Maintenance / CSA / etc
Apr 25th 2007, 8:19 am
#31
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
Thankfully things are much calmer between me and my ex now and we now have a reasonably civil relationship, but it wasn't always like that. I remember travelling to the UK, phoning and being told I couldn't see my son.
You obviously then are left with two options beg or go home without seeing your child...those who say you should stand up to them don't always understand how much you are prepared to do just for a quieter life and to see your child. Women almost always have the upper hand, and most of them know what strings to pull.
Apr 25th 2007, 10:13 am
#32
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Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Abu Dhabi
Posts: 3,968
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
This is the crux of the matter. They rely on the fact that (although we are bastards etc for living so far away) that we will never want to break contact.
Thankfully things are much calmer between me and my ex now and we now have a reasonably civil relationship, but it wasn't always like that. I remember travelling to the UK, phoning and being told I couldn't see my son.
You obviously then are left with two options beg or go home without seeing your child...those who say you should stand up to them don't always understand how much you are prepared to do just for a quieter life and to see your child. Women almost always have the upper hand, and most of them know what strings to pull.
Thankfully things are much calmer between me and my ex now and we now have a reasonably civil relationship, but it wasn't always like that. I remember travelling to the UK, phoning and being told I couldn't see my son.
You obviously then are left with two options beg or go home without seeing your child...those who say you should stand up to them don't always understand how much you are prepared to do just for a quieter life and to see your child. Women almost always have the upper hand, and most of them know what strings to pull.
My ex is a prime example of someone who knows that she has the one thing in life that i want also.
that is the cold facts and she uses the thing as a weapon against me and my family constantly.
the fact that the 'thing' is my beautiful little 5 year old that i (and all dads are the same, seperated or not) think about every single day.
Apr 25th 2007, 10:32 am
#33
Up in the air
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: I'm global baby!!!!!!
Posts: 7,263
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
My daughter was the product of a couple of nights of fun when i was just a child (20).
Although i barely knew the mother when she discovered she was pregnant, i decided to do the right thing and stick by her. I bought a house and i gave it my best shot.
At the time JD Jnr was born, i had just turned 21, and the mother 19...still children ourselves in some respects. Things were hard, and we both had to change, adapt and get to know each other!!!
We lasted almost 4 years, but in the end, we were both not happy, and decided to call it a day. We had become better friends than lovers, and decided it would be best for the little one if we parted as friend instead of letting the situation deteriate.
Although I spent a large portion of the following years abroad, i always saw my daughter as often as i could and emailed/called on a daily basis.
Her mum eventually found another guy, nice enough guy, a builder by trade and offered the kind of stability that i could not.
I have to commend a guy that will take on a single mum, it says alot about him.
Being a consultant, i would often work a six month contract somewhere, then take six months off. I would try to time this over the summer holidays so i could spend weeks with my girl and go on holiday and catch up.
These days things are still great, I have a great friendship with the mother, I regard her as one of my best friends and can talk to her about anything.
My daughter i speak to most nights on MSN web-cam and we chat about our respective days.
Even though Im 3,700 mile away, it doesnt mean she is not always in my thoughts, and i pull out all the stops to maintain contact.
I saw her at the beginning of January and Feburary half term, and i flew out two weeks ago, then i'll see her again in June. after that will be autumn half term and then ill go back for Christmas.
There are some that say i must be having a great time out here in Dubai, and yes, some things are great, but to others who critisise, I get 33 days holiday a year, and every single one of those is booked out for my daughter for when she comes over..
personally.................. i wouldnt have it any other way..
JD
__________________
Although i barely knew the mother when she discovered she was pregnant, i decided to do the right thing and stick by her. I bought a house and i gave it my best shot.
At the time JD Jnr was born, i had just turned 21, and the mother 19...still children ourselves in some respects. Things were hard, and we both had to change, adapt and get to know each other!!!
We lasted almost 4 years, but in the end, we were both not happy, and decided to call it a day. We had become better friends than lovers, and decided it would be best for the little one if we parted as friend instead of letting the situation deteriate.
Although I spent a large portion of the following years abroad, i always saw my daughter as often as i could and emailed/called on a daily basis.
Her mum eventually found another guy, nice enough guy, a builder by trade and offered the kind of stability that i could not.
I have to commend a guy that will take on a single mum, it says alot about him.
Being a consultant, i would often work a six month contract somewhere, then take six months off. I would try to time this over the summer holidays so i could spend weeks with my girl and go on holiday and catch up.
These days things are still great, I have a great friendship with the mother, I regard her as one of my best friends and can talk to her about anything.
My daughter i speak to most nights on MSN web-cam and we chat about our respective days.
Even though Im 3,700 mile away, it doesnt mean she is not always in my thoughts, and i pull out all the stops to maintain contact.
