after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
#31
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,374
Re: after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
[QUOTE=Beedubya;9477973]I don't have any great words of wisdom for you and am sooo sorry that you are having to take anti-depressants and visit a counsellor, all because of where you are living, that just doesn't seem right.
But it teaches you coping strategies, to deal with the situation you are in at the present time.
But it teaches you coping strategies, to deal with the situation you are in at the present time.
#32
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 345
Re: after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
I usually stick to the NZ and Aus forums but I just kinda accidentally strolled in here and found this thread.
OP, I really feel for you.
I am a kiwi and my other half is from England. We have been in Oz for the last 2 and a half years. My partner has not been home in 13 years. We have an 11 year old daughter.
We have always lived near my parents so that isnt an issue, and even now all of my family have moved to Australia also (except my brother and Dad) so we still get to visit each other a couple of times a year.
However, my partners mother and our daughter have met only 3 times in my daughters 11 years. The first time she was 6 months old and it was for 2 weeks. he second time she was 3 and it was for 3 weeks. And the most recent time our daughter was 8 and it was again for 3 weeks.
My MIL has spent a complete total of 8 weeks with her ONLY grandchild (my OH has a sister but she does not have any children) and each time she sees her, there has been a massive leap developmentally. And on the flip side, my daughter does not really know her grandmother even though they talk on the phoen every couple of weeks.
Unfortunately this is due to the massive costs incurred with such a trip from NZ (or Aus) and we have never had the funds to visit that way, no matter how much we would love to be able to pluck the money out of our bum it just doesnt happen.
I don't like to think how hard it is for his mother to not be able to see her whenever she wants and to have techically only met her 3 times. I would love to send him and our daughter over for a few weeks one Christmas before she gets to that age where "older family members suck".
I think family is very important and have even broached the idea of moving to Englad even just for a year, so his mother can have a turn at seeing our daughter all the time (this isnt going to hapen though as 1. we have 2 dogs to take and 2. I hate flying LOL).
Anyway, I dont know if thats helpful but wanted to give you the view from someone who kind of lives it.
OP, I really feel for you.
I am a kiwi and my other half is from England. We have been in Oz for the last 2 and a half years. My partner has not been home in 13 years. We have an 11 year old daughter.
We have always lived near my parents so that isnt an issue, and even now all of my family have moved to Australia also (except my brother and Dad) so we still get to visit each other a couple of times a year.
However, my partners mother and our daughter have met only 3 times in my daughters 11 years. The first time she was 6 months old and it was for 2 weeks. he second time she was 3 and it was for 3 weeks. And the most recent time our daughter was 8 and it was again for 3 weeks.
My MIL has spent a complete total of 8 weeks with her ONLY grandchild (my OH has a sister but she does not have any children) and each time she sees her, there has been a massive leap developmentally. And on the flip side, my daughter does not really know her grandmother even though they talk on the phoen every couple of weeks.
Unfortunately this is due to the massive costs incurred with such a trip from NZ (or Aus) and we have never had the funds to visit that way, no matter how much we would love to be able to pluck the money out of our bum it just doesnt happen.
I don't like to think how hard it is for his mother to not be able to see her whenever she wants and to have techically only met her 3 times. I would love to send him and our daughter over for a few weeks one Christmas before she gets to that age where "older family members suck".
I think family is very important and have even broached the idea of moving to Englad even just for a year, so his mother can have a turn at seeing our daughter all the time (this isnt going to hapen though as 1. we have 2 dogs to take and 2. I hate flying LOL).
Anyway, I dont know if thats helpful but wanted to give you the view from someone who kind of lives it.
#33
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 157
Re: after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
Barbara-Sorry to hear about your situation. He must have felt really 'homesick', for Canada. Time can heal and mend, and perhaps he will realise, where the family is, the heart is.
Gabs-been here 15 years. I am sure you have given me much advise in the past, can't remember, along with so many of you. kids born here and hubby USC. The thought of dealing with all the paperwork is overwhelming to me-don't know where to start. passports, visas, plus the espense of the move. Also worry if US kids will be accepted in the UK schools. Although UK schools seems to be more globally aware.
Moved to NJ from AZ to be nearer to UK!!, and have 4 seasons. (so far heatwave here is just as bad as AZ!)
My in-law family members here make me feel as if it is all my fault I can not accept the US. But have had issues with father in law especially. I can't stand to be somewhere where, I just can't call home, but also it is difficult if I do not feel accepted my hubbys family. And 15 years here without the extended family acceptance has been awful. I miss the love I got from my Uk family. Hubby is re-considering the move to NJ and wants to move to Colorado!!-which was a thought about 2 years ago. But will I be happy there? still in the US, but further away from in-laws. BUt on downside further still from the UK. I will still miss all aspects of home. So confused.
