goya0002

well, then there is the difference. See, I'm not the one leaving Sona is the one leaving all behind to come here. So, she might have some of the thoughts that you are talking about. And rightly so - its a scarry step to leave ones life behind.

You two have waited 7 years? :-) That is good, meaning you two know exactly what you want and you have it in each other. For me, I don't know what I would do if I were away from her for that long.

One thing is that I wish India wasn't so far away. I know that a lot of folks on this site are able to go see their love - at a somewhat frequent pace. I just can't afford to spend that much money.

Each trip is going to cost me atleast 3-4 thousand dollars in terms of the cost of the trip and lost wages.

But, point well taken. You are right in what you have stated. I still can't wait though :-)

Rohit

ccalgreen

Yeah, that's another lucky thing, that our Brit-American relationship is a fairly common thing among K-1ers, and the airfare is that much cheaper.

I think you are probably going through more what Kate is experiencing, as you are in the same situation of waiting for someone to come to you. I've never doubted that we would get together eventually, but then I'm the one "making the effort" (although that's not true because you make a different effort).

One thing I say I wouldn't know how to deal with would be if we had met in person and then had to learn to be apart. We started our relationship writing letters to each other, so we knew what it was like to deal with the distance, every time we had to be apart. Leaving was the worst part, but as soon as you got on the plane, you were yourself again, that person you know that has a significant other who lives somewhere else.

The one thing I always convince myself was that the time you spend apart is the time you enhance what it is you feel for the other person. In the two-week holidays we spent together, we were always so busy travelling to see this or going to visit that, we barely had time to realise what it was we had together. When people in normal relationships ask me if it's hard to be apart, I say, "Yeah, it's hard, but when we *do* get together, it's so much more special". This is something they will *never* understand, and believe me, it's something very worthwhile to be proud of.

CLEM

goya0002

You just said two weeks. I've Sona only once and it was a magical time. I've only been able to make one trip to India and have not had the time or the willingness to spend that much money.

God I miss her :-)
Rohit

Christa

Very well said (does CLEM stand for Clemens?). While the emotions are there
for most everybody who decides to get married, it is better to keep cool and
not rush into anything that would turn out to be a nightmare later on. My
husband and I had a long distance relationship (US/Germany) for 4 years. One
reason was that I couldn't sponsor him for a fiancé visa as a (then)
permanent resident. The second was that we decided he should finish his IT
school before moving to the US. That timing coincided with me becoming a US
citizen. Our marriage has been perfect so far. We both didn't want to risk
the financial and emotional dependency issues had he come to study in the
US - the waiting allowed for starting out as "professional equals".
I'd like to add that there was an hour where we almost didn't go to the
airport at the end of his vacation here. And the days after the many airport
good-byes were hard on both of us. In the end, waiting for the right time
was the best thing to do, though. The result is an extremely happy marriage
that has already stood the test of time before it began.

With my best wishes for your future,
Christa



"ccalgreen" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Originally posted by goya0002
    > > Wow, I'm a bit jealous. Everything for you was done in 2 and 1/2
    > > months...I can't believe how lucky you guys are at VSC. Although I
    > > appreciate that you don't have to wait...I wish the people at BCIS
    > > would find a way to balance out the pain they are causing. It is very
    > > one sided right now.
    > >
    > > I'm still happy for you. Coz, I don't think anyone should have to
    > > wait for this. Its a curse and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
    > >
    > > Rohit
    > Yes, Rohit, I'd be the first to admit that we were lucky when it came to
    > the actual processing, when I consider cases like yours - and I wish you
    > the best of luck.
    > However, I don't want people to think that we just decided, oh let's get
    > married, and shoved in an application and 2.5 months later that was
    > that. Kate and I have been "going out" for 7 years, all the time
    > wondering when the time would be right for us to go for it.
    > I guess I seriously started looking at my options about 4 or 5 years ago
    > while I was still at university, talking to my tutors and my colleagues
    > what might be the best way to get over to the U.S. on an employment
    > visa. It was like a blind alley trying to get something that way. We
    > had decided to get together after we finished uni, but for me that meant
    > waiting a couple of years more after I graduated for Kate as she was a
    > year younger, and went on to do a 1-year masters. I would have been
    > comfortable moving over if someone had offered me a job, but nothing
    > came from it, because in my field, no-one was looking to employ from
    > abroad, despite a recognized skills shortage. The only way I could
    > convince an employer to hire me was if they didn't have to muddy their
    > hands with an H-1B or an L-1. I've been at my current company for over
    > 2 years now, and on day 1 I told them one of the reasons I joined them
    > was because I was interested in their American operations. During that
    > time I watched others get seconded out there and pick up valuable
    > experience that I would also need to find a permanent job there. In the
    > end, the waiting was too much, and I feel like I'd failed to get a job
    > in America on my own merits, despite being told that I had more than
    > enough of the right qualifications, and THAT is when we decided to go
    > for a fiance visa. It was our last resort, and it just so happened that
    > it coincided with the time of our lives that we felt it was right for
    > both of us to get married (I always said I wanted to be married at 25,
    > but I never dreamed it would pan out the way it did).
    > So, while I totally sympathise with the anguish of feeling you've done
    > all you can and the ball's in someone else's court, just remember it's
    > not only the BCIS who can screw things up for you.
    > While you can't be with the one you love, look at things differently and
    > take advantage of the time you have left apart, as Christa said. I have
    > a month until I leave, and it's the scariest thing I've ever done in my
    > life, leaving everything behind me. I'm trying to make sure that
    > everything is perfectly in place before I go, and that I make the most
    > of the remainder of the time I have living in the same country as my
    > family, my friends and everything I know bar my fiancee.
    > CLEM
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

ccalgreen

Thanks for the wishes Christa! I hope your marriage continues the same way it's started off!

I think the way I rationalised the goodbyes was by concentrating on the fact that we *would* be seeing each other again.

btw, you're not far off with the name - it's Clement (my parents chose my English name because it sounded like my Chinese name, Kai Man)!

ccalgreen

You hit the nail on the head - magical. I still remember the first time I went to see Kate as being magical. It was the last great adventure that I had been on - I didn't know what it was going to be like to see her in person (a year after we started writing), but it was better than I could ever have dreamed. And now I'm embarking on another great adventure to be with her for good!

I have to admit that the separation gets easier the more times you see each other, because you can convince yourself that when you part, it will only be a short while until you get together again, and you have experience of that fact.