Tim Martin

Just wondering......

I am in the process of bringing my fiancee to the US from Thailand. I
live in Las Vegas where there is a large Asian community. Almost all the
asian women I know tell me to be very careful about bringing my fiancee Nam
here. I have friends who have had bad experiences and just about everyone I
know has a horror story about someone they know getting burned by marrying
foriegn women.
Before I start to sound too negative, I should say that I am very much in
love with Nam and feel she is the one for me. We met last April, kept in
touch by e-mail and phone until I could return to Thailand in September. I
spent a month travelling with her, meeting her family, getting to know each
other. We were together everyday and have called each other everyday since I
returned to US.
About 2 weeks ago, we hit a bump in our relationship. Long story, but I
have walked away from other relationships for less. Anyway, all the stories
that I have heard has put some doubt in my mind ( See post from Phillipino
girl and her husband's debt) and I think I would be better off to err on the
side of caution.
I am contemplating having a pre-nuptual drawn up in English and Thai. Has
anyone had experience with a pre-nuptual? Am I entering into this with the
wrong attitude? Any advice and/or opinions would be appreciated.

Thanx,
Tim

Andy Platt

Whether you get a pre-nup is up to you and your bride. I do want to point
out, however, that a pre-nup will not get you off the hook for the I-864
affidavit of support you will have to sign.

Andy.

--
I'm not really here, it's just your warped imagination
"tim martin" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Just wondering......
    > I am in the process of bringing my fiancee to the US from Thailand. I
    > live in Las Vegas where there is a large Asian community. Almost all the
    > asian women I know tell me to be very careful about bringing my fiancee
Nam
    > here. I have friends who have had bad experiences and just about everyone
I
    > know has a horror story about someone they know getting burned by marrying
    > foriegn women.
    > Before I start to sound too negative, I should say that I am very much
in
    > love with Nam and feel she is the one for me. We met last April, kept in
    > touch by e-mail and phone until I could return to Thailand in September. I
    > spent a month travelling with her, meeting her family, getting to know
each
    > other. We were together everyday and have called each other everyday since
I
    > returned to US.
    > About 2 weeks ago, we hit a bump in our relationship. Long story, but I
    > have walked away from other relationships for less. Anyway, all the
stories
    > that I have heard has put some doubt in my mind ( See post from Phillipino
    > girl and her husband's debt) and I think I would be better off to err on
the
    > side of caution.
    > I am contemplating having a pre-nuptual drawn up in English and Thai.
Has
    > anyone had experience with a pre-nuptual? Am I entering into this with
the
    > wrong attitude? Any advice and/or opinions would be appreciated.
    > Thanx,
    > Tim

jeffreyhy

Tim,

I think pre-nups can be tricky. You need to consult with a good divorce attorney in your state about how effective they can be there. One thing is for sure, if she doesn't have her own attorney who can work with her to be sure that she understands what she's doing, is in agreement, and is not being taken advantage of, the pre-nup will be useless.

With regard to your relationship, check-out the Thai-Farang board on Delphi forums for some people with a good ear and as good a feeling for making marriage with a Thai woman work as you will find anywhere.

Regards, JEff

Leslie

I have no experience with pre-nuptial agreements. I am curious as to why you would want to marry someone you obviously do not trust.

ScottHenshaw

Andy has a good point about the aff. of support. In my opinion, if you are in love with Nam and she is truly in love with you, then find some trust in the love. Can you say that you love her but don't trust her? I am not trying to be Dear Abbey or anything, but it is something to think about. I am sure that many people can make the claim that they got burned by someone in a marriage before and will make the claim, "Don't be stupid". They however or not you, noe Nam. My advise would be to talk to her about it. She is going to become your wife, your life partner and hopefully your best friend. As Andy stated, it is between the two of you. Talk to her about it, trust her make the desicion together. Personaly, I decided not to do one with Nanette and I am thanksful that I did not. I hope this helps

Scott

Ray

that post you refer to was written by a troll and is totally fake

jgatties

Alot of people get pre nups as a way to protect assets earned prior to a marriage. Its not unusual and doesn't show a lack of trust and to me it makes perfect sense.

Now that was for pre nups in general, now this guy has seperate trust issues it would seem and I would agree that he shouldn't marry someone who he feels is using him for a ticket into this country, but as a whole pre nups are smart and I see nothing wrong with it.

