Who has it worse???
Apr 17th 2003, 9:36 am
#16
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 462
First of all, thanks for sharing. Secondly, you did the marriage there and used the K3. I thought the K3 was a much slower process; does that also depend on which BCIS SC one goes through?
It does not matter for me now since I'm just about done with the I-129F process...but I just wanted to know.
Thanks once more.
Rohit
It does not matter for me now since I'm just about done with the I-129F process...but I just wanted to know.
Thanks once more.
Rohit
Originally posted by Cypher
Rohit,
I can fully sympathize with your situation as I went through it myself. I met a wonderful girl from India back in October of 2001 and we first met in April of 2002 and got engaged.
We knew right then and there this was the right and only thing for us. We chose not to get court-married at that point because of her studies.
I return to India in Sept of 2002 to get married and once returning promptly filed for I-130 and K3 VISA's.
I kept her completely involved in what was happening and where the process was, so she knew everything about the details of this entire process but that didn't help her not wanting things to go faster and ask me what the hold up was.
A few months prior she was invovled in her studies and that occupied a lot of her time, but since graduating, she went to from being super busy to super NOT! That gave her way too much time to sit and wait.
During this entire time, I was working, so 8-10 hours of my way was spent there so the days were flying for me whereas they weren't so for her. This is natural..she tried to find things to do, tried to keep herself occupied, but nothing could make the time go faster for her.
Since then returning in October of 2002, I return to India in February of this year as the waiting for unbearable for her and driving her batty, so I went and spent a month in India and just before leaving we found out that we had been approved for the K3. This time she wasn't that sad to see me go, as now it was just a matter of a few months before she'd be making the journey with me.
As it would work out, after having being approved on Mar 7th, she went to the Mumbai consulate on Apr 1st and submitted the necessary paperwork and was issued an interview date of May 5th.
Now of course, her life is SUPER busy as she has a lot of things to do in India, to immigrate out of there.
Now, I'm sure you're wondering where the moral is.. My advice would be just to reassure your fiancee that things are progressing and things will be fine.
Somedays that has a good effect, other days it doesn't do anything for her. That is OK.
Now of course if you and her have established lives, that is you have work, a good group of friends and so on, that will help immensely to pass the time.
In my wife's case, having just graduated she couldn't get a job without signing a contract for a few years, so that was out of the question, and then she moved to a new place where she doesn't have any friends she can hang out with. So that just leaves her with WAY too much to think about the time spent waiting.
Regards
Rohit,
I can fully sympathize with your situation as I went through it myself. I met a wonderful girl from India back in October of 2001 and we first met in April of 2002 and got engaged.
We knew right then and there this was the right and only thing for us. We chose not to get court-married at that point because of her studies.
I return to India in Sept of 2002 to get married and once returning promptly filed for I-130 and K3 VISA's.
I kept her completely involved in what was happening and where the process was, so she knew everything about the details of this entire process but that didn't help her not wanting things to go faster and ask me what the hold up was.
A few months prior she was invovled in her studies and that occupied a lot of her time, but since graduating, she went to from being super busy to super NOT! That gave her way too much time to sit and wait.
During this entire time, I was working, so 8-10 hours of my way was spent there so the days were flying for me whereas they weren't so for her. This is natural..she tried to find things to do, tried to keep herself occupied, but nothing could make the time go faster for her.
Since then returning in October of 2002, I return to India in February of this year as the waiting for unbearable for her and driving her batty, so I went and spent a month in India and just before leaving we found out that we had been approved for the K3. This time she wasn't that sad to see me go, as now it was just a matter of a few months before she'd be making the journey with me.
As it would work out, after having being approved on Mar 7th, she went to the Mumbai consulate on Apr 1st and submitted the necessary paperwork and was issued an interview date of May 5th.
Now of course, her life is SUPER busy as she has a lot of things to do in India, to immigrate out of there.
Now, I'm sure you're wondering where the moral is..
My advice would be just to reassure your fiancee that things are progressing and things will be fine. Somedays that has a good effect, other days it doesn't do anything for her. That is OK.
Now of course if you and her have established lives, that is you have work, a good group of friends and so on, that will help immensely to pass the time.
