Safin

Well we moved back in Aug after 6yrs in Oz. We were regional and I felt trapped in a small town miles from anywhere after the first few years. We hardly travelled due to the costs and the fact the rest of the family felt we were already living like we were on holiday. We probably needed to relocate in a couple of years anyway for kids uni etc due to them being young in their year groups. I found it expensive and had few choices even though I wasn't a shopper. I had had some periods of bad homesickness and a sense of the kids missing what we'd had as kids - our history I guess. Felt I should be with aging parents etc. In other ways I was well settled, had friends, had gone back to uni and was loving it and doing well.

So when OH was made redundant and no work was to be found anywhere near to the standard of living we were used to I pushed to come home. Thought it was the last chance I'd get before we hit almost a decade of exam years for kids etc. The rest of the family would have stayed and made the best of it but I pushed and when he was offered his old job back we left oz.

Now 5 months later I am sat in on NYE, no-one has even asked our plans let alone included us. Sure they say they are pleased to have us back but there's no overwhelming emotion on either side from friends or family. Its nice but that's all. All our lives have changed in 6yrs and we all got used to being apart. I have no job and can't find one and miss uni. Can't afford to go here as due to the 3yr rule I am an international student. I miss my friends. We socialise far less.

Sure there's more choice and cheaper products in the supermarkets but I'm over that novelty already. I'm not a shopper so even though that is better here it's not a major factor for me. We haven't travelled as I still can't get the "stay at homes" to go out.

Kids settled easily and well at new schools and are making new friends and OH at work but all preferred Aus. The house is a decent uk size but tiny to me and we're bulging at the seams with stuff. The dog is trapped indoors without a decent yard to run in. Everywhere is so damn busy and cramped.

And don't even get me started on the weather. It stops us doing anything and its just so damn grey - like me.

So if you can't quite put your finger on why you want to leave wherever you are - think about it long and hard. I was the one who wanted to move and I am the one hating it most. Feeling like I am cursed to feel the grass is greener wherever I go. Should have left pandoras box closed tight.

Brigette

Thank you for your honest reply. I always love reading the perspective from those who return home. The weather is of concern to me so I always like to hear what others have to say about it.

I do hope things get better. Here's looking forward to a better 2014.

quoll

Oh it's a shame that things haven't quite worked out for you. Moving back is just as hard work as moving in the first place I reckon - you have to work really hard at connecting socially. Maybe the New Year might bring you new beginnings (fingers crossed for you!)

Harvester523

Aaw, I feel for you! Whenever I feel the least bit nostalgic, I look at all the houses I can't afford with their pokey gardens, then take the dog for a walk 100yds up the road onto a track through the woods every bit as pretty as the chilterns - but not another soul in sight, and the track not turned into a quagmire by horses (no offense to horse riders as I have a horse as well), or let him loose in our own 7 acres - which we could never have dreamed of owning in the UK. Sorry, not trying to rub it in, but that's exactly why I couldn't go back, along with the weather, and the busy-ness. Plenty of history here too and I have my aging relative here with us, so no need to go home for that, though we don't travel either as the aging relative has put paid to that. But that doesn't help you, does it? I suspect France is a no-go for you if you have to work (though I have known people commute).

But, when I was in the UK, I used to belong to a photography club, a badminton club, a riding club, and a bridleway clearing group (of course, I didn't have children) - couldn't you find something like that depending on your interests, to meet new people and get you out of the house? Winter is the worst, perhaps the stay-at-homes will want to go out more in the spring? Can you not do the inviting for social occasions?
Good luck for 2014 though!

NiHao

I'm so sorry the move hasn't been a good one for you I always think that this time of the year always "amplifies" anything that is bringing you down because it can feel like everyone else is having a fabulous time and it makes you feel crap if the Holidays don't live up to the hype.

Not to minimize what you are feeling clearly there is a lot you are missing from Oz and things that are a disappointment about the UK plus areas such as friendships and Uni where you haven't been able to replace or "replicate".

These big moves are so difficult, costly and stressful and then to arrive and find things aren't as you hoped is really hard

I say have a wallow and a cry, feel what you feel and then brush yourself off and start plotting for how you could make things better. Is a return to Oz a possibility? If it is you could start working towards that but if it isn't really viable or not viable in the near future make a list of all the things that you are finding hard in the UK and see if there is anything you could do to make things better.

It sounds like one of the things you are missing is the social side of Uni along with the feeling of accomplishment it brings. Do you have hobbies/interests that you could get involved in again or start? It might also be a way to build a new friendships with someone with the same interest as you. Are you in a position to go back to work even if only part time?* Is there any voluntary work that would interest you. Would a class through the OU be affordable? Any evening classes near you that you could do?

