stevelisaw

This is only for those that don't believe in grey areas. My parents said the same thing, staunch catholics are they...never a reason for divorce........but then they found out after I left him that my ex cheated and was physically & mentally abusive. Suddenly their tune changed from never to weeeeeeeeellllllllll you should have told us that. This made me more upset than the original never should leave as they of all people should have known I'd not just flush 10 plus years on a whim.

If you haven't walked in another's shoes, don't make a across the board statement.......or maybe you should one day have your little six year old have to hit his father to get him off you....then possibly you'll say......hmmmmmmm yes there is a reason for divorce.

Ranjini

I hope you have not been put off by the detractors. Please feel free to post any concerns you may have, and I'm sure some member who is not from the "moral police" will find time to give you a straightforward answer. Good luck in your endevours

meauxna

DA,
First, I hope you already know that I'm a big fan of yours. You are a smart, thoughtful, well-seasoned & well-spoken wild woman. Before I hit "post" yesterday, I did stop, twice, to think about speaking to you directly as you were going to be painted with the same brush as the others in my post, and I didn't want to be 'poking' at you too much. I think your opinions, and most opinions here, are important. I resented the flaming nature of the leading posts without offering *any* immigration advice to the new OP.

I put *my* opinions in by editorializing my post! I don't consider my self amoral or immoral & I actually consider you an honorary member of the WWP(tm). I myself have called individual's judgement into question when 1) it was none of my business and 2) I didn't have anything better to do or 3) it was a topic on which I felt strongly and I don't think we should ever try to stop that here. I think we have a duty to keep pretty near the topic (immigration) and to get factual, helpful information to people. If it were a situation that struck a nerve with me, I may have had more to say to the OP on the 'secondary' issue of her relationships. It just wasn't *my* stick, tho I appreciate that it's yours. My request is that we feel free to wield those sticks, as long as we're giving correct resource info about immigration as well.

Again, it was the J Springer-ness of the first reply which was 1) inappropriate (at least at that point in the thread) and then 2) offered incorrect information which could complicate the OP's situation further.

I try to think carefully before I post, which you seem to as well. I know that on usenet I'm much more sarcastic than in real life & I also try to temper that. This was supposed to be a quick olive branch and is rattling on. But I do want you to know where I'm at with you
Re-reading this, it's obviously for everyone, or I'd send it to you privately

Ranjini

Just to set the record straight, neither do I. Actually, I consider myself a very moral person.... but I draw the line at unsolicited advice. Simply because I dislike anyone offering me unsolicited advice. For the most part, I think we all have a sense of who we are and what we believe... And I think it's patronizing to say, the least, to offer advice where no advice has been sought. You will see this reflected in the OP's subsequent post. This is not a personal attack on anyone. I'm just stating what I personally believe, and I hope both you and Dekka can appreciate that for what it is. Just my personal code of ethics.
However, I did appreciate Dekka prefacing her earlier post with "This is just my old woman's moral framework pay me no mind if it offends you" .....
I am too "old" in this forum now to start expressing opinions on anything and everything. I think I have done my share of that in days gone by....

Ann

[email protected] (Mistressbang) wrote in message news:...
    > First off I just want to say that the board has been a great deal of
    > help to me...and Second before anyone reads this please don't think Im
    > a bad person, Im not here for a green card or citizenship or anything
    > like that. Life happens somtimes that throws you a curve.
    >
    > Ok my question is this...Im married to a US citizen and Im from
    > Canada. Well to make a long story short I've fallen in love with
    > someone else and Im wondering what would happen to me if I got
    > divorced? As it is right now Im waiting on an interview....i've only
    > got my temp workers permit. I am under the impression that I would be
    > able to stay till my temp workers permit is up, which would be
    > November and then I would have to go back to Canada if im not
    > mistaken? I dont' see how I could stay in this country if Im not
    > married to my husband. Even though IM working right now I guess there
    > is no way for me to continue at my job...or to find a way to stay with
    > my job? As silly as it might sound, I dont' really want to go from
    > one marriage into another just so I can stay with someone. Obviously
    > I had some issues that I ignored with my current marriage. But I
    > would like to stay here since I've built my life here thus far...Im
    > just curious as to what would happen if I was to divorce would there
    > be any options for me to stay?
    > I know there are a lot of you that are truely in love and you're doing
    > this cause you want to be with the person you love. I loved my
    > husband very much too, Im not trying to scam the system or anything.
    > I wish all of you the best of luck in your love.
    >
    > Thank you for any help you can give me!
    >
    > Mistressbang



