Poppy girl

I would post this Emma in the marriage based forum I am pretty sure I know the answer but would rather you get the experts advice there

rincewind

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt but I'm still alive.

Here are things from my angle and this post is not meant to scare you in anyway but just a heads up on things.

My story is much the same as you, married on impulse while visiting and then filing all the AOS stuff. But first, a brief history....

...was living single in England. Had a nice apartment, awesome credit and saw my daughter whenever I wanted to.

Then, I meet my future wife online and we start Internet chats, phone calls, emails and then visits with me flying to the US and her flying to the UK. Things looked good and during one visit, we tied the knot. Cue end of an easy life and straight into something not too far from hell.

The sale of the apartment gave me some nice income for a while, but legal fees (immigration and wife's ongoing custody battles) soon drained that. Like an idiot, began using UK credit cards to support me and my wife until my EAD came through.

Spent a couple of years in the most lame town in the south you could imagine with the wife not working (another long story).

EAD comes through...WOOOHOOOO!!!!. Began applying for jobs but most of them in my field required me to be a GC holder. Yeah, I know it's illegal but I'm not going to argue law in an interview. Wait another six months (debts building) and then finally get Green Card.

At this point, I'm on my last nerve but then I get a job within a couple of days in a larger city and we move (all at my expense.....notice a pattern??).

It's now three years on and my debts in the UK are unimaginable (i have a payment plan in place but I swear I'll be dead before it's all paid), I no longer have any UK credit and things on the marriage front are rocky to say the least.

So what's the point of this rambling post? Just think long and hard about what you want to do. If things are rocky now between you and your husband, things are going to get more difficult before they get easy. I was hoping for some emotional spousal support (after all, I was the financial supporter in my marriage), but alas...it was not to be. Foolish me, I am supposed to be the provider of everything. How could I miss that???

So with an unhappy marriage why would I stay? Well, it would be financial suicide to move back to England and I do love my job. I've had more career opportunities here than in the UK. I've made some good friends and I'm feeling more settled. But it took a hell of a lot to get to this point and at times I felt strained to unbelievable limits.

But, all people are different and you and hubby maybe able to get through it and your road ahead maybe less rocky than mine. Just take the time to sit back and evaluate what you need to do. If you are not happy now, I guarantee you will not be happy later on.

Emma M

Thanks for your reply, I'm sorry to hear that things haven't gone well for you and I hope they improve for you in the future.

rincewind

They are already improving, it just took so long that at times you can think it will never get better. But it can. It just depends on how long you can stick it out and what changes you are willing to take to make it work.

Try and find the positives too. I spent a lot of time whining about the negatives but it wasn't accomplishing anything. Once I focused on the positives, things began to look up.

Emma M

I have found positives, despite my rant, lol! I think a lot of it is to do with my attitude towards not being able to go home, even just to visit. It is really nothing much to do with the US, I think wherever I was I wouldn't be content because it isn't the UK. I really didn't realise how much I love the UK until I found myself out of it, just because it is home. I think that my whole attitude will change once I get working, and saving for us to go home, then just the knowing that we could go back any time we wish would take the edge off it. It's the not knowing when we can, that I guess leaves me feeling trapped, and being an outsider in this little town is hard going at times.

geeandtee

Living in a small town isn't easy. Been there, seen it, done it, still doing it. I'm surprised I have any hair left, I've torn so much out. Glad you've found some positive stuff, hang on to those thoughts.

chicagojlo

Wise words.