Lipstick cherry

Hiya, newbie here
Sorry if this has been posted a million times before, had a quick search but didn't find much.

I've had an offer of a great job in Qatar with a full relocation package, but before I accept it just wondered if anyone else has had issues with an Ex not agreeing to taking the children to live abroad.

He only sees our daughter on alternate weekends and very occasionally picks her up from the childminder after school for a couple of hours, tbh he has very little input with her. BUT he's spiteful and I know as soon as I mention moving he'll fight it. I've done a bit of reading up and it would seem a court would probably rule in my favour, I am married now with a step son too and I've read they're less likely to split families up, but if he does fight, any idea how long it could drag on for and how much it might cost? I really have no experience in dealing with this sort of thing, last time I had any involvement with a solicitor was when I bought my house over 10yrs ago.

Right now I don't have the money to pay huge solicitors bills and court fees etc, neither does he really but I know his family would stump up the cash, and I don't want to lose out on an amazing opportunity for the kids as well as us just because I don't have the funds to keep fighting through court. Plus obviously it would impact on the job if I have to postpone because of him being an arse

I've already thought through how we could work it, they could Skype at any time and I'll pay for his flights out to Qatar once a year (my company will pay for us a flight home yearly too). But somehow I don't think that'll be enough for him to just agree to it.

I just want to be prepared and find out what I might be letting myself in for before I accept and start the process, so if anyone has been through it or had any experience of this, any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks

Lipstick cherry

Sorry if this is in the wrong place, I didn't know where else it would fit!

Blue Cat

Have you actually mentioned it to him? I would speak to him first before getting all wound up. If does agree you will need a letter from him that is verified by a notary for you to be able to sponsor her when you get to Qatar. I am guessing your current husband has employment lined up in Qatar as well?

britexpat76

Why don't you talk to him before calling a Solicitor? think of things you can offer him. Trip here once a year, sending your daughter home to him for school holidays (If you are not willing to do that why should he be willing to let her go with you)

Have reasons why it would benefit your daughter too, prepare and write things down and talk to him-That costs nothing. Just my tuppence worth

Lipstick cherry

It has already been raised with him - albeit in a roundabout way. Last year my sister-in-law moved out there with her family and we mentioned to the kids we would go visit, so the child told her dad we were going to Qatar (not thinking to say it was just a holiday, she is only 7) and he rang me the next day demanding to know what was going on and why we were going etc. Despite telling him it was just to visit and the child had got it wrong, he wasn't impressed in the slightest. I was with him 15 years and I know what he's like, unfortunately this is going to go down like a lead balloon.

I have every intention of talking to him about it, I'm not just going to announce that we're off to Qatar, see you in six months. I just wanted a bit of a heads up on how the process works and what I might expect to happen.

And I'm more than willing for her to stay with him during holidays etc, we all need a bit of a break from the monsters every now and again! Hehe. Didn't think to put that in my first post.

And yes, him indoors has plenty of work opportunities out there, earning three times what I will. He works for a huge multi-national company with operations out there and he's already enquired about relocating with the same company, so no worries there

Cheers

Bob

The court order bit is pretty generic, have a look in any of the country immigration forums and you'll find peoples experiences of going through it, quite a few threads in the US immigration forums.

Crewegirl

Hi, if you go through court for this it could take upto a year and will be very expensive. It may well go in your favour but he is also the child's father and has rights and and you can not leave the country with the child without his permission so perhaps as britexpat said talk to him and make him offers but then stand by your offers and see they work for not only you but for him too as after all he is the Dad.

Myusernamewastaken

If he thought that his daughter meant that she wasn't coming back (and no arrangements had been made to still be able to see her), wasn't the reaction from him quite normal? Maybe the reaction was from the misinformation, not a possible move itself if there will be good possibilities to still see his daughter?

commander

Does he only see his child on alternate weekends because that is all that is on offer? If he could have his child more, would he? Isn't alternate weekends pretty normal for kids access..maybe his job restricts him from picking kiddywinkles up from school during the week. I know mine does.

Have you maybe offered that he takes custody of the child and you can visit regularly and the child can spend school holidays in Qatar?

Thesandman

Hi, I've actually been in the reverse situation, with children and ex wife in Dubai wishing to relocate to the UK. I felt that it was more in the children's interested for my ex wife to have a chance at being happy, which she would not have been in the UAE. I guess it comes down to the individual. I've spend 18 months flying regularly back and forward between UAE and UK and its been fun but exhausting. It is best to appeal to his better nature.

Lipstick cherry

Hi, thanks for all the replies
I'm more than aware he has rights etc, trust me, but there's a lot more to this than I'm prepared to put on a public forum. Put it this way, Jeremy Kyle would have a field day with him (not in a drug-addled/benefit scrounging way, but everything else absent-dad related) and he only sees her because I MAKE him for our daughter's sake. Believe me, she'd be much better off if she never saw him again, but I know there's no way I'd be able to do that.

I didn't really want to get into a discussion about parental rights etc. I know what I have to do, and whisking her away without speaking with him first was never an option. All I wanted to know was whether anyone else has had to go through this and what their experience was (if they were prepared to share it, obviously). You never know, he might be able to see the positive side to all this, as thesandman said, but I know he's bitter and spiteful enough to make it as difficult as humanly possible for us. Not because he'll miss his daughter, but just because he knows he can. Booooo.

asher

there has been a few people posting in the Aussie forum about this in the past and mostly without the father's cooperation you end up in court a good few times and have to pay through the nose for it
good luck

Lipstick cherry

Bummer. Will go have a look, cheers

asher

try here
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...ad+with+father

Bob

Aye, same in the US immigration forums, and well in probably most other country sections.

The experiences of the court order doesn't change because of the destination country, so they're all relevant.

I mentioned that in post #6 :/