Freshwhyte

Hi all,

Hope everyone is doing well - it's been a while since I've posted on here but any advice would be most appreciated.

Im a dual citizen and my elderly mum lives in Canada. Since 2018 I've gone back and forth between Canada and the UK three times. The first time I moved to Glasgow and stayed for six months but decided to go back to Canada as it just didn't feel right. I stayed in Canada from August 2018 to October 2018 and decided to go back to Glasgow. I then stayed in Glasgow until October 2019 but again came back to Canada where I stayed until January 2020 when I said to myself I would have one final go being in the UK. Then of course covid happened and I stayed until September 2021, during that time my mum developed some pretty bad health problems relating to long covid which pushed me to come back to be here for her. I subsequently quit my stable, work from home job, moved out of my flat and here I am.

I've now been back in Canada for just under a month and I absolutely hate it, I managed to find a job but they are pushing me to go into the office which is over an hour away (it was initially sold to me as a work from home role) and saying I need to commit to three days minimum in the office plus they micromanage the hell out of me. More importantly I am having a really hard time finding a place to live. I don't have the highest paying job so the rents are quite high not to mention there isn't much as far as available properties and feel like a burden staying with my mum.

While it's great to have seen friends and family I'm feeling like I want to come back again. I feel like at my age it's time that I focus on myself and what's best for my career and finances and although I know people will resent me for it I'm wondering if I'm crazy for changing my mind so many times? Maybe I have some sort of grass is greener mentality, when I'm in Scotland I want to be back in Canada and when I'm in Canada I want to be back in Scotland.

I just feel like an absolute idiot for giving up the most stable job I had to come here only to want to fly back after less than a month. I also feel bad leaving my mum with health problems but her partner is here and helps her as much as he can. She has even said while frustrating and upsetting she totally understands if I want to go back. Plus my old employer said they would be happy to have me back

So if anyone can give some advice as to whether I am in fact insane or if this is normal it would be most appreciated 😊

christmasoompa

Perfectly normal, just the curse of an expat. You've got the luxury of dual citizenship, and from the sounds of things no responsibilities in terms of kids, spouse etc so are in the best position to do what is right for you, particularly if your Mum is supportive.

Why Glasgow, do you have family there? Maybe another part of the UK might feel more 'right'?

Freshwhyte

Thanks for the reply 😊 I chose Scotland because that's where most of my family is from, I have cousins there and old friends from when I was younger and would spend summers there on holiday so it seemed like a natural choice but I am considering other places. My old employer has given up the lease for the office so it would be a work from anywhere in the UK type of deal. I quite like the idea of Leeds or Newcastle as I have some friends and family there too.

But I'm glad I'm not crazy for flip flopping so much (or slingshotting as my mum calls it 😂)

durham_lad

I can't really give you any advice, but I can say that that your indecisiveness is quite normal. We were in a similar position except all surviving parents died the year before we retired in the USA (3 of them over a 9 month period) so we only had our adult children to worry about. After retiring we spent several months in England in 2010, 2011, and 2013 but didn't want to permanently leave our children in the USA. We came back to England again in 2016 intending to stay 6 months but after 6 weeks back we finally decided that the children would have to "manage" without us so when we moved back to the USA in November 2016, it was with the aim of selling up and early 2017 we moved to England.

ArthurBrit

This is what I worry about the most. I left the UK in 2006 and have wanted to move back since 2008/2009 probably. I've never been truly happy here but here I am in 2021 still wanting to move back, one of the major fears being that I don't want to be a ping-pong POM.

That being said I really believe that the UK is better for me as I dislike my life in Canada, I'm in Winnipeg so my experience of Canada probably isn't the most enjoyable but that's not to say that everyone won't like it. It definitely has good qualities but it doesn't suit me personally all that well. I think you need to be honest with yourself and give the place that makes you happier a bit longer.

Freshwhyte

I'm definitely stuck in the ping pong situation, I just booked my flight back to the UK an hour ago (leaving at the end of January) and my stomach is in knots. I'm excited but also fearful as I worry this might be the last time I am able to spend quality time with my mum, but in the end she keeps telling me I have to do what's best for me and to stop worrying about everyone else. So I guess that's the biggest takeaway from this, go with your gut and it will (usually) never steer you wrong. Besides, Canada is only a short and relatively cheap flight away if things hit the fan.