Just Jenney

Someone please help me.

Some background info: Mark and I mailed in our I-129F petition last week, and are currently gathering documentation that he'll need for Packets 3 and 4. The most crucial of these is the I-134 Affidavit of Support, more specifically, getting someone to co-sponsor.

I emailed my parents last night, asking them if they would do this for us. I did my best to reassure them that there's little to no risk of them co-sponsoring Mark -- that it's mostly a formality, albeit a very necessary one. I even created a FAQ for them, made up of questions I thought they might have about it, to help them more clearly understand their role as co-sponsor.

To my complete devastation, my father replied with a very curt email saying: "I'm not legally responsible for you nor your brother, and I'm not about to be legally responsible for Mark or anyone else. It's simply out of the question."

I don't know what I'm going to do. I simply don't have many people I can ask to do this. Next on my list is my brother and his wife, but the main reason I went to my parents first, ironically enough, is because they DON'T have any dependents. My brother has a baby, and they're probably planning on having another one in the next couple of years. Add to that the fact that they have your basic young couple expenses (mortgage, car payments, etc.) and that they're quite frugal with money, and the chance of them saying yes is, at best, 50-50.

Other than my brother, I don't really have anyone else I can ask. My friends would feel too wary of being co-sponsors, since I'm not family. And if I can't even count on my family to help me, what else can I do??

My biggest question for all of you is this:

How long would I have to be earning above the minimum in order to NOT need a co-sponsor?

I earn just below the minimum now. I'm planning on getting a better job anyway, but the fact remains that by the time I get one, it will be only a couple of months before Mark's interview, if I'm lucky.

Is that enough time?? London asks for 3 years' worth of tax returns -- if I didn't make enough then (which I didn't), would that be held against me?? Or do they only consider what I'm making NOW??

IS THERE ANY WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS?!?!?!?!?

Please help, I'm desperate...

~ Jenney

PEACHSTER

WOW I cannot believe your own father wont do this for you. I am sorry you are having a time gettin a co-sponsor. I hope something comes up for you & you can get this solved.

keatslamia

does mark have any kind of assets? savings accounts, etc? what is his job potential?

Just Jenney

From my understanding, the foreign fiance's assets and financial status are not considered in determining the support factor for a K-1 visa, and are therefore irrelevant. Based on what I've read from various sources, I'm under the strong impression that those only can come into play AFTER we're married and have been living together for 6+ months in the U.S.

In any case, Mark doesn't have much in savings, although he's said his parents would be willing to help us out if we needed it. (At least HIS parents care.) But like I said above, I don't think it would make any difference.

If you know otherwise, please give details. I'm looking for any other possible solutions available to us, on the chance that no one will agree to co-sponsor us.

~ Jenney

Scarlett

Jenney,

I just got back from the embassy (info to follow in separate thread but i have
623 posts to wade through first).

You may have had answers by now. But just in case...

First - hugs - you must have been devastated by your parents' reaction, for so
many reasons. I'm so sorry.

Second, I had no problem with our affidavit and my fiancé's latest tax return -
the only one we submitted with the affidavit - was well below the poverty line
for our family of four. They were happy with the employer letter confirming he
has since had a rise and is now above it. Granted I also had a job to go to but
they knew as well as I do that I might not be able to take it up for a while.
They didn't ask me a single question about the affidavit.

Their overwhelming concern is your relationship is genuine and you can survive
financially. My best guess is your getting a better job would prove how
determined you are to meet the requirements.

I'm sure other people will reply (or will have already done so).

I wish you all the luck in the world. You sound determined. You'll get there.
Keep us posted.

regards
-=-
scarlett

dazeychain

Dear Jenney,

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Would it be worth speaking with your parents again? Or perhaps an aunt/uncle? The co-sponsor need not be a relative, so perhaps there is a work colleague/older friend who can help? We also had to find a co-sponsor, and neither of my fiance's parents could help, so his aunt kindly sponsored me. I haven't heard of a way to offset a co-sponsor.

Hope you get everything worked out soon,

D.

meauxna

Jenney,

Sorry to say this, but a phone call to your folks might have been a good investment to address this issue. But, since you're past that, here's my input.

I have been unemployed since 10/2000 (by choice) and successfully completed a DCF this summer.

If you search google groups to research your question, you'll see in my posts (and others') that my impression is this:

"They" are interested in your current/future ability to keep your spouse from being a public charge.

