ex husband causing problems
Dec 9th 2001, 12:57 pm
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
my ex husband is causing problems bigtime...........he is over $1000 behind on child
support and i think he is back on drugs again.........well he and i got into a huge
fight over the phone and he called me a bunch of ugly names. my husband called me up(
he lives in europe )....and i was crying bigtime........well my husband was so angry
at my ex for everything thathe has done to me and the kids thathe ended up calling my
ex husband and he called him a bad name after the two of them exchanged words. My
husband told my ex he was taking him to court soon for back child support and the
rest of the things my ex is doing. My ex called me up and told me he is calling the
INS and everyone else he can think of and to prevent my husband from getting his visa
to be with me. My ex is trying to hurt me bigtime. he even said my husband threatend
him, which he did not. My husband is not a violent man at all. In fact my ex husband
is the violent one. He got into fight and spit in a cops' face and has been arrested
many times before. What should i do about this?? The only thing my husband did was
call my ex a bad name and he was taking up for the kids and myself. My parents are on
our side and they said they would write a letter if that helped..........sorry to be
so long and dragged out.....but things are hard enough without this
mess...............Thanks for all of your help guys.......
support and i think he is back on drugs again.........well he and i got into a huge
fight over the phone and he called me a bunch of ugly names. my husband called me up(
he lives in europe )....and i was crying bigtime........well my husband was so angry
at my ex for everything thathe has done to me and the kids thathe ended up calling my
ex husband and he called him a bad name after the two of them exchanged words. My
husband told my ex he was taking him to court soon for back child support and the
rest of the things my ex is doing. My ex called me up and told me he is calling the
INS and everyone else he can think of and to prevent my husband from getting his visa
to be with me. My ex is trying to hurt me bigtime. he even said my husband threatend
him, which he did not. My husband is not a violent man at all. In fact my ex husband
is the violent one. He got into fight and spit in a cops' face and has been arrested
many times before. What should i do about this?? The only thing my husband did was
call my ex a bad name and he was taking up for the kids and myself. My parents are on
our side and they said they would write a letter if that helped..........sorry to be
so long and dragged out.....but things are hard enough without this
mess...............Thanks for all of your help guys.......
Dec 9th 2001, 3:00 pm
#2
Guest
Posts: n/a
I went through the same things with my ex when my husband and I started dating. Ken
used to hate being gone so long, he was always afraid for my safety and for my kids.
On one occasion when Ken was visiting my ex nearly ran us with his car pulling into
my driveway - he was so drunk and he began calling me and Ken names, while the kids
were listening. He left before I called the police - maybe I should have, but the
kids didn't want me too. There is nothing your ex can do to prevent your husband from
getting his visa. Do yourself a favor and never call your ex again, unless there is
an emergency with one of your kids. Let the courts deal with the back child support,
don't call him and if he calls hang up every time. At times like this all we want is
a hug from the one we love, and when they're not with you it just hurts all the more.
I wish I could say something that would help, but I know having your husband in the
US with you is the only thing you want. I hope Santa grants your wish very soon. Take
Care. Shelley
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used to hate being gone so long, he was always afraid for my safety and for my kids.
On one occasion when Ken was visiting my ex nearly ran us with his car pulling into
my driveway - he was so drunk and he began calling me and Ken names, while the kids
were listening. He left before I called the police - maybe I should have, but the
kids didn't want me too. There is nothing your ex can do to prevent your husband from
getting his visa. Do yourself a favor and never call your ex again, unless there is
an emergency with one of your kids. Let the courts deal with the back child support,
don't call him and if he calls hang up every time. At times like this all we want is
a hug from the one we love, and when they're not with you it just hurts all the more.
