Margaret

Well here I am again needing advice. My 11 year old son is still having a bit of a
difficult time here and we've been only here over 2 months now. He wants desperately
to meet kids to play with. Despite the fact that we live in a fairly large
residential area with practically a basketball in every driveway, we have yet to see
kids outside playing. This has gone on all summer and now that school has been in
for the past week, there hasn't been any kids out after school and so far this
weekend no one. I would say they were away on the holiday weekend but there sure
have been a lot of cars sitting in the driveways as well.

Every day I hear from my son that he wants to go back to Canada. At least he had
friends there.

I know it's been a short period of time that we've been here but it breaks my
heart to hear him being so down. He never wants to go out with my husband and I
to do anything

I'm thinking about checking out the Boys and Girls club and also the Police Athletic
League to see what they have on the go for kids.

Thanks for any help.


I just find it strange that in such nice weather there are no kids out playing. We
never experienced that in Canada.

Does anybody have any other ideas?

Ben Johnson

Check out the Boy Scouts and organized sports leagues on your area (soccer, baseball
etc) All of these will put him in contact with kids his age, in your area.

Ben



"Margaret" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] o-
m...
    > Well here I am again needing advice. My 11 year old son is still having a bit of a
    > difficult time here and we've been only here over 2 months now. He wants
    > desperately to meet kids to play with. Despite the fact that we live in a fairly
    > large residential area with practically a basketball in every driveway, we have yet
    > to see kids outside playing. This has gone on all summer and now that school has
    > been in for the past week, there hasn't been any kids out after school and so far
    > this weekend no one. I would say they were away on the holiday weekend but there
    > sure have been a lot of cars sitting in the driveways as well.
    > Every day I hear from my son that he wants to go back to Canada. At least he had
    > friends there.
    > I know it's been a short period of time that we've been here but it breaks my heart
    > to hear him being so down. He never wants to go out with my husband and I to do
    > anything
    > I'm thinking about checking out the Boys and Girls club and also the Police
    > Athletic League to see what they have on the go for kids.
    > Thanks for any help.
    > I just find it strange that in such nice weather there are no kids out playing. We
    > never experienced that in Canada.
    > Does anybody have any other ideas?

Katie

In article <[email protected] >, Margaret says...
    >Well here I am again needing advice. My 11 year old son is still having a bit of a
    >difficult time here and we've been only here over 2 months now. He wants
    >desperately to meet kids to play with. Despite the fact that we live in a fairly
    >large residential area with practically a basketball in every driveway, we have yet
    >to see kids outside playing.

I don't have any kids out here, but I would expect it to take a while for them to
adjust. I have noticed though that there is a lack of children playing out doors. I
think it probably depends on the area which you're living in. I daresay the high
profile on children being snatched throughout the summer holidays has a great deal to
do with things as well.

You say school has just started, and maybe you can throw a house party for him and
his classmates. Maybe make it a "bottle and biscuit" affair, where everyone brings a
bottle of soda, or a packet of biscuits along with them. Invite the neighbours as
well - preferably the ones with basketball hoops in their driveways.

I hope your son settles soon, if only for your own peace of mind. It can't be much
fun for you knowing that he is without friends. You'll find kids at church, but
that's no good to you if you're not the church going kind. I think your local Red
Cross might have some ideas for you. They do swimming, and I think they also attend
baseball games. And I'm sure others on here can give you some ideas too.


-katie

Mona Lisa

In article
<fyKc9.38556$15.11947@www.newsranger.com>,
katie <[email protected]> wrote:

    > >Well here I am again needing advice. My 11 year old son is still having a bit of
    > >a difficult time here and we've been only here over 2 months now. He wants
    > >desperately to meet kids to play with. Despite the fact that we live in a fairly
    > >large residential area with practically a basketball in every driveway, we have
    > >yet to see kids outside playing.

