Larce

I'm in a similar situation and don't know what to do, I'm seeing a lawyer on Thursday (Nov. 4). My husband is (now) a recovering alcoholic, but still has some tendancies to be controlling, manipulative and verbally abusive (or i'm going crazy) and i'm at the point where i can't take it any more. My I-751 was filed (jointly) in May 2003 at the VSC, I received a letter stating it was being sent to baltimore for adjudication and still haven't heard anything back. Contacted my Senator who emailed baltimore, and they replied back that there was no time frame for when an interview would occur. I work for congress and am refusing to travel for them until the I-751 has been processed, but none of that has done me any good so far. I'm concerned about how my husband will behave in the interview at baltimore, though, (at the moment anyway) he hasn't been drinking for 10 mos (including 6 month in inpatient rehab) which is fortunate.

I don't know if i would qualify for permanent residency under the extreme cruelty waiver, as it is so subjective. I can obtain medical documentation (was hospitalized 2 times at the beginning of the year for severe MDD and PTSD based on a number of issues, #1 being my husband) but don't know if that would be enough. The Dr. who i see said he had discussed it with an immigration lawyer friend of his who said i met the criteria, but i've also had a friend ask an immigration judge who they know in baltimore his opinion, and he said to stick it out. The whole situation is a nightmare and I've pretty much had it with my husband's controlling and manipulative behaviour, I just can't take it any more. I'm becoming depressed again, and feeling trapped. I don't know what to do, or perhaps better expressed would be to say I don't know what i can do.

AGUILA

Larce:

I could refer you to an expert psychologist that could evaluate you and probably provide you with a report that will strongly help you support your claim for extreme mental cruelty.

If you want you could drop me an e-mail at [email protected] because if I post some of the information I have here I know I will be attacked from other members that have no clue about mental cruelty and other related abusive behaviors that often USC exposed to aliens.

When did you get that letter from VSC stating your case was being transfered to Baltimore? Since you will have an interview you must prepare in the case your husband does not go. In that case you could re-file the I-751 under the extreme mental cruelty provision...and pursue a divorce. Probably your divorce will be granted before that re-filing adjudication and you should re-file again to be eligible for the other waiver of 'marriage entered in good faith but ended through divorce'.

If your situation is out of control I would recommend you to move out and pursue a divorce immediately, prepare with the strongest evidence possible a cruelty waiver...

You should check on your area for clinics and hospitals that are doing research on depression, you could probably get treatment for free and at the same time establish a medical record. If he abuses you verbally try to record some of his abuse. Get witnesses that have witness his abuse towards you and have them give you sworn statements.

As I wrote above, feel free to write me.

Good luck!

USA & Pakistan

You are not crazy. Living with an alcoholic who is not working the steps or doing anything to change their behavior, can be as bad or even worse than living with them when they are still drinking. I recommend that you find an al-anon meeting in your area and go. They are also a source of support from people who have gone thru or are going thru similar situations.

It sounds like you are on the right track by talking to an attorney. Take care of yourself and be careful.

Marnee

cindyabs

I think you have a constructive posting here for the OP, and there is only one thing I would touch on. This is merely an observation and not meant as an "attack" but the way I see it human nature, ie behavior, is not bound by nationality or citizenship, it is inherent.

Larce

Thanks so much for the speedy replies. I have been seeing psychologists/psychiatrists for 2 years now and have 3 that are willing to vouch for 1. the fact that it is a bona fide marriage 2. that I am suffering from severe MDD and PTSD as a result of the situation w/ my husband. re: psychologically i'm making good progress, and have great doctors, and great social support (not isolating myself anymore). I understand at lot more about my situation now that I did for the first 2 years of the marriage (when most of the damage was done) which is very helpful as information is power. I've been to al-anon (went for 6 mos, then stopped) and am taking much better care of myself than i was at the beginning of the year and am setting boundaries for myself (sticking with them is another matter entirely). I'm just so concerned that the circumstances won't be enough to warrant an exemption for mental cruelty as i try and be objective and look at my situation and think that it's not really That bad, and I don't really have that much proof. My husband hit me on a couple of occassions, and whilst i have witnesses for one of those, i never took any photos of the bruises (I thought it would just be one time). I just want to be by myself but am so concerned that I can't because of my immigration status and proving that the things that have happened have happened, and then having another person 1. believe it 2. think that it is of a standard high enough to grant me unconditional residency.

Thanks again for the replies, the last 4½ years have taught me a lot about life, and it always touches me that so many people are kind and willing to offer help and support. Thank you.

HunterGreen

Hi Larce,

I am not sure what the problem is, with regards to the USCIS? Are you considering getting divorced, or are your plans to remain married and try to make it work?

Either way, I don't see the problem with getting the, or I should say a I-751 approved. Just because he is an alcoholic and you have problems, doesn't mean the marriage wasn't entered into in good faith, and that is what you have to prove.
You going through all of this with him and trying through therapy and such is only proof that you are serious about this marriage and was willing to make it work. If you end up being in danger (be it physically or mentally) and you want out, that is not your fault and doesn't make your marriage 'fake'.

I don't know if the circumstances change because you already filed an I-751, but I know that if one gets divorced, they can file an I-751 on their own. I would think that the old I-751 needs withdrawn and then you file a new I-751, but that is just guesswork on my part.

Be safe.

Elaine

AGUILA

HunterGreen:

A joint I-751 is automatically withdrawn by the filing of a waiver-based I-751.

Waiver-Based I-751 are granted on DISCRETIONARY basis.