katnap8

Hi,

I'm curious to know what type of wedding plans, if any, you guys are making. Are you waiting for him/her to get the visa and then making arrangements or are you doing it now?
Is it common to have a civil wedding ceremony and then have a bigger wedding later?
My fiance and I are undecided. We want to be together as soon as possible and are therefore opting for the city hall(civil) wedding a week after he arrives. However, I know my family expects a slightly bigger wedding so I'm not sure how much later is appropriate or proper etiquette.
I would love to read stories or suggestions of how you guys are doing it. It seems like sometimes my friends and family don't understand that planning a wedding depending on a visa is different than if we were both in the same country. So, I thought perhaps you guys could help. Thanks in advance for any replies.

Take care,

Kat

Caro

Hey Kat,

Here is what we did. My situation was kind of different as I was already in the US on a student visa, but it might still interest you, plus it is always so much fun to tell your story :-) We wanted to get married in France (my country) where my parents live (and where I have lived all my childhood/teenager years) for the church and have the reception in Paris. That is when we realized that we had to put the INS in the equation.

So, we decided in September 2001 to go to the courthouse in Michigan where we were living and have a wedding on our third "anniversary" that was in November 2001. That left time for my parents and sisters to get tickets to come to the US. We got married on a Friday afternoon (2:00pm to be exact) with only my parents/sisters and my parents-in-law attending. After that, we took advantage of the Indian summer for nice pictures. [We were not wearing wedding clothes. I was wearing a blue dress and my husband his regular suit. I had just picked out a yellow/orange/red bouquet for myself and my husband had a small boutoniere in the same colors to make this wedding day a bit festive and special, and not just an INS formality...] Then, we had a very informal reception in our apartment for our friends from Michigan (about 30 people). My mom, my sisters and I baked all the food, we had a big cookie-cake (my favorite american sweet!) as a "wedding cake", and my mom had brought a "0" candle for the cookie cake. My parents had also brought some good French Champagne to celebrate. Everybody understood that it was not meant to be a formal reception but more a party to be all together on a special day, and we all had a lot of fun.

Then, we scheduled our French wedding to be almost exactly 6 months away on May, 4th 2002 because we were graduating in April, and that was the most convenient for us. At one point, we got afraid that the INS would not issue the advance parole on time, but everything turned out OK, and I was even able to fly to France for Springbreak (early March in MI) to organize the wedding. I hadn't done anything for the preparation yet (I defended my thesis on February 11th 2002), besides having my parents reserve the reception place and the church. I had picked out my wedding dress during my last trip to France over the summer, as we knew we wanted to get married after graduation and with the end of the PhD/dissertation/defense, I knew that it was going to be very busy time, so I (pushed by my mom, I guess who was afraid that I might show up with a pair of jeans) wanted to have it out of the way. I had no bridesmaids (you don't have them in France, so nothing to pick out for them. My mom absolutely wanted a flower girl, so she took care of her dress.). I did everything that I really cared about during the 10 days of Springbreak [picking out and mailing the announcement..., picking out the music, picking out the flowers for the reception, picking out flowers for my bouquet, and so on]. The rest my parents took care of it so that it was the way they wanted it to be, since these things were more important to them than to me [my PhD advisor once told me that even as the bride you are not always a first order term in the wedding day preparation, which was totally fine by me :-)]. The only things that I did in Michigan afterwards was making booklets for the church and making the menus for the reception. My husband and I had our graduation ceremony a week before our wedding in France. We flew to France and arrived there on the Tuesday before the Saturday wedding. We finished the last things, and everything worked out really well! The French people are accustomed to having 2 weddings (civil and religious) because it is how the law works in France, so there was no problem on that side. The american people had no problem with it either. We had about 100 people in the church (our family and friends and a lot of people who have known me in my town and who wanted to be there from neighbors to elementary/high school school teachers) and for the reception we had 55 people (7 american, about 10 German and the rest French). My parents were happy because they could have the things they cared about the way they wanted them, I had the things I cared about the way I wanted them, my husband who couldn't have cared less about the wedding preparation didn't have to be involved so he was happy, and my parents-in-law thought it was cool to be at a French wedding, the French people thought that it was cool to have some american things tossed into the wedding, and the German people were happy to be there.