Talk with his teacher or guidance counsellor and find out what extracurricular
activities are available through his school. Chances are they at least have a soccer
team or other sports team of some kind. If he's not sports-minded, there should be
more intellectual activities available for him. If you do church, pick a really big
one, as they will have more activities and usually even an activities center.
--
Mona

Rete

Hi Margaret

Kids don't play outside like they used to in the US when I was growing up a trillion years ago. In fact I was just reading a newspaper article that games we played as kids is just now coming back into vogue. Like jacks, kick the can, red light/green light, Simon says, hopscotch, etc. The article even included instructions for these games.

As another poster suggested the school counselor is a good place to start. Try the YMCA if there is one in your area. But I bet that it is not organized activities he is missing but friends that he can talk to, fool around with, invite over for computer games, etc.

Perhaps a getting to know him party is in order. Have him invite three or four kids from his class (informally) to your home for games or a special movie like Lord of the Rings. Be sure there is pop (soda in American) and snacks for them and let them have a go at getting acquainted. If you and your husband are sociable people then get the names and addresses of the parents of a few kids in his class that he seems to be drawn to. Invite them for a BBQ or an informal get together with them, your son and their kids. Make the invitation a phone call and explain that you are new to the US, just married and you and your son are looking forward to making this your home and getting to know people. Their curiosity about you will be aroused and I bet you get few refusals. Ask them to bring another couple who they are friends with who has a child your son's age. And the child does NOT have to be another male.

Rete

Margaret

Mona Lisa <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
    > In article
    > <fyKc9.38556$15.11947@www.newsranger.com>,
    > katie <[email protected]> wrote:
    > > >Well here I am again needing advice. My 11 year old son is still having a bit
    > > >of a difficult time here and we've been only here over 2 months now. He wants
    > > >desperately to meet kids to play with. Despite the fact that we live in a
    > > >fairly large residential area with practically a basketball in every driveway,
    > > >we have yet to see kids outside playing.
    > Talk with his teacher or guidance counsellor and find out what extracurricular
    > activities are available through his school. Chances are they at least have a
    > soccer team or other sports team of some kind. If he's not sports-minded, there
    > should be more intellectual activities available for him. If you do church, pick
    > a really big one, as they will have more activities and usually even an
    > activities center.


Thank you all again on your advice. I'm going to start to follow up on suggestions
tomorrow when school resumes.

Margaret

Mona Lisa

In article <[email protected] >, [email protected]
(Margaret) wrote:

    > > Talk with his teacher or guidance counsellor and find out what extracurricular
    > > activities are available through his school. Chances are they at least have a
    > > soccer team or other sports team of some kind. If he's not sports-minded, there
    > > should be more intellectual activities available for him. If you do church, pick
    > > a really big one, as they will have more activities and usually even an
    > > activities center.
    > Thank you all again on your advice. I'm going to start to follow up on suggestions
    > tomorrow when school resumes.
Do be aware that many/most churches do not require church membership in order for
your son to participate in their activities. While they may use the opportunity to
teach about the bible, they will not usually require a committment.
--
Mona

Just Jenney

Hi Margaret,

As someone who grew up in a military family that moved every 1-2 years, I have a lot of first-hand experience with what your son is going through.

The others are right -- it's very important to get him involved in some sort of organized activity. Sports, art classes, martial arts, etc. -- anything to get him in an environment where he has to interact with other kids (and more importantly, where other kids have to interact with HIM).

Ironically, I think the reason that you don't see many kids playing outside is because your average middle-class American kids are signed up for so many organized activities -- swimming, basketball, ballet, art, tennis, etc. (especially during the summer, when Mom and Dad have to work and can't stay home to watch them) that they're off doing these activities instead of playing in the yard.

One other thing: You didn't say if your son was shy or not. If he is, pass this suggestion on to him -- it worked for me, every time I had to move and change schools (ie, start over from scratch again), which happened 8 times by the time I got to high school:

Being in a new school with new people means having a clean slate. If he always wanted to be more [fill-in-the-blank], now he can -- and no one will know the difference. In my case, I always tended to be kind of shy when I was younger. But every time I moved, I realized I could be more extroverted and that as far as anyone knew, I'd always been that way. It was an opportunity for me to try to better myself, without having to worry what my friends would think of me and my efforts to change. It also made the transition much, much easier to deal with.

