Pants

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in
Dublin.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she
pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here
will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at
the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the
counter and bellowed "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She
turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them,
revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a
lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar
and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said "Tell me, Paddy,
it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you
keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got
to be a ballerina


Now for another one...!!

Jet fuel drinking...


Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aeroplane
mechanics in Sydney.

One day the airport was fogged in and they had nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?"

So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane hooch and got
completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In
fact he feels great, no hangover, no bad side effects. Nothing at all.

Then the phone rings...its Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing.
We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?"

"No....."

"Well, dont, 'cause I'm in Adelaide."


Hope that brought a smile to a few faces......

SCOTTISH MARK 2

Brilliant