sallysimmons

Do you mind me asking what makes you feel this way? After living in Canada and the US for years, I'm now considering a move home. I'd love to know the downsides.

carolinedraper

We are in the same boat. We love it here, have a HUGE house and 40 acres of farm land to boot. Own our own business and kids enjoy a countryside small school. We were never running away from the UK, but needed the break, if that makes any sense.

We look at here as one massive adventure and life experience and do not regret it in the big scope of things.

But coming from a huge family I personally find myself missing my folks etc more and more and I know the children miss their grandparents. No one from my husband's side comes out and visits and my parents are in their 60s and on pensions so find it hard to come out. Now with pregnancy number 4 (and it being a complicated one), we have decided that family is more important than living the lifestyle. We would never be able to have a house and land like this in the UK, but you know what, 1 acre and a small house but access to rambling in the UK countryside and culture would be great.

We have decided to do a medium turn plan. Have baby number 4 here in Ontario, and then move back in 3 years time. That way all the children can at least help get themselves on and off a plane, all car seats can go in the hold (as opposed to on airplane seats), our very old Lab will not have to face another long haul flight, and hopefully we can start to put some money aside. Also by then we will have citizenship which is always useful.

Aim is for the Cotswolds - so we need to save now, eventually sell up for $450,000 and hope exchange rates go our way!!

What we have learnt is to appreciate that which we took for granted, and yet we have brought our children up in a safe positive self sufficient farm environment and allowed them to grow as individuals within a different culture. Canada may seem like the UK but it is very different.

sarah_matt

Hello Lorry1

Reading your post is like someone has written our story....but we are only 2 years into it. We are also in NS and are hearts are still back in the UK. We have 2 children, and the eldest is 11 and will be starting secondary school in sept if we were to return. OH hated his job and was made redundent back in Dec 09 but has now found work, which he is enjoying. I work which I enjoy, but this is not home.

We did return to the UK for a holiday back in July, but it didn't make us feel we have done the right thing moving to Canada, if anything the opposit.

Our 11 year old doesn't mind if we move back or not, but our 8 year still talks about her friends back in the UK and of course family.

If we could move all our families to Canada, I would stay here, we are enjoying NS, but we are a very close family network, and we come from a fantastic part of the UK, and it calling and its getting louder.

I hope you make the right decission - Best Wishes

Sarah

pinkkristen

We feel exactly the same way as you! We also have an 8 year old that still missess her friends and hasn't connected to anyone special in her new school, which for her is strange as she had lots of friends before!

We went back to the Uk in the winter and we honestly said if we had our house back in our village we would have just stayed!!

I want to go back again this summer to see how we feel - (i used to hate the crappy british summers), i have a feeling despite the weather i my feel the same way.

I have nothing against Canada, i can see why so many people like it here, i like lots of aspects too about the place (esp for the kids), but cannot see myself here for the rest of my life - which if left too long, can make choices a lot more difficult when kids turn into teenagers/adults.

Its a very difficult descion and i am mentally thinking about it all day every day!!

It seems more difficult to return that when we decided to move out!

My husbands family are all out here, which is great in one aspect but a more difficult descion to go back as we are as close to them as we are to my family back home!!

Can someone please push the magic "this is the right choice" button please!!!

All the best

sallysimmons

If you find that button, don't hog it all for yourself!

Esme

My sister lives in NZ and when I moved to Canada and wanted to go home she said I should wait 3 years before I made ANY decisions - there are too many changes to get used to and too many fresh emotions to make such an emotional decision about staying or going. I committed to the 3 years and by the 4th felt I was about to go home (I hadn't gone before because I knew it would unsettle me). I came back (to ON) knowing I wanted to be in Canada. Four years later I know I want to be home. A very good friend of mine (in the States) is dying and I managed to visit her but she lives more or less on her own - her main family are elsewhere and, like me, she has good friends all over - some have been to see her, some haven't. She is VERY lonely. I don't want that to be me - one of many factors that have influenced my decision. I'm not letting anything stand in my way (and there are a lot of obstacles to me going home!!)

Lorry1

I second that

Sarah_Matt
If you want to meet up anytime, pm me

I am feeling particularly depressed today. The sun is out and the sky is blue but it's not making me feel happy

I really can't go back now. Eldest is 15 and about to go to high school. She is looking forward to going in with her friends and has even decided which college she wants to go to after.
This was what I had wanted, her to settle here so she wouldn't be pulled back to the UK when she turned 18. I feel really bad!

