cdandi

I've been back in Oz for a year (was here for 19 years and left to live in NY for 7years).

I have not found the transition easy!! My biggest issue is regarding Australian attitudes. I am continually asked if I am pleased to be back in Oz. When I truthfully answer "yes" and "no" I find that Aussies want to hear my reasons for saying "yes" but act as if I'm making a personal attack on them if I make the slightest comment that can be construed as being critical of Australia.

I find that generally speaking, my Australian girlfriends are good friends on the surface but our relationships are very superficial compared to friends that I have made in the US. They are happy to discuss recipes and gardening tips but their real feelings and relationships are taboo. Furthermore, they are very competitive financially and are always comparing what they have with everyone else in terms of what house they live in and what car they drive. This leads to a great deal of jealousy and backstabbing.

While I have no intentions of moving away from Australia at this time in my life I can certainly understand why English women in particular have difficulty fitting in here.

Vim Fuego

What has this hopeless generalisaion this got to do with moving back to the UK?

kez81

I know what your saying, although ive met quite a few nice aussie's there aussie is best attitude bugs me!! Ive been told that this is the best place to bring kids up by aussies before, how the hell would they know the ones ive spoken too have never been out australia!!!

KEZX

cdandi

Because it demonstrates another reason why many people fail to settle into Australia. It is a very different culture and the attitudes of te people very different.

Why the attack?

kez81

That's what i thought

Vim Fuego

In my experience it isn't a very different culture (to the UK) and the attitudes aren't significantly different.

I'm not saying this just to be difficult, it is MY perception.

There is a subtle difference between an attack and posing a contrary point of view in the face of an opinion that has hopelessly generallised a large number of people.

cdandi

a I disagree with your perception but accept that you have a different opinion.

Your comment sounded like an attack to me ....maybe it was the way you worded it "hopeless" generalization.

Vim Fuego

It just bugs me that some people will sweep the brush across everyone in any given group (Australians, women, christians ... whatever) when they have very limited actual experience.

To take your points in isolation:

Yup, to a certain degree Australians tend to be over-sensitive about the attitudes of visitors. I'd imagine it's mostly a combination of insecurity ('young' country (from a white perspective) and all that) and being bombarded by people coming here voluntarily and then whinging ... I can totally see why the stock response "Well go home then" is so popular.

I think you mix with the wrong people, basically. And for all I know they think the same about you.

They seem pretty fundamental reasons, why stay where you aren't comfortable? Is the UK an option, is this why you posted here?

birdynumnum

Hi there
Where r u? Sounds like you havent met the right people for you. Classes??
I found I just chose who I hung about with very carefully (not saying you havent).
I have met brill women this time round on the whole and made some lovely friends who I'll miss lots... they do discuss their feelings etc. (When in Sydney I didnt really like minds)
A very big thing for me is the men - that is a very big reason why I reckon English women (especially single) may not stay here. I feel like I'm almost living with half the species whilst the majority of the other half are on a different planet to me completely.
And yes that is a generalisation but one made after years of living here.

cdandi

It just bugs me that some people are not allowed to have an opinion if it is different to theirs! This is my experience and my opinion and I would guess that there are a lot of people who would agree with me. Because it is not your experience or your opinion does not mean that I am not entitled to express what I feel.

Are you incinuating that I am one of those people "who come here voluntarily and then whinge". I disagree. I am not whinging about Australia just saying that it is a very different culture and the way that Australian's see the world may be very different from the way new migrants see it and that is why some new migrants have difficulty settling in. (Or Australians accepting them).

I might add that I have a number of passports and I have the option of living in a number of countries (including England). I choose to live in Australia.

thomas and sarahjayne

This is just my thought, and its a complete impartial one and i do not wish to offend anyone, so dont take it wrongly.
I have aussie relies here and growing up we always seemed to get on great and used to share stories etc about uk and aus, even coming over on holiday 3 times, i noticed a difference in behaviour and personality but thought it was all part of the cultural experience and liked it. However since living here and spending alot of time in their company i have noticed that we have nothing at all in common, and have had completley different upbringings. I had old fashioned parents who brought us up to be considerate, and put others before ourselves and be sharing, caring etc, but i have noticed that our aussie links are more assertive, controlling, pushy and its all about them. I do love them dearly but have noticed that through everyone we have met seem to be that way, that they look out for themselves, very money obsessed and quite greedy and there way or no way. I know you can experience this anywhere in the world and many people might know people like that. But they are open about it and say if we want to get by here we need to start acting more like them and think like them, be quite direct, and s and use to your advantage etc etc etc. We are what we are and i dont have it in me to mimic their traits, although i am slightly jealous as wish i could be more assertive and worry free. This all adds to our homesickness as we miss reliablility, and trust and decorum. Not to mention sense of humour. Its part of a learning curve as we have found out alot about ourselves and even toughened up a little which is great. I do look back and realise i miss the genuinity of the british family and sincerity as they do have our best wishes at heart. I have found it hard trying to gel, and other than that have met some lovely great friends al well so not all bad.

sj

Vim Fuego

You have your opinion, it's sitting there, I'm not preventing you from holding it or trying to change it.

I am, however, pointing out that maybe your experience isn't as all-encompassing as you think it is.

socialgal

My experience is "my" experience and obviously very different from yours. Also the way I deal with that experience depends on many of my other life experiences. My experience in Australia and other places has shaped my opinion. This is "one" aspect of my Australian life that I am critical about. I choose to live here in Australia for many positive reasons. Migration is a complex subject and different for each of us.

Vim Fuego

Thank you for that lesson in Stating The Bleeding Obvious, I knew all that, what's your point?

socialgal

I agree, it is a very different culture here. I have had more difficulty settling in here than anywhere else that I have lived. I expected my 7 years in the US to be a real culture shock compared to Oz, however, I found it much easier to fit in over there than here and I got on well with most of the American's that I met. (That may say alot about me though).: