Elvira

Sorry but I do not see the point in pussyfooting around.

It is her who'll get hurt - big time - if she does not take charge of this situation.

Not to mention the children...

Just Jenney

I'm glad someone else has brought this up, because I was going to even if no one else did. Her husband may be very loving to her, but he also seems very controlling and/or secretive when it comes to their family's finances:

He moved his entire family to the States because he got a job offer. Peachleaf says the move was so abrupt that she "had no time to process [a] visa" which would allow her to live and work here legally. So she came on the VWP instead. Perhaps that's because, unlike a spousal visa, the VWP doesn't cost anything AND doesn't require proof of financial sponsorship?

Peachleaf said that she had a job before coming to the States, and that they'd left the UK with no savings. Moving internationally is VERY expensive, particularly when you know you are going from a two-income household to a one-income household. Why would you move to another country with no savings? Why would you move to another country when you KNOW that you will need to pay for one of you to be able to legally live and work in that new country?

Given all of this -- the abrupt move, no savings, no immigrant visa in hand -- one would think that his job offer must have been REALLY great, with an excellent salary and benefits that could solely support a family of five with ease. Something too good to pass up or risk losing by waiting for a visa to be processed. However, within just a couple of months of getting to the States, the check for her AOS packet bounced. From the get-go, the family was already without cash.

A year later, they still can only afford the bare essentials (rent, utilities, groceries). Her husband tells her that he has problems with his credit cards, but is vague on the details (or maybe doesn't even give any details at all?). He says that there is no money to cover a new AOS check -- that doing so would mean they'd have to skip paying for rent and groceries for an entire month. Talk about a guilt trip; he might as well say, "You can either submit your AOS paperwork, or our kids will go without food for an entire month -- your choice."

She is alone in a new country, living in a rural area with limited access to transportation (only when he drives her somewhere, it seems), no legal rights to work, staying home all day taking care of their children and household. She cannot go back to the UK if there was an emergency, partially for financial reasons but mostly because doing so would mean leaving her children behind AND not being permitted to return (she's got a 3-year ban, at this point). If I were her, I'd feel completely backed into a corner.

But above all, she says that she "believe[s her] husband genuinely does not have the finances." To me, this really shouldn't be a question of "belief" -- the funds are either there, or they aren't. Does she not have access to her family's bank accounts? Can she not look to see what their balances are, how much cash is in their bank account, etc? If he's the only one working, then his money is HER money, also. If she DOESN'T have access to her family's finances, why not? Is her husband preventing her from having this access?

The more I read, the more alarm bells start going off. Her husband may not be physically or verbally abusive, but his poor decision-making and financial planning has put her in a position where she is wholly dependent on him, and that's what control's all about. I'm not trying to frighten Peachleaf, but as others have said, something is OFF. She needs to start digging and questioning her husband and getting some straight answers from him. He may be embarrassed or proud or whatever, but at the end of the day what's most important is that she get into a legal status as soon as possible. If it means he needs to work an extra job at McDonald's to save up the money, so be it. He needs to put her first, and by doing so he's putting the future of his entire family first as well.

~ Jenney

LadyKat1974

Elvira
I agree with you about not pussyfooting around but we have told her options so we do we continue to nag about it. She has thanked us for the replies so I am sure she is reading them. What Peach and her spouse decided to do is in their hands not ours. So whatever is done will be left up to them. I wish them well and prayer that they will come to the correct conclusion on what to do.

Just Jenney

I think that's part of the problem -- he is not communicating with her, giving her all the facts. They are not working together as a team, since she's obviously in the dark about a lot of things she should be privy to. For example, she said:

"My husband does not even have enough for a medical appointment for me despite paying insurance through his work.So that just tells me things must be really bad."

That's the sort of thing a relative or friend would say -- someone who does not have full knowledge of the couple's financial situation, but knows something "must be bad" if X, Y or Z is happening. For example, if your brother lives in a nice, big house but then suddenly sells it and moves into a one-bedroom apartment, your first thought would probably be, "Wow, things must be really bad."

But you don't normally say that kind of thing about your own spouse, especially when it relates to joint finances -- unless you have no clue what's going on. So the fact that Peachleaf is saying that speaks volumes, but I'm not sure she really realizes the significance of it. To me, it appears that she truly loves her husband and does not want to speak poorly of him, but that might mean she's also experiencing a bit of denial as well.

~ Jenney

Noorah101

Good catch Elvira. I assume at that time she would have had a medical done for the AOS. I believe the medicals are good for 1 year, so if USCIS sent the whole entire AOS package back, including the sealed medical, and Peach can manage to file again within 1 year of that medical, she can use that one again.

Rene

meauxna

Sorry, of course, I forgot about that one.

meauxna

Many of us here, self included, have read many many sad stories here that lead us to the conclusions you Jenney, and several others here have posted.
Note in my first reply to peach, I warned her the conversation might go this way.
It's *incomprehensible* to me that a person put that much 'trust' (responsibility) into someone else's hands, to the point that they do not know their financial situation and all the other objections that have been raised.

But I have to play devil's advocate and point out that peach may A) have this information but not want to share it on the interweb B) may be having a wind up C) may have over or under stated her case D) may have never thought about any of this at all and is slowly getting her mind blown.

I have my own thoughts regarding the non-response to my own last Q which is 'ok, so what are you gonna do about it?' but again, it's really not my place to make a demand for an answer. If the questions are relevant, she'll take them on board as and when she's able.

If everyone's made their best suggestion for forward action for peach, that's what we have to offer and that is that.
People have a way of working things out eventually.

And in case my thoughts rambled too far, this isn't an upbraid at *any*one on this thread, just some general thoughts I wanted to spew.
I earnestly hope that it's not the worst-case situation some of us may have imagined.

Ray

Run a free credit report on him..find out the depth of financial problems

https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp

Elvira

Excellent idea!





And why don't y'all give this lady some Karma - looks like she needs it!

Poppy girl

Yes excellant idea but she probably does not even know his SS number poor lady

Ray

Pretty easy to find on some document in the house I'm sure ...

Poppy girl

I hope so for her sake I never found my ex's I had to get it from an old joint bank account we opened hunted high and low nothing, I remeber he went of his head when he found out I had it said it was private and I had no business looking for it.

Funnily enough it was to file to AOS or something to do with immigration if I recall!!

peachleaf

Hello
Thankyou every one for all your advice and concern. You are all deserving of a longer reply from me but just at this time I can not type much as family stuff going on but I will get back to you.
I am sorry maybe I confused you earlier but my appointment was a doctors appointment and not to do do with my visa requirements.My co-pay would be 20 dollars but on top I would need to purchase medicine which would add up too much.Also my doctor is over an hours drive away and so gas is an issue.
I do not believe my husband has a secret life as he goes to work and comes home.However he gets defensive when I ask if we can work out a budget with his incomings and outgoings.
I would not wish any one ever to be dependent as I am.I have a few life lessons to teach my children.
He is very stressed at the moment especially since I really got on to him about it.
The reason why I did not give too many details out about his job in England was I am worried someone will recognise me that we know. He worked for a government organization that closed down in the U.K. Actually before I went on maternity leave I was working for them too. We paid rent but lived in their housing.
I will make a note of the legal help suggested here and keep it close by.Thankyou
My children are calling and I must go.
I sincerely thankyou.Maybe I can get back individually soon.

Marocco

Wouldn't the husband find out?

Poppy girl

Maybe he is more concerned about the past then this present day,was he married before, is he paying child support for another child, just maybe he is running from something that happened before you met!!

Stranger things have happened.