Big and bold
Jan 30th 2009, 9:13 pm
#1
Just hanging around
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2008
Location: Back in England
Posts: 1,447
Big and bold
I've been thinking about this and I'm not sure I can make my question make sense, but what is it with this, "At least you gave it a try." "Don't give up."
Or from people in the UK, "I wish I'd given it a go." "I feel a failure for not having tried."
Taking on a challenge, doing something different and perhaps a bit risky, are often good, but why emigration? That's so huge. And why is it more admirable to leave than to make a new, brave decision and return?
I'm pretty sure hardly any Canadians or Americans think, "If I was big and bold enough, I'd go and live elsewhere."
Okay, so they're immigrant countries. But what about places like Italy, Spain, Sweden, France? I never hear of it from then. Wasn't the French Foreign Legion the resort of the ruined and desperate?
This idea that's it's only a brave move in one direction seems to become a ball and chain for a lot of people, keeping them where they don't want to be. Or sending them off on a dislocating journey they don't truly want.
So, anyone got any thoughts?
Bev
Or from people in the UK, "I wish I'd given it a go." "I feel a failure for not having tried."
Taking on a challenge, doing something different and perhaps a bit risky, are often good, but why emigration? That's so huge. And why is it more admirable to leave than to make a new, brave decision and return?
I'm pretty sure hardly any Canadians or Americans think, "If I was big and bold enough, I'd go and live elsewhere."
Okay, so they're immigrant countries. But what about places like Italy, Spain, Sweden, France? I never hear of it from then. Wasn't the French Foreign Legion the resort of the ruined and desperate?
This idea that's it's only a brave move in one direction seems to become a ball and chain for a lot of people, keeping them where they don't want to be. Or sending them off on a dislocating journey they don't truly want.
So, anyone got any thoughts?
Bev
Jan 30th 2009, 9:17 pm
#2
Knight Templar
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Portugal
Posts: 2,115
Re: Big and bold
I've been thinking about this and I'm not sure I can make my question make sense, but what is it with this, "At least you gave it a try." "Don't give up."
Or from people in the UK, "I wish I'd given it a go." "I feel a failure for not having tried."
Taking on a challenge, doing something different and perhaps a bit risky, are often good, but why emigration? That's so huge. And why is it more admirable to leave than to make a new, brave decision and return?
I'm pretty sure hardly any Canadians or Americans think, "If I was big and bold enough, I'd go and live elsewhere."
Okay, so they're immigrant countries. But what about places like Italy, Spain, Sweden, France? I never hear of it from then. Wasn't the French Foreign Legion the resort of the ruined and desperate?
This idea that's it's only a brave move in one direction seems to become a ball and chain for a lot of people, keeping them where they don't want to be. Or sending them off on a dislocating journey they don't truly want.
So, anyone got any thoughts?
Bev
Or from people in the UK, "I wish I'd given it a go." "I feel a failure for not having tried."
Taking on a challenge, doing something different and perhaps a bit risky, are often good, but why emigration? That's so huge. And why is it more admirable to leave than to make a new, brave decision and return?
I'm pretty sure hardly any Canadians or Americans think, "If I was big and bold enough, I'd go and live elsewhere."
Okay, so they're immigrant countries. But what about places like Italy, Spain, Sweden, France? I never hear of it from then. Wasn't the French Foreign Legion the resort of the ruined and desperate?
This idea that's it's only a brave move in one direction seems to become a ball and chain for a lot of people, keeping them where they don't want to be. Or sending them off on a dislocating journey they don't truly want.
So, anyone got any thoughts?
Bev
Jan 30th 2009, 9:45 pm
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 839
Re: Big and bold
I've been thinking about this and I'm not sure I can make my question make sense, but what is it with this, "At least you gave it a try." "Don't give up."
Or from people in the UK, "I wish I'd given it a go." "I feel a failure for not having tried."
Taking on a challenge, doing something different and perhaps a bit risky, are often good, but why emigration? That's so huge. And why is it more admirable to leave than to make a new, brave decision and return?
I'm pretty sure hardly any Canadians or Americans think, "If I was big and bold enough, I'd go and live elsewhere."
Okay, so they're immigrant countries. But what about places like Italy, Spain, Sweden, France? I never hear of it from then. Wasn't the French Foreign Legion the resort of the ruined and desperate?
This idea that's it's only a brave move in one direction seems to become a ball and chain for a lot of people, keeping them where they don't want to be. Or sending them off on a dislocating journey they don't truly want.
So, anyone got any thoughts?
Bev
Or from people in the UK, "I wish I'd given it a go." "I feel a failure for not having tried."
