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Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Old Feb 3rd 2006, 12:25 am
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Default Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

I didn’t know this website existed until a few weeks ago, otherwise I may have joined a few years back! I have been reading all your comments, isn’t it a relief to know that other people are faced with the same dilemmas!

So heres our life story (sorry to bore you!)...

Ours is the usual, we live in Adelaide in Oz but miss family in the UK.. bummer. My husband is an aussie, but he has dual citizenship as do I, so that makes things easier I guess. We’ve been here 7 years, my husband was in the UK for a couple of years, shortly after we met we travelled South East Asia for 3months, then came here so that I could meet his family, we ended up staying to make a go of things so it was never that I actually made a decision to come here to live, you’d think after 7years we’d know what we wanted but alas no! We’ve tried so hard to make this our perfect life, got the house, dog, live 5mins from the beach and now a lovely 9mth old baby girl, we are so lucky but never quite settled, very frustrating! We are very average financially but its seems easy to be Mr & Mrs average and still have a nice quality of life here, sometimes we want things (i.e. a swimming pool!) probably to compensate for lack of loved ones close by. My husbands family are all here but they’re all older and hes not that close to them so we do feel quite alone in that respect. As for friends, we have a few but none that we see loads, I guess other people already have their own lives at this age (we’re in our 30’s) and of course their families and they do things together, this is when we feel left out!

We can’t seem to progress in our lives because we know we need to make a decision and stick to it about whether we are going to give the UK a go, we feel really anti-social too as we don’t have a lot to say to people at the moment as this is dominating our lives! We went back in November and had a great time with people and my husband enjoyed the company of my brothers, something he doesn’t have here. I feel mean that we are depriving my family of time with our baby (shes the first grandchild) and that I can’t share special moments with them, also the extra bit of support would be nice, even just for a babysitter one night and for the fact that I had to spend 2months in hospital prior to giving birth to this baby I’m concerned about when we have baby no. 2 that if the same were to happen again it would be really tricky for us! On the other hand we have a great lifestyle here and are well set-up for the future and its hard to foresee what would be best for us all and for our daughter. Just when we think we’ve come to a conclusion to leave we’ll have a day of lovely weather, be able to walk along the beachfront and wander into the back garden and look at what we’ve done to our house and we’ll think, aaargh, would it be a mistake to give this up! Also jobs are an issue, my husband has a decent job and rarely works late so he gets to come home and have a good bit of dad-time with our baby before bedtime, it’s a worry that if we leave he’ll have to start at the bottom of the ladder in England and if it doesn’t work over there and we come back here then hes back at the bottom here again!

So, do we stay or go – who knows, if only there was an easy way to decide. I am lucky that my husband is happy to give whatever a try, he is just getting fed up with the indecision, as am I and it is affecting us both, we have a strong relationship but we are getting more narky with each other about stupid things lately and are a bit like volcanoes waiting to erupt! My fears about leaving here are that we are giving up what we’ve worked hard to achieve and how we would cope living in a shoebox house after being so spoilt here and that if the UK doesn’t work out then my husband may always secretly be pissed off with me! My fears about staying here are missing out on quality family time, I worry about what would happen if I was to lose one of them, I think I’d forever feel pain and guilt for not having spent more time with them while I had the chance.

We are swaying towards the option of renting out our Oz home (I hate the thought of other people living in our house!) and going to the UK for a 1-2year trial period to give it a proper go, this would be a strain financially, especially the initial getting there and setting up stage, theres loads to consider, what do we take (even the finer points such as loads of photos etc), getting a car, a job, our baby, the dog, our stuff here as well as the fact that we’d like to have another baby in a years time…just throwing another spanner in the works to make it extra hard for ourselves! We’re looking into all that’s involved and were wondering if anyone else has had experience of doing it this way i.e. leaving most things in Oz but giving the UK a go for a year or two – we will have support from friends and family but not in a financial sense, unfortunately we’re all pretty skint at the end of the day and to make matters worse we’d be looking to move to Berkshire – not exactly the cheaper part of England! After weighing up costs so far its not looking that rosy, we desperately want to take the dog with us if we go but we didn’t realise it would be so expensive and my husband doesn’t think we can afford to, but I don’t want to leave him here, hes part of our family (the dog that is, not the husband, ha ha!)

