Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I posted this in the main Canada forum, however this is probably a better spot.
Hi everyone,
Bit of background info, I've lived in Canada (near to Calgary) for 3.5 years. We moved here for many reasons, a large one was that my husband had spent 9 years here as a child, has dual citizenship, and wanted to move back here.
My own reasons for wanting to move did involve escaping some situations which were not conducive to a healthy mental state! I also did want better schooling for our two kids and knew here we could live in a better area thanks to having bought our house and then rented out our legal basement suite.
I've been feeling unsettled and homesick and I'm not going to rush into any immediate decision as I want to get citizenship first and also I want to see if these feelings pass. We have a trip booked to visit the UK soon so I can try and suss out where I want to be. I have a feeling that I may just be not quite happy in either country now as each has its pros and cons. I also found out recently that my paediatric nursing qualification is pretty useless here (when I was assessed first I was told I would just have to take four exams), when I inquired a month ago my answer was that I would have to study for 1-2 years full time and also do clinical hours. Plus childcare costs and the $12k a year it simply isn't feasible. This feels like a big blow to me. My family have not been supportive over our move and won't visit. I feel sad that my kids won't get to know their extended family.
My questions are, if you returned what were your reasons for doing so? How long did you live in Canada? After returning to the UK did you have any regrets over not staying here?
Thanks!!

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

Hi Bumblebee,

Moved to NS, Canada in 2007 in search for that elusive better life. Thought we could replace long standing friends and family with material possessions such as the big house, hot tub, maybe a pool, etc....didn't work out as I became severely homesick after just one year but had to continue on for a further 5 years for one reason or another; husband didn't want to leave, couldn't afford it, kids at school, etc....

Moved home in 2013 and have only one regret; eldest age 21 has just returned to NS as she missed her friends who she went through her teenage years with. It is hard but something she has to do. I don't know if she will stay there or for how long.

Anyway, no other regrets here. Settled straight back into old friendships, met my nephew for the first time and now have a niece too.
I would struggle if I had to return to NS. The only thing that would make me consider such a move is my eldest having my grandkid/s. Even then I am not sure I could possibly do it.

Too be honest, for you, it sounds like the job situation has gotten you down and you are struggling with the fact you can't do a job you love.
Come back and see how you feel on your visit, but know that a holiday is always different from living somewhere.
You have only been away a short time, so may find you slot straight back in.

Good luck with whatever you do.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I should add that my husband is adamant that he wants to stay however he'd return if I really wanted to however wouldn't be happy doing so as he is not a fan of living in the UK.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

In my experience you know quite quickly if its right for you or not. People will say you have to give it a proper 'go', but true Homesickness isn't something that goes away. You may get used to being there, but you never feel settled. So many times I've read people feeling unhappy and returning years later leaving family behind.
We returned after 2 and a half years, I knew the first Xmas I didn't want to stay. If it had been any longer we would have become stuck. My husband did not want to leave, but he realised I could not stay.
We are both happy to be back, in a calm, contented sort of way. Sure there's things we don't like, but in all, it feels right and complete.
Go for your return holiday, you'll see some things that you love and things that you hate, but you'll know what you want at the end.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I don't think our experience has any relevance to you, but we went to Canada in 1976 and spent the next 33 years there happily. Never thought about returning to the UK. We came back in 2009 and are now in the process of going back.

We didn't leave because we hated Canada, and we were in Victoria so the weather was about the same (we'd probably have fled the Canadian winters sooner if we'd been in the colder parts, which we were for many years.)

We wanted to connect with old friends, enjoy the history and variety, and do some European travel. Been here, done that, and we're heading back for Canadian laid-back, easy-going times, but we're almost 70 now, and slowing down a lot.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

So, I've never lived in Canada but I am from the US and my husband (from the UK) and I lived in the UK for a little over 2 years and then moved back to the US. From the moment we both landed back in the US we both had this feeling we had made a huge mistake. I really loved living in the UK and our first year in the US was hell because my husband was so homesick and really frustrated by a lot of aspects of the way of life in the US so we have decided to move back.

You mentioned childcare and your family. Are you close to your family? Would you have more support raising children with them around? My husband's family is way more supportive and reliable than my family so that's another huge pull for us to go back.

