Been back to the UK since mid August
 

OK i've succumbed to a few people saying I should post this incase it helps someone else, god only knows I don't want anyone else going through the nightmare we've had, but I will say from the start our circumstances won't be the same as everyones and our decision won't be right for everyone else.

Here goes, I warn you it'll be LONGGGGG.......................

Hubby saw a job somewhere back autumn 2005 for a job in Melbourne Australia put in an enquiry, it turned out interviews were actually being held 6 miles down the road from us, my husband went and was pretty much offered a position on the spot!
Before agreeing they suggested we go out and have a look at the company and area etc and see if it's what we wanted, if so they would sponsor us with a visa, we flew out Feb (I think it was) 2006, leaving the kids including my 6 month old baby :( with family in the UK. We went for 2 weeks, the first week was fantastic, saw banks etc the 2nd week and was shocked at the whole rigmoral you have to jump through to BUY a house/ land etc. I didn't want to do too much touristy stuff without the kids, so found the last few days there quite hard.
Upon returning although there was ALOT I liked about Melbourne I just wasn't sure if it was for me, i've never lived more than 10 miles away from where I grew up my whole life, I had what I thought were good friends, I worrie about family some of whom had been through personal hardships and didn't have many other people around so how would that impact on them ???? I didn't worry so much about needing others I worried about not being there for someone we cared about.
During my period of indecsision hubby stalled the company by discussing the visa class by saying he wanted a permanent visa offer not a temporary one, arguments were a plenty during that time as suffered with PND too.
I gave in eventually I didn't want to be the one to spoil the chance of what was obiously my husbands dream, and it wasn't like I really hated it out there, there was quite a few things I liked so I agreed and then began the long visa application process, the company had hired an agent - which was a massive headache for us, as the communication wasn't great and they didn't always get things right.
OMG those forms, I could only complete it in stages, and hubby had to do alot of it, getting his qualifications recognised etc was just a complete nightmare but worked out in the end. The medicals were a nightmare too, there was only one surgery in the area that officially did the medicals for visa's, the medicals themselves weren't too bad (other than they completely missed a heart condition which must have been at least present at the time), but the medical practice asked us how we wanted the documents sent off to DIMIA (?) we said by courier so that we could track it...
They sent it by normal post :blink::huh:
I did think that 10GBP was quite cheap to send it all the way to Oz by courier but as we'd made it clear what we wanted them to do didn't question it.
We were getting grief from the company and the agent etc as the company suddenly wanted my husband out there quite quickly.
We had to get the copies that the medical practice took and post them courier which we arranged in the end for about 50GBP, a few weeks later we were given the thumbs up, passports were sent down to Australia House ? in London and our permanent visa was issued (not quite the golden looking ticket we expected it to be but hey ho).
We started emailing the company - but weren't getting much back from them....
what on earth ???
It turns out the company the week was inolved in a meeting whereby the decision was made to sell off the site where my husband was supposed to be going to work !!!!!The whole company was being bought out by a bigger print company apparently and they'd decided to axe that site and move staff and everything else out, but now they had no vacancies for my husband.
Hubby called our contact over there and the conversation ended badly and we thought thats it, the impression we always got was that the visa was tied to the company.
November 2007 hubby was quite down thinking thats it the dream is over...
he hated his job here it'd meant he didn't get much time with our older children who were then acting up because of it. So he applied to another company with a better shift pattern, I took on a different job which paid better and I was offered hours I could accept or decline.
Then I saw an EXPO down in London for jobs in Oz, I told hubby to go have a look and see if there were any other jobs, don't get me wrong I still wasn't overly keen but I felt that I would be letting him, the kids and possibly msyelf down if I couldn't in a few years say hey I did everything I could to help you find something in Oz so we could try the dream out?
Hubby went to this EXPO which was packed out, he had a time slot and went round various stands was given various information, then he went to a stand for I think it was DIMIA ? who he spoke to about the visa we had put in our passports.... they looked and told him there were NO restrictions on the visa, we could still use it, it didn't tie us to the company in Melbourne at all, perhaps an oversight in their case.
Hubby came back home after a whole day in London like an ecstatic child, he had given his details to a few companies at the EXPO and weeks later we heard back from 2 or 3 at about the same time out of the blue...... one was a company in Sydney, who would want him out there very quickly, within a month to be exact. It occured at a time i'd just resigned from a job I took on in December 2007, I thought maybe it's fate, we were taken out by various friends for goodbye meals and had bbq's here and most family wanted to have meals with us and say goodbye as we knew we just wouldn't see some of them again.