Your history is examined via tax returns to *assist* in making this decision. It has been posted time and again that it is one's *current* situation that has the most bearing on your success. Your job is to 'spin' your situation to make a favorable impression to meet the spirit of the Aff. of Suppport (keeping your spouse from becoming a public charge).

OK, all that said does not help you immediately. I suggest you get on the phone to your dad and do some selling! If it's true that your income will rise sufficiently in the next 12 months, you may be able to get your folks off the hook sooner than they originally thought. Explain that you need *temporary* assistance to get Mark here, and once you're married and householding for 6 months, Mark is contributing income, your income is higher and you file you I-864 with all this data, you will not need a co-sponsor (if indeed any of that is true). The same pitch could be applied to your brother, if necessary. I've not used the I-134, but what I've read is that it is NOT the binding contract that the I-864 is.

It's time to think creatively and sell your little heart out. If you get a job (or more than one) that puts you over the limit, use employer letters and paystubs to document your current income, don't worry about the numbers on the tax returns being The Word.

I hope this helps you some, I'm sure we'll hear more from you on how it goes.
best,
mo

Patrick

Hi Jenney,

I think you need to have a word with your Dad. He is probably a bit shocked about being asked to financially sponsor your husband and even though you seem to have explained it he probably only heard the negatives and non of the positives. Do you live close, can you go around with all the stuff to show him? By what your saying in the thread he believes he will have to give you money, I feel he needs to be convinced a bit of what his situation would actually be.

If that fails what about Aunty or Uncles - going to them and letting your parents know that you are seeking other family members help might spur them into helping you as it makes them look bad. Be manipulative, use emotional blackmail - are your grandparents still around, use them as weapons to get your Dad to do this (you explain it to your GP's and they beat their son into emotional turmoil).

good luck in this

Patrick

kjdrga

My parents also said no to co-sponsoring my fiance and I (now my husband). I actually did not need one since I made 125% over the poverty level, my problem was that I didn't have all 3 years of the tax returns and I thought that would require a co-sponsor in the end it didn't.

However, my roommate from highschool told her mother about my situation and she offered to be my co-sponsor.

It is a heavy legal burden that should not be taken lightly. So when some people on this board say how could your parents not do that. My parents had only met my fiance once, but I think even if they had really known and loved them they still would have said no. My parents about to retire were not about to put their life saving on the line for thier daughters happiness. And I would have waited the couple of years necessary to qualify by myself, love is that strong. I totally respect my parents for saying no, it is NOT their responsibilty, it was mine.

My brother was also in a similar situation to you and I personally think you should not ask your brother to take on such a responsibility. He has a lot going on in his life with his family and to be on the hook for 10 years "if" something were to happen is alot to ask of someone starting out. I would look to your best friends, people who know of your situation and perhaps know your fiance.

Good Luck

Mrtravel

PEACHSTER wrote:
    >
    > WOW I cannot believe your own father wont do this for you. I am sorry
    > you are having a time gettin a co-sponsor. I hope something comes up for
    > you & you can get this solved.

What is hard to believe about a father not taking a financial risk on
his daughter's fiance with the current rate of divorce? She might try
her brother. Whether her brother is going to have another child or not
is of no consequence if there is no financial risk involved.

Folinskyinla

Hi:

If it makes any difference, the I-134 is NOT, repeat NOT, a binding obligation. That is one of the chief differences between the I-134 and the I-864.

You will need an I-864 with sufficient indocme to complete the adjustment. Hopefully Mark will have been living with you for six months at the time and have a job which will allow him to be a co-sponsor to you.

The people who do the I-134 are NOT required to do an I-864.

Good luck.

MeliTa

If my mother cosponsers on our I-134 for my husband to take to his interview, then again on the I-864 which we have to file within three months of his arrival. Is it true that you can file another I-864 after your spouse has lived with you for six months and has adequate income to get your cosponsor off the hook.

I want to use my mother as my husbands cosponser but she is very worried about the liability. She spoke to a man at the INS and he told her that if my husband came here and left me, she would be responsible for any bills he ran up. Now she is so worried about cosponsering him and I am having such a hard time finding the true facts.

I appreciate any help from anyone that knows those facts.

Melita

PEACHSTER

Well it is to me & I guess I see things differently then you do.

Just Jenney

THANK YOU to everyone who has responded to me on this, both publicly and privately. Your words of encouragement mean more than you could possibly know.