We shouldn't have left!

Pinkkristen
I feel the same

Wawa

This scares me to death too, Esme, and the very reason I want to go home after many, many years living abroad. I am currently in ON but have no roots here, and do not want to get old(er) here. I have my husband who does not really mind moving to UK (he is Canadian), and we have started to purge and clean-up, getting rid of accumulated junk, and now are seriously looking forward to moving on. I cannot wait! I know it will be a major upheaval but we dont have much and our kids are adult. Be positive, we can do anything we put our minds to!

Jack1

I'm not here to (and could not possibly) provide advice but I just find it remarkable how so many people feel exactly the same way. I've been in Canada for almost eleven years now from when my parents decided to move over, I was 16 then, just done with GCSEs and had to tag along. Ten years later, I'm done uni, been working a few years, got a good job, a decent standard of living, got married, but guess what... just like Lorry1, and so many of you, my heart still yearns for the UK. So I'm sorry to say this but for those of you are feeling this way after two or three years, it probably won't go away, may be it will suppress a bit but it will always be there in the back of your mind. Quite frankly, it's frustrating and annoying, I wish I could just get on with my life but the pull is too great. The UK (and London in particular for me) just won't get out my head. Property prices in and around London mean my standard of living would be lower there than here, yet even though I understand that the desire to return doesn't disipate. If anyone can tell me what they put in the water in England when we're growing up to create this sense of attachment in us all I would love to know, and then find a cure because I really would like to get on with my life but I probably can't until I at least head back for a few months somehow (which of course is hard to do with jobs, businesses, and all the things that have to be planned out). Although at least I'm lucky my wife is onboard.

A few personal observations though for why people may end up in this situation.

- For people like me who never really wanted to leave the UK but were forced or persuaded, either by spouses or parents, we'll have a harder time adjusting and forgetting the UK.
- People who left a fairly decent lifestyle behind in the UK but left because an opportunity came up to move will have a hard time adjusting. People seem to end up in this situation when they don't really want to leave but others around them keep saying things like "you'll regret if if you don't do it, you'll ask 'what if' when you're old". Well who's to say you won't regret if you DO IT and then find it impossible to get back. If people were more content and thought to themseleves, 'I've got a decent life here, why mess it up' and didn't always think there's something better round the corner they could have avoided these problems. However, that's not usually the way human beings are, we always want better Sadly people living in the UK spew so much negativity about the place they make people who want to return or even stay feel like they must be insane to want it. I ask my negative friends back in the UK where else they've lived when they say the UK is so bad compared to <insert country name>. The answer is none of them have lived anywhere else. Only listen to people who have actually lived in more than one country. The ones who've never left the UK simply don't know what they're talking about because they can't possibly compare it to anything else. People in the UK often say something generic like 'we have too many taxes'. They don't actually carry out any concrete comparisons though. Unless you're moving to somewhere like Belize though, you can't really escape things like that. For example, besides inheritance tax, Canada has virtually every other tax that exists in the UK with different names. Also even though there's no inheritance tax there's still a Captial Gains Tax via deemed disposition on death! Ok that's not as bad but still most of the other taxes are here and generally the tax rates are around the same with just a few percentage differences here and there. Yes duty on fuel is not as bad but compare insurance rates in Ontario vs England and that surely makes up the difference, people in the UK don't look at the whole picture.
- The people who adjust well are people are HIGHLY adventorous and / or suffering a tough life in the UK to begin with and had less to lose and more to gain.

For many people the marginal increase in standard of living may not be worth it.

penury

for you fairly newbies living in Canada & those that have been here a few years longer - I offer the following from my own experiences.

I came here way back when.

I left the UK in the mid 60's at 20 years of age with a one way ticket, no cell phone, no internet/email and only £100

I came alone mid April -30'C in Toronto and with me wearing English spring clothing, on landing I ended up at the YMCA

Within days a rooming house, a medial job, then one-month before finding a full time job

Homesickness, you have absolutely no-idea. I did not have a credit card & would not dare to ask family back home for money for a return.

A 3-minute phone call via the opertor was more than one-hours wages

OK, so it sounds rough, but it really wasn't. It wasn't because like so many other immigrants of that era, it was knuckle down and get on with the new found life.

