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3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Old Apr 30th 2010, 8:37 pm
  #1  
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Default 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Hi everyone,

My family and I moved to NS almost 3 years ago now. It is something both OH and me wanted to do for years and we did all the planning and researching for months, years even.
Our original choice was to move to ON but we changed our minds at the last minute, which I think was a mistake.
Apart from being close the the ocean, which I love, there is not much here.

Anyway, the first year was great, we were so busy with our new lives and I was so happy.
Then I went back for a visit and thats when things started going wrong.
I became very depressed and really wanted to return. On top of that OH was now unhappy at work and we had got into so much debt that everything was spiralling out of control.
Still, OH didn't want to go back but I did so much I was willing to go without him. We have such a strong marriage but the pull was so great.
I eventually persuded him and we put our house on the market and everything.
The day we got made an offer on the house is the day we got hit with the realisation of waht we were doing.
We suddenly realised we had come so far and could we really give in now?
OH found a new job which he totally loves and kids are settled in school.
I started thinking more positive and decided we should stay.

Anyway, another 2 years on and I just can't stop thinking about England. I feel like I really want to return and I am back on that downward slope.
I have spoken to OH about it but I feel so guilty as he really does not want to return, under any circumstance. My eldest is now 15 and has missed 3 years of British school and is at a really crucial time. It would be just wrong to take her back now as she would be so far behind.
Has anybody else moved back at this crucial stage?

On the other hand I am thinking, maybe we could try ON so we are not giving up on Canada so soon?

I just keep thinking that we'll stay to get our citizenship and then return. This will give us the option to come back if things don't work out.
I remember all the reasons we left, but it doesn't change how I feel.

Sorry for the doom and gloom folks. I feel better just writing down how I feel.
Maybe I should just suck it up and get on with it
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Old Apr 30th 2010, 9:13 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Well, you touch on a few points...

I'd say definitely stay till you get citizenship at this stage.

Maybe visit the UK and Ontario and see what you think?

Im not sure how far "behind" your eldest would be education wise, but perhaps for continuity its better to graduate highschool here than go back and adjust again?. What does she want to do after that. If she wants to go to uni would that be in Canada or the UK.... you would have to take UK residence/ funding considerations into account if it was the UK.

I guess you need to mull over the options and discuss it with family, they are the ones whose opinion count at this point.
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Old Apr 30th 2010, 11:38 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Move back, it doesn't get any easier the longer you stay. Your life will become more rooted in Canada and it'll be even harder for you to leave...
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Old May 2nd 2010, 2:51 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Hi,

Thanks for your replies.
I think the best thing to do at this time is stay here, at least until my eldest has finished high school.
Here in NS they finish at 18, I don't know if it's the same in ON, but in UK she would finish next year and she is no way ready for GCSE exams after being away 3 years.

Maybe in the next couple of years I will settle down again and decide to stay.
Maybe we'll move onto ON to try somewhere different.

We moved from the UK for valid reasons at the time and I'm sure we would return to the same thing.
Life is better here in some ways: open spaces, less people, less traffic etc but I do miss friends and the British sense of humour and variety in British food and clothes
My heart is still in England and I'm not sure if it will ever leave.

For now, we must stay

Last edited by Lorry1; May 2nd 2010 at 2:57 pm.
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Old May 2nd 2010, 8:49 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Hi Lorri, I agree with 'Interested'. I have been in ON for 5 years having come here from the Middle East (UAE). Have a wonderful job but I cant wait to go back home. Planning to leave the middle of this year, as there is not much keeping us here. I was waiting for my CA citizenship, but so far its taken over a year since my application went in. I miss my friends, family and children deeply and feel a bit isolated here. I certainly dont want to get old here. Hence the decision to leave now at the age of 54. After the final decision was made I now feel like I am walking on air! So follow your dream, life is too short to be somewhere we dont want to be!
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Old May 3rd 2010, 1:51 am
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Originally Posted by Interested View Post
Move back, it doesn't get any easier the longer you stay. Your life will become more rooted in Canada and it'll be even harder for you to leave...
You have absolutely no idea how a situation will affect the OP's life. It does get easier for some, my wife was unsettled for several years and now feels quite settled and would not want to live anywhere else.
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Old May 3rd 2010, 2:01 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Why is it so easy to make the desision to leave your homeland, but so damn difficult to make the desision to return??
That must be the clear cut answer to my question about going back to England. I am finding it hard to justify leaving NS. Sure, I am unhappy with a few things her, it makes me sad that my kids no longer say waTer and laTer, amongst other things.

If I went back, I probably wouldn't want to live where I did before. It is so built up where we were and I couldn't breathe. I would want to go to Devon or Cornwall, somewhere unspoilt with plenty of natural beauty to compare to here.

Hubby will need alot of convincing first though

Who knows what the future will bring?
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Old May 3rd 2010, 11:31 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Originally Posted by The Aviator View Post
You have absolutely no idea how a situation will affect the OP's life. It does get easier for some, my wife was unsettled for several years and now feels quite settled and would not want to live anywhere else.
For some, but not all.
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Old May 4th 2010, 1:59 am
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Originally Posted by Interested View Post
For some, but not all.
That was what I said was it not or did you just have the overwhelming urge to say the same thing?
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Old May 4th 2010, 2:55 am
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Hi Lorry1,

After 5 years of being in Canada, this has been the 1st year I have had serious doubts about this whole immigration thing. I am not unhappy here, but some circumstances have made me really wonder if we did the right thing. I have done shed loads of soul searching and asked my 15 year old daughter how she would feel if we were to move back now.