And now, an update.....

I've had 24 hours to calm down now and speak with Mark about all of this. (We didn't talk until it was 3am my time... that's why I'm so tired!) After an initial panicfest, we've started running through our options. First priority right now is to talk with my brother and see if he'll be willing to co-sponsor. There's a chance he'll say yes, but a chance he'll say no -- I'll just have to wait and see. Unlike my parents, my brother and his wife are very generous people and extremely supportive of me. My relationship with them is fantastic, not strained like mine is with my parents. I also have the advantage of living down the road from them, so we can discuss it in person.

An ongoing objective is for both of us to get better-paying jobs in the meantime, especially me. Fingers crossed...

We're also considering the option of me moving to the UK instead. We had discussed it before, but decided against it for logistical reasons. Unlike Mark, I have an established household -- my own apartment, furniture, dishes, etc. If I move there, I'd have to sell most of my stuff (shipping's WAAAY too expensive) and we'd have to start from scratch. Second, I have a dog to consider. Andie is almost 8 years old and not in the best of health. Putting her in quarantine for 6 months is NOT something I want to do. But, if it comes to that -- meaning, if we can't get an I-134 co-sponsor -- then we might just have to bring her over.

In the meantime, anyone else with other words of wisdom or advice to give, feel free to post them. I'm open to anything.

Below I've written some individual responses to the people who have been kind enough to respond so far to my dilemma....

DAZEYCHAIN wrote: "Would it be worth speaking with your parents again?"

This is the overriding suggestion everyone seems to be making. While I understand this is a good suggestion in general, if I tried it with MY parents, I might as well go find a nice brick wall to beat my head against -- it would have the same effect.

SCARLETT wrote: "Their overwhelming concern is your relationship is genuine and you can survive financially. My best guess is your getting a better job would prove how determined you are to meet the requirements."

Thank you for your (very recent!) first-hand perspective. It is nice to hear about it from someone who has just gone through it. It's quite reassuring. (Congratulations, by the way!!)

DAZEYCHAIN wrote: "The co-sponsor need not be a relative, so perhaps there is a work colleague/older friend who can help?"

Knowing the co-sponsor doesn't have to be a relative provides a slight glimmer of hope, but not much. I guess the way I see it, if my own parents won't help us, why would anyone else? In asking anyone (relative or not), their first question to me would be, "What about your parents? Why haven't you asked them?"

And that's one of the things I'm worried about -- that as soon as they hear my parents rejected my request for help, they'll be suspicious and think, "Geez, it must be pretty bad if her PARENTS won't do it... I don't think I should either."

In any case, I was in a pretty low mood today at work -- a combination of being depressed about this turn of events, and having only gotten 4 hours' sleep. Late in the day, my boss asked me if I was ok, and I gave him the short version of what happened. Like many of you (and me, too), he was floored when I told him that my parents were refusing to help us. Someone else overheard our conversation, and they both started asking questions about what it entailed. They said if I brought them some info they'd look it over and think about it. Most likely they'll both say no, but at least they showed some interest. If anything, it brightened my day, if only for a little while...

MEAUXNA wrote: "Sorry to say this, but a phone call to your folks might have been a good investment to address this issue."

Again, with MOST people, I would say this would be right on target. However, my parents aren't telephone people, and trying to go into something this involved over the phone just would make them frustrated. It's hard to explain, it's just the way they are. Therefore, I knew that putting everything in writing for them, giving them time to digest it all and discuss it together was the better way to approach them. Otherwise, they would've felt cornered and put on the spot, and that never gets good results. Unfortunately for me, it didn't seem to matter.

MEAUXNA also wrote: "If it's true that your income will rise sufficiently in the next 12 months, you may be able to get your folks off the hook sooner than they originally thought. Explain that you need *temporary* assistance to get Mark here..."

This is very, very good advice, something I had not considered when I explained the co-sponsorship to them. That was due to confusion on my part between the I-134 and the I-864. I was under the impression that your I-864 was the same as your I-134, just that one was for when you're engaged and the other for when you're married. Had I understood that the I-864 can actually contain different information than the I-134 (regarding sponsorship, that is), I certainly would've made that clear to them.

As I said above, however, I'm not going to try to convince my parents to change their minds. I know them well enough that it would be a wasted effort; once their minds are made up, that's that. However, I do plan on clarifying my understanding of the co-sponsorship requirements before meeting with my brother on Sunday.