I saw her at the beginning of January and Feburary half term, and i flew out two weeks ago, then i'll see her again in June. after that will be autumn half term and then ill go back for Christmas.
There are some that say i must be having a great time out here in Dubai, and yes, some things are great, but to others who critisise, I get 33 days holiday a year, and every single one of those is booked out for my daughter for when she comes over..
personally.................. i wouldnt have it any other way..
JD
__________________
Apr 25th 2007, 10:46 am
#34
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
Quite - I've been to London 16 times in the past 2 years.
I can count the number of times I have been to a bar/club on the fingers of one hand.
All of my time and energy is put into seeing my son, that means early nights so I can be there at 6am when he wakes up.
I can count the number of times I have been to a bar/club on the fingers of one hand.
All of my time and energy is put into seeing my son, that means early nights so I can be there at 6am when he wakes up.
Apr 25th 2007, 10:53 am
#35
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Abu Dhabi
Posts: 3,968
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
I am very envious of you guys in that respect.
I really wish my ex would wise up and do what is right for my daughter, not what is right for her or what SHE perceives is right for her daughter
But one day it will happen for me
I am keeping the faith.
When you are in the right, things always have a habit of going full circle
I really wish my ex would wise up and do what is right for my daughter, not what is right for her or what SHE perceives is right for her daughter
But one day it will happen for me
I am keeping the faith.
When you are in the right, things always have a habit of going full circle
Apr 25th 2007, 10:55 am
#36
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Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Doha, Qatar
Posts: 2,675
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
We spend 6 weeks every summer with my dh's kids, and talk to them at least twice a week.
Sadly they can't come to visit, because their mum is a bit paranoid about the Middle East.
Since they are quite far away we can't visit more often which is a shame, but they understand and are looking forward to our summers together.
It's a shame if parents use their children for revenge, it is sooo wrong.
My son sees his father whenever his father has time to visit, he even stays in my husbands and my house for a few days at a time, so my son can spend as much time with him as possible.
Eventhough I don't think that much (obviously) of his father, i would NEVER utter a bad word about him in my sons presence.
After all, he is is Daddy!
Sadly they can't come to visit, because their mum is a bit paranoid about the Middle East.
Since they are quite far away we can't visit more often which is a shame, but they understand and are looking forward to our summers together.
It's a shame if parents use their children for revenge, it is sooo wrong.
My son sees his father whenever his father has time to visit, he even stays in my husbands and my house for a few days at a time, so my son can spend as much time with him as possible.
Eventhough I don't think that much (obviously) of his father, i would NEVER utter a bad word about him in my sons presence.
After all, he is is Daddy!
Last edited by Alexa; Apr 25th 2007 at 10:59 am.
Apr 25th 2007, 12:40 pm
#37
Premium Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Abu Dhabi soon
Posts: 4,123
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
Seems we are all in the same boat. I pay the ex 20 grand sterling a year for my 2 boys. Contact is nigh on impossible. I also have a step daughter for who I receive zero from her father.
Aint life a breeze
However, on the bright side is the clean break I negotiated ........ well worth it
Aint life a breeze
However, on the bright side is the clean break I negotiated ........ well worth it
Apr 25th 2007, 12:52 pm
#38
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 19
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
Grief, well at least I'm not the only one in this predicament.
My little boy is 6, lives in Birmingham with his mother, even when I was in the UK, and paying royally for HER upkeep, not my son's it must be said, it was incredibly difficult to get to see him, I'd turn up, he'd be at his grandparents for example, it eventually ended up at the courts where I was given 2 supervised visits a week, one of 2 hours on a Wednesday evening and one of 4 hours on a weekend. It never happened.
So now in Dubai, I'm resigned to the fact that hopefully time will prove a great healer and I can get the access me and my little scrap want.
I'm convinced that it's pure vindictiveness btw.
My little boy is 6, lives in Birmingham with his mother, even when I was in the UK, and paying royally for HER upkeep, not my son's it must be said, it was incredibly difficult to get to see him, I'd turn up, he'd be at his grandparents for example, it eventually ended up at the courts where I was given 2 supervised visits a week, one of 2 hours on a Wednesday evening and one of 4 hours on a weekend. It never happened.
So now in Dubai, I'm resigned to the fact that hopefully time will prove a great healer and I can get the access me and my little scrap want.
I'm convinced that it's pure vindictiveness btw.
Apr 25th 2007, 1:44 pm
#39
Concierge
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 29,625
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
My daughter was the product of a couple of nights of fun when i was just a child (20).
Although i barely knew the mother when she discovered she was pregnant, i decided to do the right thing and stick by her. I bought a house and i gave it my best shot.