Mistressbang,

Something sounds really fishy here. You haven't even been married for
a year, to someone you claimed you love(d) very much, yet you are
already considering marrying someone else?

And if you did not get married for the greencard, or to "scam" the
system, then why are you even concerned about what will happen to you
if you get a divorce? Didn't you have a "life" in Canada that you can
return to? I assume you left Canada to be with your husband.

Why don't you just sit down with your husband and tell him the
TRUTH....and ask him what he wants to do about the situation? Why are
you afraid to talk to HIM about this? He must know that *something* is
going on, unless you are continuing to lead him to believe
otherwise....

Ann

Ann

[email protected] (Mistressbang) wrote in message news:...
    > Well thanks to those who gave me honest answers and did not bare
    > judgement. I already bare judgement on myself I did not ask to be put
    > down because of my situation. I asked technicalities...I have no
    > problem going home, I don't want to be here just so I can be here, if
    > you read what I wrote it said I understand that there are those that
    > are truely in love.

And you were never *truely* in love with your husband?

    > You do not know my whole story to judge me. I did not get married
    > with the intentions to fall in love with someone else or get divorced.
    > Situations change, and people change everyday....unfortantly we
    > didnt' change together.

Why didn't you give it time? Most people who say they "grew apart" or
"didn't change together" have usually been married for a long time.

    > Right now we're trying to work things out, so
    > you that judged me before knowing the situation shame on you!

So I gather that you have told him the truth, or the "situation", and
that he wants to continue to work things out anyhow?

    > I only
    > asked what would happen if I got divorced would I be shipped back to
    > Canada, I would most likely would go on my own anyway but just curious
    > in general.
    > As for weakness, making judgment calls on someone you do not know, or
    > know the full situation...that is what I would call weak.
    > I asked a simple question not to have people tell me what a bad person
    > I am. I already beat myself up over it enough thank you very much.
    > Before you cast stones always take a look at the big picture, and if
    > you can't see the big picture then keep your mouth shut and just
    > either ignore it if you dont' know the answer or answer it like the
    > three people here seemed to be able to.

YOU gave us the "big picture"....you could have just asked if you
would be "shipped" back to Canada if you got a divorce!
    >
    > Thanks again to those that left their comments to themselves and only
    > answered my intended question
    >
    > MistressBang.

Ranjini

Ann, I don't believe MistressBang was seeking relationship therapy here. I think she has stated that quite clearly in her second post. All she was asking was what her immigration status would be if she divorced her husband before AOS. She also gave us a little background information. Nothing wrong with that. I believe she got an answer from at least three of us. So let's just drop it ok? I'm sure you mean well...

Rete

Dekka's Angel

I, too, enjoy reading your posts and have found your replies insightful. I know you won't discontinue and am glad that you are here among the newsgroup posters.

Rete

Rete

How very sad that you married a woman you loved and you don't think that day was one of the happiest of your life. You claim to have married her only to appease INS and that, too, is sad. It would be hoped that you married because you loved her and for no other reason that than. I married the proper way in INS' eyes and didn't have to go through a two ceremony marriage. Even if I did, the day I was legally bound to my husband was the day of our marriage. FWIW, we eloped, my first husband and I, and married again in a Catholic Church to appease my father. That second marriage was a for show wedding. The real one happened two months earlier and that was the date we celebrated as our anniversary not the sham "religious" ceremony.

As for your opinion of me, I'm sure it matches mine of you.