PATRICK wrote: "He is probably a bit shocked about being asked to financially sponsor your husband and even though you seem to have explained it he probably only heard the negatives and non of the positives."

Yes, sir, you have hit the nail on the head. My parents are born pessimists and always put the worst case scenario in the spotlight. My fear is that anyone else I ask will be the same way, especially after learning that my parents said no.

KJDRGA wrote: "I personally think you should not ask your brother to take on such a responsibility. He has a lot going on in his life with his family and to be on the hook for 10 years "if" something were to happen is alot to ask of someone starting out."

A couple of things here. First, I now understand the difference between the I-134 and the I-864. The I-134 is NOT legally binding, whereas the I-864 is. However, I need to meet the requirements for the I-134 in order for Mark to obtain his K-1 visa and marry me. That starts the clock for living together, married, for six months, at which point Mark's income is considered alongside mine. So, most likely, we wouldn't even need a co-sponsor for the I-864 -- only the I-134. In that regard, the "responsibility" is really just a formality, from the way I see it. Also, it doesn't last for 10 years, only until we get married and file for AOS -- a few months at best.

Second, as far as my brother having a lot going on in his life, he is not alone. Everyone I know has a lot on their plate, professionally, financially, personally. If I only asked people who had nothing to worry about, there would be no one to ask. On that same note, my father said that he wasn't "legally responsible to support" me or anyone else. Well, guess what?? No one else is, either! My pool of possible co-sponsors is limited to zero if I can only ask people who are legally responsible to support me.

MRTRAVEL wrote: "What is hard to believe about a father not taking a financial risk on his daughter's fiance with the current rate of divorce? She might try her brother. Whether her brother is going to have another child or not is of no consequence if there is no financial risk involved."

I'm sorry, but I'm confused by your comments. How can being a co-sponsor involve financial risk for one person but not for another?

Saying no because the current divorce rate is high is a cop-out. To me, what it all boils down to is that my parents are more concerned with making sure their daughter is aware that they aren't responsible for her welfare anymore, rather than wanting to do what they can to help her (and their future son-in-law) be happy. For most child-parent relationships, the opposite is true. Alas, my parents are not so open-minded, compassionate or understanding. *sigh*

FOLINSKYINLA wrote: "If it makes any difference, the I-134 is NOT, repeat NOT, a binding obligation... You will need an I-864 with sufficient income to complete the adjustment. Hopefully Mark will have been living with you for six months at the time and have a job which will allow him to be a co-sponsor to you. The people who do the I-134 are NOT required to do an I-864."

First, thank you for making this clarification. I did not know that, and it's an important piece of information.

Two questions:

1) We were planning on marrying straight away after Mark's arrival and applying for AOS immediately. Does that mean we need to have the I-864 ready to go then, or only by the interview?

2) By your last statement -- "The people who do the I-134 are NOT required to do an I-864" -- are you saying that in reference to co-sponsors? Or the applicants themselves? I'm confused by that...


Again.... a big, huge THANK YOU to all of you. I knew that this was probably the only place where people would really and truly understand my anxiety over this. I am really grateful for your kindness and compassion.

~ Jenney

Mrtravel

"Jenney & Mark" wrote:
    >
    > MRTRAVEL wrote: "What is hard to believe about a father not
    > taking a financial risk on his daughter's fiance with the current
    > rate of divorce? She might try her brother. Whether her brother is
    > going to have another child or not is of no consequence if there
    > is no financial risk involved."
    >
    > I'm sorry, but I'm confused by your comments. How can being a co-sponsor
    > involve financial risk for one person but not for another?

Your father seems to believe it involves a financial risk.
It doesn't involve a financial risk, so I don't see why him deciding to
have another child in a couple of years would be an issue.

    >
    > Saying no because the current divorce rate is high is a cop-out. To me,
    > what it all boils down to is that my parents are more concerned with
    > making sure their daughter is aware that they aren't responsible for her
    > welfare anymore, rather than wanting to do what they can to help her
    > (and their future son-in-law) be happy.

Many parents want there children to be the responsible ones when they
are adults.
They want their children to be independent. There are MANY alternatives
to your parents helping here, and they want you to discover them. One of
them might be moving to the UK. One of them might be getting a better
job. FWIW, the requirement isn't that you have 3 years of qualifying
income. They want to see a steady pattern, but legally, it is your
current income that is most important.