Folly

Hi All

I am seriously thinking that I want to move back to the UK. My OH will not go and is adamant he will not live back there. I am so unhappy, what happens if I cut and run without any money, will I get any help from the government with benefits and housing. I would come out of the relationship with just enough for a deposit on a private rental and my flight home, however, I could probably ship some furniture back. I am 58 by the way so my future is looking pretty dim after being in a marriage for over 40 years! Any advice much appreciated.

ldyinlv

I am going back next week with $1000 dollars, I have been living in the US for 34 yrs, and I am divorced also. I have family there, do you?? I am 52
Jackie..

Folly

Hi Jackie

Yes I have a sister and daughter there who are both divorced but they have no idea of my plans at present and I don't feel I can discuss it with them at the moment as I am still in the early feelings stage and want to know what my options are first. I don't like the feeling of being trapped in a place I am beginning to loath! I am a little scared but in all this I feel like screaming WHAT ABOUT ME AND WHAT I WANT!!!!! I am so fed up of being a wife, mother, daughter, sister and want to know who I am - hope it makes sense! So so unsure at this stage, part of me is saying go and make the best of what is left of your life and a part of me says you have invested too much to go so any advise much appreciated if any one has been through the same!

ldyinlv

We only get one chance at this, so you HAVE to do what makes you happy now. It sounds as if you have been making everyone else happy for a long time.. Having family there makes it much easier to make the move..

Mummy in the foothills

I think the best lawyer his money can buy would help. Leaving a 40 year marriage with a flight home and money for a rent deposit seems a bit scandalous, what does he get? The house and everything you both own?

rozellem

I am not saying you should stay with the man, by all means, but to me it sounds a bit like there are more things in the back ground within yourself that you might need to sort out first. Go to your GP, let him check your hormones, Vit D, thyroid, general health. Perhaps he could send you to chat so a therapist, you might have a bit of empty nest syndrome, and you have to re-evaluate where you are in your life. You might still after all that leave him, but check the root of this first. Like others said, be good to yourself for a change, and getting a good MOT is perhaps a start. Good luck and all the best.

Sally Redux

Despite the popular image, I don't think life on benefits is all that great. I would exhaust other possibilities mentioned above first.

By the way, it's a fantasty I've often run over in my mind and do understand.

salgb

I have been in a similar situation to you regarding feelings, and feeling that I couldn't tell anyone about my thoughts and desires to move country. It became a heavy burden to carry, and was a very stressful time. I ping ponged. I am now feeling like I will be moving again. This time I have shared my feelings with some of my friends and family (not all), and it has made it easier. I've been able to discuss my fears, reasons for wanting to move, as well as feeling like I'm crazy for wanting to move again! It has helped to hear other opinions, and has actually made me feel more strongly that I will move again. I've been nicely surprised at the support of some friends, and their understanding of my situation. I would recommend that you find someone to share your thoughts with. BE.com is a great start, but maybe you have a trusted co worker, friend, or can find a therapist - you may have a lot of conflicting thoughts, your heart and head may argue, and sharing may help you transition more smoothly.
Good luck to you.

quoll

A very good idea! I think you need to look after yourself both emotionally and financially!!!

(((Hugs))) - being trapped in a country because of a marriage is bad enough but to be trapped in a loveless marriage in a country you loathe must be nigh on unbearable. Good luck to you and get very good advice!!!

shirl

I do feel sorry for you, it must be so hard to make these kind of decisions after being in a marriage so long, like the OP said it is one thing to be sad in a marriage and another to be in another country as well. Get yourself some good advice and talk it over with someone who is not involved in either side.

Folly

Thanks everyone for your advice, there is a lot of battles going on in my head and the best part is that he has no idea of all these thoughts! Maybe I will settle down soon, perhaps it is all to do with Christmas and New year.!

iaink

Both of you should come back to the UK for a vacation / look around.

When was the last time you or your partner was back in the UK? Clearly this is something you both need to talk about, but after a visit you both might have more idea what you are arguing about, and the idea to return, or obstacles to returning might be gone on one side or the other.


Where are you and why are you unhappy? Perhaps a return to the UK isnt the magic bullet you are looking for anyway.

Mummy in the foothills

That sounds very sensible

Milana_Rosemont

When I was 17 I booked a one way ticket home and tried to run away. Inadvisable. My parents found out and had me for breakfast (but strangely admired my guts for getting a job and accommodation sorted), then three weeks later my mum announced she was pregnant with twins. I've done a lot of stupid things, but in a strange way I regret not leaving then when I had a chance. Now my parents are there but I'm still in the wilderness.

wonderfulperson

Good advice.

When I felt fed up here and missed the UK about 2 yrs ago, on going back I saw it was not so great and felt it, and actually missed it here more while there.
Could not wait to get back here.

It helped me get over the 'missing the UK so much' thoughts I had back then onto appreciating Canada more.