Welivehere

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my
friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work
cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays,
hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst
of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want
to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your
influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important,
I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or
necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those
ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to
hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest
that I eat a taco with chilli sauce, along with a big Italian meatball
and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat
after a few cheese curls & chilli cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater,
but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do
more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home
by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black
& blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are
beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to
get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting
ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's
debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is
completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the
proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products,
aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen
floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way
interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like
to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of
great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed
companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my
pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review
my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an
answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible
solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

Face81

hmmmmm....... i thought u were at work? very funny though.

Welivehere

The miracles of cut and paste...

And as for the work thing, yep, and have now been waiting 25 mins for my boss to make a two min decision, so sat here twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to remove his thumb from up his *** and make that decision...

Face81

I can see that the two of you have such a close relationship with each other. I can feel the love in your office over the internet.

Welivehere

Actually he is a good guy and very easy to work for, but he likes to analyse everything before making a decision, normally I would say this is a good thing but sometimes when it is a simple decision you can over analyse things and make them more complicated then they are.... But hey if he can delay for another half hour I'm outa here til tomorrow....

Fairydust

PMSL very funny

Face81

well then, by all means, tell him that i said he should look over the matter one more time before making a final desicion.