Right, that’s enough waffle from me, I can type fairly fast and didn’t realise I’d written so much, sorry about that, I expect some people gave up reading after a while!

One other good thing about being in the UK would be the fact that I have people to laugh with about crappy stuff from the old days, like Jim’ll Fix It for instance, my husband still wants to see a bit of old footage of him in his magic chair with all his bling, smoking cigars and handing out dodgy medals to kids!

Cheers everyone!
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 1:16 am
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Isn't it funny when you read someone else's story
it seems so clear that you sound like you'd be much happier
at home but I understand what you mean about the
lovely days and thinking "what a nice life here".

Still I understand where you're coming from totally,
like most people on here, and while the financial
benefits of being here and the beaches, etc are
wonderful they don't seem to be making any of
us nearly as happy as all the people in our lives
we left at home.

Just a thought. I've "pretty much" made my decsion
to go back but haven't actually booked flights.
Perhaps the best thing is just to go ahead and
do it and stop waiting to see if it gets any better...
Living the dream huh
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 2:11 am
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Welcome to the forum, agree with mark the beaches and bigger houses are novelty items it wears off, weather i dont think I'd call that one better, most places here have some pretty off weather too.

Be lucky your partner is willing to give it a go back there and your babys not old enough to have any input. I would go back, my partner is now saying about his career my eldest is in further education, my 12 year old is at a critical stage of his education and the 9 year old has only really known people here! his friends his life, he doesnt really remember our UK people/life apart from 2 hols there.

So my advice to you, the same as anyone is if you have the chance to do it before it gets complicated do it NOW, while you can, too many get stuck later.

As for me, cause I know some are wondering, my partners work contracts are changing next month I hope they send him to some dire part of australia, god knows theres enough of them where even he would not live, if so plane tickets will be on the table.
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 3:03 am
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

So my advice to you, the same as anyone is if you have the chance to do it before it gets complicated do it NOW, while you can, too many get stuck later.


Good advice Jad......I think you do get seduced by the
lifestyle and keep hanging on hoping it'll get better
but never being truly happy and worrying about going
back and not liking it.......a bloody vicious circle of
"will I, wont I".

At the moment I can go back without a care in the world,
except house costs and finding a job but hey
that's life

Now if I can just have the courage of my convictions
and book the flights
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 3:29 am
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

I don't know if I fully agree with what the others have said. It sounds to me like you are happy(ish) with your lot but want "something else". That may not be in the UK. You say you had a great visit there and everything was good - was that because it was a holiday and everyone was excited to see you and spend time with you or was it that that is how your family are and would be if you were there 24/7?

You obviously had a nightmare pregnancy but thank whatever you now have a fab baby. Nine months says to me that you are probably suffering some baby blues. That could be improved by going back, who's to say?

Lots of people move back and have no problem settling back into life there, seven years is quite a while though so it might be like starting over, all over again.

Would your husband be able to find work easily? Would you live where your family live? Could you afford to live there? Would hubby end up missing his family, regardless of how often you see them?

So many questions, so few answers sorry.

Have you considered moving to another state? It might just be losing interest in Adelaide. Obviously there are millions of people who love the place and the pace of life, but from reading many many posts of people unhappy, generally (not 100% obviously) they are either in Adelaide or Perth. I think the quietness, laid back, almost lonely quality of the places appeals to begin with but wears off after a few years.

Melbourne might suit you better, Brisbane also, god forbid Sydney may do it for you

So much to think about. Please don't start worrying about baby no. 2. For the time being, love and enjoy baby no. 1.
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 6:21 am
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Hi Ginge

Welcome to BE

I have sent you a PM( private message)

Cheers
P
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 7:36 am
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Sounds like you are kind of telling our story!!!! Except that we are both from the UK and have a 10mth old and a 3 year old

We have just had all my husbands family here for a month :scared: I wasnt sure how it would go as there were 14 of us together all at one time, we had a fab time and it made us want to go back even more (we have been here 6.5 yrs). Anyway, after years of indecidision the decision was finally made and although scared i think we felt comfortable with it UNTIL.......

