pjane1954

Hello,
I've got a Huge problem. My K-1 husband has been cheating on me, and I found out. He is living elsewhere now, and I want to file for a divorce. He told me today that he will pay me if I stay with him until he gets his permanent residency. We jumped through hoops to get him here and keep him here, and now I am so heartbroken. I absolutely do NOT want to stay married to him for another year and then lie to INS when we do permanent residency.? I'm afraid now, however, because he has threatened me if I divorce him before he gets his Permanent card.
I know from other postings, that he can file on his own when we divorce, to have the conditions removed.
However I really doubt they will give him what he wants at that time, because INS had taken me aside at our 4th AOS interview and told me, if I have any doubt whatsoever about his motive, let them know, they won't say I said anything, but they would make him leave and deny the initial AOS. And me, being stupid, said oh no, he truly does love me. Shows how clever the INS is and I wish I'd listened to them! Please help me...What shall I do?

Dekka's Angel

As in physically threatened you? If so begin the process now, for your own safety, of documenting the threats by notifying the police (even if they do not arrest him, which they probably would not to be honest). Get your safety plan in order - call friends, relatives, a shelter, and let people know what has happened. Tell *everyone* you can think of about the threat so that they know about the possibility that you might have to show up at their doorstep on short notice. This is serious advice. Advice about something more important than anything relating to immigration. *After you are safe*, I'd recommend notifying BCIS and seeing what your options are if the NG doesn't have specific advice on that issue. And then contacting a divorce attorney.

P.S. Why did you guys have *4* AOS interviews?

pjane1954

Hello, Dekka's Angel,
and thank you for your response. Thankfully, my husband did not threaten me physically. He told me, in an intimidating manner, that he didn't want to be a xxxx (I can't say the word it's disgusting) but if I didn't go along with the Green Card, he WOULD be a xxxx. I interpret it to mean possibly breaking into my house? Or my car? Or who knows. He did break my car windows once when he was angry. He was hinting. He is definitely NOT the same person I married. (I just found out today, he is also doing cocaine which could possibly be the impetus behind his behaviour? If his new work found out, he would be let go for sure). He thinks he can take my house away from me, and generally make my life miserable. He said he would not go back to England, he hates it over there. He will stay here and continue working at the current job where he met his new girlfriend. He insists he did love me in the beginning. But I'm thinking how nice to move to San Diego, into a marriage with a woman with her own home, good job, nice things, etc etc. Then find someone else to wait in the wings while he finished out the 2 years or whatever, until he got Permanent Residency. However he was stupid enough to get caught cheating. Now I think about it, right after our final AOS interview, when he received the conditional green card, he up and quit his job! And then bought himself a new car and a motorbike...with my money I should add. I should have seen it coming. I have only myself to blame.
To answer your other question: we had 4 interviews precisely because INS did not believe he was marrying me for love, but for the Green Card. How right they turned out to be. I'm sick to my stomach over this. Don't worry, I'm not in fear of physical abuse! I just don't want to be liar to INS. I couldn't live with myself. I think I need to call attorneys first thing tomorrow. Sorry such a long post.

Caro

Usually the INS does not care once the foreign spouse has obtained conditional permanent residency, and even with a divorce, a lot of people have mentioned in this newsgroup that the foreign spouse still manages to lift the conditions even in cases where the US spouse goes to the INS to report a possible fraud on the foreign spouse part. In your case, apparently, that would not happen and he would be denied, as the officer made it clear to let him/her know if you suspected a fraud.

If he manages to lift the conditions by himself, then you would be tied by the Affidavit of Support for however long unless he becomes a US citizen. Since he appeared to have taken some advantage of "your money" in the past, maybe that is also an aspect to consider.

As Dekka'Angel already said, make sure you are safe.

What you should do is up to you. I think we can only help you by giving you facts so that you can make your own decision as to what is best. Only you knows all the aspects of your situation.

