tawse57

There is a phrase therapists/counsellors use with people suffering anxiety & depression and other ailments -

Wherever you go, there you are.

Meaning, the grass is not always greener and you will still be the same person wherever you go until you work on yourself.

I can recommend a book by Elisabeth Kubler Ross called 'Life Lessons - What Our Mortality Can Teach Us About Living' which might help you get some perspective.

Best of luck.

mrvp

I know this could probably be said in reverse for me (I don't see any other option but leaving if I want to have some form of future) but have a real good look before you leap and make the trip back (maybe even recce it if that's an option?).

Things in the UK have the threat of being seriously grim for a while given the current austerity measures that need to be implemented. 2011 has been identified as being possibly the worst year of the current parliament as a lot of the required budget cuts have been front loaded to the start of the parliament to take instant actions to the budget deficit.

There are also bad problems in Europe with several EU countries possibly requiring substantial bailouts (I know America has similar problems though it's just they appear to be taking a different approach). There are lots of strikes either happening or planned as the unions are very unhappy, and the costs of services are rising as Council grants have been cut (so it's a case of either cut the service or pay more for it).

As a still relatively young person in the UK (31) I don't see a great future if I stay here, so take a good look before you make any decisions. I'm not rushing anything, even though I know I will have to go unless I want to either end up unemployed or having to re-train and start from scratch.

Milana_Rosemont

I suppose that's just the way for some people. Whereabouts in London are you? Everything is a bit grim though, to be perfectly blunt. At least in the UK they've been publicising what's getting cut. In NZ we've had very little publicity on the cuts and GST rise...

mrvp

South London. My line of work (or how it's funded, not my direct line of work) is right in the line of the cuts as I'm predominantly "public-sector" facing as it's been put. The axe man has been wandering around blindly for about the last 15 months and it's starting to get beyond funny At one of the companies I previously worked for, the floor I was on has gone from 100 down to 30 in the last 36 months

Milana_Rosemont

Ouch. I have family in Sutton, but when I was about six I lived in Richmond... That said, I'm from Hammersmith. Zone 6 is quite far out...

fatcat65

big hugs to you for having this dilema, but at least you've made a start by sharing your feelings with us! There's some sensible advice been given already, like a trip back, counseling, discussing with close friends and acquaintances etc so i'll not add to that.
all i will say is that one of my staffs friends who was 46 died this week after having a headache, turned out to be a brain bleed, another of my staffs uncle died at Christmas 48 years old dropped dead on the spot! I know this sounds like the grim reaper but my point is that, did they do all they wanted to in their short time on this earth, were they truly happy with their lot? We just never know what's around the corner and i believe we should live each day as if its our last and have no regrets! You have been what you were meant to be for the last 40 years, who's to say that its not time for you to be someone/thing else now....listen to your heart and look deep inside as to what makes you happy and go for it. If you can find out what is troubling you living where you do then see if you can change that, if its your OH that's the issue, dig deep and see if you can find the feelings that you once had for him, if not there's nothing wrong with admitting that its just not there anymore. One of my other staff was devastated when her OH left her and for two years she has been a wreck but now she has a new man in her life and she's going around like the cat that's got the cream and is very happy and knows now they had done the right thing for them both.
I wish you all the luck in the world but like someone else said we only get one shot at this so live life to the full! Best wishes

salgb

I think most of the World is facing a grim economic outlook right now,(with obvious exceptions). I can respect the British Gov. and the people for making bold cuts, and increasing taxes. No one likes it, but the British have a unique way of 'getting on with it'. I'm living in California, which is frankly full of a bunch of whiners. No one here accepts tax hikes, yet they expect services to remain untouched, when the State is in debt. Individual States and the Federal Gov. keeps on spending, and putting us all further into debt - it seems madness, and it isn't helping the bottom line. The axe fell on me in 2007, and again in 2009. There are few jobs available today, and while salaries have been cut, expectations have increased. Many skilled jobs have gone away, and I doubt will return for years. Benefits are pretty stingy here compared to European standards, and healthcare if not provided through your job, it is an outrageous monthly expensive. It appears from my side of the World, that Europe is hanging in there much better than the U.S. (Just my opinion of course, and I know the hardship isn't over yet for any of us.) Having lived on both Continents, I think Europe is a better choice (for me), well, all except for all that darn rain!

ldyinlv

Well said..