Gabs-been here 15 years. I am sure you have given me much advise in the past, can't remember, along with so many of you. kids born here and hubby USC. The thought of dealing with all the paperwork is overwhelming to me-don't know where to start. passports, visas, plus the espense of the move. Also worry if US kids will be accepted in the UK schools. Although UK schools seems to be more globally aware.
Moved to NJ from AZ to be nearer to UK!!, and have 4 seasons. (so far heatwave here is just as bad as AZ!)
My in-law family members here make me feel as if it is all my fault I can not accept the US. But have had issues with father in law especially. I can't stand to be somewhere where, I just can't call home, but also it is difficult if I do not feel accepted my hubbys family. And 15 years here without the extended family acceptance has been awful. I miss the love I got from my Uk family. Hubby is re-considering the move to NJ and wants to move to Colorado!!-which was a thought about 2 years ago. But will I be happy there? still in the US, but further away from in-laws. BUt on downside further still from the UK. I will still miss all aspects of home. So confused.
Last edited by usoruk; Jul 11th 2011 at 11:06 pm.
#34
Re: after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
Glasgowgirl, and others on this thread facing the same dilemma, I lived in Australia for 12 years with an Australian husband.
Left him and returned to the UK 2 years ago (Glasgow) honestly it's not that bad, people talk about going back like your life as you know it is over, but it's not, they even have tapas here - though the weather has been pretty crappy this summer.
Yeah it's not as "nice" living here as some (not all) parts of Australia but what you lose in lifestyle, if you are fortunate enough to have lovely family and friends like I do it makes up for the weather, and the wee tiny houses!
For me I had to keep in my "reverse culture shock" as I'd lived most of my ADULT life in Aus, and there were some days harder than others, but ultimately if you go over with a positive mindset and give it time and patience you will get there.
Left him and returned to the UK 2 years ago (Glasgow) honestly it's not that bad, people talk about going back like your life as you know it is over, but it's not, they even have tapas here - though the weather has been pretty crappy this summer.
Yeah it's not as "nice" living here as some (not all) parts of Australia but what you lose in lifestyle, if you are fortunate enough to have lovely family and friends like I do it makes up for the weather, and the wee tiny houses!
For me I had to keep in my "reverse culture shock" as I'd lived most of my ADULT life in Aus, and there were some days harder than others, but ultimately if you go over with a positive mindset and give it time and patience you will get there.
#35
ian
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: stirling scotland
Posts: 350
Re: after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
I think what you are dealing with is completely normal so don't worry there !
I'm not judging just observing when I say that perhaps last time you were in the UK you , maybe, didn't give it much of a chance ? I think when going back one has to prepare oneself for a bigger culture shock and a harder & longer adjustment period than when one left the UK to go wherever they went ( Oz in your case ).
How about having your parents come to OZ for a visit then you can travel back with them and they can help with the kids on the plane ?
I'd say go back with a completely open mind, no expectations, no judgements for as long as is practically possible until you ( hopefully ! ) feel settled in your mind one way or t'other and in the mean time make a pros / cons list of life in the UK v life in OZ.
I'm not judging just observing when I say that perhaps last time you were in the UK you , maybe, didn't give it much of a chance ? I think when going back one has to prepare oneself for a bigger culture shock and a harder & longer adjustment period than when one left the UK to go wherever they went ( Oz in your case ).
How about having your parents come to OZ for a visit then you can travel back with them and they can help with the kids on the plane ?
I'd say go back with a completely open mind, no expectations, no judgements for as long as is practically possible until you ( hopefully ! ) feel settled in your mind one way or t'other and in the mean time make a pros / cons list of life in the UK v life in OZ.
Carol
#36
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Swindon, Wiltshire
Posts: 54
Re: after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
Glasgowgirl, and all the others who have been driven to depression through this issue, I feel your pain, that is where I have been, after 16 years being in Aus and wanting to be back in the UK, it all came to a head last September and I too went on anti depressants, had counselling and finally have come out the other side, for me I decided I would do whatever it took to make myself happy again, I got to the point where the pain of staying here was more than the fear of going, I wanted to disappear from my life, and just not exist any more that is how bad it got which was scarey, so I decided I would put myself first and put everything else on the line, house, pets, even my marriage, I had put my husband first for all that time, now it is my turn.
I am moving back early in September and am happy with my decision even though it is hard I know in my heart it is the right thing to do. Now that the decision is made, it is a weight off my shoulders and I can only encourage anyone who is in the cycle of staying for someone else, comfort, bigger house, etc. to look inside and listen to your heart. I am not sure what is happening with my marriage, but this is about me, and I am going on my own and hopefully we can sort out our relationship afterwards.