End of May all the furniture was packed up and shipped out and thats when it hit me watching the container being driven away, I felt a huge rush of panic and oh SH*T what have I done is it the right thing???
June 2nd we left the UK arriving in Sydney on the 3rd, we had made arrangements to spend about 3 - 4 weeks up north in the hills at a self catering cottage attached to the owners own home which also runs bed and breakfast.
We were all tired, quite fraught after a 22+ hour journey with our 3yr old, the older two were good, our eldest was violently sick on the second leg of the journey though (he'd been sitting next to a man who'd been taken ill so I assumed thats where DS1 had got it from), all in all we were just relieved when we arrived!
The next day I didn't feel too good but had slept well and just put it down to jetlag, however as the days rolled on while we were dashing about looking at rentals and cars etc, I wasn't feeling any better, I was actually feeling much worse. I assumed i'd got DS1's bug that he'd recovered from although I wasn't sick I just thought a virus combined with jetlag was probably making it all drag out.
2 weeks after and a couple of vommitting episodes after tv dinners and a week of me struggling to stay awake for even half the day hubby suggested I took a pregnancy test, which to my horror came back positive !!!! I thought wonderful last thing I need, I knew immediately that the build up of stress which had made me ill before leaving my job was to blame but all the rush of everything at the time and following that juncture meant I didn't really have to time to think at that moment. Hubby was ecstatic - of course he isn't the one who felt very ill.
I then started bleeding... saw a local drs was refered to radiology, had to take the kid with me cause hubby was working, wasn't treated very well there and they obviously weren't too keen on brits from what was said, all was ok but I was told to rest. Saw the drs again as I constantly felt drugged and can't quite describe to you how hard it was for me to stay awake, looking after the kids was a nightmare, luckily I could lock the bedrooms and side door and so I often slept on the sofa in the lounge with my 10, 8 and 3 yr old fighting, playing etc round me.
My 10 year old was promoted and HAD to do lunches for us all most days when my hubby was working. If we went out anywhere I would often sleep in the car there and back. I felt miserable, when I did chat to family and friends on Skpe it brought me to tears, the kids were bored I was useless and I missed everyone so much I thought maybe I just need my family or my friends and then i'd have rested enough to get past this exhaustion I was suffering from.
We eventually found and had our application accepted for a rental which was over an hours drive away - south of Sydney, the house was gorgeous with stained glass windows in places of the owners obviously favourite bird the Rozella, there was a pool for the kids and a small garden and hubby loved it took it seemed perfect.
However just prior to moving i'd had some more bleeding, the day we moved (beginning of July) I struggled to drive the hour and half to the rental, but it wasn't over there, we had to go pick up a fridge freezer, and other bits and pieces as our furniture still hadn't arrived and we knew no one in the area to ask for help.
During that venture I came close to having 3 accidents and was in tears by the time we went to another radiology for another scan to check baby was ok.
All was fine but was suggested I went to see the local drs, luckily there was one within a minutes drive from our rental.
The day we moved in hubby was in pieces, it was hard for him, he was tired too, was having to do nearly everything with the kids, he could see I was ill, I couldn't walk far and when I did walk I was just an uncoordinated mess staggering round as I felt so weak even though I was eating well. We were trying to get the blow up beds ready and eat and put the kids to bed etc all in a short space of time and for the first time he said he wanted to go home :( that upset me and I managed to pull myself together enough to help him sort the place so it was reasonable. THe next day he had to go to work !
We had no tv not really any furniture - we were using bean bags that we'd bought the day before to sit on or in my case sleep on downstairs while I tried to stay awake and keep an eye on the kids. They amused themselves by chasing round on the polished floor throuh the big lounge, down the stairs to the dining area through the kitchen into the second lounge and round into the big lounge again. The days were long with hubby working 12 hour shifts.
By this point my dad had arranged to come out as he was really worried, i'd seen 3 medical practices already and all made me feel like some pregnant hypercondriac, I felt so unwell I didn't know where to put myself and it was affecting everyone.
Dad arrived and all was well for a few days.... and then it got worse, he clashed alot with out 2 yr old (as he was at the time) he just couldn't understand that he was just 2yrs old and was bored to tears (since before birth he was always very active) my dad is disabled so couldn't drive the kids ot the nearest park which wasn't in walking distance, after 2 weeks my dad was sleeping probably as much if not more than me, he would snap at our 3yr old if he was making lots of noise playing when my dad was trying to sleep.
My dad would hover over him at meal times and that made it all worse so we then had a child with an eating problem !!!
