confusedenglishrose

I have been viewing for quite a while and read many different posts. Here is my situation. Having moved from England over 15 years ago (mid 40's now)at a time when I made a decision to leave a very promising professional legal career. I arrived in the USA fresh in love (reason for the move) I have spent the last 15 years moving throughout the USA living in many different states and regions following my spouse’s very successful career. I was never able to follow my own chosen career path in the US because of rules, regulations and constant moves. I have worked on and off but work has been different types of jobs, the last real law based job over 9 years ago.

The last year has been surreal. I am still in the middle of a very acrimonious divorce that makes Michael Douglas’s film ‘War of Roses’ look like a peaceful romantic c comedy, and I am not joking some of the antics and stunts pulled would make anyone doubt their sanity and why I would even be considering staying in the USA. Having spent my entire time here periodically second guessing my decision to come to the USA in the first place I now find myself in a real quandary/pickle

On the one hand I really want to pick up the career I originally left but I am not immune to the difficulties that entails and constantly struggle with the realities of its success, issues such as: age, being considered ‘stale’ my opportunity has past, the current UK job situation, no contacts in the UK etc are very real to me. Yet still the idealistic and infectious positivism I have picked up in the USA makes me want to try?

On the other hand I have a steady but very mellow job here, not high paying, in a nice part of the USA where most people would probably give their right arm to live, and would look at me like I am crazy when I say I want to move back to the UK to start again. This job also has the potential for advancement over time but that will involve some retraining = more degrees.

But there lies the issue. I really do not know whether I want to stay here in sunny USA. Whether it is fear of returning starting all over again etc. .. I do not know? Some days I feel like leaving and tackling the issue, taking a chance. Then other days I think why bother you have what many people would consider a nice life here in the USA. Certainly not lonely or lacking in things to do where I am. I live where I can hike, sail, ski most of the year.
I do like many people have some family left in the UK and they would be the obvious reason for moving back, not to live with them but to be able to spend more time with them without being beholden to the $1000 + return airfares most of the year.

But I do have children here in the USA?

I know many of the ‘old chestnut’ set pieces of advice I have spent quite some time reading through similar issues. I really think my big want is to return and try to make it in the profession (legal) I left at such an early stage. But the fear which was never present before creates uncertainty.
Rereading my own post I realize that maybe my issues and questions follow a very common theme. Still at this point any advice would be appreciated.
I’m not looking to be pushed, magic wand waving. I am quite capable of doing the ‘jumping’ myself. That’s how I got here in the first place.

brissybee

Poor you... this is a hard one. You must have really loved him! Have you discussed your feelings with your children? Maybe they can add some insight to your predicament. Maybe you can line up an income paying job in the UK (try to get some leave without pay from the US job?) and go back to the UK for a set period and see how it goes.

BristolUK

It seems there's more to keep you in the USA but one factor (career) in the UK could outweigh all that.

Maybe the key is to find out if you could pick it all up again.Perhaps there's an appropriate on-line forum in the UK? Or could The Law Society advise?

Perhaps there are people in the same profession on other forums on BE, maybe they've recently left the UK to go wherever they are and can offer an opinion?

Get a yes/no on the feasibility of that aspect and the decision is probably made for you.

LisaP

Does that mean you DO have children in the USA, or you are CONSIDERING HAVING children in the USA?

sallysimmons

It's not surprising that you're frightened. First of all, such a move is always scary and second, you're going through one of the most stressful things anyone can ever go through - a divorce.

Since you're not terribly unhappy in the US, I wonder if you could give it a little more time before you decide? It's such a big decision to be making when you already have so much else on your plate.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best and I'm sorry to hear about all the stuff you're going through.

confusedenglishrose

Thanks for the replies. Just to clarify and I had to smile suppose it was the name I am male but hope the sentiments are the same, I do not want to deceive.

One chid yes.

Bristol - thanks I know it is feasible in terms of technical details it is that old dilemma is it practical - will I even be able to get a job with anyone etc....And I have not found any forums and unfortunately no contacts

Brissy - thats most likely where I am headed a long unpaid absence say 3 or 4 months.

geeandtee

I'd echo Sallysimmon's advice here. You're going through the Divorce from Hell and now wouldn't be the best time to be tackling another life changing decision.
I'm sorry you're having such a lousy time. If you can hang in there until the dust settles a bit, then you could think about returning to the UK.

Good luck!

Mummy in the foothills

Hve you joined Linkedin.com they are in UK too right? Here, http://uk.linkedin.com/

eurotramp

If you have such a hard time with your divorce, would your husband allow you to take the child outside the country?

Mummy in the foothills

He's a guy, but still maybe he can take the child back to UK if he's the primary parent and the ex wife is willing.

eurotramp

Sorry..missed that it is a guy.
If the divorce is that messy I have my doubts that the ex is willing.

confusedenglishrose

Yes no way that is happening with child. She even held out they could go then gave me passports with one month left on them this Summer - nice trick, wonderful on the kids who were looking forward to visiting grandparents etc...

Thanks for the tips and I dont know why I did not think of Linked In - good start thank you.

Mummy in the foothills

Hey if you get a great job in UK you'll have better vacation time there and will be able to fly over and do summer with the kids each year, surely she wouldn't begrudge the kids a couple of weeks with Dad at Disney right? Or something age appropriate if they aren't little.

Fish n Chips 56

These days I always try to think of possible regret down the road, I've been here 34 years and still want to return to what I consider a normal life, I have lots of regrets, life has taken some funny turns with deaths in the family, its been difficult.

I really cant comment about children as I have none.

You mention that others will think you are crazy giving all of this up, Don't worry about them, think about Number 1, Heck all Brit's think it would be easy living here, but few really know what its like, we speak the same language but values are very different.

If you want to pick up where you left off I doubt that will happen, things change in 15 years, but if you decide to return in 10 more years the chances of that will be much worse, so now is the time if you are going to do it, Time is such a weird thing, you just cant hold on to today, as time goes by some things get better some get worse.

Have you considered what it will be like living here forever, and what about when family members pass away in the UK, that can be the worst time of all.

Don't worry about what other people think, you have to live with yourself and your decisions, after my push for you to go back I really cant tell you want to do, but I can tell you to follow your gut feeling, do what ever it tells you to do.

I hope Ive helped in some way.
Good Luck to you.

MNandMN

My thoughts are if you don't know what to do then do nothing. You are going through a terrible time, can you not ride it out and then see what you feel like doing? At least you won't have burned your bridges and maybe then regret it when you are able to think more clearly and with less emotion - just my two cents.