DerBrystar

Hello there.

I have been for the past six years dating an American out in Ohio. As I came towards the end of my degree, I finally had the gall to propose to her and she said yes. Lucky me. (Yeah, every year one of us has gone over here/over there since 2005, was last flying over on christmas day. Good times when I touched down in Atlanta and saw that other Delta flight I nearly wound up on )

Except the past year and a half I have been trying to get out of my major problem of manic depression. I've had this for a long time but before I wanted to get over to her and do the proverbial I wanted to beat this so I was certain I would be there for all the right reasons. I went and said something stupid the other day that really hurt her and it's made her cast doubt on me and she wants deeds and proof that I am working towards getting over there.

I was thinking of applying to finish my education there, and try becoming a teacher, be different to the teachers that made my life hell in primary/high school. Unfortunately my degree's a third class in Creative Writing and i've been starting to apply through universities. Primairily try and get there as fast as I can but I seem a bit lost on the whole student visas thing. Failing that, I plan to work like a bad man, and go for the marriage push.

I'm currently broke, jobless and trying to push forward to show her i'm trying. Would anybody have any recommendations of ways to push forward quicker apart from the obvious get a job (working on it), get sorting the payments for the university applications (again, working on that next week when I have money again) or anything else to the pot? I'm climbing out of this and just want to get there as soon as I can and make her happy that i'm not trying to "Pull the ground out from under her" any more.

Thanks for reading and I apologise if I posted this in the wrong area, wasn't quite sure where to put it.

Regards,

DerBrystar

ian-mstm

Once bipolar, always bipolar. You can not will yourself out of being bipolar. It requires medication to balance the chemical imbalance. Are you on medication? I mention this because at some point, you will have to have a medical.


Does your intended know you are bipolar? Has she experienced your behavior at both ends of the spectrum? Is she willing to continue to experience your behavior at both ends of the spectrum? As I've already mentioned, you can not "beat this". At best, with the proper medication, you can live a reasonably normal life. I'll warn you now, most people who are bipolar do not want to live a normal life. They hate the medication because it makes them feel ordinary when they are quite happy feeling extraordinary!


Ah... it's begun already!


You must first be accepted at a qualifying US school, then apply for the visa. Not all schools qualify - hopefully, someone will come along and point you in the right direction.


I'm glad that you are aware of your behavioral changes... but that's not the same as being emotionally stable. That should be job #1 for you. Without emotional stability, your relationship is doomed.


I also apologize for being so blunt about bipolar behavior. I expect however, that this was information you already knew... and I hope you have already acted on it.

Ian

Noorah101

I will just point out that people applying for a student visa are not supposed to have immigrant intent. Also, you'll have to show you have the funds to support yourself for the duration of your studies...not easy to do when you're broke.

Personally, I'd focus more on the marriage aspect of immigration, and then once you're in the USA, continue your education then. Or, finish your education in the UK and then immigrate.

Rene

DerBrystar

I thank you for the responses so far, and understand what you saying. I am on medication for this and after cycling through multiple anti-depressants I have found one where i have become more functional. There's still the dark moments but I am able to deal with them better.

I don't believe I'm bipolar, I have just been lowly for a very long time. Lot of bad stuff happened in my life and I'm working my way out of it with the meds and some counselling. I'm currently the best in terms of mentality that i have been in for years and no medication can hamper my crazy side. Lucky me

So, applying for a student visa I am not meant to have immigrant intent? With the lack of funds to support myself (I was thinking I'd be able to apply for Financial aid, in fact when i've been in contact with her university they have mentioned I would be able to apply which I thought was a tad odd.)

So, focus on the marriage aspect first, continue education then or finish education in UK? I've got to go for the former then, while I did that would I be able to work over there?

And again, thanks for the advice, it has been eye opening.

Bryan.

Noorah101

Eventually, yes. If you do a fiance visa, you'll have to wait several months until you have work authorization after arrival in the USA. If you do a spouse visa, you will be work authorized from Day 1 in the USA. If you want to see more of the differences between those two methods (fiance vs spouse), see here: http://britishexpats.com/wiki/Compar...ge-based_visas

Rene

ian-mstm

I really am glad to hear this! Been there, done that... well, 'nuff said!


It is a tad odd. Generally, you aren't eligible for federal- or state-funded financial aid until you are a US permanent resident (= green card). There used to be a number of companies that did private loans for foreign students but for the past few years they have suspended those programs due to the poor economy.


Yes, you can work, but not until after marriage... and likely not immediately - but yes, it's doable.

Ian

meauxna

It sounds like some ultimatums have been thrown down. Your GF needs to factor in that you can't 'just' move here when you feel ready.. there has to be a basis for that, and there are very few of them.

You can read through the pinned 'Want to Live' article (and she should too) to see how limited your options are for coming to the US to live and work, especially without advanced education, close family, or a specialty occupation.

If this isn't something that you can realistically do on your own (education/work) then it's not fair for the relationship to be judged on it. My husband wouldn't have made it 'in' without me, but I didn't take that as any reduction in his commitment to the relationship.