Dad also started picking out EVERYTHING he didn't like over there, obsessively set in his ways we had problems with eveything with him, shopping was a nightmare, my husband would come back so stressed, dad was eating almost as much as the 5 of us on his own our food bill went woomph and we had to ask him to pay for his own food in the end, then there were complaints that he couldn't get the same as he could here.
He didn't once cook the evening meal not even when my husband had been on a 12 hour shift, he occasionally made the sandwiches at lunch time for everyone when my husband was working, but mostly either my eldest son had to or I did and if I was up to it or awake enough I was getting the evening meal ready to be cooked when hubby got home from work - which always clashed with DS3's bedtime.
My dad had booked me and the kids plane tickets home for when he returned mid August but had said he'd arranged that if we wanted to delay their use if I then got to a point where I felt better and could cope we could pay 50GBP per head to use them at a later date perhaps for a visit back to the UK?
After dad had been staying 2 weeks I felt even more miserable, every day particularly when hubby was working was desperately boring, listening to my dad get on at our 3yr old and the other two asking if they could go and play anywhere, me and my dad hardly spoke and there was huge amounts of tension. On the days hubby was home we would try to go out, I would sleep there and back and couldn't walk too far so we didnt see all of Taronga Zoo. we couldn't explore as much as we wanted to.
But I began to feel like I didn't know if I wanted to return to the UK yet, I voiced this with my dad and dad was insistant that I return when he did in contrast to the original plan !! I felt so confused I didn't know what to do but with all the problems we were still having with the drs over there I felt perhaps i'd be better looked after in the UK.
As my dad and youngest son didn't get on at all hubby ended up paying for a flight to the UK for when we were booked to come back and then he got a return flight to Sydney a few hours later, Qantas called twice to make sure he hadn't made a mistake - apparently they'd never had anyone do that before.
Hubby paid for me and my dad to fly down to Melbourne so we could stay with friends for my 30th birthday and he drove from Sydney to Melbourne with the 3 kids to meet us there.
Dad hardly spoke to me while we were there, only said Happy Birthday and spent the rest of the time chatting to our friends. I was very unwell that day and ended up seeing a dr my hubby had seen when we'd visited before - this dr diagnosed my heart problem, but because it was Saturday afternoon he couldn't get me in to see a consultant to have it confirmed, however he did end up sending us to the local hospital (an hour away) because he couldn't detect the babys heartbeat. So we went back had a brief bbq that our friends had put on, they luckily offered to watch the older two kids for us while we went to the hospital (we took our 3 yr old with us), spent about 4 hours there before finally being seen and given a thumbs up and all clear that baby was ok.
Hubby left early te next day to return to Sydney and our friends took us to the nearby shopping mall and then to the airport. Hubby got there to pick us up from the airport - poor man was so tired.
Soon enough it was time to fly back here, the flight was delayed and we were called to say it we could arrive at the airport 4 hours after we initially needed to be there, the journey was tough, my dad complained the whole way back about the service and that my older two when they fell asleep were leaning on him :blink: and he couldn't get comfortable.
We arrived at Singapore, and then we had another delay, all of a sudden it meant that hubby would miss his flight back to Sydney which was essential for him to make it to work on time !!!
I sat in tears realisign the only way he could get to work on time was if he took Qantas's offer of a flight back to Sydney from there.
It meant that I would have to manage with the kids in particular our very fractious 3yr old on my own as dad wasn't much help on the plane at all, I couldn't even lift him though :(
Hubby refused to leave me there, dad sat in silence and the kids were all in tears too, upset at the thought they might have only minutes left to say goodbye to their dad for what could be 4 months.
Anyway eventually we all got back on the plane - including hubby was very worried about what his work would say when he would have to call them from London to say he would be late for work and why.
We were told that a panel had come off one fo the engines and had to be repaired hence the long delay.
One of the air hostesses was brilliant and spoek to the captain and tried to arrange for my husband to get off the plane first as he might just make it to the other plane, as our arrival was timed with his flights departure and he only had hand luggage.
So hubby was whisked off as we neared London - leaving 3 tearful children and a sobbing me behind.
We landed I assumed he'd got on the other plane and was in the process of pleading to have help with all the bags and my 3yr old, then as we got off the plane there he was, they couldn't get him to the plane in time, that was hard as I the pain from saying goodbye once thinking we wouldn't see him for months, I knew we'd have to all do it again.
Eventually the guy turned up to pick us up and bring us home, and me and the kids and hubby were all bleary eyed from crying as I looked out the back window to watch him walk back into the airport and wait 7 hours to get on the next scheduled flight back to Sydney.

