Endymion

Just need an imaginary shoulder to cry for a moment... today it just seems like we will never ever get to the point of adjudication...

I know that we must be pretty darn close to the beginning of the end, with the petition having fallen right behind an adjudicating officer's desk on September 10- and yet I swear I am going insane one of these days... (sigh).

Sorry for being such a baby... and thanx for reading

Rebecca

(Guess I am just following an old Germanic superstition of taking one's worries down on some paper-like material, wrapping it around a stone and throwing it in the deepest part of some pond or ocean or whatever... as I don't live in any coastal region- and the Rhine having low water at the moment- the eternities of the internet must do for me...)

leebarton

I am sorry to see you aren't approved yet, but it must be coming soon.. I have everything crossed for you *hugs*

I remember when you were exactly a month behind my timescale.. wish you had managed to keep it that way

All the best, will be looking for that celebratory email in the next few days !!!

Lee

SecretGarden

Hi Rebecca,
You're not a baby, you're having completely normal emotions for someone going through waiting that seems endless. We had to wait almost ten months for Mr. Pink's divorce to be final before we could even file, and now here we are, sitting on Day 127 with NSC, wondering when it will ever end. Thanksgiving? nope.....Christmas? maybe......? Valentine's Day is the next likely choice. Or not, depending on how things go!

I remember something that I learned way back in college in some psychology class called the "Hawthorne Effect", I think it was. There were some experiments conducted that were somehow painful to the participants and the gist of the study was, how much pain could someone tolerate 1. if they were told it would only last X amount of time vs. 2. they were told it could go on indefinitely. Not surprisingly, when they knew it was going to end in X amount of time, the participants rated their pain lower on the scale and also had higher outward tolerance of it.

This whole experience with USCIS and Nebraska makes me think I'm in some big Hawthorne Effect experiment, but I'm in the group with no end in sight.

Some days are better than others; today happens to be a low day for me, so please excuse my joining in your vent. I do understand how you feel, and I'm hoping to see your approval soon.

~SecretGarden
~and Mr. Pink (Day 127, NSC)
5/29/03 1st NOA

Clare & Steven

Rebecca,
I know how you feel...I've whined on here quite a few times and didn't get yelled at, lol. Look at my timeline. I swear we were the ONLY ones going through Vermont who waited that long at the time! Talk about frustrating. But you just know that it's near the end, any day you will get your approval. Hang in there, dear. We're all rooting for ya
Clare

PS: Praying you get yours soon too, Secret Garden

Marina&Stefan

Rebecca,
There is nothing practical that you or others can do about it. The only
thing is to try to be strong for you and for your other half. I find it very
helpful to discuss with my fiancé any delay or any possible problem. If we
both understand it, and willing to accept it, then it makes it much more
easy for us to cope with.
I am sure that most of the couples that are taking this path, had to conquer
some obstacles and difficulties during their relationship. It first began by
not able to meet each other for long periods; everything had to be discussed
and handled via phone, letters and emails. All the times that we had to say
"Good Bye" on the airports, being left with a huge question mark above our
heads about our next meeting. All the moments that you wanted the other to
be here, next to you, just for a sec... just to be able to give a hug. I
know one song that says: "I would give a million dollar just to have a cup
of coffee with you" - and it is so true. All the moments that the other was
crying on the phone, telling you that they need you; feeling that your heart
is breaking in microscopic pieces because you cannot be there to calm them,
to give them a security feeling. For the one telling you " it's ok, you are
doing it for five years already, you can take it for another six months", I
think that they don't understand that not every month matters, not every day
matters, not every minute matters, but every single second matters when you
are not to the person you love. And the list is long...
I learned allot from this relationship, about my self and about love and
appreciation for the other that is willing to give up so much and to suffer
just because of love. I guess that when you are far away from the person you
love then you can realize how much you love them and how much you cannot
live without them.
For my point of view, we all went throughout so much till now, and we must
continue to fight for what we believe the most - finally being together and
this time FOREVER!!!
And remember: BE STRONG!
Wish you all the best and good luck with everything.

Best Regards,
Stefan


"Endymion" <member@british_expats.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Just need an imaginary shoulder to cry for a moment... today it just
    > seems like we will never ever get to the point of adjudication...
    > I know that we must be pretty darn close to the beginning of the end,
    > with the petition having fallen right behind an adjudicating officer's
    > desk on September 10- and yet I swear I am going insane one of these
    > days... (sigh).
    > Sorry for being such a baby... and thanx for reading
    > Rebecca
    > (Guess I am just following an old Germanic superstition of taking one's
    > worries down on some paper-like material, wrapping it around a stone and
    > throwing it in the deepest part of some pond or ocean or whatever... as
    > I don't live in any coastal region- and the Rhine having low water at
    > the moment- the eternities of the internet must do for me...)
    > --
    > VSC-Timeline: 06/05/03 NOA 1 ... 06/26/03 RFE ... 07/10/03 Info back at
VSC ... 09/19/03 congressman contacted ... (info: on adjudicator's desk
since 09/10/03) ... the rest is silence
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

Noorah101

Rebecca,

I totally understand the frustration of waiting. (((( HUGS ))))

Rene (day 78 at NVC) <----case in point

bequibar

that Hawthorne Effect sounds so right... i remember how painful it was to see the months we thought we'd be finished by come and go with no news from vermont and the frustration at not knowing if we'd ever get approved...

hang in there rebecca, this too shall pass...
stay busy, pack everything, ready your packet 3 documents, spend time with friends and family to say goodbye....

i hope your approval is just around the corner.

sending good vibes your way!

cutenurse300

Hi girl,

My feelings and toughts are with you,cuz i know exactly how you feel.But remember we will see each other somewhere between Andover and Leominster..and then hopefuly we will think about these days and ask ourselfs "how did we made it" without all the nice people who gave you the power ...like you always did for me!

d_medina

I'm praying that things will get moving for you now.