Big hug!
Caroline

Carribean Diva

I am sorry to hear of your situation, but find myself in the same boat. However, I got married 1 year ago and have been away from my husband for the entire first year. I filed for the K-3 visa and he just got here 3 weeks ago. We are now approved for the I-130 and need to adjust status. However in these 3 short weeks, I am now ready to get out of this so call marriage. My spouse has disrespected me so many times in public, in front of my family and friends and has no remorse. He argues everyday and refuses to help around the house or anything. A friend of mine got him a job to get him out of the house and the man is so lazy he cursed out the guy and now sits all day in front of the television running up my electricity and eating my food. If has become very obvious that he married me just to come to the US and shows no it everyday. He has not shown any love toward me and has flirted and asked women for their phone numbers right in front of me. Worst of all I have discovered he is an alcoholic. He has drank nearly every bottle of alcohol in the house. I did have a pre-nup signed before the wedding since I own several houses and large accounts. I do not plan to file the adjustment of status and want him out of my house. He does not have any money and I do not want to waste anymore on him. I was planning to call INS when I saw your post. I was planning to tell them and hope they deport him and file for an annulment based on fraud. Does anyone out there have any good advise to help me. I feel threaten when I tell him I want him to go. He gets really irrate and his demeanor changes. Then after a couple of hours he calms down and starts asking me why I won't file the adjustment of status.
Since I haven't followed throughyet with the AOS will I get stuck with this jerk since I filed the K-3 visa for him? He has no green card or ssn yet nor have we filed for it. I am not scared of him, but I don't want to have to go to jail if he does anything to my son to get to me. I no longer trust this person. He is in my house all day and doesn't even speak to us. I hate the sight of him and it's time to move on. Wow, just after 3 weeks. I really didn't think this one out a year ago when I said I do.
Let me add, I don't want out of this marriage just because he is lazy and disrespectful, that is only part of it. But he does not communicate with us, he constantly begs me or my family members for things, he drinks all day, he does not even sleep in my room. I put him out of there long time ago. He says sex is nasty and he shows no affection whatsoever. None of these characterist came out before the wedding, and I can't live this way. I deserve better. Help, Please!

bobzy

Verbal intimidation and breaking car windows ARE suggestions of a person who might be a threat to you. Besides this behavior, he has the additional pressure of wanting to use you to stay, and you are saying "maybe not". This is a dangerous coctail.

You don't have anything to lose by calling a women's advocacy center and asking for a free opinion. I am a male who was represented by the attorney of a women's crisis center, and I owe my life to them for making me aware of the physical danger I was in. Literally.

Take him seriously. When I was trying to find out what my estranged Chinese wife was doing, I met many other people (online) who had had similar experiences -- a few women who had lost everything that they owned, including one who lost a house.

I met more women than men who had been falsely accused of abuse -- as a way to gain access to things (while you are pouting in jail) as well as a way of gaining sympathy that he "deserves" to take some of your things. Police might tend to believe a woman over a man in accusations of abuse, but in some cases, they will believe a "powerless, helpless, frightened foreigner in fear of deportation" before they will believe a USC woman. Imagine having to sell everything to pay for an attorney . . .

I always get flamed for suggesting something that sounds so idiotic to those who have never had the experience -- but only you can make decisions on the basis of what he might actually be capable of doing. It's serious busines if he does do something violent but the police put you in jail.

<putting on my asbestos suit now> This happens more than people want to admit, and it seems to be more common for certain countries.

Don't blame yourself! Three issues to ponder: 1) Somethimes things don't work and nobody is to blame. 2) Abusers are good at getting the victim to blame him/herself. 3) American women aren't used to thinking of themselves as being targets for marriage because they are financially secure and have assets such as a house.

Hope not, but do re-read what you wrote and think about how you might keep contradicting yourself with regard to abuse and with regard to his intentions for marrying you.

pjane1954

You're right. I am contradicting myself. Thank you for opening my eyes to that!
I think my first item in the morning will be to talk to a divorce attorney. And then as you suggested, make a call to a women's advocacy center. Thank you very much for taking time to reply to me. I appreciate it.

bobzy

Yep. Personal experience. I was told by officers that this stuff is very common -- they are the ones who told me that I was probably the victim of a scam when I was in the middle of it (!!!) -- but that they are powerless to do anything.

