Lara45

I last posted on here a few months ago when I was asking for advice about going back to the UK. (Hubby is american) Anyway it looks as though I'll be going home with my 12 year old alone - my husband has told me this morning that he doesn't love me.

To think that just over five years ago I was fighting a Court battle to bring my little girl here with me, I sold my home, everything I possessed ... for a better life for us and this has happened.

We have ten year green cards and had actually intended to go for Citizinship next February but now I'm not sure where we stand.

To think that last year when my Mother died and left me an inheritance I stupidly paid off all his debts and the rest went on our home. Mind you - as he said to me last night .. "I didn't ask you to pay the debts". I'm so so hurt, upset, bitter and the anger hasn't had a chance to set in yet.

What's really getting to me is that I've already sold up once in my daughtter's lifetime to give her, what I thought, woulld be a better life ... and now I'm gonig to have to do it all again.... That thought is killing me.

We tentavile agreed to carry on, a bit like roomates I suppose, for the next year to fifteen months to see if we could/I could somehow pay off my credit card debts and my car here ... thing is when I left the UK I left a lot of debt behind me ... oh how bloody stupid I was ...

To think a few months ago, we were discussing going back to the UK - the three of us together - I'd find a job, we'd have his pension ... now? God .. now I dont know ... I'm 51, no pension - nothing....

To be honest with you - my litle girl hasn't really had a life here - not really .. and that's another guilt I've got to carry ... all of this has been my fault ... I lost my mother last year and a husband this year ..


Im sorry I'm rambling ... I tried to keep myself up all day and now I can't hold it in any more ....

Elvira

What is done is done - time to focus on the future, if not for your sake but your daughter's.

First thing you need is a good divorce attorney. Do you have proof of having paid off his debts?

Regarding citizenship: To be eligible to file after 3 years as a PR, your marriage has to be ongoing - otherwise it's 5 years. Only you and your daughter can decide whether it's worth hanging on.

Regarding your debts in the UK, please have a look at the Dealing With Debts board at the Motley Fool. There is a large group of knowledgeable posters there who are always more than willing to help.

www.fool.co.uk

Wishing you all the best - don't beat yourself up about the past - you did what you thought was best at the time, and these bad times will pass.

Lara45

Elvira - thanks for your response. Yes, I can track the debts paid. We've been married five years in February.

I will post more tomorrow - my head is just about ready to burst.

Fleaflyfloflum

Hi Lara

The first thing you need to do is stop beating yourself up over decisions you innocently made when you thought you had a future with this guy.
None of us know what the future holds and we can only make decisions with info we have available to us at any given time. You thought you had a bright futre. You thought you were going to be with this man for life, and you also thought you had a great life to build up. We cannot control other people changing the goal posts. All we can do is deal with it when it happens. Making yourself feel bad will not help you out of this.

Elvira has given you good advice to start with.

Best wishes to you.

quoll

Have some {{{hugs}}} Lara.

What the others have said - you cant beat yourself up about things which are out of your control! Hopefully with a good divorce lawyer (see one sooner rather than later!) you will find that there may be a silver lining to the cloud hovering over your head at the moment. All the best!!!!