How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Advice on how to keep my sanity please! It seems like everything has gone wrong for us this year. I won't go through the whole list, but a couple of weeks ago, five days after Jesse was born, somebody rear-ended our car and it was written off. We got the insurance payout and bought another car from a classified ad by private seller, only to find out it was apparently in an accident and needs $3000 of work to get it roadworthy (not even to fix all the problems). We don't have another three grand but the father of somebody at the body shop may take it off our hands for $500. I just can't believe we will have lost all that money. I feel so gutted - and stupid - right now. We left a message for the seller saying we want our money back or will take legal action, but the car was sold "as is", as noted on the bill of sale, so I don't think we have a leg to stand on. I can't believe people would screw over a family with a new baby like that. She told us that the car passed inspection back in May and would be just fine.

I just want to cut my losses and get out of this country. I know that there are plenty of crooks in the UK too but I just can't keep going through all these problems with hardly anyone around to help. My SIL goes back to Germany on Friday and my MIL abandons us for Arkansas on Saturday. I know my wife is going to feel really lonely with only her dad left here. In the UK we would have both my parents and my sister's family around to help with the kids and all.

Sorry to complain so much; just feeling really low right now. I guess I need to keep focusing on the move, maybe even start selling stuff to make it feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Oh you poor things.

Have you got a timeline for when you're heading off to the UK?

In the interim, are you now having to buy another car? I know that you pretty much need one in the States (I'm in New Jersey) but if you are going to have to get another car, please take heed of all the info on this very informative website (especially the bit about getting a CarFax report - you need one for every secondhand car before even thinking about buying one):

http://www.carbuyingtips.com (go to the used car section).

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Thanks for that. The man who may buy the car (assuming the engine is good) may be able to sell us a cheap car (he fixes them up and guarantees they will pass inspection). We do have a second car so we're not totally without one at the moment, but it's a two door which is a nightmare with the kids. We may sell it to have some money to put towards a replacement and just make do with one car until we leave. I refuse to have a car payment, especially as we're leaving.

I know we went about buying the car the wrong way and didn't get things checked out. The fact is we didn't WANT to be buying a car because we were quite happy with the one before it was written off. A week after having a baby, car shopping is the LAST thing on your mind!

We have a rough timetable for moving but all the big steps seem so far away. SIL returns at the end of the year and we're hoping she will buy a house, as she has expressed an interest in buying some of our furniture from us. She is getting married next September which we want to be around to help with, and my citizenship interview will probably be around that time too. After that things can really start to happen.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Life's a bitch aint it :( can you not think of returning home much earlyier than first planned? I know you said you are going to stay with family in Surrey, what is the point in waiting so long. Feel for you, now's the time to see that light at the end of this long dark tunnal, best wishes :)

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Thanks. :) Believe me, the first thing I said when I got home last night was "Dear, let's get your visa and put the house up for sale!" and she burst into tears. She does want to leave, but is not ready yet. She wants to be around to help plan her sister's wedding as their mother won't be around to help. I need to do quite a bit to the house to get it up to scratch for selling, too. As much as I would love to leave right now, it really does make more sense to stick it out and do everything in the order we have planned. I just have to keep telling myself that the next year will go quickly. I know it will when looking back, but it looks like a huge mountain to climb looking forward.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Jeremai. I'm so sorry for what has happened to you with the car and I know how you feel wanting to get back to the UK. Keep busy, get working on doing up your house so you can think to yourself it'll sell for more dosh, try and work out the car thing as best you can and try and 'walk away' (mentally) from the experience if you can .
Chin up chuck, wishing you the v best.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Sorry to hear you are having a really rough patch.

It just seems to me that, to get you through this tough year, you need to find SOMETHING positive to focus on in your current life. If all you think about is where you will be one year from now, and what you need to get done to get there, you are bound to be very unhappy.

With a new baby, you do not want to be unhappy. The first year of life is so important - all these negatives vibes and all the stress can't be good for the little one.

Easier said than done, I know. FWIW, I always listen to my operas and look at my art books when things here threaten to overwhelm me. This has got me over many a rough patch. Is there something in your life which is equally meaningful and which you can focus on?

All the best! :)

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Thanks again, everyone. Yes, there are positive things I can focus on, not least of all my kids! I know it will get easier when this car thing hurts less (I don't car so much about losing a car as I do those people getting my money... GRRR) and I will be more focussed.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

I still would check out if it is not illegal to sell a car which was in an accident without telling the buyer about it...

I know how you fell..I just want to leave the country aswell :(
Time can fly so fast..and then you will be in the UK.
Just try to make the best of it, until you back :beer:

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

I did... Maryland lemon laws only apply to new cars. :( Stupid Maryland.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Jeremai,
sorry to hear of your troubles. I know it can get overwhelming. The time will pass though quicker than you think. It really is hard as so much has to be done last minute. But there are things you can do now which will make it all easier. Make sure all your paperwork is in order and all together in a filing envelope. Start going through your stuff and selling what ever you can or donating some items. make lists of home repairs and promise yourself to do one each week. Its easier if tackled one at a time and you will feel more positive as you start checking things off your list. If you can get by on one car, think of the savings in gas and car insurance. keep busy and focus on the move, but dont forget to slow down to enjoy that new baby! good luck.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

I feel for you I really do. How could that unscrupulous person screw you over like that. Can you not phone a lawyer for advice. I know what you said about the small print however it seems many people here sue even when it seems like they dont have a case. Besides if she just receives a threatening letter from a lawyer it may make her panic. There must be a law against this. :mad:

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Rachael called a distant relative of hers who said we DO have a case for fraud. If the seller hadn't said anything then we would not have a case because the car was sold as-is, but because she told us it passed inspection in May, knowing it had accident damage, then we have a case. We left another message on her machine telling her this but I doubt we will hear from her. Maybe then we'll have a letter sent to her.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Have you contacted the Maryland DMV?

I know from living in CT it was illegal to sell a car (private or dealer) & NOT tell the buyer that is had problems.

Re: How do I cope with the wait before returning?
 

Unfortunately Maryland lemon laws don't apply to used cars, only new ones. How stupid is that? The seller finally called us back and claims she had no idea it had been in an accident, and gave us the number of the place that passed it's state inspection.

My parents and sister/brother-in-law are all sending money to help us out. Makes me want to be back there even more!