Now, here is what I think about having two weddings 6 moths apart. It was really nice. For the first one, there was no pressure, no spending a lot of time to pick out flowers/dresses or what not, and we were really excited. Also, it left us time to "realize" that we were getting married as in marriage as opposed to wedding day. It might seem stupid and naive but when you are in the wedding whirlpool with a zillion things that people make you believe that you HAVE to pick out to make your day perfect and so on [i.e. the wedding industry], it is sometimes hard to stay focussed... We also had a (mandatory) church preparation [that was basically about making you realize how important communication was in a marriage and that being married might be difficult sometimes, but that you can work it out and get back on a happy road with some effort from the two of us] before the Michigan wedding, and even though we are not very religious, we both found it really helpful. The French wedding was a big party where we had a lot of fun, and the most stressful part was to make sure that everybody got there on time, and that all the different people of different languages who didn't speak French knew when to go read or come to the altar (one of my witness was German) in the church.

So, here is our story!
Caroline

Just Jenney

Mark and I are in a similar situation. Planning a wedding requires time, money and logistics. Getting married to someone from another country and going through this process puts a strain on all three.

We don't know when the visa will come through, but we *do* know that, once it does, hopefully Mark will be over here as soon as possible. Additionally, we've already decided we want to get married sooner rather than later, so we can get the AOS thing underway, get his EAD and all that. So that doesn't leave a lot of room for planning.

Since Mark won't be able to work for a few months once he's here (most likely, anyway), we need to save what we can. We have to pay for the wedding ourselves, so the budget will be really tight.

And on top of everything else, there's the matter of wedding guests. My brother's family are the only ones who live close to me. My parents and best friends live in neighboring states. And Mark's family is across the pond in England. Trying to coordinate all these people and determine a time that's favorable to everyone is going to be tricky.

We haven't discussed it too much, really; it just seems a bit premature at this point. But considering all these different factors, I'm guessing it might happen this way: We get married at the courthouse soon after Mark's arrival, then plan a sort of "wedding reception" with close family and friends, perhaps at a nearby resort or at the beach or somewhere nice, recite our own vows to each other with everyone present, and just celebrate in casual fashion.

I think this will be an interesting thread -- I'd like to come up with some cool wedding ideas, so I'm looking forward to reading what others are doing!!

~ Jenney

Caro

I forgot to mention that after the courthouse wedding in Michigan, we had some "photocards" made with a picture of us on our wedding day, a "just married" inscription, our names and our civil wedding date (we got ours at Ritz camera, but you can get them everywhere). We mailed it out to our family and close friends announcing our wedding and told them to reserve the date for our coming wedding. Everybody really loved the photo/card! So, I just thought I would mention it for those who are fetching ideas.

Caroline

katesuiter1

Thought I'd add my 2c worth!!
Corey and I will be having something fairly small and intimate for ours, with just maybe a few close family, (there's hundreds in mine, and I couldn't stand the embarassment of having loads of nutty Irish aunts following me around!!!!! Heh heh!! (Only joking family o' mine....love you all!!!)
We haven't made any solid plans just yet, but after the waters have settled a bit, I'll be whisking him back to Blighty so they can all give him the once over, and we can have the church blessing, reception, and honeymoon. It'll be worth the wait!!
But for now, we'll just have to do the civil ceremony bit, and spend a few days locked away in the apartment.....together.....alone............
Sigh, what's a girl to do?? Heh heh!!!!!!
Kate. xxxxxxx

Scarlett

    >I would love to read stories or suggestions of how you guys are doing
    >it. It seems like sometimes my friends and family don't understand that
    >planning a wedding depending on a visa is different than if we were both
    >in the same country. So, I thought perhaps you guys could help. Thanks
    >in advance for any replies.
    >Take care,
    >Kat

Hi Kat.

We're having 2 weddings. The first a legal quickie the day after I arrive so we
can file papers, the second a ceremony 10 days later.

NB a lot of places you have to apply for a licence and wait a period before the
actual wedding - in Texas it's 72 hours. My fiancé got lucky. He saw the people
at the courthouse and explained we wanted to do a fast wedding after I arrived
so we could sort out medical insurance and not get delayed by the Christmas
holiday. They were brilliant and gave him an affidavit form for me which is
usually used for people in the military abroad or incarcerated overseas -
people who can't necessarily be there to get the licence 72 hours in advance. I
took it down the local magistrates court here in England where it cost nothing
to swear before a Justice of the Peace that what I said on it was true and have
them verify my passport and birth certificate. I then had to send back the
affidavit and photocopies of my birth cert and visa page of my passport (it's
in the post as we speak) and the people at the courthouse said that would be
enough, along with my fiancé's own documentation, to issue a licence. So, if
all goes to plan, he will have it waiting when I arrive on the evening of Dec
11th and because we know a minister licensed to marry, she's going to come
round our apartment next day and do the deed.