I wish for an approval for you soon.
Take care.

Leslie

You're not a baby. And the shoulder is not imaginary. I've seen the toughest cookies on the forum post similar things in their darkest hours. Just this morning I was trying to decide between chocolate and whiskey for breakfast .

I pray Godspeed for your case.

Leslie

Matthew Udall

Hi Rebecca,
A while ago, I posted a reply to someone who was waiting for his I-129f to be approved at the NSC. Even though you are at the VSC, and even though you are female (I wrote my reply to a male), I thought I would repost this. Hope some of the things in my reply make you feel better.

M.U.
-//-
I can certainly appreciate the emotions associated with being away from one’s loved one (I’m going on two years now myself), however I can’t help but wonder if some of the anguish I see reported as being suffered could have been reduced if the petitioner and beneficiary had “realistic� expectations as to the amount of time it will take.

A few points to keep in mind.
1. Everybody who submits a petition to the BCIS knows they are starting an immigration process that “will� take “some� time.

2. Those waiting for the service center part of the job won’t be close to the finish line even when the petition is approved. Granted, its one step in the right direction, however there is still the Consulate to deal with and there are many things that can come into play after the case leaves the Service Center (and which none of us have “any� control over) that can effect the amount of time it will take to get through that part of the process.

3. Forget (and tell your fiancée to forget) any and all time estimates you see printed on a receipt notice, hear on any automated phone system, or read on the BCIS status checking page. Those numbers are inaccurate, not binding promises on the BCIS’ part, and are subject to change. Relying on those numbers is a sure way to have “unrealistic� expectations.

4. Explain to your fiancée that yes, there are some differences between processing speed at the NSC, TSC, CSC and the VSC, however you live where you live (and chose that location much earlier) for reasons other than immigration processing speed. You don’t love her (or him) any less even though you live within the jurisdiction of the NSC, TSC or CSC (nor is it your fault that there is a disparity in processing times). You can tell her (or him) that “all� of the service centers go through periods of being slow, than fast, than slow, etc. Tell him or her that sometimes there are things that influence this that are even outside the control of the BCIS itself.

5. Keep in mind that if you tell your fiancée over and over again things along the lines of “my country is screwing me, betrayed me�, etc., your fiancée might actually believe this is true and it may color her (or his) future stereotype beliefs about her (or his) new home forever. I don’t think most people feed their fiancée’s a bunch of nonsense about how “wonderful� the U.S. is (the streets are “not� paved with gold), and I wouldn’t think feeding her a bunch of negative garbage not based in reality is the way to go either (IMHO). There are still some very wonderful things about America despite your current feelings about your service center’s processing time of I-129f's.

6. Don’t dwell on other cases or other service centers. Don’t check the automated phone system every day (I know, that’s a hard one not to do). Don’t fixate on how long it will take or express how miserable you might feel. Wallowing in sorrow is not fun, might add to the sorrow your fiancée is feeling, and won’t do a darn bit of good as far as getting to the end of the process quicker (Wallowing in sorrow might even make it feel longer than if you had approached this with realistic expectations).

7. Share with your fiancée the news that there actually “is� a better way to monitor if the case has been taken off of the shelf and given to an officer. Explain how the officer has up to 30 business days (60 business days for cases at the NBC-MSC), once you determine a date that you can be reasonable assured the case had been given to the officer (30 business days from the date of publication of a future report), and that you will contact the Service Center immediately to make them aware its “overdue� as per that calculation if it indeed becomes overdue.

8. Pray all you want, and cry all you want because you miss each other, but know that praying is not going to get your case approved faster and there is no use adding additional tears about BCIS processing. These things take time. On the bright side, it’s not usually a matter of “whether or not the case will be approved�, but instead a matter of “when it will be approved�. You will only know how long it took once you reach the end.

9. Encourage your fiancée to visit friends and family members back home and to do the things back home that she (or he) might end up having nostalgic feelings about one day (once she or he has moved to the U.S.). Tie up all lose ends, make amends with anyone where that is needed. Once your fiancée has entered the U.S. and the honeymoon is over, your fiancée might find herself feeling homesick for some of the aspects of life back in her beloved home country. She should enjoy it now while she can, because one day soon her life in her home country will come to an end and she’ll be starting out fresh with you, living your American Dream.

M.U.

Endymion

Hey, wow...

this is the most real "imaginary shoulder" I can think of !

Just wanted to thank all of you for your support- the hugs, good vibes and most of all for the encouragement!

Guess this will get me over the next few days / weeks / whatever

Thank you tons, guys !!!

YOU ROCK !!!

Leslie

OMG Rebecca. I just noticed the very bottom of your signature line. Now that's twisted.

Endymion

LOL - just getting back to my old shape