Have a happy

Rete

Kimberly

Ian Stephenson wrote in message news:...
    > On Sun, 13 Apr 2003 15:43:18 GMT, "KZ" wrote:
    >
    > > Divorce is for the weak, it is for those people who never intended of living
    > > their whole lives together.
    >
    > Bullshit.
haha.....thank you Ian, I was just about to post that. :-)

Kimberly

Ian Stephenson wrote in message news:...
    > On Sun, 13 Apr 2003 15:43:18 GMT, "KZ" wrote:
    >
    > > Divorce is for the weak, it is for those people who never intended of living
    > > their whole lives together.
    >
    > Bullshit.
haha.....thank you Ian, I was just about to post that. :-)

Mistressbang

I don't understand what you mean by this sounds "fishy?" Why does
everyone need to know EVERYTHING in someones life and make judgement?
I have not revealed the whole story, I do not know why having the
whole story laid out on the board will make anything better or will
help you to be able to give me a better answer? I gave you the
information that you need, and based on that all I wanted was an
answer. It's nobody's business what is going on in my personal life,
I gave the jist, and based on that there should've been an answer,
simple as that....I don't need a lecture on what a bad person I am,
and how Im probably scamming the system. I know I can get a good job
in Canada, I've lived there all my life...I love the US but it's not
the end of the world if I had to leave. It's a normal question for me
to be concerned what would happen, I have built my life here for the
past 3 years going on 4 years, if I have to leave so be it, but if
there was any chance that I could stay that would be great.
Second jumping to conclusions isn't the answers either, I NEVER EVER
said I wanted to marry someone else. I've been with my husband for 3
years and been married a short time yes, but you don't know any of my
circumstances, I didn't marry him so I could stay in the US. I
married him because at the time it was the right thing for me....again
there are other things to that you have no clue about and which
doesn't even matter in my question I asked. There is nothing wrong
with being curious as to what would happen. I won't stay with my
husband just because I want a green card, I don't even want to be a US
citizen, I won't even apply for it. I don't believe in staying
somewhere where you're not happy.
However, instead of saying "hey you know what, im sorry things arn't
working out for you, this is the answer i know best. good luck and
hope you're working things out." Everyone is like "she must be
scaming the system, she's weak because she want's to get divorced."
Again no one reads the posts, I said "what would happen IF I got
divorced" and later on in my second post I said "we're trying to work
things out" but by chance we couldn't work things out what would
happen. I would have to be a dead fish to not be curious to what
would happen. And obviously if we're working things out I've told my
husband, hence working things out.

Thank you Rete for sticking up for me, and posting the answer....that
was all I wanted to know And thanks to everyone else that didn't
pass judgement or did but kept it to yourself.

Mistressbang

Dekka's Angel

No worries about poking me. The judge that saw me ex parte today did more than enough poking and I left all my blood on his carpet (but I still WON so I can heal with some good bandages whee!).

To you and Rete and all, thank you for kind words, explaining where you were coming from in this thread, and allowing me to be a member of the Wild Woman club! There are not enough of us in this world, I think

P.S. I did not intend to comment on your personal ethics (Rete, Meauxna and Ranjini) in any way. Just explain mine as the explanation for why I gave the specific immigration advice that I did (tell hubby and if he's not willing to help you stay, relieve him of the obligations of the Affidavit and go home), although couched in some fairly ethics/moral based language. Admittedly I didn't answer her direct question, which to me hypertechnically has the answer "it depends" (for example my understanding of the recent amendments to VAWA is that you can adjust even if your marriage ends prior to AOS, and I thought there were other narrow exceptions as well - thus begging the "what are the circumstances" question). I am a veteran of divorce, though, so I would never pass judgment merely because a marriage was ending and I avoided that question in my post.

meauxna

Sorry you missed the answer on Page 1 & didn't save yourself the misery of this thread.

Good answer in your last post, tho.

Cloweii

Well I hope everything works out. Sorry to have asked for more info.,

You are right, we should have given you an answer based on the info you gave.

Brad