We wouldn't move back to the area we moved from - no ties there. My daughters response was 'Mum I don't think I'd cope with a 3rd lot of friends, I have so many already' I personally don't think it would be in her best interests with school to move back yet, so whatever happens we are here for another 3-4 years.

Now, what I have said would probably change - if I was unhappy here, I just wish we hadn't moved in the 1st place. I can't see us returning to the UK, certainly not in the near future, however if my daughter does end up living in Japan then who knows what will happen

Good luck with your situation, I hope you find some peace and clarification in your situation.
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Old May 4th 2010, 1:24 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Originally Posted by The Aviator View Post
That was what I said was it not or did you just have the overwhelming urge to say the same thing?
Wow, take it easy, it's just a forum, lol.
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Old May 4th 2010, 1:54 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Originally Posted by Piff Poff View Post
Hi Lorry1,

After 5 years of being in Canada, this has been the 1st year I have had serious doubts about this whole immigration thing. I am not unhappy here, but some circumstances have made me really wonder if we did the right thing. I have done shed loads of soul searching and asked my 15 year old daughter how she would feel if we were to move back now.

We wouldn't move back to the area we moved from - no ties there. My daughters response was 'Mum I don't think I'd cope with a 3rd lot of friends, I have so many already' I personally don't think it would be in her best interests with school to move back yet, so whatever happens we are here for another 3-4 years.

Now, what I have said would probably change - if I was unhappy here, I just wish we hadn't moved in the 1st place. I can't see us returning to the UK, certainly not in the near future, however if my daughter does end up living in Japan then who knows what will happen

Good luck with your situation, I hope you find some peace and clarification in your situation.
Hi Piff poff,

So you are in exactly the same situation as me.
What does your OH think about it?

We have got friends where we came from but too be honest I just don't think I could go back there as it was so conjested with no personal space.
My eldest dad is also there which makes it really tough also, as I know she will probably go back when she's older.

I sometimes regret moving, I know we shouldn't have regrets but we were OK in England.

Take care
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Old May 4th 2010, 2:43 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Originally Posted by Lorry1 View Post
Hi Piff poff,

So you are in exactly the same situation as me.
What does your OH think about it?

We have got friends where we came from but too be honest I just don't think I could go back there as it was so conjested with no personal space.
My eldest dad is also there which makes it really tough also, as I know she will probably go back when she's older.

I sometimes regret moving, I know we shouldn't have regrets but we were OK in England.

Take care
My husband says, the situation we have found oursleves in could be the same or worse in the UK, he doesn't think we would do 'any better' by moving back, so we may as well stay put. My BIG concern is that the second it started snowing last winter he went on a big downer 'OMG it's snowing, what are we gonna do?' every time he woke up to snow.

For me personally, I spent so much time worrying about my Mum, then my husband, then my daughter, I don't have anything left now we have financial worries.

We too were OK in the UK, two foreign trips a year, lots of weekends out, comfortably paying a mortgage on a shoebox, both working full time jobs etc but that was life. Now there are no holidays, occasional weekends out and I'm working PT and no one seems to be happy, so of course I am questioning the sanity of moving in the first place, especially when I look out the window on May 4th to see the snow blowing around in gale force winds, knowing that all I have to drive is my Spitfire as we have sold everything else to try to get our finances together - hubby's car goes tonight - we haven't found a cheaper replacement yet so god only knows what he'll go to work in tomorrow

I'm hoping I'm just going through a 'phase', as I have said this is my first period of doubts, it seems to have taken longer than most for those doubts to hit, it's a really crappy feeling though
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Old May 4th 2010, 3:13 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

Hi Piff Poff,

That is why I wouldn't live in the praries
We only had 2 snowfalls this winter and it was really mild. Sun is out today
Our first 2 winters were really brutal though and I really didn't like it.

I was totally 100% happy here until I went back to UK for a visit after our first year. Since then I haven't been able to settle back down although I have been trying but it's not working.

We too had 2 foreign holidays a year from England and many weekends away.
We have just booked our first holiday since living here (apart from PEI nad weekend in Cape Breton) which we really can't afford, but we need a break!

I didn't even have to work in England as hubby earn't a great slary to support us all while I stayed home with the kids. My youngest is 7 now and at school but she wasn't then. I just kind of dipped in and out of work for sanity more than anything.
I work 3 and half days a week here, which I thoroughly enjoy, and now both kids are at school I have no reason to be at home, but I have to work to help clear the debts and for us to live!

We spiralled out of control after we moved here. We were spending like we did in England but earning NS salary. You never know what your outgoings are going to be until you live somewhere a while. We are now stabilizing but it's still tough.

Yes we could've been in the same situation had we stayed, OH could've lost his job in the recession and we could've lost our home...but who knows???

Good luck to you and I hope you settle back down soon
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Old May 4th 2010, 7:12 pm
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Default Re: 3 years in Canada - keep thinking of England!

I too am having doubts for the first time in 4 years about did we do the right thing and should we go back to the UK.

I went through some tough times in our first 2 years here, but never had the urge to return to the UK. Now this year I am almost consumed by wanting to go back, but Hubby is not interested and will not entertain the idea

I wonder if after landing here in Calgary during the "boom" and now facing the "bust" period is why I am having doubts after so many years here? (Just a theory)

We are looking at moving to the GTA at some point as it is closer to the UK and the US and will hopefully give us a chance to do more than we can do out here in Calgary.

I can't give any advice, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in your feelings.
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