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Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

Old Jul 20th 2009, 8:13 am
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Unhappy Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

I have posted earlier on in the year about my experience but things are getting even more tougher out here for me. Basically, in January this year, me and my family made a radical decision for me to move to Dubai to work. This was done completely on a whim. I was offered a job based on a speculative letter/CV I sent to a company there. The decision for me to move on my own was prompted by immense financial difficulties we faced as a family back home in the UK. It was either Dubai or bankcruptcy. Due to my dad passing away, my mother and sister also moved in with my wife and 8 month old baby daughter, and I have to support my mother because she does not work due to ill health. Due to the rising cost of living in the UK and my low pay when I was there, I amassed debts of around £6000 which I am now paying off using my salary in Dubai. I am fortunate that I have an uncle and his family staying in Dubai whom I stay with rent free, and don’t really get on with that articularly well. My only expense here is a car. The salary I get in Dubai is enough to pay my debts which hopefully I will have all paid off by April next year but I am not saving anything here. Even once my debts are paid off, I do not earn enough to be able to afford rent for an apartment here in Dubai that will accommodate my wife and baby daughter, my sister and my mother. I will also need to take care of my mother’s medical costs as she is a diabetic and a heart patient and has to take numerous medicines. I know her medicines are going to cost a lot if she were to come out here.

I would like to be able to make Dubai work for me and my family but as things stand, the odds are against it happening. It would only work if I were to stay out here on my own but both me and my wife are not happy with that prospect because. I know that this will have a negative impact on my daughters upbringing. We are all feeling very emotionally hurt by my being here in Dubai. I have persuaded my wife to persevere with this arrangement for a year until my debts are paid off but when I looked into her eyes I can tell she is deeply tormented by this separation. For me though, it is not being with my daughter and wider family that is driving a thorn through my heart. Everyday is so difficult here. I went back to the UK in June for 3 weeks to visit them but since I have been back, I am missing them even more and really miss the UK, and the way of life there. In my six months here in Dubai, I have failed to make any real friends, just one in fact who I do not exactly get on with. Reflecting on my six months here in Dubai, I feel totally confused, emotionally hurt and deeply frustrated. Put simply, I am just not enjoying living here.

I don’t know if the experience of working in Dubai will be good for my CV or not but I don’t honestly see me progressing here. The people I work with are great but I don’t like the industry I am working in and the job itself is rather boring. The job I am doing is nothing more than a survival job which I got because I am a good all rounder. I am due to visit the UK again for my hols in November again as my baby daughter will be 1 year old. I don’t know if I go back to the UK if I will be able to get a job that would meet all my monthly bills or not. My wife will be back at work from maternity leave so more income will be coming in. There are times when I just cry in frustration and loneliness of missing all my family. Anyone else been through a similar experience that would help me? Thanks 
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 8:19 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

I feel for you man....

If that was me, and this only my HO, I would jack in Dubai and be with my baby girl.

I dont know what you do for a living, but you're not ready for Dubai, and you seem better off at home. If you stay it will kill you inside.

Go back home...ring the debtors, tell them you cant pay yet, they will freeze interest. Get income support etc etc and pay off the debt as and when.

You baby girl needs you more than you need to pay the debts.

Do this and it will all work out, Insha'Allah
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 8:32 am
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hmmmm...nice
 
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

some people just aren't suited to be an expat and you seem to be a prime example...
from reading your earlier posts it seems though that you may be a bit of a serial complainer...you were annoyed with the UK, your job, the fact that you were overlooked constantly for promotions etc etc...then you came here and again all you did was complain...
If your online persona reflects your real life one, I am not surprised that you have not made any friends here, apart from the one that you don't get along with...
I realise this might all sound a bit negative, but maybe you should start by looking at your own attitude...
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 8:33 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

Two options - you stay and get a better paid position that would ensure you could bring your wife and daughter over here to live. The option of bringing your Mother over won't happen, sorry. To sponsor a parent you have to provide medical insurance and I don't know of a company who would offer Insurance to someone with her medical conditions.

You have never been happy here, I remember when you first joined the site expressing concerns about whether you had made the right decision or not. Personally I think you should cut your losses and go back to the UK. You can't make up the time lost with your daughter.
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 8:43 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

yep, go home...the mother thing is a non-starter, she wouldn't get insurance and you'd have crippling medical bills...

if there is no way of wife and daughter coming over separately, then i think you've no choice to go back feeling the way you do...