Taking on a challenge, doing something different and perhaps a bit risky, are often good, but why emigration? That's so huge. And why is it more admirable to leave than to make a new, brave decision and return?
I'm pretty sure hardly any Canadians or Americans think, "If I was big and bold enough, I'd go and live elsewhere."
Okay, so they're immigrant countries. But what about places like Italy, Spain, Sweden, France? I never hear of it from then. Wasn't the French Foreign Legion the resort of the ruined and desperate?
This idea that's it's only a brave move in one direction seems to become a ball and chain for a lot of people, keeping them where they don't want to be. Or sending them off on a dislocating journey they don't truly want.
So, anyone got any thoughts?
Bev
Jan 30th 2009, 10:41 pm
#4
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: Big and bold
Me too but I dont think they take overweight old women unfortunately! OTOH - would the Legion be serving in places where it is as hot as Canberra has been this week? Would there be airconditioning? Nah, maybe not the Legion after all.
Yes Bev, I'm with you - there is this real double standard when people make the decision to go back, it is always "give it more time" or "try somewhere else". Why does no one apply the same argument before leaving? OK so you dont like Central Liverpool (and who can blame you) Have you tried the Cotswolds or Devon or Kent (or anywhere else for that matter?). Why on earth should Australia or Canada or wherever be "right" and UK "wrong". I dunno, I am just gobsmacked by the gullibility of folk who think a bit of sunshine or space is going to make all their woes go away.
Yes Bev, I'm with you - there is this real double standard when people make the decision to go back, it is always "give it more time" or "try somewhere else". Why does no one apply the same argument before leaving? OK so you dont like Central Liverpool (and who can blame you) Have you tried the Cotswolds or Devon or Kent (or anywhere else for that matter?). Why on earth should Australia or Canada or wherever be "right" and UK "wrong". I dunno, I am just gobsmacked by the gullibility of folk who think a bit of sunshine or space is going to make all their woes go away.
Jan 30th 2009, 11:05 pm
#5
Banned
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,769
Re: Big and bold
Isn't it because the people who make these comments are sharing a smiliar life existance and life reality to those that are/have left their country?
For example, many Brits who have never experienced life abroad, tend to go with the flock mentality of 'the UK is sinking' because of what they read in the papers, see on the news, generally assume by talking with others connected to them. The topic of conversation tends to concentrate around the same issues and is discussed empathetically with parties tending to support each other in the general assumption that the UK really is sinking on the grounds that it must be true because everyone thinks the same (not realising that they are being brainwashed by this misconception.)
It's not until someone breaks this circle of thought by bringing in a new perspective (ie they've just announced they are returning to live in a sinking UK having experienced a wider and different reality) that comments are made 'are you sure', 'don't you want to try harder', 'why come back to this terrible place'.
You left the reality and got a new insight. They didn't so they can't see your new perspective or understand it.
This is what i've worked out since I've told friends i am going home. It takes a lot of patience and understanding because i know they can't understand my new appreciation of the UK.
For example, many Brits who have never experienced life abroad, tend to go with the flock mentality of 'the UK is sinking' because of what they read in the papers, see on the news, generally assume by talking with others connected to them. The topic of conversation tends to concentrate around the same issues and is discussed empathetically with parties tending to support each other in the general assumption that the UK really is sinking on the grounds that it must be true because everyone thinks the same (not realising that they are being brainwashed by this misconception.)
It's not until someone breaks this circle of thought by bringing in a new perspective (ie they've just announced they are returning to live in a sinking UK having experienced a wider and different reality) that comments are made 'are you sure', 'don't you want to try harder', 'why come back to this terrible place'.
You left the reality and got a new insight. They didn't so they can't see your new perspective or understand it.
This is what i've worked out since I've told friends i am going home. It takes a lot of patience and understanding because i know they can't understand my new appreciation of the UK.
Jan 30th 2009, 11:10 pm
#6
Knight Templar
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Portugal
Posts: 2,115
Re: Big and bold
Isn't it because the people who make these comments are sharing a smiliar life existance and life reality to those that are/have left their country?
For example, many Brits who have never experienced life abroad, tend to go with the flock mentality of 'the UK is sinking' because of what they read in the papers, see on the news, generally assume by talking with others connected to them. The topic of conversation tends to concentrate around the same issues and is discussed empathetically with parties tending to support each other in the general assumption that the UK really is sinking on the grounds that it must be true because everyone thinks the same (not realising that they are being brainwashed by this misconception.)
It's not until someone breaks this circle of thought by bringing in a new perspective (ie they've just announced they are returning to live in a sinking UK having experienced a wider and different reality) that comments are made 'are you sure', 'don't you want to try harder', 'why come back to this terrible place'.
