Originally Posted by Ethelred_the_Unready (Post 10067426)

No, I am not trying to discourage. Of course places are different, but my point was that sometimes pressures of work, bills etc make anywhere you reside in feel like somewhere you want to leave. For example, I couldn't wait to move to Massachusetts, then I landed a shitty job (which I quit) and had to deal with 3-4 hours of commuting in total each day, which put a huge brown stain on beautiful New England.

The UK has problems too. I am guilty of looking at my homeland with rose-tinted specs and it's easy for me to continually bash the US. I am not in an unhappy place. Despite going through hell lately, I see with more clarity than I've seen in a long time. Do I like the US? I don't know. I don't like the mainstream culture here, but the same garbage culture exists in Britain, France, Australia and Canada too. The advancement of technology and social networking has made it much harder to socialize in the traditional sense. That would apply in either the US or the UK.

Please visit first, that's all I'm recommending. Listen to people on here who have lived in both countries for a length of time. We are not trying to put you off. The easy thing for us all would be to say that the UK is a fairytale land of castles and hamlets, while the US is a crime infested, cultureless ghetto, yet we know neither of those statements are true.

Originally Posted by Sally Redux (Post 10067439)

I don't even think it's about any intrinsic pros/cons of a country. We all know that feelings of cultural loss we didn't even know were there can kick in once we've left. It is extremely difficult to predict how you will feel, even if in your head you 'know' how it will be.

If Sile is not able to visit first, she should definitely be sure to have the financial back-up that you advised. If she never needs it, great.

Originally Posted by sile (Post 10067508)

Does everyone always go thru culture shock? Is it inevitable that I will feel out of place and disoriented? Is it possible that I would feel comfortable right ff the bat and stay that way? I have to say, when people mention culture shock it makes me feel like it's a given and will cause me such consternation as to want to turn and run back home immediately. You make it sound like I'll need therapy to adjust :) !

Originally Posted by Bob (Post 10067558)

Some people don't, till years later. Most do on the other hand, at least for some length of time.

It might only be a little, but it also hits some people quite hard.

I think it tends to be harder for those moving from one English country to another, especially one which they see on the tele/movies and think that they have an idea of what living there might be like. Certainly because you have built up expectations that you probably wouldn't have if you needed to learn the language at the same time.

It's one of those things you can't predict, but it's one of those things you should prepare yourself for. Just like having an emergency fund set aside so you can move back if you don't like it. It'll remove so much pressure off your shoulders knowing you've got the money for a return flight, to bring your stuff and set back up if things don't work out rather than the worry of being stuck, further getting you down because you're now stranded.

Originally Posted by sile (Post 10067395)

I think that you think you are not trying to be discouraging, but you kind of sound discouraging, and I think that's because you are in an unhappy place right now and it's coloring everything.

Originally Posted by sallysimmons (Post 10067830)

Yes, you will experience culture shock. That's just the norm and part of making an international move. England isn't America but with history and pretty villages. It is worlds apart in almost every way. The question is how much it will bother you.

I don't think that's fair. He's being frank about the realities - and btw, he's being very British. I've said this before, but Brits are not relentlessly positive the way Americans are. If you have a dream in America, people will tell you to go for it. If you have a dream in Britain, people will tell you to stop being so silly.

Whenever you come across that attitude on this forum, it seems to bother you. Now imagine living 24x7 in a culture where that outlook is the norm. I still think you should go for it if you want to, but I also think you are wholly unprepared for what England is like. That's OK, you'll figure it out once you arrive and either adapt or leave. Either way, you'll know you tried :)

Originally Posted by sallysimmons (Post 10067830)

Whenever you come across that attitude on this forum, it seems to bother you.

Originally Posted by sile (Post 10067913)

Let me try to explain...I don't think anyone is intentionally trying to discourage me. I am sure you are trying to be helpful. I do think it is probable that each person's experience and frame of mind colors what they say, wouldn't you agree?

That said, I am sure you can understand that this is a huge decision, one I am making all alone. I have lost my whole family...mother father and sister, in fact today marks the 6th anniversary of y sister's untimely death at the age of 58 a my current age. I have been so grief stricken for years that I couldn't possibly have made any more changes in my life. But now I am ready and eager to get on with things, and I am trying to be decisive. Any negative comments, no matter how true and helpful, just kind of throw me off course.
Perhaps I am a complete idiot to think I could move to another country alone and be happy. I don't know. Maybe I really don't have a clue what people are like there or what I will be up against.

Take me with a grain of salt.....

Originally Posted by sile (Post 10067913)

Perhaps I am a complete idiot to think I could move to another country alone and be happy....

Originally Posted by sallysimmons (Post 10067830)

Yes, you will experience culture shock. That's just the norm and part of making an international move. England isn't America but with history and pretty villages. It is worlds apart in almost every way. The question is how much it will bother you.



I don't think that's fair. He's being frank about the realities - and btw, he's being very British. I've said this before, but Brits are not relentlessly positive the way Americans are. If you have a dream in America, people will tell you to go for it. If you have a dream in Britain, people will tell you to stop being so silly.

Whenever you come across that attitude on this forum, it seems to bother you. Now imagine living 24x7 in a culture where that outlook is the norm. I still think you should go for it if you want to, but I also think you are wholly unprepared for what England is like. That's OK, you'll figure it out once you arrive and either adapt or leave. Either way, you'll know you tried :)