate say the same thing about us!!
Good luck and look out for the signs.........

NiHao

We are planning to go back for a vacation with a possible move back in mind. I think that it will have value in helping us understand what our life in the UK might be like. If it was a pure vacation then of course it would not give a realistic view of what more mundane daily life would be like but if you go back with a move in mind then, as SallySimmons suggested you can do quite a lot of things that would give you a glimpse of what life might be like. Just because you don't know if you will move back or to which area doesn't mean you can't go and view some houses for sale/rental to get a feel for what is available, a visit to a school, a supermarket with a view to what a weekly shop for your family would cost, use public transport, arrange an interview at a recruitment agency, experience the horror of paying for a full tank of petrol, make a visit to a bank to enquire about opening an account upon return and ask about mortgages etc., visit a post office, take some drives during commuter times, etc. etc.

I think even when someone makes a permanent move back certainly the first 12 months or so aren't necessarily what day to day life is like long term, it can be both more novel and exciting than it ultimately will be and equally more stressful and lonely than it will end up being.

I don't think, as pintaguiness-pickledegg suggested, that there is anything "cowardly" about taking a temporary visit home, be it for 2 weeks or for longer if you can afford it. I think its a sensible thing to do. Flights and holiday accommodation are so expensive that I have gone back and forth over whether a "vacation" is worth it when money is so tight but then I figured that the upheaval and cost of a permanent move is so great and it will be so stressful that it will be worth the cost to get at least a snapshot of what it would be like to live in the UK again.

I haven't been home for 6 years and only rarely before then so I feel that I need confirmation that I would fit in back home, that our children would be happy there and that things aren't as bad as the Daily Fail would have us believe

curleytops

I think a "recce trip" is a very wise investment, particularly if you haven't been back to the UK for a number of years. What you have to realize is that it's not a vacation and you must remember not to treat it that way. I was fortunate to be able to come over for four weeks in October 2010 before making the final leap. I had not set foot on British soil in 33 years so I wasn't sure what to expect. I made a concerted effort to do ordinary every day activities that I'd be doing if I lived there and tried my best to ditch the rose coloured specs and see the place through objective eyes.

We are all as unique as our own circumstances and time coupled with life experiences changes us as individuals over the years. I was amazed at how easy I slipped back into my surroundings here during that visit - yes there had been lots of changes and not all of them good but I remember walking around my childhood neighbourhood and it felt like I'd only been away for a few weeks or months. That, in stark contrast to my first visit home (albeit as a pre-teen) in 1970 when after yearning to move back to UK I was hit with a very rude awakening. I returned to Canada after that trip and was quite settled over there for several years afterward. As I said though, we all change and so does what's important to us.

One thing is certain. Regardless of what you decide, there will be compromises and you have to ask yourself if you can live with those that will apply to your situation. Quoll's quite right about gauging how you feel as you fly up the Thames (in my case it was circling over St. Mary's Lighthouse in Northumberland) - it'll be a very good indication of how you really feel and if there's passion there, it helps you work on the compromises.

Life has not always been easy for me in the two years since I came home. Recently, for the second time in a year and a half my husband has been made redundant at his work. We were barely settled here in N. Yorkshire when we got hit with this latest bombshell. A comment within the family about returning to Canada and sponsoring my husband was made and I realized I honestly don't want to go back to Canada and desperately want to stay here. Certainty No. 2 - life won't all be smooth sailing here either so be prepared for that too.

Despite the rocky ride I don't regret my move back here at all. I think the advance trip really helped sort a lot of things out in my head and I'd recommend anyone contemplating a move back do the same if they can afford it. It's money well spent in my opinion.

Good luck with your decision.

Snap Shot

Ain't that the truth ! I agree as I'm in / was in exactly that situation myself.

feelbritish

I am leaning towards that route as well! As you all probably know the OH will not discuss any move until 2015 so I have been thinking that we may take that "2 year sabbatical allowance" from Canada (still remaining resident for tax purposes) and spend the time between Cape Town and UK. In CT we are lucky to have a cottage to stay in for a very cheap rental in a nice safe neighbourhood near my mom and sister. Then we should go over to UK for 3 months in summer (CT winter) and buy a campervan and travel to find out where we may want to live. I may be able to pursuade OH to do that as then we are not burning our bridges too quickly for him! We plan to leave the area we live in anyway so that will not be too much of a hardship.
I was wishing to do this now but he will not budge on the timescale and we just end up fighting.

Barrybriggs

A few years ago we went back to visit friends and family, and also access the possibility of moving back. We weren't terribly impressed with the cost of living and the general services. Britain had changed since we left. Of course, the feeling of being back was nice, but the practicalities of actually living there were a different matter. Due to financial reasons we weren't able to move back to the area we once lived. Anyway, I think it is worth going back to get a feel for what it would be like to live there, even if it just turns out to be a holiday.

Snap Shot

It's hard to decide what's for the best. Some return to their home country and end up wishing they had just gone for a holiday. Others go back for one or more holidays and end up with a feeling of dread returning to their home overseas.

One poster on this thread remarked that if you know, then you know, i.e. that it's right to return home.

We've only been in NZ since Feb 2011. So, it's a wee bit early to visit on a holiday basis just yet.

Saladmonster

I went back to the UK (I live in Oregon, USA) for 3 weeks, having already decided I was going to move back home. It was an interesting trip because I spent much of my time looking for all the negativities - and wasn't bothered by them. My trip was affirmation I was ready to go home and face a different standard of living; actually feeling excited about it. I've come to realize I don't need all the "stuff" I can have in the states. It's liberating to get rid of it and focus on what really matters to me in life - people.

Good luck with your "process" - its so personal.

KerinaK2008

Every time i go home to visit i feel the same way. I need to come home! It has not really changed over the past 4 years. But a few more visits to other areas where we are considering a move will be the final decision to help us decide 100%.

I think going back can definitely help. It is even better if you can stay a bit longer too to get a real feel of things again.