At the time JD Jnr was born, i had just turned 21, and the mother 19...still children ourselves in some respects. Things were hard, and we both had to change, adapt and get to know each other!!!
We lasted almost 4 years, but in the end, we were both not happy, and decided to call it a day. We had become better friends than lovers, and decided it would be best for the little one if we parted as friend instead of letting the situation deteriate.
Although I spent a large portion of the following years abroad, i always saw my daughter as often as i could and emailed/called on a daily basis.
Her mum eventually found another guy, nice enough guy, a builder by trade and offered the kind of stability that i could not.
I have to commend a guy that will take on a single mum, it says alot about him.
Being a consultant, i would often work a six month contract somewhere, then take six months off. I would try to time this over the summer holidays so i could spend weeks with my girl and go on holiday and catch up.
These days things are still great, I have a great friendship with the mother, I regard her as one of my best friends and can talk to her about anything.
My daughter i speak to most nights on MSN web-cam and we chat about our respective days.
Even though Im 3,700 mile away, it doesnt mean she is not always in my thoughts, and i pull out all the stops to maintain contact.
I saw her at the beginning of January and Feburary half term, and i flew out two weeks ago, then i'll see her again in June. after that will be autumn half term and then ill go back for Christmas.
There are some that say i must be having a great time out here in Dubai, and yes, some things are great, but to others who critisise, I get 33 days holiday a year, and every single one of those is booked out for my daughter for when she comes over..
personally.................. i wouldnt have it any other way..
JD
__________________
Although i barely knew the mother when she discovered she was pregnant, i decided to do the right thing and stick by her. I bought a house and i gave it my best shot.
At the time JD Jnr was born, i had just turned 21, and the mother 19...still children ourselves in some respects. Things were hard, and we both had to change, adapt and get to know each other!!!
We lasted almost 4 years, but in the end, we were both not happy, and decided to call it a day. We had become better friends than lovers, and decided it would be best for the little one if we parted as friend instead of letting the situation deteriate.
Although I spent a large portion of the following years abroad, i always saw my daughter as often as i could and emailed/called on a daily basis.
Her mum eventually found another guy, nice enough guy, a builder by trade and offered the kind of stability that i could not.
I have to commend a guy that will take on a single mum, it says alot about him.
Being a consultant, i would often work a six month contract somewhere, then take six months off. I would try to time this over the summer holidays so i could spend weeks with my girl and go on holiday and catch up.
These days things are still great, I have a great friendship with the mother, I regard her as one of my best friends and can talk to her about anything.
My daughter i speak to most nights on MSN web-cam and we chat about our respective days.
Even though Im 3,700 mile away, it doesnt mean she is not always in my thoughts, and i pull out all the stops to maintain contact.
I saw her at the beginning of January and Feburary half term, and i flew out two weeks ago, then i'll see her again in June. after that will be autumn half term and then ill go back for Christmas.
There are some that say i must be having a great time out here in Dubai, and yes, some things are great, but to others who critisise, I get 33 days holiday a year, and every single one of those is booked out for my daughter for when she comes over..
personally.................. i wouldnt have it any other way..
JD
__________________
you are perfect JD , I am beginning to wonder if you are real !!!
Apr 25th 2007, 2:22 pm
#40
Up in the air
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: I'm global baby!!!!!!
Posts: 7,263
Apr 25th 2007, 2:33 pm
#41
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,109
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
In the last year i have flown back to glasgow twice to see my Daughter. Both times pre-arranged. Went to ex's mothers house as arranged, nobody home.
The year previous i cut short a work trip to Singapore to fly to see her and they had left 2 days earlier to effin Tenerife. Nobody told me, i spent a week frantically trying to contact them. (nice people)
The best one of all is i flew back from Oz after working there, Was meant to pick her up at 12pm on the Sunday, 11:30am got a phonecall saying she was seriously unwell. Obviously i said i was on my way straight round to see her. but was told she is too unwell to see me (err it wasnt a social visit FFS) As i drove into her cul-de-sac, on this lovely summers day, there was a small smoke trail coming from the garden as a family barbeque was in full force.
Angry i confronted my ex who got her big brother to come to talk to me. After he was swiftly dispatched on his erse I thought i would go home pronto.
30 mins later Strathclydes finest came to my house and arrested me. My dad was at my house (ex policeman) who talked to the coppers.
I was interviewed by the police and they actually told me off record what answers to give. A was released without charge and warned off record not to fall into the trap of loosing my temper especially with court appearances looming.
I look back now and cant beleive the situation that we both found ourselves and still do to a lesser extent in.
BC you are right, i will have my day, already i record every phonecall i make, i record on webcams a weekly diary for my daughter, telling her what we are doing and that i am trying to call her and see her. I hope NEVER to have to show these to her, but if the brainwashing is soo bad that she hates me cause i never cared then i shall produce these.
