Joopster

Hello,

You know when you're just reading and reading Government/Immigration websites and you can just feel your stomach knotting and your hope fading? Well, that's the situation I find myself in right now so I was wondering if someone might be so kind as to help straighten me out and point me in the right direction, please? I don't even know if I have landed in the right place - and I am *not* looking for all the answers - I just need to be waved off on the right path!

So, I am a British national, 40 years old, employed with an income averaging £19k pa. I am currently going through a very amicable divorce (been separated for a number of years, finally getting round to getting it formalised) with an almost-teen daughter (who lives with her father). I have personal savings (pre-divorce) of around £25k.

For the past year, I have been in a relationship with a 45 yo American chap who runs his own business and is still in the States. He has travelled to the UK five times (each time for between a week and three weeks) over the last year, and we have also met up in various European cities. It is getting now to the point where we would very much like to properly live together - but I am really struggling with how we can go about this.

Ideally, we would both like to be in the UK - mainly because of my daughter. My partner doesn't have savings to speak of, having sunk money into equipment for his business - however, he can (in theory) pretty much work anywhere as he's a photographer / film-maker.

I seem to be disheartened right now but I don't want to give up hope. People have successfully done this! I think I just can't see the wood for the trees! Any ideas?

Also - as an aside - he's successfully entered the UK a number of times over the last year without question, but then in May, he was questioned for a while and had a different stamp put in his passport - it had a leaving date six months in the future. He returned to the US, as planned, 3 weeks later - but can someone tell me the likelihood of having further problems, in your experience?

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Very best wishes, Joop

Jerseygirl

Welcome to BE.

I have moved your thread over to the Moving Back To The UK Forum. Many of the people who post in this forum have experience of their non British spouses moving to the UK. Hopefully someone will be along in a few hours to help you.

Mummy in the foothills

Also you may want to have your US friend look at www.uk-yankee.com as they will have lots of advice for him coming to UK.
You earn enough to sponsor him for a spouse visa but you didn't say whether that was your plan.

Joopster

Hello, thank you for your reply.

As I am currently officially still married (on paper only for several years) we couldn't apply for a spouse visa just yet. Also, in the past year. I have only 'lived' with this chap for about 12 weeks if you count him coming here to visit and us meeting for long weekends in Europe! There's not amount of Skype time or emails or little holidays that would prepare you for the actual nitty-gritty of real life living together 24/7 and I don't want to rush in to marriage again if there is any other option! It would be good if he could come over for an extended time (a couple of months) but we fear that he would get turned away at immigration. We want to do this all properly but are floundering with the minefield of it all.
Thank you for your time - much appreciated.

pennylessinindia

Your issues are very common with international dating. There are no visas for dating partners so it becomes quite a complex thing trying to work out how to be together.

He can visit the UK, but I expect if the frequency increases he will be asked more questions when he enters, probably that is why he had a stamp on his passport this time.

Your relationship as it stands would not permit him to come as a partner as you have to show you have lived together for 2 years.

He could come as your fiance but there would need to be an intention to marry during the 6 months - not your thoughts at the moment .

He could try to seek work via Tier 2, but that is quite a hard route. He could look at the student route but would need to show he was going to genuinely study and has the funds to study

Joopster

Thank you for your reply - much appreciated.

I think what frustrates us the most is this chicken and egg situation whereby to be 'partners' we must be able to prove that we have lived together for two years - **but how on earth can we do this when our respective governments don't allow entry**?!??!

It's tough because I can't see any of the other visas applying. If he came on a fiance visa, do we have to prove a wedding date had been booked? It's all so disheartening!

madmusician_uk

When I was in the UK (I'm currently living in the USA), and dating my now wife, she came over for 3 months as a tourist. No special visa or anything... She did get taken aside and questioned by the immigration people, but she showed them her return tickets, and some other paperwork (things like bank statements I think, she might have had a letter from her employer, I can't remember exactly what now), and they let her in.

So its certainly possible for someone to visit for a few months

Edited to add: I hear its rare for someone to be turned away by immigration... I think the key is to convince them that you really are going to go back once the trip is over.

BristolUK

It does seem other options are hard to come by or difficult.

I was in a similar situation. I'm a Brit who met a Canadian. She was about to have her divorce final and she had no plans to marry again, still feeling wronged by the ex.

I was someone who was never bothered about marriage. I was one of those "it's only a bit of paper" people.

But when it came to seeing about making a life together, the UK was out of the question. Canada required a year of living together - and that was also impossible.

Getting married was the only way and that "only a bit of paper" became a very important bit of paper. So we did it in 2004 and we've been together here since.

9th anniversary tomorrow (which it nearly is in England)

Seems a small thing to do to smooth the way. And maybe it shouldn't be a small thing.

But if it enables the future you want, then it takes on the importance it should have.

But if it all doesn't work out, is there any great harm done?

Joopster

Hello - thank you *so* much for your replies.


For further information - he has his own business as a film-maker/photographer and although has worked for some large and well-known international companies, he is not contracted to any of them. This places him on a sticky wicket when it comes to proving that he in employment.

In addition, he always travels stand-by as he gets 'free' flights with a large US airline due to a family member having worked for them for a number of years. This is *excellent* in terms of him being able to come over here for the cost of the airline tax and is obviously why we have managed to see one another so often. Yes, I do thank my lucky stars! The major downside of this, however, is that he's unable to show a return ticket at immigration Sad

He also divorced 10 years ago and his wife took *everything*. He has negligible savings and no property.

This is all going to sound very negative - but I am only writing it so that you can get the full picture of our dilemma. I am pretty confident that love will eventually find a way . . . I just have to learn to be patient! It's beginning to look like a fiance visa may be the only way forward . . . I shall have to consider that one very carefully. I love him but after 21 years of being married to someone else, I am not keen to jump out of the proverbial frying pan . . .

Thanks again for your advice. Clearly there have been success stories here so I remain positive.
x

Joopster

Oh - and MadMusician - my man is also in Denver!