In the end we both admit we will miss owning a nice size house, our salaries (it will be a while before we come close to making what we make in the US) and some of the conveniences America offers but we we can't wait to be back in the UK.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I have not regretted our move back from Australia, but as we were always happy in Australia, I do miss it and occasionally wonder. I think it is the curse of the expat, once you have experienced another life you are doomed to be thinking what if and second guess the decision to be in one country rather than the other. Maybe not the case for someone who is very homesick or unhappy, but more for those that were generally content in either location.

Mr BS is not like me. He was probably even more settled in Australia than I was (and I was definitely settled) but now we are back, he gets on with it and he never looks back. I do a bit, but we moved back for reasons and I just remind myself what those reasons are if I ever start to wonder if we did the right thing.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

Thanks everyone,
I have a large family in the UK and some really close friends. My husband has a tiny family (one aunt!) and pretty much never saw his two cousins. His dad, and his dad's parents live on Vancouver island. He is very content however I swing thinking about each place and trying to weigh up what I have here and what we had in the UK. Honestly I'd be returning for friends, family and the historical places. Then I think about here where I love the schools (controversial subject I know!), the environment and the town we live, although I'm unsure if long term I could manage the winters.
I'm trying to keep an open mind and just enjoy our trip back and seeing everyone.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I moved to Edmonton in '06 with my husband, who is a Canadian citizen (joint nationality), and we came back in '14. Like your husband, mines relatives live on Vancouver Island, where he grew up. That is where the similarities end: We were in our fifties when we moved to Edmo, and we have no children. I made it very clear that I was agreeing to try Canada for a few years, not committing to spending the rest of my life there.

Neither of us liked the climate in Alberta, but my husband did like his job. We came back after eight years on my insistence. Given a choice, he would have stayed a few more years.

You, obviously get more out of living in Alberta than I did. Most people I knew in Alberta had a poor opinion of the schools, and my husband found his students were very variable. Some had had a very good education at secondary level, while others were barely literate, but told him they'd got 'straight A's' when they were at school. Grade inflation seems to be the besetting sin of the Canadian education system. I can't imagine what you like about the environment or your town.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I too said we would give it a try, and we agreed if one of us was unhappy then we would return.
The environment, well the air is so much cleaner our son who was on the verge of being diagnosed with asthma in the UK has now zero problems. There is little litter, the people are friendlier. This is compared to living a few miles outside a city in the UK.
Our town is friendly and welcoming to immigrants, and there is a great community spirit.
There are things here I'm not as keen on, however I'm trying to judge pros and cons and not leap into any major decisions.
Even if we return, I have made some great friends here and overall it's been a positive experience.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I get it about the clean air. Not sure about the litter -- there seemed to be plenty in Edmo, particularly during the spring melt. I didn't find people friendlier either, or experience much of a community spirit in central Edmo. We give a party every year for our neighbours, and in Edmo some of them were learning each others names for the first time, despite living there for decades.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

Clean air....yes
Litter....yes (area specific)
Friendlier.... On the face of it, yes. But after 2 years, the relationships hadn't changed, and I felt I was no closer to knowing them then I was the first day we met!

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I moved back to the UK 2 years ago, after 14 years in Calgary, because I felt the UK suited me better than Canada. I also wanted to be closer to friends and family.

Regrets:
I could have been more realistic. I weighed up the pros and cons of moving back, but I now think I downplayed the concerns because I had already decided I wanted to move back.

In Canada, I had a house with a garden for my dog. Now, 2 years after moving back, I am still renting an old place with no garden. I had planned to buy a place within the first year back, but at that stage I was still very unsure where I wanted to settle. In the meantime, house prices continue to outrun wages, so it becomes harder to find even a modest house with a garden and parking in a reasonable area.

I'm not sure it was a mistake to move back. But it hasn't achieved what I hoped, which was to feel more settled, and it cost significant time and money.

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

Sorry to hear that

Re: Did anyone move back and have regrets?
 

I agree with this post! Life as an expat is quite strange; there is a real sense of freedom, but yet at the same time there is a lack of a real sense of belonging and having roots. Perhaps it is the best of both worlds, or the worst of both, very interesting position though. My wife and I are contemplating returning to the UK after almost 10 years in Australia. Strangely and ironically after years of not really liking Australia, I finally love being here, yet at the same time, it cannot completely satisfy key areas of our lives and hence the thought of returning.