Give him time, too. Be understanding and patient. He's not only left his old school and friends, he's left his country and pretty much everything he's familiar with. It's been two months, which in kid-time is like 2 years -- but once school starts, I can almost guarantee you that things will turn themselves around for the better. He'll be seeing kids every day in school, and the friendships will form in time. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for!!

~ Jenney

Allieo

In May 2002, my then 9 yr old daughter and I moved to Minnesota from Saskatchewan,
Canada. She's not very outgoing, so found it tough to make friends. And when she
was frustrated, we'd hear, "Fine! I'll just move back to Canada!!!" I hated that
phrase. I, of course, would then try to soothe things over. Her stepdad (commonly
known by my daughters as the Non-Related Guardian Guy" or NRGG for short) finally
resolved the abuse of the "I'll just move back to Canada" phrase by offering to help
her pack. He even went so far as to dig out the suitcases and checked out flights
on-line. What a reality check. She knows where her bread is buttered and still
lives with us, without the nasty phrase. Although she still doesn't have a ton of
friends, she has a comfortable circle. One of the guidance counselors at school
suggested a program them have for students who are shy or have low self esteem. Go
to the school yourself and talk to them. There are also many community related
programs, both for just the child and also for parent and child.

We also ensure that our daughters maintain communications with family AND friends
back in Canada. They have internet access and mail letters on a regular basis. Can
you imagine how horrible the immigration process would be without the internet?!
ACKKKKKKKK - I'd never have meant my wonderful husband!

Allie

Geryl

I am new to this forum and therefore haven't read any messages you'd left before. Where are you living now, in the States? I am in Connecticut with two boys 13 and 11 and there are many things you can get your son involved in. There are Boy Scouts through your school. There are after school activities. Check local United Way Agencies to see what programs they offer. Our local UWA offers basketball, soccer, karate, etc., and usually at discounted prices. Another option would be your local YMCA. They have all kinds of activities for children. Does he like swimming?

I hope this gives you a few ideas anyway. I'd love to hear where you're living....

All the best,
Geryl

Margaret

[email protected] (AllieO) wrote in message
news:<[email protected] om>...
    > In May 2002, my then 9 yr old daughter and I moved to Minnesota from Saskatchewan,
    > Canada. She's not very outgoing, so found it tough to make friends. And when she
    > was frustrated, we'd hear, "Fine! I'll just move back to Canada!!!" I hated that
    > phrase. I, of course, would then try to soothe things over. Her stepdad (commonly
    > known by my daughters as the Non-Related Guardian Guy" or NRGG for short) finally
    > resolved the abuse of the "I'll just move back to Canada" phrase by offering to
    > help her pack. He even went so far as to dig out the suitcases and checked out
    > flights on-line. What a reality check. She knows where her bread is buttered and
    > still lives with us, without the nasty phrase. Although she still doesn't have a
    > ton of friends, she has a comfortable circle. One of the guidance counselors at
    > school suggested a program them have for students who are shy or have low self
    > esteem. Go to the school yourself and talk to them. There are also many community
    > related programs, both for just the child and also for parent and child.
    > We also ensure that our daughters maintain communications with family AND friends
    > back in Canada. They have internet access and mail letters on a regular basis.
    > Can you imagine how horrible the immigration process would be without the
    > internet?! ACKKKKKKKK - I'd never have meant my wonderful husband!
    > Allie



Allie

The internet has been wonderful, I also met my that way.

My son has two sisters living back in Canada - one is 22 living with her boyfriend
and both work. The other lives with her dad and works part time. My oldest
encourages her brother to hang in and that he is best being with me in the States.
My son knows that by next summer if he is not happy here the oldest will take him in
however, so he keeps pulling that on me.

