Margaret3

[QUOTE=Beedubya;9477973]I don't have any great words of wisdom for you and am sooo sorry that you are having to take anti-depressants and visit a counsellor, all because of where you are living, that just doesn't seem right.

But it teaches you coping strategies, to deal with the situation you are in at the present time.

bananalana

I usually stick to the NZ and Aus forums but I just kinda accidentally strolled in here and found this thread.

OP, I really feel for you.

I am a kiwi and my other half is from England. We have been in Oz for the last 2 and a half years. My partner has not been home in 13 years. We have an 11 year old daughter.

We have always lived near my parents so that isnt an issue, and even now all of my family have moved to Australia also (except my brother and Dad) so we still get to visit each other a couple of times a year.

However, my partners mother and our daughter have met only 3 times in my daughters 11 years. The first time she was 6 months old and it was for 2 weeks. he second time she was 3 and it was for 3 weeks. And the most recent time our daughter was 8 and it was again for 3 weeks.

My MIL has spent a complete total of 8 weeks with her ONLY grandchild (my OH has a sister but she does not have any children) and each time she sees her, there has been a massive leap developmentally. And on the flip side, my daughter does not really know her grandmother even though they talk on the phoen every couple of weeks.

Unfortunately this is due to the massive costs incurred with such a trip from NZ (or Aus) and we have never had the funds to visit that way, no matter how much we would love to be able to pluck the money out of our bum it just doesnt happen.

I don't like to think how hard it is for his mother to not be able to see her whenever she wants and to have techically only met her 3 times. I would love to send him and our daughter over for a few weeks one Christmas before she gets to that age where "older family members suck".

I think family is very important and have even broached the idea of moving to Englad even just for a year, so his mother can have a turn at seeing our daughter all the time (this isnt going to hapen though as 1. we have 2 dogs to take and 2. I hate flying LOL).

Anyway, I dont know if thats helpful but wanted to give you the view from someone who kind of lives it.

usoruk

Barbara-Sorry to hear about your situation. He must have felt really 'homesick', for Canada. Time can heal and mend, and perhaps he will realise, where the family is, the heart is.

Gabs-been here 15 years. I am sure you have given me much advise in the past, can't remember, along with so many of you. kids born here and hubby USC. The thought of dealing with all the paperwork is overwhelming to me-don't know where to start. passports, visas, plus the espense of the move. Also worry if US kids will be accepted in the UK schools. Although UK schools seems to be more globally aware.

Moved to NJ from AZ to be nearer to UK!!, and have 4 seasons. (so far heatwave here is just as bad as AZ!)
My in-law family members here make me feel as if it is all my fault I can not accept the US. But have had issues with father in law especially. I can't stand to be somewhere where, I just can't call home, but also it is difficult if I do not feel accepted my hubbys family. And 15 years here without the extended family acceptance has been awful. I miss the love I got from my Uk family. Hubby is re-considering the move to NJ and wants to move to Colorado!!-which was a thought about 2 years ago. But will I be happy there? still in the US, but further away from in-laws. BUt on downside further still from the UK. I will still miss all aspects of home. So confused.

islandergirl

Glasgowgirl, and others on this thread facing the same dilemma, I lived in Australia for 12 years with an Australian husband.

Left him and returned to the UK 2 years ago (Glasgow) honestly it's not that bad, people talk about going back like your life as you know it is over, but it's not, they even have tapas here - though the weather has been pretty crappy this summer.

Yeah it's not as "nice" living here as some (not all) parts of Australia but what you lose in lifestyle, if you are fortunate enough to have lovely family and friends like I do it makes up for the weather, and the wee tiny houses!

For me I had to keep in my "reverse culture shock" as I'd lived most of my ADULT life in Aus, and there were some days harder than others, but ultimately if you go over with a positive mindset and give it time and patience you will get there.

mabozar

Another ping ponger I think!

Carol

EnglishRose15

Glasgowgirl, and all the others who have been driven to depression through this issue, I feel your pain, that is where I have been, after 16 years being in Aus and wanting to be back in the UK, it all came to a head last September and I too went on anti depressants, had counselling and finally have come out the other side, for me I decided I would do whatever it took to make myself happy again, I got to the point where the pain of staying here was more than the fear of going, I wanted to disappear from my life, and just not exist any more that is how bad it got which was scarey, so I decided I would put myself first and put everything else on the line, house, pets, even my marriage, I had put my husband first for all that time, now it is my turn.

I am moving back early in September and am happy with my decision even though it is hard I know in my heart it is the right thing to do. Now that the decision is made, it is a weight off my shoulders and I can only encourage anyone who is in the cycle of staying for someone else, comfort, bigger house, etc. to look inside and listen to your heart. I am not sure what is happening with my marriage, but this is about me, and I am going on my own and hopefully we can sort out our relationship afterwards.

When I had some really bad days, and was feeling very alone, there were people on this forum who reached out to me, and it made all the difference, if anyone is feeling desparate, and needs a chat, please send me a pm as I know how it feels and am happy to help if I can. xxx

brits1

I think it is completley normal to feel as you are at the moment, you have a very young baby and it's hard on most women when you have young children let alone being overseas from your parents etc. We left the UK when ours two boys were really smal,l although they did both always remember their Grandparents they say now they are older they did not have the feelings towards their Grandparents the same way as their friends in Aus who had families with them in Aus. We got by though..you have to, we had visit's from family and we visited them in the UK...it's not the same but again it worked for us. We did come to realise though that our feelings were more about not wanting to live much longer in Australia rather than joining family back in the UK (another effect of migration you sometimes get use to being your own little family..you might not like it but human nature has ways of making you cope) we love our family though and are still very close to both sides..what I am trying to say is...if you truly feel life in Australia is just not for you then I would go home, your children will be fine if you are, but if your unhappy about not having your parents with you then it's not Aus that is the true problem it's not having your parents etc with you and you have to take it from there. From my experience holidays are not ideal to "see if you like it" a holiday is just that...can you not have a "time out" on your own...go for a good walk or take yourself off somewhere where you can really think and be honest with yourself about what/how/where you want your life to go...even write a list of "likes and dislikes" if that helps, give yourself time, be easy on yourself. Good luck and most of us have been through the feelings you have...I remember my Dad's first visit to us like it was yesterday, we went with him to the Airport to say goodbye after "a fabulous holiday in a fabulours country" (my Dads words) and I said to him "take me home in your suitcase"....he thought I was bonkers...but he'd had a good holiday, so different, things did not get any easier saying goodbyes, I got use to it....did not like it but what choice did we have.

beatle

What happened, did you move back?

I like many on here am in the same position. 2 kids under 4, feel very unsettled and would like to go back. The risk seem large and many people think I am bonkers. Everyone's comment in RL is 'well that's not really practical is it'?

How to get through. I would love to know the ending.