Beedubya

Good post. The catalyst to my decision to move back to the UK was my sister's husband dying at the age of 50 in October.

We had a terrible week of emotional phone calls and my other sister asked me was I happy and settled being back in Australia and I told her I was miserable and missed the UK so much. She said look at M, he is dead at 50, no second chances, gone, what are you doing living where you are miserable, life really IS too short..............so here I am.

To the OP I think it will do you a world of good to post on here if you feel you can't talk to anybody in real life. Typing (journalling) all this stuff out is a form of therapy and it sometimes helps. Keeping stuff all bottled up inside you, stuffing down and suppressing your feelings is not good for your physical and mental health.

Come on here and vent if necessary nobody knows who you are, it's anonymous, I know you will get lots of support and it will help you sort out your feelings. Take care.

Folly

Thanks for all your useful replies, looking through this forum I see that there are a lot of unhappy people all over wanting to move back to the UK. I think like someone said I need to work on me first and find out who I am and what I want. I felt like this last year at about the same time of year if I remember correctly but every year it seems to get me at some time or another. I really do need to sit down with my OH and explain how I feel but I am a bit of a coward at not wanting to "rock the boat" so to speak. I did say I was homesick a couple years ago and he said it would pass and it did, but it keeps returning! I think as every year passes and I see my life slipping away it somehow becomes harder, it is not like an employer would choose me above a younger person for a new career move is it not when I am aproaching retirement age. I tend to "settle" for what I have rather than think I can do better. I am not good at being very assertive about me! I did talk to a family member and they said I would never find anyone like my OH who provides for me like he does and is so easy going and I did say but what about me and they basically said well you have to kind of get over it unless you want to be old and lonely!

I know my self esteem feels pretty low at the moment, my confidence seems to have gone. I am putting on weight and can't be bothered with anything or get myself motivated. I know I have to pull myself out of it and only I can do it. I do give myself a good talking to now and again which does help a bit but I look at my family and how upset they would be if I did decide to go back. I can't see myself in 5 years from now being anything but still in a rut and more years slipping away, I wish I could. I know life is precious, and should be lived to the fullest and perhaps him upstairs will have me come back and do it all again cause I haven't learnt the first time round what I was put on this earth to learn (I believe in re-incarnation lol!!) There I still have some humour left.

What I want to say is thanks for all your input, it has given me a little insight in to what I know I should do but not necessarily the courage to carry it out. If I do decide UK is really for me after all and I have the courage to do it, then I will post on here if I get there and let you know how I am getting on.

Thanks again people all over the world.
Folly

iaink

Common misconception. Do you realise you just described many of the syptoms of clinical depression? You cant fix a chemical imbalance on your own, I seriously suggest you go talk to your doctor. Please dont take this advice as sarcastic or anything, I really am serious.

Its really unclear to me what you think the UK will offer to you to get you out of this rut you are in.

crusheduk

if you claim "politcal asylum.." yeah you wil lget a 7 bedroom mnasion..everyone else my guess = 0. MASSIVE cuts everyhwere here now right across the board. Unless you are politician or banker.

crusheduk

yeah it's the worse i have seen the UK since the 70's...and it's going to last a long time. People are scared to spend..losing jobs, cost of living shooting through the roof etc...Yet the PM's keep telling us we have "never had it so good" (petrol £1.31 a litre £1.50 expected by summer) LOL

nun

I think you have 3 problems here, some depression, marriage issues, and homesickness.

I'd work very hard to deal with them one at a time. I'd seriously talk to someone about how you feel other than on this forum. We can offer our thoughts, but I think you need to talk to a family member or doctor....whatever is comfortable for you. Once you feel on more stable ground I'd deal with your marriage issues. You don't want to be attempting to save a marriage or going through a divorce while planning another big thing like coming back to the UK.

Once you have all that sorted, then think about the UK. Right now you seem to be running away from your life and you have to solve your problems before you'll be happy anywhere, even the UK