Got on the net, starting checking out house prices (and the houses themselves look very grim - those that we could afford), wages would just not cover our cost of living. After getting more facts and figures from my sister in law we have definatley decided we cant do it, as much as we would like to give it a go we are not prepared to sacrifice our lifestyle, home and lack of money worries (and like you my hubby rarely works late here) to move back to a tiny house in a horrible area so that our kids can be around their family. I always thought I was depriving them by living here but as much as my 3 year old loved having all 5 cousins here to play with she was just as content when they left and is happy with the explanation that they have gone back to England. There is so much more to this story than a couple of paragraphs but mostly the same as everything you said!

Anyway, I have put myself through enough turmoil over the years as to what to do but am now content in the fact that we live here and unless we win lotto and can afford a beautiful house in the english countryside then it is here we are staying!!

I know it is easier said than done but once you make that final decision , whatever it may be then you will feel more at ease - and you and hubby can stop arguing

Hope this helps a little
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 9:51 am
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

hi ginge,
welcome to the forum!

i havent been using it that long, but its been a great help to me as im sure it will be to you

Originally Posted by Ginge
ISo, do we stay or go – who knows, if only there was an easy way to decide. I am lucky that my husband is happy to give whatever a try, he is just getting fed up with the indecision, as am I and it is affecting us both, we have a strong relationship but we are getting more narky with each other about stupid things lately and are a bit like volcanoes waiting to erupt!
im glad you put this bit in as i was going to do a thread - now you've saved me the bother! basically, me and OH...lots of indicision affecting the relationship. so over the last couple of days thrashed out a conclusion to it all. he is a lot calmer (even though hes more disappointed with outcome than me) because he said the indicision was far harder to cope with than any decision. so bear that in mind and talk it out. at least then you have a plan to work towards.
try to bring the dog - we had that conversation too re affording shipping, but its a family member and will help you settle. see other link for Petscheme so quarantine not necessary. a dog is a great excuse for time out "im just walking the dog!" when things get a bit much.
i think you are sensible to think about leaving a house in oz. if you sell the property it can work in one of 2 ways. 1) house gone..so you get on with it in new country 2) house gone..so you panic about being trapped forever in new country (scarey) and dont enjoy. unfortunately, i fall into category 2!

whatever you decide, the very best of luck to you. if you have read other threads, (and your own experience tells you) - you know how hard it is - but people come through it in the end!

oh, and for those that know about the dificulties, ive had...flights booked for 12 April!! and :scared:
c
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 3:13 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Very interesting thread and welcome to the forum. One thing that occurred to me on my recent visit to the Uk was that everyone I know is getting on with their lives while myself and my OH are still playing out the what should we do scenario. As a result of this indecision we aren't progressing with our lives, we haven't made any investments or bought a house stateside (we have one rented in the Uk but the rent we receive isn't making any inroads into the mortgage) so whilst we are in limbo everyone else is back at home getting on. Thats why I get frustrated. My OH and myself discuss our possible plans all the time and because of it we never settle. However once we were in the UK recently all the what ifs stopped immediately and we just got on with it and everything felt normal. Since we've been back we both know we could move back in an instant now however the day we got back we found out my OH could have a great promotion at work so were back at square one again!
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 5:51 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Originally Posted by ladylisa
everyone I know is getting on with their lives while myself and my OH are still playing out the what should we do scenario.
I honestly think it just looks that way, everyone everywhere doesn't seem to know what they're doing in my opinion.

We're in the UK and thinking of leaving, our kiwi friends in NZ are thinking of leaving and coming to the UK etc etc.

To the OP, I would say to look into UK house prices and salaries. If you would be happier with a smaller house in a greyer country but surrounded by your family and British people including all the great things the UK can offer, then go for the move to the UK. Otherwise count your blessings for the great life you have. Anyone earning a decent wage also seems to work all hours here (my hubbie who does the minimum - so he tells me - is out the house 14 hours/day on his short days for example). Both countries have lots to offer, they are simply different things.