MM, xx
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 8:45 am
  #6  
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

Originally Posted by MataHari View Post
some people just aren't suited to be an expat and you seem to be a prime example...
from reading your earlier posts it seems though that you may be a bit of a serial complainer...you were annoyed with the UK, your job, the fact that you were overlooked constantly for promotions etc etc...then you came here and again all you did was complain...
If your online persona reflects your real life one, I am not surprised that you have not made any friends here, apart from the one that you don't get along with...
I realise this might all sound a bit negative, but maybe you should start by looking at your own attitude...
You are right. I think as Brits, we all drag the UK down unfairly. Being out here and then going back this June has told me how I took for granted.
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 9:00 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

It may not be the most supportive I could say, but here goes...

I do wonder about your reasons for coming out.. Your father had passed away and, all of a sudden, you find yourself as the head of the family. Your mother is, no doubt, going to be a burden on you and and your family and, being the sole bread winner, you know that means additional strain on an already strained wallet.

You have family, albeit not 'friendly', settled in Dubai, and this gives you the idea of jumping ship and heading to the glitz of Dubai. Yet, when you start posting on here, everyone here warns against.

If debt was the sole reason for coming over, I have to say 6k would not force me to travel a quarter of the way around the world, leaving a wife who now not only has a newborn to look after, but also your sister and a mother in poor health.

I honestly feel that, reading your posts, you were simply escaping from a situation you did not want to have to deal with. You now realise that you have gone from the frying pan into the fire and, whilst I empathise, I cannot sympathise....

I honestly believe its time for you to decide what you want to do. Do you want to be a father to your kid, a husband to your wife and a caring son to your mother, with all that means, or are you going to hide over here a little longer, under the guise of 'doing whats best'...

I think you know what is best for your family, and yourself, right now. You just want someone to slap your face, tell you and point you to the airport....
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 9:04 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

[QUOTE=TGFKASE;7767317]

I honestly feel that, reading your posts, you were simply escaping from a situation you did not want to have to deal with. You now realise that you have gone from the frying pan into the fire and, whilst I empathise, I cannot sympathise....

Unfortunately that happens a lot here and it never works if you come here for those reasons
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 9:09 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

I agree with the previous posters - you need to cut your losses and go back to the UK and join the millions of other people that struggle through from month to month, but at least are with their family.

At least you'll have paid off some of your debts though, so hopefully you'll not have lost anything and will be going back in a better position to that when you first came out here.

I know everyone's situation is different, but my son was 6 months old when we first came out, and there was no question of them not joining me here, I wouldn't miss out on watching my children grow up for all the money in the world.

Of course, many of the labourers here and lowly paid shop-workers etc are here without their families but they seem to have little other choice - I think if they could, they would be with their families too.
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 10:00 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

next thread from Meonline - Car For Sale
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 10:15 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

Any chance of rotation work in your line? 28 days on/28 days off in a remote location would put money in the bank and get you home frequently as well.

Watch the tax - basically you need the tax year out. It seems you became non-res before April 2009 yes? Then unless you make it to April 2010 you may well be liable to UK tax on your UAE earnings (everything else being equal etc etc.)

A tough call for you.

Follow your heart.
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 10:17 am
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hmmmm...nice
 
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

Originally Posted by Blue Cat View Post
next thread from Meonline - Car For Sale
maybe he should just find himself a bit on the side...help take his mind off things...
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 10:31 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

agree with the comments earlier about the tax situation which you should factor into your decison making - unfortunately without the full tax year completed outside of the uk you may well end up going back to uk and finding a hefty tax bill on top of the debt you already have.

However, moneatry reasons aside - your family is your family so go with what your instinct tells you - best of luck with what ever you decide.
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 10:40 am
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

Originally Posted by MataHari View Post
maybe he should just find himself a bit on the side...help take his mind off things...
Would you mind if Mr Hari did that?
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Old Jul 20th 2009, 10:42 am
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hmmmm...nice
 
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Default Re: Coping with the emotional pain of living apart from family and making Dubai work

Originally Posted by Zico2009 View Post
Would you mind if Mr Hari did that?
mr Hari would never do such thing...
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