OK next post will be what about whats happened since i've been back...

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Ok so we got back home after being delayed by some batman fool for Father For Justice cause he was threating to hang off some overpass or something, just what you want after a fraught flight back and 2 delays already.
My inlaws were waiting for me, I can honestly say i've never been so pleased to see them, they'd told my husband they would help out and I thought perhaps all these years i'd misjudged them?
I'd ordered a Tesco delivery which had already been delivered and put away, they'd lent us some things, a friend had lent some things and managed to get us an old sofa to use.
I hadn't been home very long though when the inlaws and my friend left, I was fine until the kids all went to bed, and then I felt miserable I missed Mart, couldn't speak to him as he was on a plane back to Sydney, I was worrying how he would get on at work and if he'd be ok on another long journey.
Cried myself to sleep, woke in the morning feeling very claustrohphobic, our bedroom in Sydney was very roomy.
I'd been unable to toilet train our 2yr old in Sydney, and so no.1 priority and distraction for me was to start that, so out came the pants and pottys.
Sunny weather meant the kids could play outside here, not that they had much to play with, but they soon went out and met up with their old friends from school and that was the distraction they needed to help them while they missed they're dad.
My mum and step dad turned up to collect DS2 to stay with them for about 2 weeks so I didn't have to worry about the older two fighting or disappearing off together to play all the time, DS1 on his own is very helpful with DS3 and round the house, my inlaws came over 3 - 4 times in the first 2 weeks to take me to drs appointments etc but they never stayed for long, nor did they mention having DS3 for a while even thought they kept saying to him he could go round and stay soon, had to ring the council to let them know we were back, had to ring all the benfit numbers to let them know what was going on and so I could start getting CB and TC again, had problems with the tv, had problems with BT that went on for weeks. DS1 did stay with my in laws for a weekend (according to them so HE could have a break), it wasn't like he was cinderella though and half the time he was off playing round with his friends.
They stopped seeing us though when my hubby's brother became a dad 2 weeks into September (hubby's brother doesn't want to see us or the kids but it's been like that for years), they rang up about a week later to tell me about it and ask my advice on behalf of hubby's brother and gf. They never rang to speak to the kids, and we didn't see them again until boxing day !!!
I didn't feel at any point, oh thank god i'm back, and as the days and weeks went on, everyone knew I was back, all our families knew, all our friends knew, I only saw 2 friends (1 briefly came round) and some of our friends that had said oh we'll drop some meals round, or we'll help out with the kids etc, I still haven't heard from them, some of these friends live a 15 minute walk or less from my house !!!! Some of my family could have come down at the weekend and stayed but didn't, too busy partying or going out etc
Picked up a car a few days before the kids started back at school, the kids seemed happy initially when they first went back to school, but within a couple of weeks rumours round the village were that we were back and their daddy wasn't, they started getting grief at school because the kids didn't want to talk about daddy not being here.
My mum came to stay about the 3rd week I was back and saw how tired and stressed I was, they came with me to my 20 week scan and to my cardiology appointment, after one of those days where nothing was going right hubby rang to have my mum answer it pleading with him to come home as she could see I was really unwell, struggling with the kids, the housework, how I felt in myself, missing him and how the appointments had gone.
He then had to go in and explain to work that he needed to be released from his contract, they were really understanding and said they'd like him to go back when he could. He also needed to be released from our rental lease agreement, which was harder but in the end they re-advertised and found someone quickly and so agreed to let him off paying the remainder of the lease.
He'd already booked to return on the 24th December but now had to bring it forward to the end of October, there was no I was going to be allowed to fly back to Oz I was too unwell.
Being too unwell meant about as much back here as it did in Sydney though, I still had to do nearly everything with the kids, to make it worse because the kids were so upset i'd used some of my savings and booked them into doing loads of things to try and help distract them , but running them round to all these things was exhausting me even more, there were some days I couldn't drive cause I was too unwell, driving was a nightmare as I found it hard to focus just on driving and would often miss the turn I needed to take.
By the time half term came round my health was just a nightmare, day to day things were hard, I felt very alone most of the time, as in Oz I couldn't walk far, going to the shops which is only a 10 minute walk I couldn't manage I had to drive and then I couldn't be there long.
My dad had the older two over the last week of school before half term and half term itself until the day hubby came back.
I'd rented him a car to pick up from the airport - but felt absolutely gutted I couldn't pick him up myself, his parents said they didn't think they could fetch him and his friends were too busy but at least he got home, I've never been so pleased to see anyone in all my life.
The first 4 weeks he was back we had calls from some friends and more calls from his family but hubby is upset that I was practically left to get on with it all on my own before he came back so isn't hasn't made much effort to see anyone.
The 5th week he started a job close to where we live, it pays well, but the hours are a nightmare and hubby isn't really enjoying it.
3 weeks ago at my last cardiology appointment they wanted to keep me in until I give birth as apparently at rest my heart is beating as if i've done a 10 minute flat out run.
I have a fear of hospital stays though so we pursuaded them to allow me to stay home by hubby agreeing that he would get all our family and friends round to help.
Everyone knows the situation but everyone has their own problems or theyre too busy to help out, the only thing we've managed to do is make sure people can have the 3 kids for when I go into labour so that hubby can be with me, I have an obs appointment Friday and the midwife I saw 3 weeks ago seemed to think they may want to induce me as i'm in alot of pain with my SPD and sciatica - walking round the house is painful, I haven't been able to drive in 4 weeks now, and haven't been out of the house at all in the last 2, my breathing can be quite bad, I get out of breath really easily.

