Dilema
Apr 27th 2005, 10:05 pm
#16
Mrs Shep USCIS Graduate
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: ExPat Kiwi in Indiana USA
Posts: 1,865
Re: Dilema
Originally Posted by denis_1972
Marnee,
You reminded me about another problem I come accross in my situation. My wife doesn't want me to ignore him or just be in a OK relationship with her son. She wants me to be a good father and give him as much love, attention and discipline as she does (even though my way of disciplining him is different than hers and that's where all the problems start). And he doesn't feel abandoned by his father. His father told him that him being with his mother is the best thing at this time (that was 5 years ago when he left) and he believes that. If he would go live with his dad I am sure he will miss his mom. I want to be a good dad not only because my wife wants me too, but because I want to have harmony in our home and a good relationship between us. My stepson doesn't care about my feelings and says and does hurtful things, but my wife wants me to ignore it (because he is only 13!!!) and let it go, but I can't!!! I have been trying to ignore the things he says but it hurts me too much when I let a 13 yo run over me and disrespect me.
Thanks for reading, it makes me feel better when I share how I feel. (if my wife would know she would be very upset, I almost feel like I'm cheating on her).
You reminded me about another problem I come accross in my situation. My wife doesn't want me to ignore him or just be in a OK relationship with her son. She wants me to be a good father and give him as much love, attention and discipline as she does (even though my way of disciplining him is different than hers and that's where all the problems start). And he doesn't feel abandoned by his father. His father told him that him being with his mother is the best thing at this time (that was 5 years ago when he left) and he believes that. If he would go live with his dad I am sure he will miss his mom. I want to be a good dad not only because my wife wants me too, but because I want to have harmony in our home and a good relationship between us. My stepson doesn't care about my feelings and says and does hurtful things, but my wife wants me to ignore it (because he is only 13!!!) and let it go, but I can't!!! I have been trying to ignore the things he says but it hurts me too much when I let a 13 yo run over me and disrespect me.
Thanks for reading, it makes me feel better when I share how I feel. (if my wife would know she would be very upset, I almost feel like I'm cheating on her).
Dont consider it cheating because your obviously struggling with this & like Marnees post above you may gain some help & find some strength just knowing your not alone with this. Kind of like being caught between a rock & a hard place for you right now. Sending you lots of good wishes.
Apr 28th 2005, 1:15 am
#17
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 38,865
Re: Dilema
Originally Posted by denis_1972
She wants me to be a good father...
... and give him as much love, attention and discipline as she does.
My stepson doesn't care about my feelings and says and does hurtful things...
... but my wife wants me to ignore it (because he is only 13!!!) and let it go...
Ian
Apr 28th 2005, 8:49 pm
#18
Cool Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,084
Re: Dilema
Originally Posted by denis_1972
Marnee,
My wife doesn't want me to ignore him or just be in a OK relationship with her son. She wants me to be a good father and give him as much love, attention and discipline as she does
My wife doesn't want me to ignore him or just be in a OK relationship with her son. She wants me to be a good father and give him as much love, attention and discipline as she does
He is going to test you and try to see how you react to different things. If you want this to work, then you are going to have to practice NOT reacting. Use good communication skills. Be forgiving. Ignore the negative behavior and give positive feedback as much as possible.
It will take time and practice, but it is worth it. Soon he will be out on his own, but he will always be part of your life. Maybe you could find some things for you two to do with 'just the guys'?
Good luck!
Marnee