Although my son claims to me only he does not like his stepfather, I know he really
does because he likes to wrestle with him and have conversations with him when I'm
not around. Funny because he tells me he likes all the rest of the family members on
his stepfather's side, just not his stepfather. I know it's only because it has been
him and me for 8 years before I met my husband so he feels like he has lost me in
that respect, which is not true.

I'll keep working away at it with him. Thank you again.

Margaret

Geryl <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
    > Originally posted by Margaret:
    > > I just find it strange that in such nice weather there are no kids out playing.
    > > We never experienced that in Canada.
    > >
    > > Does anybody have any other ideas?
    > >
    > I am new to this forum and therefore haven't read any messages you'd left before.
    > Where are you living now, in the States? I am in Connecticut with two boys 13 and
    > 11 and there are many things you can get your son involved in. There are Boy
    > Scouts through your school. There are after school activities. Check local United
    > Way Agencies to see what programs they offer. Our local UWA offers basketball,
    > soccer, karate, etc., and usually at discounted prices. Another option would be
    > your local YMCA. They have all kinds of activities for children. Does he like
    > swimming?
    > I hope this gives you a few ideas anyway. I'd love to hear where you're living....
    > All the best, Geryl


Hi Geryl

I am living in a small town called Meridian outside of Boise in Idaho.

Thanks for your ideas and in answer to your question about swimming, yes he
does like it.

Margaret

Margaret

Jenney &amp; Mark <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
    > Hi Margaret,
    > As someone who grew up in a military family that moved every 1-2 years, I have a
    > lot of first-hand experience with what your son is going through.
    > The others are right -- it's very important to get him involved in some sort of
    > organized activity. Sports, art classes, martial arts, etc. -- anything to get him
    > in an environment where he has to interact with other kids (and more importantly,
    > where other kids have to interact with HIM).
    > Ironically, I think the reason that you don't see many kids playing outside is
    > because your average middle-class American kids are signed up for so many organized
    > activities -- swimming, basketball, ballet, art, tennis, etc. (especially during
    > the summer, when Mom and Dad have to work and can't stay home to watch them) that
    > they're off doing these activities instead of playing in the yard.
    > One other thing: You didn't say if your son was shy or not. If he is, pass this
    > suggestion on to him -- it worked for me, every time I had to move and change
    > schools (ie, start over from scratch again), which happened 8 times by the time I
    > got to high school:
    > Being in a new school with new people means having a clean slate. If he always
    > wanted to be more [fill-in-the-blank], now he can -- and no one will know the
    > difference. In my case, I always tended to be kind of shy when I was younger. But
    > every time I moved, I realized I could be more extroverted and that as far as
    > anyone knew, I'd always been that way. It was an opportunity for me to try to
    > better myself, without having to worry what my friends would think of me and my
    > efforts to change. It also made the transition much, much easier to deal with.
    > Give him time, too. Be understanding and patient. He's not only left his old school
    > and friends, he's left his country and pretty much everything he's familiar with.
    > It's been two months, which in kid-time is like 2 years -- but once school starts,
    > I can almost guarantee you that things will turn themselves around for the better.
    > He'll be seeing kids every day in school, and the friendships will form in time.
    > Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for!!
    > ~ Jenney


Hi Jeanney

My son is somewhat shy but on the first day of school he had struck up conversations
with a couple of kids and hangs around them during school hours. Also a couple of
days after we moved here, a neighbour across the street came over to welcome us to
the neighbourhood and introduced her son to mine. Unfortunately, the boys is 14 and
in high school whereas mine is 11 and in grade 6. He doesn't see much of this boy as
this boy has friends in his own age group.

My son is mature for his age (having grown up with two older sisters) and all of
their friends hanging around the house as he was growing up. He enjoys video games,
wrestling, outdoor sports, etc.

I guess he was so used to seeing kids outside on a regular basis back in Canada, that
to not see anyone out or very few here out, it has been a shock.

All the suggestions and advice has been great here and I really appreciate all the
input. I know we will make it through this.

Thanks again.

Margaret