I wish I could say something that would help, but I know having your husband in the
US with you is the only thing you want. I hope Santa grants your wish very soon. Take
Care. Shelley
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Dec 9th 2001, 3:05 pm
#3
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Shelley wrote:
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Excellent advice. Talking to him will only fuel the fire. Let the attorney dig out
the child support, and if he harrasses you, call the police. But don't talk to him on
the phone and especially not in person. Let him talk to your answering machine, maybe
he will record something nice to use in court that way. Alvena
-----------------------
Doc Steen Site: http://www.mindspring.com/~docsteen/...o/visainfo.htm
=========================================
I am not a lawyer and this is not immigration advice. This is my personal opinion,
posted for the purpose of discussion only. Locate an immigration attorney in your
area at: http://www.aila.org
=========================================
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Excellent advice. Talking to him will only fuel the fire. Let the attorney dig out
the child support, and if he harrasses you, call the police. But don't talk to him on
the phone and especially not in person. Let him talk to your answering machine, maybe
he will record something nice to use in court that way. Alvena
-----------------------
Doc Steen Site: http://www.mindspring.com/~docsteen/...o/visainfo.htm
=========================================
I am not a lawyer and this is not immigration advice. This is my personal opinion,
posted for the purpose of discussion only. Locate an immigration attorney in your
area at: http://www.aila.org
=========================================
Dec 9th 2001, 10:56 pm
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
Ignore your EX is my BEST advice....been there done that*
Dec 10th 2001, 1:10 am
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
[email protected] (NLUV4EVER77)
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He has to back up what he says to the ins with factual evidence - Remember that the
ins are going to suspect your ex husbands malice on the basis that he is your ex
husband! - It could be worse hunny,My "ex" reported me to the police when she heard I
had a US fiance,Placed totally unfounded and untrue allegations that got me locked up
and a four month court process.Needless to say I proved my innocence in court and she
admitted to lying,I kept everything,Court records,statements etc etc and the INS had
no problem - in fact they stated that they were sorry that I had been put thru the
crap in the first place. So,All in all,Take no notice,Your ex husbands a nut case,The
ins will realise that - USC or not. Keep any proof that you can of his harrasment and
if he continues,Go to the cops - Failing that,shoot him
FJ10.
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He has to back up what he says to the ins with factual evidence - Remember that the
ins are going to suspect your ex husbands malice on the basis that he is your ex
husband! - It could be worse hunny,My "ex" reported me to the police when she heard I
had a US fiance,Placed totally unfounded and untrue allegations that got me locked up
and a four month court process.Needless to say I proved my innocence in court and she
admitted to lying,I kept everything,Court records,statements etc etc and the INS had
no problem - in fact they stated that they were sorry that I had been put thru the
crap in the first place. So,All in all,Take no notice,Your ex husbands a nut case,The
ins will realise that - USC or not. Keep any proof that you can of his harrasment and
if he continues,Go to the cops - Failing that,shoot him
FJ10.
Dec 10th 2001, 12:38 pm
#6
Guest
Posts: n/a
I thought you gave all your problems to God. Why don't you get out a notebook and
write 10 of your favorite prayers. Then read each one 10 times a day. Maybe you can
put the lights out on that pity party.
Eileen
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behind on
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visa
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write 10 of your favorite prayers. Then read each one 10 times a day. Maybe you can
put the lights out on that pity party.
Eileen
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behind on
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got
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my
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has
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called him
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ex he
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visa
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husband
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cops'
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Dec 10th 2001, 1:06 pm
#7
Guest
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yep........thats what my mom keeps telling me........she says give it to God and and
everything will fall into place
everything will fall into place
Dec 10th 2001, 4:27 pm
#8
Guest
Posts: n/a
Don't ya just hate it when mom is right! :P
This is my best stress reliever - take a deep breath and read very slowly
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain
air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total
seclusion from that place called "The World". The soothing sound of a gentle
waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can
easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place. What a
pleasant surprise. You let them up...just for a quick breath...then ploop!...back
under they go... You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want. There
now...feeling better?
Take Care. Shelley
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God
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This is my best stress reliever - take a deep breath and read very slowly
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain
air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total
seclusion from that place called "The World". The soothing sound of a gentle
waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can
easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place. What a
pleasant surprise. You let them up...just for a quick breath...then ploop!...back
under they go... You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want. There
now...feeling better?