When I had some really bad days, and was feeling very alone, there were people on this forum who reached out to me, and it made all the difference, if anyone is feeling desparate, and needs a chat, please send me a pm as I know how it feels and am happy to help if I can. xxx
I am moving back early in September and am happy with my decision even though it is hard I know in my heart it is the right thing to do. Now that the decision is made, it is a weight off my shoulders and I can only encourage anyone who is in the cycle of staying for someone else, comfort, bigger house, etc. to look inside and listen to your heart. I am not sure what is happening with my marriage, but this is about me, and I am going on my own and hopefully we can sort out our relationship afterwards.
When I had some really bad days, and was feeling very alone, there were people on this forum who reached out to me, and it made all the difference, if anyone is feeling desparate, and needs a chat, please send me a pm as I know how it feels and am happy to help if I can. xxx
#37
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,212
Re: after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
hi guys
finding this site is like a godsend!
i have lived in oz for the best part of 10 years, more if you count a working holiday before hand.
im 34 and i am utterly miserable. i have kids which makes it harder. do i stay or do i go, if i stay its purely for their sakes. the thought of me being here forever gives me palpatations!
the thing is, we sold everything up 5 years ago (nearly exactly) and were back for 2 months before i said i think we have made a mistake! a year later we were back in oz. BUT....i did not have my kids then. I cannot believe the pull i have in me to go back to my family and friends. I am utterly miserable and have never felt as though i belonged here, always felt like an outsider even thought we have a large community of family and friends, i just dont want to be involved!
everything is becoming so expensive, bills and clothes shopping and food shopping is an absolute joke! my husband is more than hesitant because of the failed previous attempt and how far it has set us back financially. i dont blame him. but i have never felt so alone or unhappy in my life as i do right now and something has to give!
i am thinking of going back for a holiday with the kids but dont know if i will handle the flight with them alone.....youngest is only 6 mnths and a bit of a fuss pot. my husband is more comfortable with this idea and i think is hoping will open my eyes up. since my mum and dad visited at xmas i havent gotten over them saying goodbye to my kids, i feel so upset at the fact that they dont see them. we skype, eases it a little, but i just CRAVE them so much! they miss out on so much and i do aswell with my nieces and nephews. i never thought i would ever leave australia, i am gobsmacked with these overwhemling feelings.
what should i do.....i so need an unbiased, unattached opinion.
thanks in advance
finding this site is like a godsend!
i have lived in oz for the best part of 10 years, more if you count a working holiday before hand.
im 34 and i am utterly miserable. i have kids which makes it harder. do i stay or do i go, if i stay its purely for their sakes. the thought of me being here forever gives me palpatations!
the thing is, we sold everything up 5 years ago (nearly exactly) and were back for 2 months before i said i think we have made a mistake! a year later we were back in oz. BUT....i did not have my kids then. I cannot believe the pull i have in me to go back to my family and friends. I am utterly miserable and have never felt as though i belonged here, always felt like an outsider even thought we have a large community of family and friends, i just dont want to be involved!
everything is becoming so expensive, bills and clothes shopping and food shopping is an absolute joke! my husband is more than hesitant because of the failed previous attempt and how far it has set us back financially. i dont blame him. but i have never felt so alone or unhappy in my life as i do right now and something has to give!
i am thinking of going back for a holiday with the kids but dont know if i will handle the flight with them alone.....youngest is only 6 mnths and a bit of a fuss pot. my husband is more comfortable with this idea and i think is hoping will open my eyes up. since my mum and dad visited at xmas i havent gotten over them saying goodbye to my kids, i feel so upset at the fact that they dont see them. we skype, eases it a little, but i just CRAVE them so much! they miss out on so much and i do aswell with my nieces and nephews. i never thought i would ever leave australia, i am gobsmacked with these overwhemling feelings.
what should i do.....i so need an unbiased, unattached opinion.
thanks in advance
#38
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 53
Re: after 10 years of oz, i am homesick and wanting to run back home!
What happened, did you move back?
I like many on here am in the same position. 2 kids under 4, feel very unsettled and would like to go back. The risk seem large and many people think I am bonkers. Everyone's comment in RL is 'well that's not really practical is it'?
How to get through. I would love to know the ending.
I like many on here am in the same position. 2 kids under 4, feel very unsettled and would like to go back. The risk seem large and many people think I am bonkers. Everyone's comment in RL is 'well that's not really practical is it'?
How to get through. I would love to know the ending.