Leslie

True that but not more sunshine than Argentina.

Englishmum

Just a quick thought....

I've never been to Arizona, but I was told that there are ski resorts there. I have no idea how they compare with other ski resorts such as Killington and Stowe in VT, or the numerous ski resorts clustered around Lake Tahoe, CA etc. but are there decent ski resorts in AZ?

I'll hazard a guess that the climate may suit better, plus of course there is a sizeable Spanish speaking population there (and yes, I know that 'nits' is legally in the USA!)

Sally Redux

Farting through silk, I love that.

Englishtart

Gotta luv that way with words she has!

DDL

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.
- Eckhart Tolle



I can't add any advice, but hope that you and your husband can have a meaningful and productive to .

Best wishes.

Nits22

oooooooooooooooooooo thank you all for such great replies =D you made me laugh out loud!!! (which is always welcomed!)

As far as moving, I don't think we'll be doing that any time soon. We both have decent paying jobs (we are very fortunate to have jobs) and he's going back to school and I'm planning to. The thought of paying out-of-state for school makes me shiver. So, for now, I guess I'll just go and buy one of those special lamps that are supposed to help depressed people

We did have a talk. He said everything is perfect expect that there is so much drama in our marriage! (still not sure what to think of this). By drama, he means that sometimes I just burst into tears and get very upset. Which is very true. But I also think it is a bit unfair to blame me for it.

I am actually being much much better about it than last year. But I tried to explain to him that all those pillars that make me be happy (i e: my family, my friends... the job that I had back in Arg, which I really really enjoy...) are not here. So, basically, this last year and a half Ive had to re-learn how to "be happy", if that makes sense. He understands what I'm saying, but he didn't deny that my attitude is taking a toll in our marriage. However, he reiterated that he loves me and he wants to be with me. And honestly, a little part of me just wants to tell him "GROW UP"... marriage can't be all bliss, and you are supposed to stick witht he person you love through the rough times, right?

Anyway, I don't want to make it sound like he's an ass, because he definetly isn't. But he ain't perfect either

So, again, thank you all for your advice. I think we'll make it through this one, if only he's a little bit patient with me and doesn't stop loving me in the meantime.

cindyabs

Men are not so much on drama, unless they are in the acting profession, . Tears sometimes scare them and helpless is not a feeling they like AT ALL.

Growing up is a process both of you will experience, maybe not at the same time, or in the same way, but it happens. The idea is to grow like a tree with branches intertwined.

As long as he loves you, you are good to go, but NEVER, NEVER take it for granted.

Sally Redux

Or on BE.

cindyabs

well and there's that too,

Nits22

hahahaha, Im latin, the men I am used to are very into drama! Not my american hubby, though

Husband has been really affectionate and nice since the talk this afternoon I think things are looking up

Englishtart

Sounds like you are doing the right thing, by opening up communications. If you can both accept that you are not perfect and you will both 'fall down' occasionally, then you are half way there, you just have to be prepared to pick each other up and be supportive. It's not easy and playing the blame game doesn't help either of you.

You obviously love each other, but sometimes that just isn't enough. As Cindy says, you need to grow together and take one day at a time, don't expect him to understand what is going on in your head/heart just because he is your other half, sometimes men like to just ignore emotional upset because they don't know how to deal with it, keep talking and listening to each other, it's the only way to really know how each is feeling.

Good luck sweety, I don't think he is 'blaming' you as such, I think he is just trying to let you know that he isn't unhappy, but knows you are, he is more likely just frustrated and doesn't see any way he can help you with your missing people/things, he just wants you to accept your new life with him and be happy with what you both have here and now. Maybe you need to reassure him that you are, but that it's natural for you to miss those things at times and you just need him to understand that.

Gingerert

Aw Gawd, I know EXACTLY what you're going through!

In the last few years my life has changed so much. I've gone from being a fairly well-paid office lackey, to a copyeditor who stays at home in her pyjamas most days, looking after a one-year-old. I live in a foreign country, drive on the other side of the road (had a dream about that last night - caused a crash! ), have a weird 'accent', don't see my family at all, and can't find a decent nightclub in this town for love nor money.

And having PPD didn't help either...

OH and I are now using couples' therapy to work through our problems. His life hasn't changed one iota, other than having a wife and son, whereas mine is so, so different that occassionally I wake up confused as to where, and who, I am.

Maybe talking to a professional would help you too.

Sally Redux

Does it work?

Gingerert

I attend by myself every other week, and then he comes along once a month. I think it's starting to work, yes, because I get to air my grievances to an impartial party, and then we can discuss them in a *mature* manner during the joint sessions.

Our marriage was never in trouble, we just wanted to boot it back on to the right track.

meauxna

There's always someone worse off than you, Nits.. you think an American husband is stoic.. try a British one!
You can remind yours, as I do mine, that the drama and passion is what they fell for in the first place!