Nicky & Dave

Hi there,

I am separating from my partner after 12 years together, last 4 of which have been spent here in Purgatory (known as Oz!), and will be moving back to the UK in Sep 2011 with my two young children (who will then be aged 4.5 and 3). My partner has decided to remain in Australia.

Awful situation to be in and I am feeling completely overwhelmed with the seemingly huge task ahead of getting things sorted out here, and also with getting re-established again in the UK.

I plan on moving back to the South-East as my family are all in that area, but I will need to get accommodation sorted out in advance as none of them have space to put us up. I will have approx GBP30-40K, but I will need to start looking at childcare options as I'll need to get a part-time job as quickly as possible.

I don't know where to start! Is there anyone else on here that has moved back to the UK as a single parent? If so, any advice would be much welcomed.

Cheers,
Nicky

Englishmum

First things first;

Will your soon to be ex allow the children to return to the UK? Will he put this in writing. He can prevent them from leaving Australia if he chooses to do so!

Also.....how will ties be maintained between the children and their father? (I mean physical contact, not just Skype).

Nicky & Dave

Dave has agreed that the kids remain with me, and he has given his word that he will not contest this. He's a good man and although I know he is deeply, deeply upset to be losing the children, I have to trust that he will keep his word.

We are still talking through the terms of custody, but it will be joint obviously, and we have agreed that the kids will return to Australia once a year for an extended holiday, as they have Grandparents and relatives here too. Dave is a great Dad and I wouldn't want to limit his contact with them in any way, so as often as he wants to come over to see them is fine with me.

Other than that, we haven't discussed further at this stage. I am assuming we will be required to set this all out formally via a legal route rather than just coming to a verbal agreement between ourselves.

Have you done this yourself?

JAJ

What about Australian citizenship, especially for the children? If they end up losing their permanent resident status and are unable to get it back (especially after age 18) would that be a problem?

Nicky & Dave

The kids were born here and have Australian passports. I have permanent resident status and I will look into applying for Australian citizenship given I have been here for 4 years, but I suspect the timescales may be too short now to apply.

roaringmouse

If you're eligible now to apply for citizenship, and you're not intending on leaving Australia until next September, you should have plenty of time.

Beedubya

Sorry to hear you are in this predicament Nicky. I hope it all works out well for you, and it is best to be around family at a time like this instead of being stuck out here on your own with two little 'uns.......take care.

Barb

brits1

Nicky, I came back to the U.K while my oh stayed to work in Aus not the same I know but I still hard to sort out a rental, schools etc...area's....all sorts of things.....help and advice from both my family and friends...both old and new have been just wonderful....first thing is to think about your C-ship if you want to gain it......then think about areas, work...etc in the U.K....once that has been pinpointed plan your move..ie...schools for the children...the internet is great for that....and ofcourse family etc in the area can always let you know the good from the bad.....you will gain family allowance and that is quite easy to apply for but wait until you are home or download the documents now and fill in once you are home....driving licence is easy to do either a straight Aussie Swop or update your current U.K licence you can do this once you are home again...main thing is to pick an area, then schools....a date and then flights....and try and take one step at a time....I bought a car within the first week here...when I look back these things back in Aus overwhelmed me as I thought I would never be able to cope doing this on my own...but I did....just take each step at a time...good luck.....

melliset

I think it's better if you should take some legal advice..

Nicky & Dave

Thanks for this. I've been busy doing research and writing the longest 'to do' list, but I feel I have more of a handle on the order of things etc. Finding a good school for my son is going to be the driver for where we live etc, so that's one of the first things I will be focusing on.

There is also going to be a number of legalities to sort through here, so I have been in contact with a couple of lawyers that specialise in family law to help us work though all of this.

Now I've just got to find homes for 60 rescue cats!

goingozwards2007

Hi Nicky,

I think you will be fine if you have support from family and friends here when you get back. Do they live in South East, where you are intending to re-settle?

Once you have decided where you want to be living, or have a smaller area in mind then it will be easier to make the arrangements you need to.

Also once you know where you want to move to, then do another post to find out the best nursery's, schools etc, from other returnees, and this will hopefully lessen your load.

Good luck

Winston Churchill

[QUOTE=Nicky & Dave;9011133]Hi there,

I am separating from my partner after 12 years together, last 4 of which have been spent here in Purgatory (known as Oz!), and will be moving back to the UK in Sep 2011 with my two young children (who will then be aged 4.5 and 3). My partner has decided to remain in Australia.

Awful situation to be in and I am feeling completely overwhelmed with the seemingly huge task ahead of getting things sorted out here, and also with getting re-established again in the UK.

I plan on moving back to the South-East as my family are all in that area, but I will need to get accommodation sorted out in advance as none of them have space to put us up. I will have approx GBP30-40K, but I will need to start looking at childcare options as I'll need to get a part-time job as quickly as possible.

I don't know where to start! Is there anyone else on here that has moved back to the UK as a single parent? If so, any advice would be much welcomed.

Cheers,
Nicky[/QUOTE}

I hope Dave understands what he is risking losing..it will be VERY difficult to maintain a relationship with his kids being so far away...

JustBecause

Hi Nicky, I thought I recognised your username from somewhere - you gave me some great advice a few years back about emigrating while pregnant. It was really good to hear from somebody with experience cos being pregnant brings a whole extra dimension onto all the worries & practicalities of making the move.

I did move over when pregnant & we are now wanting to move back with our nearly 3yr old. Sorry to hear you'll be moving back in less than ideal circumstances. Have you been on these uk websites: childcarefinder.direct.gov.uk/childcarefinder ; mumsnet & netmums? The netmums one is apparently very good for local info, esp. connecting with other mums nearby.

Whereabouts will you be heading to in the SouthEast? I've lived in Kent, Surrey, Oxford & Berkshire. I think the SE would be a good area to live with kids as wherever you are there will be access to loads of activities, places to go & things to do all within a 1-2hr travel radius & of course good access to travelling further afield. I am in Sydney too but tucked away down in the south with my son so not sure if I could be of much practical help to you but if there is something you need a hand with by all means do get in touch

Nicky & Dave

[QUOTE=Winston Churchill;9021611] I think he understands only too well what he is losing. He loves the kids more than anything in the world, and he is a devoted father. Allowing me to take them is, I think, the biggest and hardest sacrifice he could make. I see the pain in his face whenever he is with them now, especially this time of year, and I know that he is thinking about not being around for them.

I think he will eventually come back to the UK too, but at the moment I think he just can't make that decision. To live here has been his dream for so long -it takes time to come to terms with such an enormous change.

OHHayley

Hi,
I am in a similar situation. Plan on moving back to UK from US as a single parent.
It does seem over whelming right now.
Good Luck,
Hayley