gpatb36

Hi all - new to this site but found the posts incredibly helpful so thanks to all those that have gone before.

I have spent 8 years in the US and loved every bit of it to be honest - I can clearly see the advantages living here if you are middle class as opposed back in the UK. But ... I have met a girl through family in the UK who has blown my life away and we have been somehow managing a long distance thing for over 8 months now - so the crunch is here and am stuck between a hard rock and a bloody hard place!

I am doing so well in the US (am a GC holder only, not a citizen), have a fabulous job, great house, great friends, etc and going back to UK really doesn't set me alight at all in terms what that entails (finding work, liquidating and transferring assets, etc etc) but where my head screams STAY my heart screams GO HOME.

Not looking for love advice but anyone have any pearls of wisdom to make this an easier decision - I have of course looked at her coming to the US (which she would do gladly) but immigration for a family member for a GC holder - suffice to say, forget it

dunroving

How long have you had the GC - could you wait until you have citizenship, then you could sponsor her (if you get married, of course)? At least that gives you options. Currently, even the title of your thread implies a potential future in which you harbour a sense of resentment at being "forced" to give up your future in the US. After a while in the UK, you will of course lose your GC status.

And quite bluntly, an 8-month long-distance relationship is a rather tentative basis for turning your life upside-down at the moment.

NikiL

Very blunt - and completely valid.

8 months long distance is not a basis to class this as a long term serious relationship in reality - I'm 110% with dunroving here. Not with everything you have to lose.

Sit tight, get your citizenship then move her to the US. If the relationship is right, then you'll survive the wait. The simmering resentment if you move back to the UK could kill it.

Mummy in the foothills

I'd wait out the citizenship if possible it leaves more options open for both of you.

Auld Yin

Just curious, but how long does a resident on a GC have to wait before applying for citizenship in the USA?

dunroving

My understanding is it's 3 years if it's a marriage-based GC (not in this case), or 5 years otherwise ..

MartynK

Very sound and sensible advice, but emotions and rational decisions don't always go together very comfortably, do they? I have a pretty good idea how you're feeling, and I'm not being facetious or glib. We've been married for + 30 years and lived in South Africa for most of the time. My wife came back to the UK 3 years ago for family reasons, I visited a couple of times, and returned in June this year, but I'm very unsettled. I just don't enjoy living here at all, and a company I used to do a lot of work for has asked me to go back to SA for 6 - 12 months to relaunch a division. I need to make my mind up in the next few days, and fly in a couple of weeks if I decide to go. Difficult. I want to stay with my wife, but I don't want to live in the UK and Africa beckons.

Surely you don't have to make life changing decisions right now? Flying between NY and the UK is fairly cheap and easy. Can't you just visit each other for the time being? Holidays and long weekends?

Anyway, I hope it all works out for you.

penguinsix

Get citizenship
Get citizenship
Get citizenship

And then sort this all out.

You'll have so many more options available to you if you can get citizenship sorted. It's the ultimate back up plan and not just that, it coveys to your future wife (and maybe offspring) some more options to cross back and forth across the ocean as they grow up.

Aviator

Would you not kick yourself if the relationship fell apart in the future and you could not return to the US?

lansbury

As everyone else says if you are eligible get your citizenship. The current time for New York from application to oath is around 16 weeks. You could be a citizen April/May time.

Marmalade

Some very good points. I would definitely get your citizenship. I did, and I feel so much better for getting it. It gives you the open-ended option of living in either country freely.

Jetting back and forward from New York is as easy as jetting back and forth in the US from city to city, great option.

Don't give up your individual future for something that looks good now, but who knows what the future will bring.

Good luck!

My citizenship from application to swearing in was approximately 4 months, not long!!

Tr1boy

As someone who made a long awaited return to the UK in 06 and then was 'forced because of love' to move back to Oz for 4yrs despite every synapse in my body screaming 'don't do it', and finally coming out of the other end and am 6wks away from returning to the UK, I offer the following.

My wife and I had been together since 02 and we were married in July 04. Moved to the UK in early 06. My point for giving you these dates is that I already knew my wife very well and knew how much she meant to me before the crunch decision needed to made. I knew she wouldn't be happy in the UK until her degree was done. But I didn't know that last bit until we were in the UK. (and nor did she).

I had to explain to my family why we were going back to Oz but had to explain that we would be back (don't think they really bought that bit at the time). It had the potential to cause a big rift, but thankfully it was more of a huge 'flash bang' row and then was over after a few weeks.

