Gezza

Stress is not always bad for marriage, surely. And neither is lack of money. In our case the most turbulent and unhappy phase in our marriage was actually when we lived a trouble free life: easy job, too much money, luxuries, trips to the montains or beach, and plenty of time to spare during our spell in Vancouver. Why? This is when we started nit picking about old family issues, who did more evil in the past, or mis-spend family funds. It got to the stage practically each evening was a row and we sulked in different rooms or on different floors! Now back in the U.k... both completely exhausted at the end of each day with less money after paying for necessities, we seem to be... back in love.

cranni

Anybody emigrating to make their marriage work, NO NO. IT will finish it.
We are happily married for 13 years, and this has really put us to the test, the stress, worry, everything really. And we have struggled the last 16 months, but im glad to say we have come through it and are as happy as we ever was, if we had not been we would not have lasted until now. It would have finished us.
Your friends are right im afraid.
Good luck , Denise

Gezza

You will be fine. There will be more opportunity to cooperat on new issues.
And fewer known friends to run away to. More relaxing work fewer people, more money to spend places to see. Even if some underlying problems remain the 1st year or so you will be o.k.

dingbat

:scared: Er.......no. Doesn't quite work like that.....

dbd33

A woman determined to divorce as well as possible might want to move to Ontario. By default she'd get 15 years of spousal support and, with a good lawyer, she could probably get spousal support indefinitely. Collecting is a problem, of course, but there aren't many places where such a judgment can be obtained at all.

Gezza

It does! Think positive! its mind over matter.

dingbat

It's reality over dreams divided by lawyers.

dingbat

Funny story about spousal support: a friend asked for $1 (one dollar) a year upon divorce after a twenty year relationship, as she had no wish to be dependant upon or supported by the ex. She was advised against claiming nothing as her ex was hiding assets as usual and was refusing to support the children. The ex has disputed that whole $1 in the recent lawsuit against the wife as being " punitive and avaricious in intent". It cost $102 to file the claim.

Huka

14 years in happy relationship in the UK,then 3 years in Canda..... now one in UK with two children and 1 alone in Canada........emmigration.... fantastic....not!

dingbat

Ouch..sorry to hear that.

Alberta_Rose

I think it probably depends what the problems are ...... In our case, we are stronger as a total family unit, not just a marriage, than we have ever been! We feel like we can do anything ..... what we have found is that if you are unhappy you CAN do something about it. And I feel we have set our kids a terrific example. We are all thoroughly proud of ourselves and feel entitled to blow our own trumpet!.... As well as to say how profoundly LUCKY we feel that things are working out so well for us!

But different people will have different solutions to what even may seem the same problem (it isn't, by the very nature of things). That's why NOBODY can tell you you SHOULD do this, or you SHOULDN'T do that! It's your problem, and your lives, only you can sort it out.

dbd33

That's cute. On a good day I laugh at my situation. My exe's argument is that I'm a man therefore I'm cheating her somehow. There's a hidden asset, there must be a hidden asset, I'm obliged to prove there isn't. The court approved valuator poked around in my closets and found nothing, for a fee of $13,500. To upgrade his report so that he can swear the cupboard is bare will be another $31,000. If I can raise the $45,000 it will, of course, be proof that there was a secret stash of cash!

TrishP

Quite agree - arrived in Canada in October last year and chucked hubbie out a few weeks ago - best thing I've ever done! Coming to Canada made me realise just how bloody useless he really is and how much better off I'd be without him! It's been a tough few weeks emotionally and practically and I'm now so glad we don't have any kids.

Moving here gave me the impetus to do something about a crap relationship - if we'd stayed in the UK I'd probably still be with him now, festering away the rest of my life because to do something would be too much hassle. At least knowing I had the strength in myself to make the move here and sort out all the practicalities (yes, I had to do it all while he watched TV/surfed online) means I know I can get through this and make a better life for myself!

I prefer to look at things positively. I'm fortunate that I have a well paid job here, otherwise I'd really be stuck and would be forced to go back to the UK. I love it here in Red Lake - unfortunately its a small town and I'm going to keep bumping into him and everyone's going to know my business (as he's got a big gob on him!).

cranni

Good oh ye, Its so much easier if you dont have kids, i was in a loveless marriage for 10 years, 3 kids made it harder to get out, but i did, and the best thing i ever did.
But if id been in another country without family i dont think i would have been able to.
I would not have emigrated if i did not think my marriage could survive it, but luckily 2nd time round i am happily married with 3 more children.
Good luck for the future,im sure you will find happiness, Denise

TrishP

Thanks for the encouragement. I've only been here a short time, but I've made some very good friends, not just acquaintances, people who really care. I haven't lived near family for years (I'm from N. Ireland and lived in Scotland for 12 years before moving here), so I'm fairly emotionally independent of them, so being near family isn't a factor for me.
Wherever I lay my hat and all that!!