In my wife's case, having just graduated she couldn't get a job without signing a contract for a few years, so that was out of the question, and then she moved to a new place where she doesn't have any friends she can hang out with. So that just leaves her with WAY too much to think about the time spent waiting.
Regards
Apr 17th 2003, 9:57 am
#17
Mrs Shep USCIS Graduate
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: ExPat Kiwi in Indiana USA
Posts: 1,865
Personally I think it has to me much the same for both involved in this waiting game but circumstances sometimes make it easier for one than the other.
In my case my husband works 12 hours a day and keeps himeself relatively busy. Sure he still worries and misses me but his days pass fairly quickly. Mine on the other hand seem to drag.
To help pass the time I decided to enrol in some classes that fill 6 hours of my day plus a few hours at night in which I study so as to pass my exams. I still have a life with my family here but they are all so busy that I find I have so many hours home alone and my thoughts tend to dwell on this visa process so often.
My husband was responsible for all the initial paper work etc but it seems to be me doing all the daily checks online etc so I would say its kinda 50/50.
On the brighter side what wonderful strong people we will be at the end of all this
Cheers
Shepslady
In my case my husband works 12 hours a day and keeps himeself relatively busy. Sure he still worries and misses me but his days pass fairly quickly. Mine on the other hand seem to drag.
To help pass the time I decided to enrol in some classes that fill 6 hours of my day plus a few hours at night in which I study so as to pass my exams. I still have a life with my family here but they are all so busy that I find I have so many hours home alone and my thoughts tend to dwell on this visa process so often.
My husband was responsible for all the initial paper work etc but it seems to be me doing all the daily checks online etc so I would say its kinda 50/50.
On the brighter side what wonderful strong people we will be at the end of all this
Cheers
Shepslady
Apr 17th 2003, 10:42 am
#18
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Who has it worse???
Rete,
Good post. I doubt that there will be much flaming, simply because it makes
so much sense. It speaks of maturity and life experience that a lot of
people don't have. I admit I should sometimes elaborate more on what I'm
saying, otherwise some will read things into it that I didn't mean. But hey,
I'm still learning and will hopefully never stop.
Christa
"Rete" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> My husband and I were one of the very fortunate ones. Back in '98 we
> mailed our I-129F on March 23 and have the finished K-1 in his passport
> on June 18 (believe it was the 18th). He did not come to the US until
> the end of August so all in all we didn't have a long wait time from
> either start to wedding date.
> However, I see that Christa in another post was jumped on because she
> verbalized what I suppose I felt and still feel. So I'm prepared to be
> flamed for this post as well.
> Although you are in love and want desperately to be together NOW, you
> did have a life before you two met or even after having met and were
> "courting" so to speak. So what is so very different now than before.
> I know the waiting and the wondering. But still you have friends and
> family and activities that you participated in prior to sending off
> the petition. Why are those things now not enough to occupy your time
> and thoughts. And add to those things the preparation for the
> wedding, the AOS, the re-arrangement of your apartment to include
> another person, etc. and I would think that you have too much to do
> and not enough time to do it in. I liken it to my having quit
> smoking. I could either sit there and think about the pleasure of
> having a lite cigarette in my hand; the pleasure of tasting that first
> drag after a meal or I could dismiss the thought the moment comes to
> mind and busy myself with something else. If I didn't I would become
> morose because I was being denied (by myself no less) the pleasure of
> doing something I enjoyed doing.
> I'm fully aware that this process is emotionally consuming but that is
> only because we have allowed it to become the monster that ate our
> lives. Perhaps it is time to step back and acknowledge that the
> petition is in the works and until you know for certain that you have
> fallen through a crack, get back to the life you had before you sent the
> petition in for initial processing.
> As for your fiancee feeling left out, that is something you have to
> correct. She is not left out. There will be and should be right now
> lots for her to do in her country to prepare for the K-1 portion or the
> K-3 portion of the petition. She has responsibilities that you will not
> have a hand in and you can then moan the part of being left out ;-)
> I know it is trite, but this too will pass and when it does it will be
> like labor pains, they tend to diminish in intensity when remembered.