The good luck continues... The minister who's doing the legal wedding is
letting us use her church building for a ceremony we've planned to be special
but as cost-free as possible.

One friend is going to 'marry' us - we made up a service combining celtic and
native american wedding traditions. And we have different people participating
in different parts of it. One friend doing photos, another videoing, my best
friend from England singing with her boyfriend playing guitar. Lots of people
are bringing plants from home to make the place look green and leafy. Another
friend is organising a potluck meal after the event, which means everybody
brings some food and everybody shares. Seems like half the college where my
fiancé works are planning to come, along with friends and family (his family -
my own family won't be there because we all discussed it and figured it would
be nicer to stagger their visits rather than have them all come at once and
then disappear - it will mean the kids won't feel so cut off).

We planned it in advance of getting the visa and invited people 'provisionally'
so they had notice but then confirmed after I had my visa.

Day: priceless. Cost to us: some paper plates and forks and the price of the
licence.


regards
-=-
scarlett

dazeychain

Yeah, this is a cute thread (I see no boys have replied yet :-) )

Sean and I are having three (yes, 3!) weddings...the first one at the courthouse in his town the week that I arrive, with our best friend in America and his little daughter. Then we're having a wedding party that most of his family are coming to...a civil ceremony with our own vows as neither of us are religous. THEN next year we're having the Scottish leg of our wedding tour with a ceremony at Caerlaverock castle and a Scottish ceilidh afterwards! So my dress will be getting at least two airings :-)

Peace,

D.

mickyboy

Hi
Here is how we did it.
After i got back to England having been to visit Jennifer in Texas and to meet the future inlaws,my heart was aching so much that i decided to pop the question,it was done over the telephone i was on one knee i promise.
once the proposal was done Jennifer set the ball rolling and applied for me to go over there.
We began to make plans straight away,something small in a chapel about 60 people, well that was the plan,we now have about 200 coming including 20 from England and we have a big 900 seater church booked for 7th December(the first methodist church of Arlington ,Texas).

we were planning way before i got my visa ,we went by peoples time lines on here averaging out at 3-4 months.

I arrived here in Arlington ,Texas on 2nd November after getting my Visa on the 25th October,we are on a very tight budget as i cannot work yet as i am waiting on the permit,i wasnt given a temp one when i arrived.
In short we are having a big ish church wedding all planned before i got my visa and i have my wonderful fiance to thank for doing all the hard work.

good luck to you and everyone,and remember it doesnt matter how you do it just so long as you love each other.

mickyboy

angeles73

Well let's see... how is this for wuick? Oscar gets off the plane and if it's a weekday, we're getting hitched. From the airport to the courthouse!!!!!!

Later, after we get the Adjustment of Status paperwork submitted, that's when we will be married in a private ceremony with friends and family on the sand South Beach. Everyone in white linen (blushing bride and groom included), barefooted, on the sand, and the only requirement is that no one bring any gifts. We will be supplying everyone with ever-lit candles. And they will stay lit throughout the ceremony.

Getting married next to the ocean at sunset, looking across the same waters I went to so many times wishing he could be there with me is going to be fantastic. It's simple, and I know that it will be memorable for everyone there. I'm not into those cookie cutter weddings and I always said that if I ever married again, it would not just be an experience for myself and my husband, but for everyone.

We really cannot wait.

Ange

Pete

Depending on the outcome of tomorrow..
We have set the date for the 30th November in Gatlinburg in Tennessee.. In a
little log Chapel.. A Civil wedding but we will be dressed up. We "fell" on
her wedding dress while she was over here in the UK from Monsoon.. They have
a factory outlet in Bicester at it was at half normal price.. couldn't
resist it..
Close Family will attend.. My mom and dad wont be able to come over but her
mom, dad, sisters etc will be there. Its what we wanted. They do a wedding
package for $499 amongst others.. We will travel down on the Friday , get
the licence, no waits, or tests.. and get married on the Sat..
Not sure if my message yesterday about the patriotic links got thru
yesterday onto the server and it was not intended as an Ad but for those who
want a patriotic wedding.. well..
http://www.askginka.com/themes/patriotic.htm
See you tomorrow outside the doctors Lisa..

