stormer

One of the best jokes/stories I've seen in a very long time:

INEXPERIENCED CURRY TASTER

Notes from An Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was
visiting India from the U.S. "Recently I was honoured to be selected
as a judge at a curry cook-off.
The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to
be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer
wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they
told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are
the scorecards from the event:
___________________________________________
Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried
paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope
that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
__________________________________
Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when
they saw the look on my face.
___________

Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now,
get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now
my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all the beer.

__________________________
Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other >mild foods, not much of a curry.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid,
was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. b*tch is
starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is
curry an aphrodisiac?

__________________________________________
Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I f*rted and four people behind me
needed paramedics.The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming.Screw them!

_________________________________________
Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of
spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I sh*t myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that sl*t
Savathree,she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I
need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
_______________________________________________
Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about
Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is
ursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a ****ing thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and
the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like sh*t to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. **** it, I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in
through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

___________________________________________

Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for
all,not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild
nor hot.

Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out,
fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if
he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot curry?

FRANK: -------------- (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

FaZtAsTiCleS

HAHAHAHAH
Good one