> Rete
> Originally posted by goya0002
> > I think I've seen other poeple talk about this too and I thought why
> > not share my views and situation with the group. I know it seems as
> > if I'm ancious to have my application processed fast (which I am) but
> > the reason for that is very simple.
> >
> > I do mind the wait but my Sona minds it much more than I do. I think
> > since she is not part of the process; she does not get the amount of
> > hoops that we have to jump through to get this done. There are also
> > factors in her life back in her hometown that make her want to speed
> > up the process.
> >
> > So everytime I call her or chat with her - the first question is
> > always...is it done yet??? And I don't mean this is a recent
> > development. This has been going on since we passed the 70 day mark
> > as none of us were aware that it would take more than 70-100 days.
> >
> > So, in my case it seems that I'm kind of down (as we all tend to be
> > from time to time in this process); but she has it worse.
> >
> > So that made me wonder. In all the cases that we hear about on this
> > site...how many of you believe that the person in the foreign land has
> > it worse??? Or share with us how they are coping with this wait. Are
> > there things they do to make the time go faster??? Share anything you
> > feel applies.
> >
> Rohit
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Good post. I doubt that there will be much flaming, simply because it makes
so much sense. It speaks of maturity and life experience that a lot of
people don't have. I admit I should sometimes elaborate more on what I'm
saying, otherwise some will read things into it that I didn't mean. But hey,
I'm still learning and will hopefully never stop.
Christa
"Rete" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> My husband and I were one of the very fortunate ones. Back in '98 we
> mailed our I-129F on March 23 and have the finished K-1 in his passport
> on June 18 (believe it was the 18th). He did not come to the US until
> the end of August so all in all we didn't have a long wait time from
> either start to wedding date.
> However, I see that Christa in another post was jumped on because she
> verbalized what I suppose I felt and still feel. So I'm prepared to be
> flamed for this post as well.
> Although you are in love and want desperately to be together NOW, you
> did have a life before you two met or even after having met and were
> "courting" so to speak. So what is so very different now than before.
> I know the waiting and the wondering. But still you have friends and
> family and activities that you participated in prior to sending off
> the petition. Why are those things now not enough to occupy your time
> and thoughts. And add to those things the preparation for the
> wedding, the AOS, the re-arrangement of your apartment to include
> another person, etc. and I would think that you have too much to do
> and not enough time to do it in. I liken it to my having quit
> smoking. I could either sit there and think about the pleasure of
> having a lite cigarette in my hand; the pleasure of tasting that first
> drag after a meal or I could dismiss the thought the moment comes to
> mind and busy myself with something else. If I didn't I would become
> morose because I was being denied (by myself no less) the pleasure of
> doing something I enjoyed doing.
> I'm fully aware that this process is emotionally consuming but that is
> only because we have allowed it to become the monster that ate our
> lives. Perhaps it is time to step back and acknowledge that the
> petition is in the works and until you know for certain that you have
> fallen through a crack, get back to the life you had before you sent the
> petition in for initial processing.
> As for your fiancee feeling left out, that is something you have to
> correct. She is not left out. There will be and should be right now
> lots for her to do in her country to prepare for the K-1 portion or the
> K-3 portion of the petition. She has responsibilities that you will not
> have a hand in and you can then moan the part of being left out ;-)
> I know it is trite, but this too will pass and when it does it will be
> like labor pains, they tend to diminish in intensity when remembered.
> Rete
> Originally posted by goya0002
> > I think I've seen other poeple talk about this too and I thought why
> > not share my views and situation with the group. I know it seems as
> > if I'm ancious to have my application processed fast (which I am) but
> > the reason for that is very simple.
> >
> > I do mind the wait but my Sona minds it much more than I do. I think
> > since she is not part of the process; she does not get the amount of
> > hoops that we have to jump through to get this done. There are also
> > factors in her life back in her hometown that make her want to speed
> > up the process.
> >
> > So everytime I call her or chat with her - the first question is
> > always...is it done yet??? And I don't mean this is a recent
> > development. This has been going on since we passed the 70 day mark
> > as none of us were aware that it would take more than 70-100 days.