Pete (now a definite bundle of nerves)

"Scarlett" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > >I would love to read stories or suggestions of how you guys are doing
    > >it. It seems like sometimes my friends and family don't understand that
    > >planning a wedding depending on a visa is different than if we were both
    > >in the same country. So, I thought perhaps you guys could help. Thanks
    > >in advance for any replies.
    > >
    > >Take care,
    > >
    > >Kat
    > Hi Kat.
    > We're having 2 weddings. The first a legal quickie the day after I arrive
so we
    > can file papers, the second a ceremony 10 days later.
    > NB a lot of places you have to apply for a licence and wait a period
before the
    > actual wedding - in Texas it's 72 hours. My fiancé got lucky. He saw the
people
    > at the courthouse and explained we wanted to do a fast wedding after I
arrived
    > so we could sort out medical insurance and not get delayed by the
Christmas
    > holiday. They were brilliant and gave him an affidavit form for me which
is
    > usually used for people in the military abroad or incarcerated overseas -
    > people who can't necessarily be there to get the licence 72 hours in
advance. I
    > took it down the local magistrates court here in England where it cost
nothing
    > to swear before a Justice of the Peace that what I said on it was true and
have
    > them verify my passport and birth certificate. I then had to send back the
    > affidavit and photocopies of my birth cert and visa page of my passport
(it's
    > in the post as we speak) and the people at the courthouse said that would
be
    > enough, along with my fiancé's own documentation, to issue a licence. So,
if
    > all goes to plan, he will have it waiting when I arrive on the evening of
Dec
    > 11th and because we know a minister licensed to marry, she's going to come
    > round our apartment next day and do the deed.
    > The good luck continues... The minister who's doing the legal wedding is
    > letting us use her church building for a ceremony we've planned to be
special
    > but as cost-free as possible.
    > One friend is going to 'marry' us - we made up a service combining celtic
and
    > native american wedding traditions. And we have different people
participating
    > in different parts of it. One friend doing photos, another videoing, my
best
    > friend from England singing with her boyfriend playing guitar. Lots of
people
    > are bringing plants from home to make the place look green and leafy.
Another
    > friend is organising a potluck meal after the event, which means everybody
    > brings some food and everybody shares. Seems like half the college where
my
    > fiancé works are planning to come, along with friends and family (his
family -
    > my own family won't be there because we all discussed it and figured it
would
    > be nicer to stagger their visits rather than have them all come at once
and
    > then disappear - it will mean the kids won't feel so cut off).
    > We planned it in advance of getting the visa and invited people
'provisionally'
    > so they had notice but then confirmed after I had my visa.
    > Day: priceless. Cost to us: some paper plates and forks and the price of
the
    > licence.
    > regards
    > -=-
    > scarlett

Mjones

Hej,
Well, our experience was over 5 years ago, and we had no big family affair
(No big family).
We had a civil wedding with an old JP in his office. We had planned on
having our ceremony at the San Antonio Botannical Garden in a nice spot, and
we even got a "free pass" since there were only going to be the 3 of us
(they normally charge a nominal fee for weddings there). However, on the day
of our wedding, it was pouring rain, ending a drought we had had here all
summer, so we called the JP and arranged to go to his office instead.
We were married by noon instead of 3 in the afternoon, so the remainder of
the days schedule was hastily re-arranged. We called a different
photographer who could get us in at 1.30 for our wedding pictures (and we
had to leave our dog at home cause of the rain, she was supposed to be in
the picture with us), and then headed up to a nice bed-breakfast place up
in the Hill Country for our 3 day honeymoon, where it rained the whole time.
Very cozy.
Someone said it is good luck to have rain on your wedding day. Altho it made
for a bit of extra trouble, since Nina had her hair fixed very nice and a
nice dress on too, it made the experience more memorable.
The fact that we had such a small affair planned made it easy to change the
plans around at the last minute. Plus, the JPs office is only a few miles
from where we live, and we pass by there often, and say "thats where we got
married". The JP is retired, and they sell real estate from that building
now, ha ha!
Mike
--
the moral is
keep plans flexible