You left the reality and got a new insight. They didn't so they can't see your new perspective or understand it.
This is what i've worked out since I've told friends i am going home. It takes a lot of patience and understanding because i know they can't understand my new appreciation of the UK.
For example, many Brits who have never experienced life abroad, tend to go with the flock mentality of 'the UK is sinking' because of what they read in the papers, see on the news, generally assume by talking with others connected to them. The topic of conversation tends to concentrate around the same issues and is discussed empathetically with parties tending to support each other in the general assumption that the UK really is sinking on the grounds that it must be true because everyone thinks the same (not realising that they are being brainwashed by this misconception.)
It's not until someone breaks this circle of thought by bringing in a new perspective (ie they've just announced they are returning to live in a sinking UK having experienced a wider and different reality) that comments are made 'are you sure', 'don't you want to try harder', 'why come back to this terrible place'.
You left the reality and got a new insight. They didn't so they can't see your new perspective or understand it.
This is what i've worked out since I've told friends i am going home. It takes a lot of patience and understanding because i know they can't understand my new appreciation of the UK.
Jan 30th 2009, 11:19 pm
#7
Oscar nominated
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Moncton, NB, CANADA
Posts: 50,769
Re: Big and bold
I think I'm maybe a bit more neutral on this than most because I'm only in Canada for the sheer fluke of meeting and marrying a Canadian. Practicalities and finances made living in the UK impossible so it had to be Canada. I had no desire to leave the UK or gain a 'better life' etc.
It's my impression that congratulations for returning greatly outnumber praises for leaving or having tried.
But then I tend to stick with the moving back and Canada forums. Perhaps the forums for the other parts of the world are heavier on the admiration for leaving?
Jan 31st 2009, 3:44 am
#8
Just hanging around
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2008
Location: Back in England
Posts: 1,447
Re: Big and bold
I've just been struck by the way the words people use. Take the pat on the back that "you gave it a go." Nothing wrong with it, except that to me it sounds a bit like, "you tried to make the Olympics and didn't, but good for you for giving it your best shot."
And a lot of people in the UK do seem to feel that if they were big and bold they'd "give it a go." And that was happening during the boom years, wasn't it? So it's not just the economic downturn.
It's probably the remains of the spirit that made the Empire!
Bev
Jan 31st 2009, 5:23 am
#9
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,750
Re: Big and bold
Leaving the UK is a step into the unknown, and everyone can see its an adventure, but returning looks like a step backwards to those who know you (because it doesnt sound like much of an adventure anymore). I suppose they just want you to do well. All of us coming home or thinking about it know it takes balls to pack up and start your entire life again. I feel like a failure at the moment so I don't really need anyone else to tell me that too. I suppose the thing to remember is that it is still an adventure, and you're older and wiser for the experience.
Jan 31st 2009, 6:44 am
#10
Richard & Nikki
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Mackay
Posts: 264
Re: Big and bold
When we were preparing to leave the UK and we told people that we were going to start a new life down under. Everyone seemed to know someone that had done it and loved their new life. I never heard about anyone not liking it and returning to the UK. So it didn't really cross my mind that we wouldn't like it.
I don't feel like we have have failed but tried something new that took a lot of guts to do. We have told our family about wanting to come home and all we get is negativites like, "try living somewhere else, give it more time, your better off where you are as the UK is in a mess" etc etc. A couple of close friends that I have told have been very supportive and said do what you feel is right and at least you had the balls to give it a go.
We are doing what we feel is right which is to return to the UK. I don't regret giving it a go and we will take back some wonderful memories.
Nikki
I don't feel like we have have failed but tried something new that took a lot of guts to do. We have told our family about wanting to come home and all we get is negativites like, "try living somewhere else, give it more time, your better off where you are as the UK is in a mess" etc etc. A couple of close friends that I have told have been very supportive and said do what you feel is right and at least you had the balls to give it a go. We are doing what we feel is right which is to return to the UK. I don't regret giving it a go and we will take back some wonderful memories.
Nikki
Jan 31st 2009, 6:56 am
#11
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Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 12 years in Australia
Posts: 579
Re: Big and bold
Hi Nikki I see you live in Mackay.
Most educated Aussies would be absolutely horrified at the thought of living up there, so you have done well to last - I think there is a bit of "loving our new life" one upmanship between some expats especially when they are talking to people back home, so don't let anyone make you feel bad about decision.
There are much better places in Aus (but I'm NOT saying to give them a go).
My family have NEVER told me not to come back, they are more like cracking open the champagne and planning for us all to go on holiday to Tuscany etc etc, which craps on any of the holiday options we have here.