Looking back I was in a panic in Oz but I never sat back and gave myself a chance to look at everything that was going on I simply just panicked.
Being back in the UK I felt bitter and angry with all the family and friends that promised help that never materialised or only in tiny doses, my kids are upset as they feel like some of the family they grew up adoring don't care about them anymore and they have asked to go back to Australia cause the weather was much better and they could be out playing all year round, they don't like all this cold weather.
Now I don't feel much for these family and friends at all, i've heard that some friends are upset that i'm now not there for them (they know i'm very unwell right now) they can't understand why they don't hear from them and they're upset, my argument is they know what my number is and where I live if they want to talk to me it's a two way thing and so is expecting me to be there for them.
I've been told i'll need an operation to correct the defects in my heart, although at this stage the operation isn't urgent, hopefully it will be as long as 5 years time, but we will need to see what the next ECHO results show after i've had the baby and will try to find out what I need to do to have that operation in Australia.
We are now looking at trying to get back to Oz in the next 2 years, none of us want to spend the rest of our lives here, hubby initially said he couldn't go through all the upheaval again but is already so unhappy with his job (as I haven't seen him before) the last week he has been saying he's had enough here, family were upset they didn't see us much over xmas, but can't see why we're upset with them......

We felt devastated when we left thinking that we'd left behind some great friends and that maybe we'd not given some of our family enough credit, and now there is only a handful of people we'd miss and who we think would genuinely miss us if we went back but we are confident they would all visit and who knows we may even come back to visit them.

