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Delayed reaction from teenager 2 yrs after moving to UK

Delayed reaction from teenager 2 yrs after moving to UK

Old Jan 28th 2020, 10:41 pm
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Default Delayed reaction from teenager 2 yrs after moving to UK

Hi
I am British but lived I denmark for 16 yrs, where I got married and had 2 kids. Moved to the uk 2.5 its ago, my boys were ages 10 and 12..12 yr old went straight into yr 8...then moved schools as we moved other side of town just over a yr later.

He has struggled hugely with the english school system with the Scandinavian schools being almost polar opposite to the english system.

He has friends here, but keeps close contact with old friends from Denmark through computer playing..

He has had a bit of a mental breakdown and I'm worried its a delayed reaction to moving.

Anyone else moved to uk with young teens who have struggled to adjust, with any advice?

( this is the first time I have seemed out expat group as being british myself didnt consider it before)

Thanks.

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Old Jan 28th 2020, 11:21 pm
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Default Re: Delayed reaction from teenager 2 yrs after moving to UK

I don't have any direct personal experience of moving a child internationally*, but there are many reports on BE of children who moved after the age of 10-12 having problems settling in their new country, especially if it means education in a foreign language. While it is possible that someone will be along to provide counter-examples based on them successfully transplanting their own teenagers, I would contend that there are as many examples of moved teenagers struggling, and the results can be various, including dropping out of the education system, rebelling against their family, and quite often choosing to return to their home country when they are able to make than decision for themselves.

* I was moved as an eight year old from Sheffield to Gloucester, and in truth never really settled. I always stood out - my accent never changed (and hasn't to this day, despite ten years in Gloucester, uni and working in London, and now 18 years in the US), and I never really felt at home there. I reacted by looking inwards and focusing on my studies, doing very well at school, and I left Gloucester to go to uni and never had any plans to go back. Taking advice from my mother who said "you can never go back", never considered moving back to Yorkshire either.

Now I have a 12 year old daughter of my own, and I would rather remove my right arm with a rusty hacksaw than willingly move her to another school, and would never consider moving her internationally unless it was truly an unavoidable decision, and I can't even imagine what that might mean, as my wife and I have both left explicit instructions in our wills that in the event of us both dying before our daughter leaves school, that a family member will act as guardian, but that he should make whatever arrangements are necessary to place our daughter in the day-to-day care of the family of one of my daughter's friends, and reimburse them accordingly, so that she can complete school in the company of her friends that she has had since she started at kindergarten age 5. We can't imagine anything worse for a child who has just lost their parents, to then rip them away from their friends and move them across the state, or to another country, where my wife's and my closest living relatives respectively, live.

Last edited by Pulaski; Jan 28th 2020 at 11:30 pm.
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Old Jan 29th 2020, 1:29 am
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Default Re: Delayed reaction from teenager 2 yrs after moving to UK

Originally Posted by heidih View Post
Hi
I am British but lived I denmark for 16 yrs, where I got married and had 2 kids. Moved to the uk 2.5 its ago, my boys were ages 10 and 12..12 yr old went straight into yr 8...then moved schools as we moved other side of town just over a yr later.

He has struggled hugely with the english school system with the Scandinavian schools being almost polar opposite to the english system.

He has friends here, but keeps close contact with old friends from Denmark through computer playing..

He has had a bit of a mental breakdown and I'm worried its a delayed reaction to moving.

Anyone else moved to uk with young teens who have struggled to adjust, with any advice?

( this is the first time I have seemed out expat group as being british myself didnt consider it before)

Thanks.

Hmm. 12 -14 is a difficult age, what with dealing with puberty, etc.

What does he say about his situation and his feelings?
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