Michael

In my opinion, that is true but he has so much leverage that he could possibly withdraw his approval to allow the children to leave if the court rules against him. Also having someone accompanying a 15 year old on flight seems unreasonable (in my opinion, he along with flight attendents can look after the younger child).

Trixie_b

How about suggesting that you will pay for 1 trip per year for each child outright, and 50/50 with him each additional trip per year.

Also, make sure that you discuss with your lawyer, that he can visit the children in America and have full access for 2 weeks (or another amount of time that you feel suitable). at his own expense of course (alluding to his 2 overseas vacations - he could choose to visit his own children for one of them)

Many of us live in the US away from our families, and use Vonage (cheap telephone system), Skype, facebook and other ways of staying connected that makes the world feel much smaller and the separation easier.

Also, your children are at the age (or approaching) when they don't stay home much anyway, so even if you stayed in the UK, he would be seeing less of them.

As for flying accompanied - that is the area I think he's making a ridiculous request, especially since the 14 year old is more than capable of escorting your 9 year old with few problems.

I do feel for the father, and as other people have said, moving your kids to a different continent away from a willing and suitable parent, and him agreeing bar a few financial issues, is better than many people get. See his agreement as a WIN, and while trying to make it fiscally fair, don't fight too hard and have him withdraw consent - as is his right.

Oregon Bound

That is the point, he HAS withdrawn his consent because he is arguing that i now pay out more and more.

ian-mstm

If the court rules against him, it won't much matter if he withdraws his approval... as the court has already ruled.

Ian

Trixie_b

Sorry, I didn't pick up on that first read through.

Trixie_b

So next moves for you would be to define the "best interests of the children" - start making a list of what you're prepared to do to ensure that they are met.

You're making a great start by saying you'd like to get it sorted before the start of school for the 2 moving to the US.
You are showing that you're prepared to pay for them to visit their father, and have the eldest visit you.
The thing you may not have thought about is that it's not in the best interest of your children to be impoverished in the first 2 years meeting his $5000 demands, and paying for his visits. Cost these things out, and your income projections.

Then it's a case of court. Good luck.

Michael

What I meant is that it currently sounds like his consent is "conditional" (he will give consent if she gives into his demands) but the court may initially only rule on what it considers is fair if he gives consent but not actually rule that the court gives her consent to remove the children since he is not a "deadbeat dad".

Then she may have to take him back to court to try to get a ruling where the court gives consent to remove the children and that may be difficult to get approval since again he is not a "deadbeat dad".

So she is right to try to get the money issue resolved before going to court.

The court may initially rule in her favor for the financial arrangements as well as consent if he states "my consent is conditional on the financial arrangements" but if he states "I do not give consent" and denies that his consent is conditional, the court may have a difficult time ruling in her favor on the consent issue unless she can prove that his consent is conditional (recorded conversations may help to prove that).

GeoffM

Good points.

What concerns me is that he appears to have been increasing his demands - basically testing the limits. From the first post he wanted somebody to accompany the older child. Now he wants to be the one to accompany the child. Next he'll want business class tickets. Then his wife will need to go too. Obviously they'll need to rent a car, no sorry, a luxury car. And so on. Where does it stop?

Anyway, good luck in whatever happens. The ranch idea sounds great!

Oregon Bound

Thank you all for allowing me to share my troubles and gain different perspectives. The whole visa journey is a tough one and emotions run all over the place. Coupled with the fact I have an ex that changes his mind more times than he changes his underwear, I am hving a hard time staying positive.
He did tell the children he was giving permission for them to leave, he then revoked that permission to me by email but told the kids he hadn't said no, just he needed more assurances.
On a lighter note, my herd of 5 pygmy goats already out there became six early Saturday morning. I needed some good news and there it was.

Trixie_b

A court will want to see the spirit of compromise. So make sure that you have all negotiations written down.
Best interest of the child is paramount - to me you sound like you are not denying access to their father, but are being very accommodating to maintaining contact and visitation. Make sure you document a number of weeks per year when the children can visit him or him them. When you tell him he can have the children for 5 weeks of the schools summer holidays and he doesn't want them for that length of time, it will speak volumes to a court.

Good luck. Please let us know how you get on.

Oregon Bound

He has already changed what I offered, 4 weeks in the summer, to flexible when they visit due to work commitments! He managed 3 weeks off in a row last summer. He is supposed to have them two weeks in the summer here since we split up four years ago but so far has not managed to have them in the summer except for his normal alternate weekends. I was hoping to be moving in June so I offered him this half term holiday in February as well as a week at easter so he could see more of them before we went. He declined the February half term as he says he is too busy

Beaverstate

My experience is that is true. I was informed not to move more than 60 miles to keep joint custody.

ian-mstm

Here's something else you might not have thought about... document everything. Every email he sends, every time he adds to his demands, every time he changes his mind... make this available to the court to demonstrate a pattern of behavior. His inconsistencies may eventually work against him.

Ian

Oregon Bound

I have got the original agreement that he said he would sign then went back on. I have the email that says he is refusing permission for the children to leave. I ask and ask for him to use email but he often sends texts or just calls me. Hopefully a judge will see a lot of this as unreasonable and allow the children to leave with me if we can not reach an agreement before any court date.

ian-mstm

Take photos of the text messages... don't answer the phone, let it go to voice mail and save the message.


Do you have a backup plan in case the judge doesn't allow the children to leave? No need to respond... but you had better put some thought into it.

Ian