So fast forward 4 yrs and what have I learned? Well I learned that I love my wife very much but no matter how much you love them, the potential for blame and recrimination is very high, especially when things don't go well. Stupid things like traffic, a bad day at work, (extreme heat in my case) can set off those 'if it wasn't for you, this wouldn't be happening' thoughts. Nobody is immune from this and if they say they are I'd call them a liar. What you can control is how much you let this affect you and more importantly, your relationship.

It wasn't easy by any means and I'm sure I failed the 'don't mention the war' test a few times, but we got through it. However in my opinion we only got through it because we knew each other very very well before it all kicked off. You have the same advantage/disadvantage as I had in that you know what you are going back to and it's a second choice to where you currently are.

You don't want love advice? IMHO you are deluding yourself to a serious degree if you think that these two issues are not inextricably linked. It is impossible, in my experience to cognitively separate the fact that you are physically where you are and in the situation you are in because of the one you love. Your relationship is young and short and you are making long term decisions based on that.

To use a triathlon analogy, this stuff is icing on the cake, and you don't have a cake yet.

Ultimately we tend to follow our hearts in life, but our head has a nasty habit of asking why we do that. If things are not to your liking in the UK you will be asking a lot of questions of yourself and it would be a very strong person that in some way does not project this onto their relationship. Some relationships have the foundations to withstand this and some don't. I hope yours does. Also don't expect these questions to surface immediately, sometimes it can be quite a long time later, which in a way is worse as emotionally you crash harder and things are harder to reverse.

Practical things are practical things, jobs, cars, houses all need to be sorted where ever we live. Personally, I think you're asking the wrong question, but you're asking for the right reasons. We all do things for love, just be prepared for an emotionally journey that may not have signed up for.

gpatb36

Thank you all, literally every one of you, for some very blunt, honest, and heartfelt advice. I can't touch on everything, but yes, I realize I am in this situation because of a hearts / head issue, and that if the relationship broke down in the UK and I then regretted leaving I would be sick to the stomach, and that my relationship is young.

Two issues - I was out of the US for a year (with a re-entry permit - came back and forth every 4-6 weeks or so but believe I 'broke' residency and so am 4 years away from eligibility for citizenship) and given that, not sure a NY/UK relationship for 4 years is going to work, realistically.

Again, I really do appreciate the postings. Thanks and good luck in return to all of you.

jaxslad

Two issues - I was out of the US for a year (with a re-entry permit - came back and forth every 4-6 weeks or so but believe I 'broke' residency and so am 4 years away from eligibility for citizenship) and given that, not sure a NY/UK relationship for 4 years is going to work, realistically.

Choices,,,choices choices..

You and your G/F has'nt spent any good time to know each other yet.....i mean if you love her and the same with your G/F then stay put and get your usc, this way you will both have options on a later date..

My advice if i was you, and several members called it ..get your usc sorted first....this way if things go tits up, then you or her can get on a flight..us or uk..whatever way you both decide to live....

Now immigration....you say that you have had a G/C for 8 yrs...but stayed outside the us for a yr and had a re-entry permit ...well i think i read that if a P/R has a re-entry permit your covered upto 1 yr of being outside the us,,...
i think the rule is....if a P/R stays outside the us for less than 6 mths your ok...anything over that 6 mths but less than a year then it stops the continued residentship.....now stay outside for 12mth or more re-sits the clock and starts all over again......but you having a re-entry permit protects you for the first year i think.....

There is several good immigration forums kicking about...and also on this site there is a forum about the usc i400 form on what is needed to become a usc..
But im not sure somebody like yourself who has a green card for 8yrs must wait 4 yrs more...even if you spent time outside as you should be covered for a certain amount as you had a re-entry permit and protects your continued resident status...

Anyways....take all the time you both need and spend as much time together as much as possible, this is the only way to really know somebody trust me i know.

whatever you choose i wish you both well anyways..

ps..if you want to know the links for the us immigration sites pm me anytime and ill send them to you..

traceym

gpatb,

My husband on a Green card became a US citizen then we started the process CR1 for me, I have kept a diary with all the dates and the 'highs and lows' of the process, we began on 29 Dec 2008 and if all goes well with my interview in Jan I hope to move there on 30 Jan 2010.

If you want to read about the realities of it PM me and I'll send you a link, it's not for the feint hearted and not something I'd recommend at the start of a relationship!

Tracey