Poor wee thing, she doesnt deserve any of this, but severing all ties in not an option
The year previous i cut short a work trip to Singapore to fly to see her and they had left 2 days earlier to effin Tenerife. Nobody told me, i spent a week frantically trying to contact them. (nice people)
The best one of all is i flew back from Oz after working there, Was meant to pick her up at 12pm on the Sunday, 11:30am got a phonecall saying she was seriously unwell. Obviously i said i was on my way straight round to see her. but was told she is too unwell to see me (err it wasnt a social visit FFS) As i drove into her cul-de-sac, on this lovely summers day, there was a small smoke trail coming from the garden as a family barbeque was in full force.
Angry i confronted my ex who got her big brother to come to talk to me. After he was swiftly dispatched on his erse I thought i would go home pronto.
30 mins later Strathclydes finest came to my house and arrested me. My dad was at my house (ex policeman) who talked to the coppers.
I was interviewed by the police and they actually told me off record what answers to give. A was released without charge and warned off record not to fall into the trap of loosing my temper especially with court appearances looming.
I look back now and cant beleive the situation that we both found ourselves and still do to a lesser extent in.
BC you are right, i will have my day, already i record every phonecall i make, i record on webcams a weekly diary for my daughter, telling her what we are doing and that i am trying to call her and see her. I hope NEVER to have to show these to her, but if the brainwashing is soo bad that she hates me cause i never cared then i shall produce these.
Poor wee thing, she doesnt deserve any of this, but severing all ties in not an option
Your posts made me want to cry ( I am a real softie). I love my dd so much and I know how much it would kill me not to see her or speak to her at least. Do you at least get regular photos of her? I hope that your day comes sooner rather than later. Your poor wee girl is without her daddy because her mother is clearly selfish and unable to know what is best for her daughter. x
Apr 25th 2007, 5:10 pm
#42
Just Joined
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Arabian Ranches
Posts: 1
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
My husband pays through the CSA, really we should be re-assessed becuase he should be paying more, he pays about 280/mth. His ex has not requested a re-assessment, but we all have a good relationship and she knows she can ask and we will give.
Funny thing is, she only ever asks for money for school trips, we are always offering money to pay for school stuff and she never wants it, when she bought a house with her partner last year we offered to pay for my stepdaughter's new bedroom and they would not take it.
They all came out here on holiday not so long ago and stayed with us, we even argued over who paid for her when we went out (we won that argument).
We are very lucky, but it took time to get here, my husband went through a lot of pain at first, but both him and his ex can recognise what they did wrong at the start of their break up and it is water under the bridge now.
Don't lose hope, time is a great healer.
Funny thing is, she only ever asks for money for school trips, we are always offering money to pay for school stuff and she never wants it, when she bought a house with her partner last year we offered to pay for my stepdaughter's new bedroom and they would not take it.
They all came out here on holiday not so long ago and stayed with us, we even argued over who paid for her when we went out (we won that argument).
We are very lucky, but it took time to get here, my husband went through a lot of pain at first, but both him and his ex can recognise what they did wrong at the start of their break up and it is water under the bridge now.
Don't lose hope, time is a great healer.
Apr 25th 2007, 5:29 pm
#43
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 29
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
You men must keep trying, my husband (perhaps understandibly) gave up and time is not always the great healer. Its difficult for grown up children to renew contact with a parent that they have not seen since they were young even when they have been paying constantly. However, it helps if you have always tried and have proof. Continue to send letters and presents even if you don't get replies or thank yous.
Apr 26th 2007, 4:43 am
#44
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Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Abu Dhabi
Posts: 3,968
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
Your posts made me want to cry ( I am a real softie). I love my dd so much and I know how much it would kill me not to see her or speak to her at least. Do you at least get regular photos of her? I hope that your day comes sooner rather than later. Your poor wee girl is without her daddy because her mother is clearly selfish and unable to know what is best for her daughter. x
Not a thank you card or letter for any of the birthday presents, xmas presents and numerous other gifts i have couriered over to her
Not that i care about that, i just hope that my wee girl has actually been given the gifts!!!
Still, i will have my day!!!
Apr 26th 2007, 5:54 am
#45
Concierge
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 29,625
Re: Maintenance / CSA / etc
December 2005, last photo
Not a thank you card or letter for any of the birthday presents, xmas presents and numerous other gifts i have couriered over to her
Not that i care about that, i just hope that my wee girl has actually been given the gifts!!!
Still, i will have my day!!!
Not a thank you card or letter for any of the birthday presents, xmas presents and numerous other gifts i have couriered over to her
Not that i care about that, i just hope that my wee girl has actually been given the gifts!!!
Still, i will have my day!!!
GA