Rete

Someone saw fit to post an excerpt from a Washington DC paper that highlights VisaJourney's participation in the world of marriage based immigration to the US.

Someone touched on the issue of whether or not fiancee's are "family" or should be considered "family" before marriage.

What's your thought?

jeffreyhy

Rete,

I am concerned about your 3rd poll choice - marriage and acceptance by other family members required before the person becomes 'family'? (minor quibble - acceptance by some, or by all?)

Is it too late to modify the poll to add an option for marriage only making a fiance(e) 'family', without regard to acceptance by other family members?

Regards, JEff

Rete

Don't have a clue if it can be edited. Just tried without luck. However, my husband was not considered a member of the family by myself or my family until it was clear that he was accepted by my children and that he was treating me properly, which is the reason for the third category. I don't believe I nor my family are alone with this thought.

Its not a statistic poll but one I thought others might like to participate in so a third category doesn't interfer with their choices and they can always modify the third category in a followup post to the thread.

Maggs

I don't know how I would answer.

I have a nephew who has a long time girlfriend. She is not his fiance and they will not consider marriage at this time (church Vs No church) but they have been together for 9 years and now live together. I would consider her family.

However, I have another nephew who has a fiance but they have only known each other 3 months, so I don't yet consider her family.

Maggie

olliewat

So - since that was me that mentioned that, I'm sort of afraid to look and see what kind of replies I got

Bluegrass Lass

Even while we were just engaged, I considered my husband family. My parents had met him, and I had met his folks. We were both mutually 'accepted' by our family members. I had pretty much told my friends and family that this was the guy I was going to marry, so I didn't much care if they accepted him or not (maybe that was my youth speaking at the time). Even as a fiance, I had added him to my life insurance, as a 50% beneficiary.

I'm sure my folks and friends thought I was crazy for marrying some dude I only been in the same country with for 2 months, but funnily enough, I don't remember anyone trying to talk me out of it.

Just Jenney

Once I fell in love with Mark and accepted his proposal, I considered him part of my family. Maybe even before we got officially engaged, actually. Whether my parents and brother felt the same way about him before our marriage was irrelevant to me.

For all of those who voted "no" and say that you can't be family members unless you're married, you must also feel that homosexual partners can never be considered part of each other's families, since gay marriage is only legally recognized in one US state (Massachusetts). And that any children adopted by gay couples cannot be considered part of a family, either.

~ Jenney

Noorah101

I don't think that's the case. I see these as different scenarios, and have different opinions on each one. I had a gay cousin, and I considered his partner of 10 years to be part of the family. But, I didn't consider Sadegh part of the family until he actually came to the USA, we got married, and started building a life together.

Perhaps for me the defining criteria isn't a label such as "fiance", "husband", "wife", etc. but perhaps when a couple (straight or gay) starts building their life together in real life.

Rene

ian-mstm

Your logic is faulty. What *I* consider to be family and what someone else considers to be family, are two totally different things. What I think about someone else's relationship is irrelevant. The question remains the same... do *I* consider *my* fiancee to be family?

Ian

olliewat

Jenney -

Here's what I said in the other post:

I have gay friends who are desperate to be lawfully married, and who I consider to be each other's family. But just because they see it that way, and I see it that way, doesn't mean it IS that way.

Unfortunately, there's a very real difference between perception and definition.

Rete

Rather presumptuous of you, Jenney. I wouldn't hazard a "guess" on what you feel or believe on any issue, don't believe you have the right to do that in regards to others.

Just Jenney

Just stating my opinion.

~ Jenney

jeffreyhy

Not true. The question implicitly deals with situations where marriage is a possibility, and you've changed it somewhat by substituting the word "unless" for Rete's word "before".

You are making the poll more narrowly focused than I expect Rete intended it to be.

Regards, JEff