I would also imagine you will always question your life though. I honestly think you are either the type of person who does this, or you are the type of person who deosn't! Good luck.
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 6:41 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Originally Posted by ladylisa
Very interesting thread and welcome to the forum. One thing that occurred to me on my recent visit to the Uk was that everyone I know is getting on with their lives while myself and my OH are still playing out the what should we do scenario. As a result of this indecision we aren't progressing with our lives,
Can relate to that sold our house last february, still renting, fortunately the property market hasnt had any great leaps in that time, getting nervy now tho, sold signs everywhere here.

We have the opposite with work hours work like dogs here, partners off now, saturday 5.30 am, has been same for months, now working sundays too , 7 day week to meet deadlines.
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 8:37 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Originally Posted by ladylisa
One thing that occurred to me on my recent visit to the Uk was that everyone I know is getting on with their lives while myself and my OH are still playing out the what should we do scenario. As a result of this indecision we aren't progressing with our lives, we haven't made any investments or bought a house stateside (we have one rented in the Uk but the rent we receive isn't making any inroads into the mortgage) so whilst we are in limbo everyone else is back at home getting on. Thats why I get frustrated. My OH and myself discuss our possible plans all the time and because of it we never settle. However once we were in the UK recently all the what ifs stopped immediately and we just got on with it and everything felt normal. !
Very good points. Our friends in the UK are happy there. One siad that he gets annoyed with people doing down the UK and "I'm alright with the UK". Others are just happy, getting on with life. Once you start this immigration lark, unless you settle down and never look back, you open a pandora's box that is very hard to close again. You get a view of two mutually exclusive lives and spend your life chasing the perfect life rather than just living a good life.
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 8:44 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Originally Posted by uk+kiwi
I honestly think it just looks that way, everyone everywhere doesn't seem to know what they're doing in my opinion.

We're in the UK and thinking of leaving, our kiwi friends in NZ are thinking of leaving and coming to the UK etc etc.

To the OP, I would say to look into UK house prices and salaries. If you would be happier with a smaller house in a greyer country but surrounded by your family and British people including all the great things the UK can offer, then go for the move to the UK. Otherwise count your blessings for the great life you have. Anyone earning a decent wage also seems to work all hours here (my hubbie who does the minimum - so he tells me - is out the house 14 hours/day on his short days for example). Both countries have lots to offer, they are simply different things.

I would also imagine you will always question your life though. I honestly think you are either the type of person who does this, or you are the type of person who deosn't! Good luck.
Your talking about your friends that are in or are thinking about the process of emigrating. The people that I know that are getting on with their lives are all the people that dont fall into this category which is a hell of alot more than are.

My OH works trillions more hours here in the US than he ever did in the UK and is expected to work out of hours at the drop of a hat. To be honest every person will have a different number of hours they are expected to work based on their profession, company and availability of work.
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Old Feb 3rd 2006, 9:09 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

I really dont know why people always bringing the size of the house in to it.
We live in Belgium and will move to Northwood near London.
For the money we have to pay for a 3 bed semi in Northwood, we could buy a big villa with pool over here, but absolute nothing will make we want to live here.
I'm rather in a 3 bed semi in the UK....why should a bigger house make me happier, the surrounding will be still the same shit, big house or not..
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Old Feb 4th 2006, 12:06 am
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Default Re: Can't decide - UK or Oz!! may return to UK for a 1-2yr trial - help!

Originally Posted by eurotramp
I really dont know why people always bringing the size of the house in to it.
We live in Belgium and will move to Northwood near London.
For the money we have to pay for a 3 bed semi in Northwood, we could buy a big villa with pool over here, but absolute nothing will make we want to live here.
I'm rather in a 3 bed semi in the UK....why should a bigger house make me happier, the surrounding will be still the same shit, big house or not..


Totally agree with you Eurotramp -
having the choice of a smaller house and being happy or a large house and being unhappy, I know what I would choose.
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