Have you seen a bit of the rest of the country other than QLD before you head back?
Most educated Aussies would be absolutely horrified at the thought of living up there, so you have done well to last - I think there is a bit of "loving our new life" one upmanship between some expats especially when they are talking to people back home, so don't let anyone make you feel bad about decision.
There are much better places in Aus (but I'm NOT saying to give them a go).
My family have NEVER told me not to come back, they are more like cracking open the champagne and planning for us all to go on holiday to Tuscany etc etc, which craps on any of the holiday options we have here.
Have you seen a bit of the rest of the country other than QLD before you head back?
Jan 31st 2009, 9:46 am
#12
Richard & Nikki
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Mackay
Posts: 264
Re: Big and bold
Hi Islandergirl
What do you mean "most educated Aussies would be horrified at the thought of living up there"?
My husband is a Senior Design Engineer Draughter and we came out here on a sponsored visa. He has a good job and I am by no means a snob but it sounded like you think Mackay is not a nice place to live!
The reason we are returning home isn't the main reason we want to return to the UK. Looking at other posts, people are returning for the same reasons as us and they come from all over Australia.
Since we have been here we have been to some lovely beaches, water park, National parks and some of the Whitsunday Islands which I wouldn't change for the world. The school that my boys go to is great.
I don't have any regrets about coming here but looking forward to going home.
Nikki
What do you mean "most educated Aussies would be horrified at the thought of living up there"?
My husband is a Senior Design Engineer Draughter and we came out here on a sponsored visa. He has a good job and I am by no means a snob but it sounded like you think Mackay is not a nice place to live!
The reason we are returning home isn't the main reason we want to return to the UK. Looking at other posts, people are returning for the same reasons as us and they come from all over Australia.
Since we have been here we have been to some lovely beaches, water park, National parks and some of the Whitsunday Islands which I wouldn't change for the world. The school that my boys go to is great.
I don't have any regrets about coming here but looking forward to going home.
Nikki
Feb 1st 2009, 1:38 pm
#13
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Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Blighty - but still mad!
Posts: 476
Re: Big and bold
I agree completely - I really am growing very tired of this 'oh well, at least you tried' scenario we get (and that's at best, more often than not people look complete agape that we would want to return to the UK - but WHY!!!!!!) so when they are making me feel like we have failed in some way, I often wonder - did WE fail, or did Australia fail us?
I'm not saying it's not nice enough here (although Satan himself would not want to visit Adelaide THIS week ) But why does it have to be me with the problem? There are plenty of things (and people ) in Aus that I will miss - that's a given. But on the whole, I much prefer living in the UK. Why on earth should I apologise for that or be made to feel like some kind of dufus for feeling that way? Personally I don't feel like we are failing in any way, but are brave enough to stand up for ourselves and say 'ya' know what? - It ain't all that!'
So that's what we're doing, and d'ya' know what? - It ain't all that!
I'm not saying it's not nice enough here (although Satan himself would not want to visit Adelaide THIS week
) But why does it have to be me with the problem? There are plenty of things (and people ) in Aus that I will miss - that's a given. But on the whole, I much prefer living in the UK. Why on earth should I apologise for that or be made to feel like some kind of dufus for feeling that way? Personally I don't feel like we are failing in any way, but are brave enough to stand up for ourselves and say 'ya' know what? - It ain't all that!'So that's what we're doing, and d'ya' know what? - It ain't all that!
Feb 1st 2009, 7:06 pm
#14
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Location: Back in the UK after 12 years in Australia
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Re: Big and bold
Nope I don't know any Australians that would want to live in Mackay, it doesn't have a good reputation as being a good place to live.
Yes there is access to the Whitsundays and some nice national parks within a few hours drive but the town itself does not have a great deal going for it.
But I don't want to threadjack this into a Mackay bash, sorry.
Yes there is access to the Whitsundays and some nice national parks within a few hours drive but the town itself does not have a great deal going for it.
But I don't want to threadjack this into a Mackay bash, sorry.
Feb 1st 2009, 10:31 pm
#15
Richard & Nikki
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Mackay
Posts: 264
Re: Big and bold
Islander girl, I wouldn't turn it into that. Yes Mackay is not a built up town and compared with where we lived in the UK it is a bit behind the times but it is growing and improving. When I read other posts about why people are moving they are the same as mine. And living in Mackay doesn't really have alot to do with it. I'm leaving because of the day to day living that I find hard. We could try a different state but I know Australia is not a country that I want to live in. We gave it a go and it is just not for us. I don't see it as a failure but an adventure that we have fulfilled. 