> >
> > So, in my case it seems that I'm kind of down (as we all tend to be
> > from time to time in this process); but she has it worse.
> >
> > So that made me wonder. In all the cases that we hear about on this
> > site...how many of you believe that the person in the foreign land has
> > it worse??? Or share with us how they are coping with this wait. Are
> > there things they do to make the time go faster??? Share anything you
> > feel applies.
> >
> Rohit
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Apr 17th 2003, 11:51 am
#19
finally home with thing1
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Michigan USA, originally London, UK
Posts: 278
I can't imagine not having gone through this whole process without thing1. We've always considered the entire process OUR application. We've worked together on every step of the process, from piecing together the I-129F at 4am on the day I flew back to London after our first meeting through to working on labels for our K-1 evidence.
We've waited together, we were lucky enough to be in the same room to hear our approval on the telephone line, and now we're in anticipation of the interview date.
Being there with and for each other throughout the process has definitely made us stronger. It has shown us we can work together, and be a team. By going through it together, we know how the other is feeling, and so there's no case of one of us wondering what is going on or feeling out of the loop.
We've waited together, we were lucky enough to be in the same room to hear our approval on the telephone line, and now we're in anticipation of the interview date.
Being there with and for each other throughout the process has definitely made us stronger. It has shown us we can work together, and be a team. By going through it together, we know how the other is feeling, and so there's no case of one of us wondering what is going on or feeling out of the loop.
Apr 17th 2003, 3:15 pm
#20
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 210
Originally posted by goya0002
First of all, thanks for sharing. Secondly, you did the marriage there and used the K3. I thought the K3 was a much slower process; does that also depend on which BCIS SC one goes through?
It does not matter for me now since I'm just about done with the I-129F process...but I just wanted to know.
Thanks once more.
Rohit
First of all, thanks for sharing. Secondly, you did the marriage there and used the K3. I thought the K3 was a much slower process; does that also depend on which BCIS SC one goes through?
It does not matter for me now since I'm just about done with the I-129F process...but I just wanted to know.
Thanks once more.
Rohit
K3's are all processed at a single BCIS SC, namely Chicago/Missouri, and though I was reading about some lengthy wait times, my wait happend be just under 3 months. So it wasn't that bad at all.
Now as far as you previous posts in regards to this being your first relationship. I can understand how you feel about that. I'm glad to hear that you've found someone you consider to be your soul mate on the first try.
Apr 17th 2003, 4:42 pm
#21
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 462
Trust me I'm very glad too. I may bitch and moan about the wait but in the end I will be just the happiest man on earth.
Rohit
Rohit
Originally posted by Cypher
If I had known how fast the K1 was, I would have probably gone through that process. But I had a friend who went through the K3 and having done only a little research, that seemed like the course of action for me.
K3's are all processed at a single BCIS SC, namely Chicago/Missouri, and though I was reading about some lengthy wait times, my wait happend be just under 3 months. So it wasn't that bad at all.
Now as far as you previous posts in regards to this being your first relationship. I can understand how you feel about that. I'm glad to hear that you've found someone you consider to be your soul mate on the first try.
If I had known how fast the K1 was, I would have probably gone through that process. But I had a friend who went through the K3 and having done only a little research, that seemed like the course of action for me.
K3's are all processed at a single BCIS SC, namely Chicago/Missouri, and though I was reading about some lengthy wait times, my wait happend be just under 3 months. So it wasn't that bad at all.
Now as far as you previous posts in regards to this being your first relationship. I can understand how you feel about that. I'm glad to hear that you've found someone you consider to be your soul mate on the first try.
Apr 17th 2003, 4:51 pm
#22
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 210
Originally posted by goya0002
Trust me I'm very glad too. I may bitch and moan about the wait but in the end I will be just the happiest man on earth.
Rohit
Trust me I'm very glad too. I may bitch and moan about the wait but in the end I will be just the happiest man on earth.
Rohit
I hear ya about the bitching and moaning, been doing that ever since I met my soul male a year and half ago. But now it's only 3 weeks ago before we begin our lives together and you know it's worth it!
~ Ashwin
