some light humour

Old Feb 7th 2006, 11:46 pm
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Default some light humour

sorry if this is a repeat for any of you - thought it was hilarious! advice from viz apparently! does anyone know it you can buy viz here?

·�*Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

·�*Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a Chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f***ing thing in the first place.

·�*Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

·�*Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cake again.

·�*Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.

·�*Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.

·�*Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

·�*Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof.

·�*Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so It may as well look like one.

·�*�*A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

·�*Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair

·�*At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.

·�*Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

·�*Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.

·�*Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
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Old Feb 7th 2006, 11:55 pm
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Default Re: some light humour

Originally Posted by barsha barbie
sorry if this is a repeat for any of you - thought it was hilarious! advice from viz apparently! does anyone know it you can buy viz here?

Not found anywhere selling it on shelves, but you can subscribe and have it delivered - www.viz.co.uk - worth every penny (Letterbocks are pure genius)!
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Old Feb 8th 2006, 12:57 am
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Default Re: some light humour

Originally Posted by NorthernLad
Not found anywhere selling it on shelves, but you can subscribe and have it delivered - www.viz.co.uk - worth every penny (Letterbocks are pure genius)!
excellent! thanks for that!
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Old Feb 10th 2006, 3:23 pm
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Default Re: some light humour

Originally Posted by NorthernLad
Not found anywhere selling it on shelves, but you can subscribe and have it delivered - www.viz.co.uk - worth every penny (Letterbocks are pure genius)!
Yep I subscribe too. Am always amazed I get it though, knowing the restrictions here!!
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Old Feb 10th 2006, 5:27 pm
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Default Re: some light humour

Originally Posted by MJC
Yep I subscribe too. Am always amazed I get it though, knowing the restrictions here!!
Was surprised to see Catboy has a letter published this month!
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Old Feb 10th 2006, 5:30 pm
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Default Re: some light humour

Originally Posted by MJC
Yep I subscribe too. Am always amazed I get it though, knowing the restrictions here!!
Have you had a magazine since before Christmas? My brother bought G a subsciption to Viz for Christmas, but haven't received one as yet...
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Old Feb 10th 2006, 5:35 pm
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Default Re: some light humour

Originally Posted by Zannie
Have you had a magazine since before Christmas? My brother bought G a subsciption to Viz for Christmas, but haven't received one as yet...
Yep, got one at end of Jan, however it takes a while for the subscription to be processed...took me two months to get my first copy.
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