I can't quite put into words at the moment how I feel about being in the UK, for the msot part they aren't good feelings, I wish I wasn't here, i've been told I should start feeling at least somewhat better after i've had the baby though, and I look forward to that, i'd like to go back to Oz feeling like I can walk to the shops and able to take the kids to the park and not feel exhausted, when I know I can do that I really want to go back cause I think then we can truly have a life there.
To stay here it will always be about the friends we used to have, who we see around the village or city. The life we had here before we first moved to Oz.

I don't think coming back to the UK is always the right decision, when you leave the Uk to initially go out to Oz I think you have this rose coloured impressions sometimes of how wonderful your family and friends are here.

Life is what you make it where-ever you live, I couldn't make a life in Australia as I wasn't well enough to to at the time.
You're going to miss family, you're going to miss friends, you're going to miss the lifestyle you've always known in the UK when you first go to live abroad.
I know understand why people in Oz were insistant I give it more time... in my case more time wouldn't have worked but I think health being well I think time would have done wonders.

There will always be things wherever you live that you don't like and always think that will be better than somewhere else, its what you can make out of the things you like and don't like and how you can turn it into a positive for you're family no matter where you go and what you do I wish you all the best of luck in what is defiantely a very hard decision.

xxxxxxxxxx

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

I think first things first Jen, you have to have your baby, get strong - mentally and physically, get your heart sorted and only then, think about going back.

You have been to hell and back and I cant imagine how you are feeling but just take one day at a time and have faith in the doctors.

Did they say it should be better once baby is born?

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Crickey I feel tired just reading all that stuff and thought I had it hard since coming back to UK....

I hope all goes well for you and once the new baby comes then I would consider going back if you really want to...

I understand what you say about so called friends and family not bothering with you once back in UK I had found the same and some of these friends I have had for years....I think a lot of it is jealousy and they are sometimes a bit smug as you have come back to UK, even so dont let them get to you, hold your head high and I think and I bet a lot of other people on BE have thought you have done really well through all this!!

Good luck keep strong !!

Kath xx

PS We are deffo going back this year

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

OMG what a horrible journey you've had.
Please don't make any decisions about moving until you are well and healthy and settled. When we are sick and upset we tend to make rash decisions that may be regretted later.
Maybe your Dh can spend some time looking for a more suitable job as you heal. I would want my surgery and recovery done before moving and stressing out all over again.
So did you say you had the baby? will your heart improve now he/she is born? Or is surgery still in the future?
(((Hugs))) to you and yours.

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

What everyone said about not making any firm decisions yet, JenJen. You said you had post natal depression when you were going to OZ. I wonder if you ever got over it. You sound very depressed now-- in the medical sense. Once the baby's born, try some anti-depressants. Depression isn't a weakness, it is a medical condition, like thyroid disease and diabetes. You could need the chemicals the same way some people need thyroid to live a normal life.

Sadly, if we're depressed, we're hard to be around, which might be why your friends and family aren't there as you'd like them to be.

Going back to Australia might be the right thing to do, but I wonder why you think that. You don't seem to have any good memories.

So please take your time, pamper yourself as much as you can, and ask about anti-depressants. Then make decisions.

Bev

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

JenJen,

I do symathise with you. At the one time you really need your family and friends - they are not there for you. Sadly it's true that in a lot of cases when an expat returns to the UK we are dissapointed by the lack of help/interest from family and friends we were once close to.

I returned from the US 4 years ago following my divorce and as a single parent. I had no furniture and was living only 1 - 11/2 hours drive from everyone I knew yet I was always the one expected to drive to London to see family and friends. My parents have watched my children on only a very few occasions when I have had to ask them to do so and have never offered to have them for a weekend to give me a break. I work full-time and struggle with childcare as after school clubs and before school clubs are pratically non-exsistent where I am. I know I was actually much better off in the US and plan to relocate back this year.

I'm sure you already know this but so many people move back because of family and friends I know in part I did but what we forget is that bottom line we have to make decisions only for the good of ourselves and that of our own children.

I think you are doing the right thing distancing yourself from people who have not bothered with you. It's all about give and take and if they are not prepared to rally around you in your time of need and to realise that it's not all about them.

Please take care and focus on you and your kids. :)

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Jen, my heart goes out to you, you've been through so many things in such a short time. Emigrating is so stressful by itself without having to deal with pregnancy and life threatening illness. Then having to deal with returning on your own with the children.