They had presumed that she had accused me of abuse -- they knew all of the right questions to ask me and had me physically shaking when I suddenly realized that all of her "strange behaviors" were actually part of a pattern that they reconized. Apparently she had been trying to set me up but was unsuccessful. (Ultimately, the police charged her.) I eventually found out that she had forged my signature in the I-751. I get the idea that this also is (or was at the time) very common because personal interviews are (or were) rarely done.

Very frustrating.

jstott1

Please turn this guy in, we don't need more of these frauds here in the USA.

Caro

Bobzy, just out of curiosity, did they do anything after they realized that she forged your signature, or was she just left unpunished?

I am always amazed by the number of people who post in this NG that they have been victim of fraud for a GC, and by the fact that the INS doesn't care really once conditional permanent residency has been awarded [like there are conditions for something, one would expect!].

Caroline

Caro

Make sure to pop on by the INS as well as soon as possible! Be careful and safe when he learns about the divorce.

Caroline

pjane1954

From what I understand, since he has his conditional Green Card, there is nothing INS will do to him at this point. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I think I will see about an annullment (I'm in California) based upon fraudulent marriage but I don't have high hopes on that.
Right now, it sucks to be me. I used to be so happy.

Caro

Didn't they tell you that they would? This is a quote from your initial post: "However I really doubt they will give him what he wants at that time, because INS had taken me aside at our 4th AOS interview and told me, if I have any doubt whatsoever about his motive, let them know, they won't say I said anything, but they would make him leave and deny the initial AOS"

Since you had so many interviews, they had suspicions, and he might not be able to lift his conditions if you report him to the INS.

That would make lifting the conditions harder.

We are here if you need us.

Take care of yourself,
Caroline

pjane1954

Caro, thank you for your support as well.
I will definitely take care of this business in the morning. Yes, you're right: INS told me to let them know.
It was at our final 4th AOS, they didn't even bring him in to be interviewed. They took me in all by myself. And waiting for me was not only our lady INS interviewer, but also two senior INS officials who sat me down and told me this.
I will contact them tomorrow.
When I said there was nothing to be done, it was because I have been reading posts on this newsgroup that I interpreted as such.
I'm as miserable as can be.
Thank you again for your words of encouragement!

Rete

Morning Penny

I was shocked to see your post and to read your sad tidings. I remember you and your case so vividly but went back through the archives just to be sure that I recalled it all correctly. I did.

Others have already given you wonderful advice and I can only support their words "of protect yourself". Be sure you are safe physically, emotionally and financially. If that means having to move your money around into a single bank account, then do it.

You are not the first young lady to fall in love with someone from a first world country only to find that they have been duped for a green card. Deb from California shared our wedding day of 9/26/98 and married someone who said he would love her to the end of time. Within two weeks of getting his green card, he told her she was too fat and undesirable and that he wanted a divorce.

Then there is Bobzy and his first marriage. There are so many that I chuckle when I recall the days when the NG first started and everyone was so sure that because of the anguish we have to endure with going through immigration that our marriages would last forever. Then two or three years later, the posts started about wanting a divorce and how can I keep or get my green card. Or the marriage didn't work out. He/she is not what I thought. Whatever.

The bottom line is someone who was in love and married for what everyone, including BCIS, thinks is the right reason has a marriage that has fallen apart and is now faced with having to deal with not only the emotions associated with a failed marriage but with BCIS and an affidavit of support.

My heart goes out to you for all you went through to get him here and keep him here and to have it all handed back to you as nothing more than a piece of garbage must hurt like hell. But I know your strength for you have exhibited during the times you have had to deal with the US Consulate in London and the BCIS during your many AOS interviews and followups. You will come out stronger for this.

Rete