I have no need for one personally because frankly I have nothing...lol

jeffreyhy

Many people feel that a pre-nup is not a matter of trust between the 2 people, it is a matter of providing a degree of certainty in the face of an unknown future.

A pre-nup removes 1 degree of complication from the inevitable problems of married life, and if the marriage should end in divorce it can (if found to be enforcable) eliminate one of the most vicious issues that can destroy both parties during the process of ending the marriage.

Regards, JEff

IndyGreg

While it does seem to me that this gentleman has a few trust issues with this gal, let me go on record as stating that most of what you read on the internet about Thai women in general is about as false as you can get.

Please consider the context of the situation. Most persons posting these "horror" stories are overage, overweight persons that have a hard time in life, especially in the women department.

Many of these guys journey to Thailand to find the youngest most beautful gal in a long list of gold diggers, and inevitably things end up bad for them. I'm not even going to get into the guys who find some village girl from the go go's and decide they want to get married. (this is where the majority of the stereotypes and misconceptions arise)

Take a look at your situation. Are you 60 and she is 20? Are you 300 lbs and she is 85?

Regardless of what you read on the internet, Thai women are no different than any other woman. While looks aare not the most important thing, you have to be honest with yourself.

Take into account a scenario in the US or anywhere else. Money makes you more attractive to a certain type of individual. If you are with a gal way out of your league, then maybe you have that type of individual. Your middle class income to a Thai is like being independently wealthy in the US.

As stated above, the delphi board is a pretty good place to start for getting stories both good and bad.

Marjeta

Any marriage can potentially end up in divorce, and a couple who thinks that thir marriage is immune to that is wrong. There is ALWAYS a possibility. Love is one thing, being realistic is another. I wouldn't go as far as to say that a prenup is a pure sign of mistrust.
So if you feel like protecting your assets in case the marriage doesn't work, I don't see why not. But like previous posters said, if you do it, do it right. And yes, you will have to talk to your fiancee about it.

sibsie

I totally agree with that one. I don't quite have a full prenup but I do have something that protects the assests I'll be taking into the marriage and that protects Steve's property.

It's not a sign of mistrust it's just looking after my money. The money that I made on my own before I entered in marriage.

UKLiz

Just what I was thinking, but I certainly could not have put my thoughts into words quite so well as JEff.

Leslie

I agree JEff. A pre-nup in and of itself is not necessarily a sign of mistrust. I'm sure that sometimes it is a necessity. For instance if there are children from a previous marriage or business partners that need to be protected. I was referring to the lack of trust the OP was showing by listening to other people (who have not met her). IMHO this is a sign of someone who is going around getting other people to confirm something he's already worried about. That, and the fact the he is coming to a NG for advice about something he should be discussing with his fiance and his attorney. My experience is that folks who pose these types of questions on a public forum, have already made up their mind.

Leslie

ScottHenshaw

This thread really turned out to be a good one and I think that everyone makes a lot of sense for different reasons. Perhaps the concept of, "Trust" can be thought of more along the lines of communication, another important part of, "Love" and finding the right partner. I would ask the original poster to ask himself, "How well can he communicate the issue with her". I think that most people agree in this thread that it is important to consult with the partner. Those that do not use the word, "I" far more than, "We". Which may lead into a personal question as to why people are getting married in the first place. Are teh y getting married to join their lives together in a union, or to simple co-habitate. All personal issues which lead back to the same point of communicating between the two people. Indygreg does bring out some points that might be uncomfortable to face, but are important and real. Also, keep in mind that although we might understand Alimony, child support, equity in property, etc. such words and terms might be completely foreign to someone from a foreign place. The more I babble, the more it seems to all lead back to communicationƒº I wonder if this was the, ¡§Bump in the road¡¨ for the original poster. ..

rzack

Its normal do have unsecured feeling towards the partner. I agree with what others said. The best thing is to talk with her. There will be no guarantee in marriage that it will be lasting. No matter to what races or countries of the person come from. The best thing is the COMMUNICATION and UNDERSTANDING.

There are also many successful stories about interracial marriage. Its your choice to take the 'negative' or 'positive' ones. Not all asian women have a 'close' mind like the husband must support her and give her anything that she wants. There are many educated asian women out there with open mind. So again, where and who and how you choose your partner will reflect your future too. Therefore, it is also important to know their background, the upbringing and the family value.