PP is right, you need to get strong.

Good for you for having the courage to post your story hoping it will help others. *hugs*

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

What an honest post, thank you for posting.

You have through the mill haven't you? Take time out for yourself and your family now, it's what's important.

I hope that the future is brighter and with a new little one on the way it will certainly be full of surprises.

Let us know how it turns out eh?

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Hi jen

wondered what happened to you:)

I think you have to forget Australia,forget UK. Cause at your stage of life, ( loads of young kids/health problems ) it does not matter where you live, most of every day will simply be the crazy hassle that is day to day life with all that going on, you could be on the moon and life would be just the same.

And dont be kidding yourself about aus, your kids wouldnt be outside right now here either, its mid 7 weeks school hols:eek: sydney suburbs were up to 42C yesterday :eek:, was down there last week, targonga zoo was so packed you couldnt move, bloody horrible actually.

Righty ho woman, chin up, look after yourself and the kids forget moving round the planet, you simply dont need the stress.

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Hi Jen,

I don't often reply to posts as I don't want to give out the wrong advise but felt I needed to reply as you have been through so much.

My heart goes out to you. What a dreadful time you have had. It must have been hard on your Husband aswell being so far away from you knowing how much you needed him. Your so called friends are obviously to wrapped up in themselves to see how much you were struggling. Family can be just as bad. I know this from my own experience. Now you are all back together concentrate on your kids and husband. Yor husband could always change his job. You need get your health back on track and then hopefully everything else will fall into place. Maybe you will make new friends through having your new baby. Speak to your midwife/doctor about how you are feeling. Maybe the doctor can give you the number of a support group. You have had so much to cope with over the past few months. I really wish you the best of luck. Don't make any decisions about returning to OZ until your health is better. :unsure: Let us know how you get on and let us know when the baby is born.

We moved to Oz 3 months ago and already planning our escape. We hope to return to the UK in October. We know the UK isn't perfect but I feel my children had a better quality of life in the UK. They spend more days inside now playing on PS2 as it is too hot to go out. Even when it was cold in the UK they used to go out on their bikes and play out with their friends. Obviously we go out for days but we did that in the UK anyway. We were much healthier in the UK as we used to walk to school, walk to the shops, go for walks etc, can't do that here everything is driving distance. Australia is not for us. Will return for holidays but as for living here, No. Once we return to the UK I can't see us ever moving back. The children need stability. We feel bad enough that we took them away from their friends, I couldn't do it a 2nd time. It's the UK for good for us. :)

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Oh Jen, I can remember when you were so very depressed at being in Australia and I am so sorry to hear that it has all gone pear shaped since you got back. I think jad n rich have hit the nail on the head. You really need to get yourself better first, Australia isnt going to be the panacea you seek either - the sunshine and heat definitely isnt all it is cracked up to be. Knowing that your DH didnt want to leave Aus in the first place I would think he would probably be disliking any job he found in UK.

All the best with the new bub and good luck for the follow up with your own health problems.

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Hi all

Sorry had major computer issues or i'd have popped back on sooner.

No baby hasn't made an appearance yet, although we might find out tomorrow if i'm to be induced, I certainly haven't been well the last few weeks and it's not getting better, so will keep my fingers crossed as will my husband.

I guess my two posts do sound like I could be suffering from depression and while I have to admit with everything that happened personally I wouldn't be surprised if I was considering I struggle to walk far and not having felt well most of last year, despite all the pain and discomfort even my husband would confirm that i'm not depressed at this time.
I think whenever we have discussed issues with family and friends, my health and the whole chaos of last year we sound depressed but I think it's more bitterness and anger than depression, which lets face it isn't nice and we feel we're moving forward although it's hard sometimes when often bumping into a lot of the people that have caused us to feel this way, we focus on our children, each other and the other people who are important to us, often have the front curtains shut anyway as people are so bloody nosey round here and i've even noticed people stopping to stand and watch my tv !!! But we just keep ourselves to ourselves even more so than we did before and I think distancing ourselves from those that have proved untrustworthy for whatever reason have helped us.