You can dream all you want about blighty, what you miss, including family, but for goodness sake, ask yourself why were you so strong on leaving the UK in the first place.

I say give it time, get the Canuck citizenship first

Then for those who after that who really feel so strong about over-ome, then leave Canada behind and find somewhere else, even back to the UK.

If the pull is soooo strong, why not just pack up and go back - it can all be done for less than $5000

Is the pull so strong and that realistic, or is it all about reminiscing?

You have phones, email, even the BBC on TV, like minded Brits to talk to - but you dont have the touch, smell or feel of the UK.

Canada is a good place, fairly clean, safe and reasonably inexpensive compared to the UK

OK, so some of you have kids in school & thats a tough one - but is it an excuse to stay or leave?

Is Canada the right choice - only you know. There is no magic button

For me, one who has been away over 40-years, one who still says that I am a Brit - in fact I am not Brit in mind, only by birth. I am a Canadian, I have lived most of my life here, I have Canadian children.

OK, I am still drawn by the dream of living in the UK & I now have those choices that I did not have when I was 20 years old

Good luck to you all

carolinedraper

I think it all depends on why you came to Canada. We have Canadian children (dual nat), we will be getting citizenship before we leave. We came for the adventure, a break from the UK and all we knew - for a change. We never were running from anything, in fact hubby was until last year a pilot for BA and commuted. We have been to many countries and could have lived in many countries.

Now we just feel that its time to go home. Move to the Cotswolds, and continue the adventure.

The children would like to see their relatives.

We have been here since 2006.

Nothing wrong with Canada just bored now and want to change and explore again, whos to say that we will not explore Europe next time we ge the "travel urge".

penury

choices Caroline - choices & decisions

Many folks emigrate to stay in one place. Others keep on moving around from city-city, job-job, province to province - even keep on travelling the world in search of shangri-la, only to find it was right there in front of you all the time

What is best for one person/family may not work for others - or simply itchy feet

Agree

carolinedraper

Agreed. I wish people understood that Shangri la does not exist, and to keep looking for it will only bring sadness.

With my hubby's job we have seen many places and believe me none are perfect - far from it.

You can only do what is right for you, what your heart tells you to do.

UK is not "better" than Canada nor is it worse, just diff in somethings.

My hubby loves travel otherwise he would never have been a pilot, me I'm from Irish Gypsy stock so love travel and adventure. Our children are the same, to us home is literally where your heart is, its in you and where you are at that moment in time. The world can be your oyster, just enjoy it where ever you are, make the most of the opp that come your way. If another path pops up and you want to explore it go for it.

When you have a family everyone must be in agreement, and in today's world money does have a significance. For those that want to go back ask why, what are you longing for and why did you leave in the first place.

Having been the owner of sheep - I know that the grass may look greener, but once there, the next piece looks greener too!!! That is always the WRONG reason, enjoy what you have now, make the best and then if you get a chance to go to another field do it under control with the blessing of all

Esme

I've started the purge/clean up and am glad I'm starting now (a year before I leave) because I'm a bit of a pack rat - it may take some time for me to let go of things. I still haven't decided whether to try and get things down to boxes or whether to go for container shipping.... the more I look into it the harder it seems to get but I am maintaining my determination

Esme

Hey, Jack1 - thanks for that incredibly long post!! You raise good points:
What do they put in the water? It's called 'culture' - I'm speaking 'anthropologically' - we are what our culture is and that's what I miss about living amongst people who might get my sense of humour but not my cultural nuances.....

2) The grass does always seem greener and that is human nature. I wouldn't exchange my experience here for the world. It makes me know who I am and what I want. Some people don't get that opportunity.

3) I know when I go home some people will think I've failed - I don't see that and I am big enough to know that their opinion will not have an impact on me. I'm doing what I'm doing for me and am comfortable with my decision and why I've made it.

4) Swings and roundabouts - I find it funny people always think there's a cheaper way of life somewhere than somewhere else. With the exception of extortionate property prices in the UK, I think all other living expenses are comparable, whether it comes out of your taxes or your pay packet... I lived in ON when I moved here and I cried when I found out car insurance rates. As regards petrol I spend as much on petrol here as I do in the UK because I don't have to travel as far.