Take Care. Shelley
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Dec 11th 2001, 2:32 am
#9
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 14,049
Shelly and Alvena,
Agreed. You both gave excellent advice.
Nluv, you - and your present husband - need to focus on your own objectives and ingore the temptations to listen and respond to your ex-husband that your emotions create in this stressful situation.
The best way to keep your own emotions in check, and your mind focused on target, as both Shelly and Alvena advised, is to not communicate personally with your ex-husband in any way. Not only will this help you to keep your wits about you, it will prevent your ex-husband from venting at you. This may well add to his frustration and, as Alvena postulates, cause him to say or do things that will damn himself and thereby enhance your situation.
One caution. As you say that your ex-husband is prone to violence, if there is any way that he can physically get to you or your children you should be alert to the possibilities and take appropriate precautions should he make even the most ludicrous threats. Cases where ex-spouses go totally out of control and cause physical harm to their ex-families are rare, but when they do happen the results are tragic.
Good luck.
Regards, JEff
Agreed. You both gave excellent advice.
Nluv, you - and your present husband - need to focus on your own objectives and ingore the temptations to listen and respond to your ex-husband that your emotions create in this stressful situation.
The best way to keep your own emotions in check, and your mind focused on target, as both Shelly and Alvena advised, is to not communicate personally with your ex-husband in any way. Not only will this help you to keep your wits about you, it will prevent your ex-husband from venting at you. This may well add to his frustration and, as Alvena postulates, cause him to say or do things that will damn himself and thereby enhance your situation.
One caution. As you say that your ex-husband is prone to violence, if there is any way that he can physically get to you or your children you should be alert to the possibilities and take appropriate precautions should he make even the most ludicrous threats. Cases where ex-spouses go totally out of control and cause physical harm to their ex-families are rare, but when they do happen the results are tragic.
Good luck.
Regards, JEff
Originally posted by Alvena Ferreira
Shelley wrote:
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Excellent advice. Talking to him will only fuel the fire. Let the attorney dig out
the child support, and if he harrasses you, call the police. But don't talk to him on
the phone and especially not in person. Let him talk to your answering machine, maybe
he will record something nice to use in court that way. Alvena
-----------------------
Doc Steen Site: http://www.mindspring.com/~docsteen/...o/visainfo.htm
=========================================
I am not a lawyer and this is not immigration advice. This is my personal opinion,
posted for the purpose of discussion only. Locate an immigration attorney in your
area at: http://www.aila.org
=========================================
Shelley wrote:
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Excellent advice. Talking to him will only fuel the fire. Let the attorney dig out
the child support, and if he harrasses you, call the police. But don't talk to him on
the phone and especially not in person. Let him talk to your answering machine, maybe
he will record something nice to use in court that way. Alvena
-----------------------
Doc Steen Site: http://www.mindspring.com/~docsteen/...o/visainfo.htm
=========================================
I am not a lawyer and this is not immigration advice. This is my personal opinion,
posted for the purpose of discussion only. Locate an immigration attorney in your
area at: http://www.aila.org
=========================================
Dec 11th 2001, 12:06 pm
#10
Guest
Posts: n/a
NLUV4EVER77 wrote:
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Don't you call the ex husband Don't have the current husband call the ex husband If
he is on druges, keep the children away You may not even need to take him to court.
Many state welfare agencies will go after child support, EVEN if you do not collect
welfare. For $1000, it isn't worth the hassle of worrying about your husband's visa.
You and your current husband need to either find a way to get along with your EX, or
you must learn to ignore him...
Michael
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Don't you call the ex husband Don't have the current husband call the ex husband If
he is on druges, keep the children away You may not even need to take him to court.
Many state welfare agencies will go after child support, EVEN if you do not collect
welfare. For $1000, it isn't worth the hassle of worrying about your husband's visa.
You and your current husband need to either find a way to get along with your EX, or
you must learn to ignore him...
Michael