We haven't made any steadfast plans to return to Australia yet, it is a hope at the moment that we will return towards the end of 2010, we do now keep an open mind to moving though but everyone has hopes for the future don't they and our current hope is that we will return to Australia.

After hubby got accepted for that original job back in 2005 we felt we couldn't plan anything like holidays or doing anything here because of it,
yesterday I put a deposit down for us to go and spend two weeks in a holiday cottage right next door to one of my best friends in Northumberland, we're planning on acquiring another trampoline and possibly climbing frame for the kids in the summer collectively with their birthday money.
So rest assured we haven't said thats it regardless we're moving back to Oz.

I have said to hubby that I don't want to live in this village for the rest of my life, long before Oz even came up I haven't been particularly happy here, but we have decided to see how things are with our family (kids), my health and how we feel about being here, Australia and everything else.

Some of the problems I am having with my heart at the moment should greatly improve once baby is born - so if you could all send get out vibes to baby i'd be very grateful LOL
I think it was suggested that I have 6 monthly visits with my cardiologist after baby is born to monitor my condition, obviously if things deteriorate the operation might be brought forward.
But apparently it's considered I should have a much better quality of life once bubs is here which is fantastic news - I can't tell you how much i'm looking forward to walkging just down to the shops !!! (how sad am I)

I also have a tendency to panic about things as some of you will remember how dramatically panicked I was months ago.
Last year has changed me I think for the better, heavens have I enjoyed being ill NO not all all but little things that would have bothered me before all the events of last year now don't seem as big a deal.
For example - my weight (goodness used ot be such a big issue for me pregnant or not) due to me not being able to excercise I have put on nearly 3 stone, i'm at the heaviest i've ever been in my life, weighed myself the other day and I weigh 12stone, before all the events of last year I honestly would have sat and spent most days in tears, shoeved myself on a dramatic diet or refused to eat.
Does it bother me I weigh 12 stone - yep still bothers me but it's not stopping me reaching for the aero choccy mousse's or eating like it could be my last meal.
Once baby is born and i'm given the all clear and feel up to excercise again i'll get a treadmill and limit the chocolate and I plan on getting back down to 9stone come hell or high water.
I don't sit and cry about being in pain all the time, nor do I sit and cry about staring at the same 4 walls everyday, burnt my thumb earlier, being a careless pregnant flippin idiot, the pain brought tears to my eyes but no point in crying about that either, whats the point I can't do anything about it right now and need to conserve my energy cause heavens with 4 kids by god i'll need it. I think last year has made me stronger as a person.

My husband said he was devastated without us, he felt upset when he was out and about and would see dads with their kids and other halves, mind you he softened the blow of distress by going abseiling and jumping out of an aeroplane !!!! and going to the blue mountains with friends he'd made at work.

Last year has made us a stronger family all round and hass made us all even the kids stronger people with a different outlook on life. No experience is ever a waste good or bad it's what we learn and take from that experience.

Having said that i'd like to thank everyone for their support and wish everyone happiness in whatever they do :thumbsup:

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Hi

Sorry to hear of your situation - some situations are here to 'try us all' and I hope once the baby is here and your physical health improves you will feel stronger and more able to make a decision about what your future holds either in the UK or Australia. Have you thought about having some counselling? I was offered this many years ago when I faced a difficult situation like you are having, and turned it down - I regret this now. The only reason why I say this is it will help you see things from a different perspective instead of dwelling or ruminating on our own thoughts - which often dont help. The thing is, when things are all going bad, it seems an easier option to run away, and it seems you are pinning all your hopes on going back to Australia with the hope it will help sort all your problems out. What happens when you get back and you still have unsolved problems? One thing I have learnt is that you take your problems with you were ever you are in the world, so its best to take responsibility for them and sort them out yourself. I have since then had counselling and its helped me very much. I am now back in the UK and have no intention of returning to Australia. Most of the friends I had when I returned had moved on, and the only family member I have is my mother who lives in Tenereife. I dont have any help with child care, never had, but I would rather be living here in the UK than Aus. Each to their own, I know, but good luck to you what ever you decide to do and I wish you all the very best.

Re: Been back to the UK since mid August
 

Funny I felt like that. Mind you I also found I was hiding, pretending I wasnt back.