BENDY75

Hi there, i hope someone can help me.

I am a 32 year old female that has just accepted a job in Dubai. My boyfriend will be coming out to live with me but he works in USA on a 6 week rota.
I was assured at the interview that this would not be a problem, and us living together was not an issue as long as we didnt flaunt it, which is completely acceptable to us.
Today I received a phonecall from a jobsworth in my new company telling me that now it is a problem. We will struggle to get anywhere to live without being married, and if we did get somewhere then a neighbour might report us for not being married?!
I was intending sponsoring my boyf once we are settled but was told today that I would not be able to do this.
I am not sure if the main problem is that we are unmarried or whether its the fact that I am FEMALE and working in a male dominated industry and country?
I hope that someone can help me! I am petrified that I have made a massive mistake now.
Thank you for reading

The Dean

....... but you'll be living "on your own", won't you???

.......... and your boyfriend will be a "totally unconnected stranger who shares an apartment with a couple of other blokes in the same apartment block"...... won't he??????????

Ways and means, ways and means................

But I admit to being curious about why your employer NEEDED to know this in the first place - or am I stupidly missing your point (wouldn't be the first time!).

GB2180

Hi there,

Understnad your predictament very well. Was in this situation not too long ago with my girlfriend who live with me in the UK. Had to turn the job down to avoid the risk of being caught... it was not the case of me spending a night in a local jail cell, but that my girlfriend would also be in one too. Yes its fine and dandy to say that there are ways about it... and hope that you may have understanding neighbours.. but if there is a competitor or colleague that does not get along with you... you could be setting yourself up!! I'm not saying don't go for it... but there are laws...even religious laws... that you should respect and consider if you are going to move to that country. #

Don't worry its not because you are a female... its a NON-GENDER law that does affect the males as well...

I wish you luck in your decision, but please do think long and hard about possible deportion if you are caught cohabitating as an unmarried couple.

Take care and best of luck!!!

BENDY75

They firstly needed to know because I will get a serviced apartment for the first month of arriving and luckily they asked about it because its sharing with other people! I think it was someone just being a jobsworth!!!
I have read that I can sponsor him with special permission from the ministry so will just have to investigate that, but its maybe just if you are married...again!!

arbroath_abroad

You cannot sponsor your boyfriend. But if he gets a job here then he will get his own sponsorship and then you can live together. Now by the law it IS illegal to cohabit, however as mentioned, don't flaunt it, and nothing will come of it. We did it for over a year with no problems.

But forget sponsoring your bf. That's a non starter. Pretty sure if he is working 6 on 6 off in yanksville then visa runs will be ok. You are both uk passport holders?

Blue Cat

AA is right you can't sponsor him unless you marry. The whole living together thing has been totally blown out of all proportion. I know loads of people who are living together. We did it for two years before we got married, never had a problem. As the other guys have said, don't flaunt and it won't be a problem. Put a fake band on your finger if it makes you feel better. The only time it would be a real issue would be if you fell pregnant and say had an ectopic pregnancy and turned up at a Government hospital not wed. I have friends here who have fallen pregnant and not married until they were 3 months gone, still not had a problem. Good luck

If the BF is coming here for 6 weeks at at time he will neeed to a visa run as the new visa rules only give you 30 days on arrival. But that isn't a problem.

Cry haddock

With all these 'laws are in place but we all break them anyway' rules, the key is in the not flaunting or provoking as mentioned before.
Keep your head down and learn to bite your tongue - A guy three doors down the road (Emirati) slashed two tires on our car because it was parked outside his house for two nights. He came screaming and shouting at me as I was having them changed (ever tried to change two flat tires?) and admitted it was him. Quite hard to smile at him and apologise - but that kind of thing can easily turn into a major problem.
What I'm getting at is it can be done, but just keep in mind that you are technically breaking the law so need to hold yourself to a higher standard of control than would be required in most places.
Best of luck,
J

arbroath_abroad

your a better man than me im afraid. He came screaming at you and admitted HE had slashed (committing vandilism) YOUR tyres.

And YOU apologised? for parking in the wrong place

Sorry but that servile attitude is one of the reasons that the majority of locals are arrogant arseholes..

on a good day, Id have called the police

on a bad day, id have called an ambulance

but hey ho, i have anger issues apparently

edit but i totally see where your coming from if you are cohabiting...

lionheart

Sorry to appear unhelpful but you should really have done more research before accepting the position. As for certain lady board members saying not to worry about breaking the law, these are the same people who tell us not to break even lesser laws when hiring part-time housemaids.

al dente

You are kidding me!!! My DH would have had to hold me back! But then he reckons i'm prime jail meat here and it's only a matter of time.

Charismatic

Yeah, marraige licences...I've heard you can order some really nice certificates on-line so yours looks pretty, you can show it off if any one asks . Of course in some parts of the world they don't bother to record it much less make it public record so god knows how they'd ever even check if you where married in one of those small pacific island micro-states .

Lets hope no one exploits these flaws in the system .

lobby lou

IM afriad the old sayin comes to mind 'WHEN IN ROME!!!!!!!'

laws are there in this their country for a reason!!!!would those of u that dont see it as a problem walk out of spinneys without payin for it????????

Charismatic

I've heard that romour as well but then you come across some law imposed by religious zealots, ignorant politicians or clever ones trying to win a few minority votes prior to elections. Suddenly you realise that laws constantly need to be rationalised in a dynamic process to conform to the desires of society (for better or worse).

If people ignore a law then it just becomes an obsolete peice of text, to follow a law simply because it exists is a slippery slope that shows little faith in your own humanity. We lived in civil groups long before laws existed, no text in an original way defines what is "right" and what is "wrong" .

Edit: I've just thought about what I've said there, that won't get you lot into trouble with the Internet Policing Authorities will it?

MataHari

arbroath_abroad

Whats the reason exactly?

please at least quantify your statement with an example. Your spinneys comment is laughable as i would imagine the poster(s) would not consider walking out of tesco's back home without paying...

christ, you would be out of your depth in a puddle