Everything you have described is very understandable, its such a huge change you have gone through so I think even if the UK was living up to your hopes it would still be understandable to feel down because its a huge adjustment to make.

With regard to old friends posters like SallySimmons have shared how its good to try and remember that we the expats are the ones that went away and we are the ones who have to work really, really hard if we want to gain a place back in the lives of friends and family members. We left them (not the other way around) and they had to get on and fill the space we left and when we return there usually isn't an empty space being kept vacant for us to fill. Instead we have to work at the friendship as though it were a new one and it takes time and real effort on our part. I can also imagine that friends need to feel that we aren't going to be off on our travels again otherwise it might feel like they are putting in time with someone who will "abandon" them again as soon as they can move back to Oz, the US or wherever.

Hang in there things will get better its early days and spring isn't too far off better weather and more daylight will help and even if you decide to try to move back to Oz or somewhere else you will do so knowing that the UK isn't the right place for you so the move will have given you that peace of mind.

Hang in there and thank you so much for posting its so helpful when people are kind enough to share there experiences on moving back.


*Sorry I missed that you have been looking for work with no success could you maybe look outside of your usual field and just do something temporarily just to get you out and among people? Temping can be a good way to see which companies in your area you'd be interested in working for and can lead to something permanent.

lgabriel73

Don't worry about the weather its better than you think. I went home over xmas and loved the sunshine its not always grey and raining. Plus it was much milder than Boston.

quoll

we've had some fabulous days recently but I guess if you feel a bit down then the occasional grey day becomes "always grey"

michali

I am sorry you are feeling as you do but give it more time. You say the children and your husband have settled in well though they prefer Oz. Focus on the positive for now. I think if you can find something to do, you might feel better. Even if it is not your ideal job, it will give you an opportunity to mix with people and feel you belong. I felt a. It like you when I returned in 1998 and it was only when I got a job that I began to enjoy my new life. NYE is sometimes the most emotional time anyway. Tomorrow is new day and a new year.

Brigette

Thanks so much. Good to know. When I return home Manchester is high on the list of places and I've always read how much it rains there and how gray it can be

chris955

Yes I think that is a good point, winter has been incredibly mild and not at all always grey but your mood tends to cloud your view. Sorry that it hasnt worked out for the OP but it wont be right for everyone and what I do see from reading many posts is its all about location, the same everywhere of course.

Safin

Thanks everyone - it helps to know someone gets how I feel. Sometimes it feels like the last 6 years have just been rubbed out everywhere except in my mind. I guess holidays are a difficult time and as has been said its a New Year now.

I have been trying really hard to do the right things to help me settle and will carry on doing them. I totally understand why others have moved on - we did - why shouldn't they? It's a case when I said we were coming back its was all enthusiasm from them and now its not turned out that way. And I get that the fact the we said openly we're coming back for a year or so then will decide what happens long term, might be making some cautious too.

I'm obviously a bit boring and don't really have hobbies etc - haven't had a lot of time for them either but do need to get out and try some stuff - to occupy my mind and to meet new people.

I haven't found the weather all that cold, as you say its been quite mild. Its more the rain day after blooming day. Mud everywhere form kids and dog, OH can't get out to do his sport and feels cooped up indoors, can't get any flippin washing dry and grey dark skies. Trying to make the most of the beautiful crisp blue cold and frosty days though - wishing there was more of them and less rain.

We may head back to Aus if we can come up with an income solution there (OH is very specialised and all we hear is redundancies - I am apparently unemployable as I have no references/experience/qualifications hence the reason I was at uni). BUT I am determined to try and settle here for a while longer - we said at least a year before we decided to make such a monumental and expensive move again. Not to mention all the resettling to be done again if we do. Not sure I'm up to that.

not2old

sorry to read about your settling back in the UK to be so tough, then again remember when you first went to OZ how long it took back then, and now after the eye opening adventure you're back in the UK for the reasons stated in your OP.

I say give it the year then see if you want to move back to OZ given the circumstances of the job market..

It'll be unsettling if you keep on ping ponging & add to that the cost of doing it.

MrMuffin

Good luck to you, Safin. I hope things work out for you and something positive shows up around the corner for you and your family. Take care. Happy 2014.

petrichor

Maybe it would be a good idea to do some voluntary work to get you out of the house and talking to people? That's also another good way to get experience and references to apply for paid work later.

michali

That is such a good idea! When I went back, it took a while for me to get a job so I volunteered at a homeless shelter. It was such a great experience and helped me to get back into the culture. Taught me so much too!