"katnap8" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Hi,
    > I'm curious to know what type of wedding plans, if any, you guys are
    > making. Are you waiting for him/her to get the visa and then making
    > arrangements or are you doing it now?
    > Is it common to have a civil wedding ceremony and then have a bigger
    > wedding later?

tparrent

I'll never understand women. Most of them want a big fancy wedding with all the frills. I understand that even though it's not my kind of thing. My fiancee, on the other hand, says she honestly doesn't want anything special - nothing at all! I suggested a romantic trip by ourselves to the U.S. Virgin Islands for a simple wedding. She agreed only if she could wear a swimsuit and spend less than 5 minutes in the ceremony. What a woman!

David

Caroline
One question? What will you celebrate? Will you celebrate both dates
through the years, or will you pick just one? Or have you thought about it?
By the way congratulations!

--
David

"Caro" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > I forgot to mention that after the courthouse wedding in Michigan, we
    > had some "photocards" made with a picture of us on our wedding day, a
    > "just married" inscription, our names and our civil wedding date (we got
    > ours at Ritz camera, but you can get them everywhere). We mailed it out
    > to our family and close friends announcing our wedding and told them to
    > reserve the date for our coming wedding. Everybody really loved the
    > photo/card! So, I just thought I would mention it for those who are
    > fetching ideas.
    > Caroline
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

Targaff

katnap8 wrote in news:563785.1037591353
@britishexpats.com:

    > I'm curious to know what type of wedding plans, if any, you guys are
    > making. Are you waiting for him/her to get the visa and then making
    > arrangements or are you doing it now?
    > Is it common to have a civil wedding ceremony and then have a bigger
    > wedding later?

We're not - we thought about it long and hard, and the idea sufficiently
bothered us to make us decide to wait (we were nearly within the 90-day
period when the visa was issued anyhow, since the wedding had been
planned in advance). However, if neither of you have any objections to
it, I would recommend that you go ahead and do the civil thing, mainly
because it lets you progress matters that much quicker and it feels like
you're going somewhere, even if it's just awaiting for AoS to go through.
Otherwise, if it's more than a few weeks before the wedding when the
partner who came in on a K1 visa arrives, they can be somewhat hamstrung
in what they can do, particularly if they don't have a lot of money.

The other thing I would take into account as regards a bigger wedding,
incidentally, is how long it's going to take to organise - which seems
obvious, but planning for family who live on other continents is more
complicated than it might at first seem! So unless you've already set
those wedding plans in motion, make sure you give yourself enough time to
organise it... and you might want to explain to some people who aren't
going to come over all dramatic that you already got married (if you
chose to do this) and the reasons why.

HTH,

--

Targaff

Theratoni

Wow... that's a real can of worms huh?

My fiance and I are planning on a small civil ceremony. After all the
trouble of going through the immigration process, we are option to get
married as quick as possible!

We just received our approval from Vermont, so we still have about 4 months
until she can come over here. The whole process makes it quite diffucult to
plan a wedding, and as most of us know, it seems that everyones respective
parents have their own ideas about what to do with the wedding. It's tough,
if you ask me. Especially because noone besides the two people getting
married understand what a stress the immigration process can be.

We are planning on having a big party about a month or two after our wedding
though. I think that with the lack of notice you have to plan a wedding on
a specific date, it just as hard for all the people you would invite to come
as well. Between Canada and US, that's a quite a bit of travel to expect
other people to make on such short notice as well...


"katnap8" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Hi,
    > I'm curious to know what type of wedding plans, if any, you guys are
    > making. Are you waiting for him/her to get the visa and then making
    > arrangements or are you doing it now?
    > Is it common to have a civil wedding ceremony and then have a bigger
    > wedding later?
    > My fiance and I are undecided. We want to be together as soon as
    > possible and are therefore opting for the city hall(civil) wedding a
    > week after he arrives. However, I know my family expects a slightly
    > bigger wedding so I'm not sure how much later is appropriate or proper
    > etiquette.
    > I would love to read stories or suggestions of how you guys are doing
    > it. It seems like sometimes my friends and family don't understand that
    > planning a wedding depending on a visa is different than if we were both
    > in the same country. So, I thought perhaps you guys could help. Thanks
    > in advance for any replies.
    > Take care,
    > Kat
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com